The stages of Grief.. Help? (long post)

So long story short, I met someone around ten years ago (at the age of 13 or so), who really took advantage of my naivety and broke my heart pretty badly when I was 18, leaving me to wonder what the h*ll just happened, no closure, no sorry, no goodbye, no nothing. I was young, it must have really affected me in other ways too because she was older, but that's not my concern right now...

I have known about the stages of grief for a while, but I'm looking to get some perspective on where I'm at. Considering It will be 5 years in January, I should be pretty close to being done 'grieving' the loss of her right? I mean, most people who grieve a divorce supposedly take five years, and three for a death, sorry if im wrong my memory is bad..

I know as of this moment(things change sometimes) I'm in the depression phase, right before acceptance... There used to be so many ups and downs, thinking maybe she's coming back, getting my hopes up and being let down, etc but I've come to a place where I've just accepted my feelings for what they are, and there are not so many ups and downs...all that's left it feels like is just this depressing feelings of being stuck in some dark place. It's really weighing me down, but I feel a bit of hope now that I may just get over her one day. I really believed for the longest time that I was going to live my whole life missing her, becoming this old confused delsuional lady stuck on her first heart break. And that's not what I wanted at all, it's not even like me.

But how do you get past the worthless feeling in the depression stage? How do you pick yourself(or in my case find my old self), and really start over? I remember how I was 5 years ago before all this happened, and I miss that. I feel like she took a part of me and I'll never have it back, but somehow that's not true.. I don't know. I'm confused.

Thank you for reading this far if you have, and sorry this is so long.. Those of you that *have* gone through the grief process of losing someone (for me this feels more like a death not just loss of a relationship), would you mind helping me out here?

Anything will be appreciated, and anything will help..even if it's not what i want to hear. I just want to make this thing go by faster... as cruel as it sounds, but she really messed me up mentally, emotionally, etc.... Thanks.

[Native spirit]

Hey Darkness


Grief is a natural emotion there is no time limit for grief.we are all different we all go through stages of grief at some point in our lives, some come through it pretty quickly others can take many years as you are finding out,
you are a worthy person just as is everyone else,i know of people who have done a councelling course to help others going through it.but at the same time helping them put everything into perspective,in their own lives.
grief will end but until it does stop worrying about it because it makes it worse just live your life go out with friends etc and in time you will find yourself no longerin your grief.

Namaste

[Saggi]

Originally Posted by darkness

So long story short, I met someone around ten years ago (at the age of 13 or so), who really took advantage of my naivety and broke my heart pretty badly when I was 18, leaving me to wonder what the h*ll just happened, no closure, no sorry, no goodbye, no nothing. I was young, it must have really affected me in other ways too because she was older, but that's not my concern right now...

I have known about the stages of grief for a while, but I'm looking to get some perspective on where I'm at. Considering It will be 5 years in January, I should be pretty close to being done 'grieving' the loss of her right? I mean, most people who grieve a divorce supposedly take five years, and three for a death, sorry if im wrong my memory is bad..

I know as of this moment(things change sometimes) I'm in the depression phase, right before acceptance... There used to be so many ups and downs, thinking maybe she's coming back, getting my hopes up and being let down, etc but I've come to a place where I've just accepted my feelings for what they are, and there are not so many ups and downs...all that's left it feels like is just this depressing feelings of being stuck in some dark place. It's really weighing me down, but I feel a bit of hope now that I may just get over her one day. I really believed for the longest time that I was going to live my whole life missing her, becoming this old confused delsuional lady stuck on her first heart break. And that's not what I wanted at all, it's not even like me.

But how do you get past the worthless feeling in the depression stage? How do you pick yourself(or in my case find my old self), and really start over? I remember how I was 5 years ago before all this happened, and I miss that. I feel like she took a part of me and I'll never have it back, but somehow that's not true.. I don't know. I'm confused.

Thank you for reading this far if you have, and sorry this is so long.. Those of you that *have* gone through the grief process of losing someone (for me this feels more like a death not just loss of a relationship), would you mind helping me out here?

Anything will be appreciated, and anything will help..even if it's not what i want to hear. I just want to make this thing go by faster... as cruel as it sounds, but she really messed me up mentally, emotionally, etc.... Thanks.

The words highlighted jumped right out

You will have gone through many changes, so have changed from being the person you once was,,,,

Keep on trucking, I personally beleive from your words you're closer than you think

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

Originally Posted by darkness

It will be 5 years in January, I should be pretty close to being done 'grieving' the loss of her right?

Grieving process is different for each individual. Some people would never completely recover from grieving and some even die from grieving.

Sometimes, grieving may NOT be about the other person but it may be something in you from this life or from the past life.

If you already had suffered losses and sadness from other life events, this kind of another loss can amplify the trauma.

It is like a wound on your body that never really healed properly and causes a chronic pain whenever it is aggravated.

Plus, I noticed that you seem to blame this other person a LOT for leaving, for your emotional trauma, and for failed relationship.

I can understand since you were so young. So, you are shifting all power to the other person and take a victim role.

You are not a young and innocent anymore.
It is about time that you need to take a responsibility for your own emotional wellbeing.

Get some therapy and actively find the reason/core of your grieving.

@Native... do you know why for some it takes many years?

@Saggi Thanks for the encouragement. It has been a long five years and a huge learning experience..

@Nada Hmm I don't feel like a victim anymore. I used to for a long time, but not anymore. I haven't laid out the whole story because too long, but she being a mature adult should not be doing what she does... I wont go into detail, but needless to say Im not the only one who has had to suffer because of her mental games.
Anyway, thank you Nada for being a good sounding board. :) You have helped me in the past and it has helped more than you know...