Quote:
Originally Posted by Uma
Wow! Just checked in... No he hasn't physically hit me. I meant that in a metaphorical way. His disrespect is all verbal - although it's pretty bad. His dad died the beginning of this year and it's been especially tough on him and he's been venting on me for a LOOOOONG time.
I'll have a look at the books. Thanks everyone for the advice.
I can honestly say I have done everything I could to parent him with love and very consciously and carefully so it would never come to this...which is why I'm flabergasted.......and convinced it's him, nature not nurture. I have to stop blaming myself. I would never have believed it without having gone through it. And it's my karma....a lesson of endurance I guess.
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no kids.
but 1am surprised that the 2 of you in such a time of remorse cannot console and
help each other, i would make this point to him in a subtle way.
Obviously you understand how it must be for him to lose his dad, and how difficult it MIGHT be for him to understand how it affects you ... 19 yr olds arent taught family values now as they were before the counter-culture rebellion.
Verbal abuse is psychological abuse, by law it constitutes
assualt
try to talk to him about abuse in general [psysical/emotional/sexual/verbal/etc] and how important proper behavior is ... especially in times of need, keeping one's cool. The story about the spy who saves the girl
he puts his hand over her mouth, lest she make a noise and they both die ... express how important keeping cool is in times of danger/stress/tragedy
He need sto understand in a [not direct way] how it affects you without you seeming selfish [tricky but you can do it]
I highly recommend against police ... this will cause life-long resentment
he will become a damaged soul permaneltly.
Counciling is best and if you can do it yourself this will be better than involving strangers, but complete honesty and good communication skills will be essential.
Never use profanity, or show frustration, from what I see you will have to be the example till he ''gets it'' then there is an emense benefit in it for you as well.
Its a tough time
in chinese the word crisis means opertunity
this is your oppertunity to set the template of behavioral skills
it will come baxk to you no matter how you employ it.
You need to understand his feelings for his dad
try to milk that out of him.
Dont ever be fake
Honesty will get you far, but do it right.
EDIT
didnt read the whole thread
apparently all is well now.
Legit concern and empathy does wonders