I don't think my twin and I were supposed to be together

[DaisySunshine]

I had all the classic twin flame stages. It was so fast and so intense. He was the runner, I was the chaser. I always felt lead on. Why did he seem just as pulled in and captivated as I was only to change his mind so soon after?

A back story:
We met in November 2016. He was studying abroad in Ireland and about to come home in a few weeks. I was unhappily married and feeling stuck because my now ex-husband was refusing to let me go. My twin and I met online, and my partner knew about him. Actually 4 months in we drove to meet him in a city he was visiting between where we both lived. He said he wanted me to leave my ex for him and we started making plans, but then out of nowhere he started dating a girl. I was heartbroken and stayed with my ex out of weakness. We maintained a strained and awkward friendship. He wasn't that happy with his girlfriend and we had this intense draw. Flash forward a few months and he ghosted me for 6 weeks. At the time it was soul crushing. Around the same time in late 2017 I got divorced and he and his girlfriend broke up, and in early 2018 we met up both single. It was electric and again we made plans to be together. A couple months later they fizzled out, but less dramatically than the first time. The awkward friendship and flirting continued though. He used Ireland as an excuse. He wanted to move there eventually. We met up a final time in fall 2018 and had a very intense and dramatic talk. Lots of tears since we're both very emotional. He told me he can't give me what I need. He said we're both the emotional creative types and we need people who balance us out. "You know it's true" he'd said. We cried and hugged and made each other promise wed never settle. He had another girlfriend around then so we talked less. A friend recommended the Netflix series "Younger" to me to watch as a distraction. I remember one of the last episodes after they'd broken up and she'd introduced him to the bartender girl from Ireland. He fell in love and married her and sent a text saying "Thank you 🍀🍀🍀" to his ex. I remember ending the series then thinking that's it. That's what's going to happen to us. He's going to fall in love with some Irish girl. We stayed in very strained and intermittent contact until early 2021. I finally called him on everything because I was over him romantically after months of being ignored. He apologized, admitted he handled things with me very wrong, but he never meant to hurt me. He admitted that as long as he was contact with me he couldn't help having feelings for me, but with how messy and intense we were together he didn't think it was healthy.

Now the odd things. In summer 2020 he met his still girlfriend. Within the same 2 weeks I had met a man on an online forum. Ryan. There were no sparks. He was just someone I ended up messaging, which I figured would fizzle out in a few weeks like internet exchanges usually do. He's in Ireland and said it felt easier to open up to a stranger across the ocean he knows he'd never meet. I was a little lonely during the pandemic so I continued along with it, enjoying the company. It wasn't at all like with my twin. I wasn't pulled in within 20 minutes of texting. I wasn't even physically attracted to him initially. I was emotional with a lot of baggage, he patiently listened. He was in the process.of getting diagnosed and treated for adhd, and felt grateful to share his feelings with someone about all the stigmas. I can't pinpoint when anything changed exactly because it was so gradual. But Ryan has now been in my life for over two years, and I'm falling in love. He's logical and practical. When I'm in an emotional state, he's never been anything but calm and patient with me. It isn't a big emotional cry fest like it was when my twin and I were emotional. One of suffering completely overtook the other. I recently moved and bought my first house, and Ryan sent me a housewarming gift. We plan to meet in the future and he's even looking into information on a green card. The same week my offer was accepted, my twin moved with his girlfriend into the neighboring state, into a suburb of the city we first met in. He wanted out of his state so bad, I'm so happy for him. And I know he'd be happy for me. That night we cried and he told me he couldn't give me what I needed, everything he described is what Ryan is. Ryan is also getting a masters degree from the same college my twin studied abroad in. The Netflix series I watched, it turns out that was similar to what was happening with my twin and I. Except that it was me who would fall in love with an Irishman.

My twin had such an impact on my life. I don't think I wouldve gained the strength and confidence to divorce if it weren't for him. I feel like he somehow knew I was in distress and came into my life to help me. He always said it was me who showed him how to love. He always said I had the most loving heart he's ever known. We aren't in communication, but I do wonder I'd I somehow helped prepare him for his current girlfriend. And if inviting him to meet in my region springboarded him fall in love with the area and eventually move there. I don't think I would've divorced without him. And because he started the separation, I was emotionally available when I met Ryan. I think Ryan is a karmic soulmate. They may be less rare than a twin, but I can't believe I ever thought they were less special than a twin.

I still feel him. I still send a text every couple months. I see his social media. Maybe he's blocked my number, maybe he's just ignored me for a year and a half. I'm at peace if this is what he wants, but I do wish I could talk to him again and tell him everything. I do in my texts, and maybe he reads them. But I wish I knew what he was thinking. I think he'd be just as happy for me as I am for him. I hope we reunite again someday, even just to hug him tell him how grateful I am that he's my twin and we lead each other to fulfilling lives. I hope he's well.

[lostsoul13]

What a great story, I shed a tear!! That’s the things about flames they are so intense …. Seems hopefully everything will go ok with the other guy. Ryan…

Try not to rush which your doing.. and slow your self to brood about the twin flame which your doing..

You’re leaving your self open to healing and surrendering! Which is great!!!