...I got a bit of a shock (trancindental experience this a.m)

[Sye34]

HI fellow members. THanks for visiting. Im Simon. I have been a member for a while but have been not using the site.
I have always been a closed and private person, warm and sensitive, but somewhat of a closed book and people have been rather shut out of the real me. I don't know, but some of you may feel the same confusion about who you are and struggle to find connections and meaning with others.
..and until this morning with this experience I didn't realise how closed and automatic I have been in my relationships in my life. I think I have been closed to myself too, and have recently wanted to feel more real, more of
I want to talk about something...please do not read on if you might feel shocked about how you view reality but I feel my idea of reality was somewhat augmented/added to this morning with my experience, and I don't want to put anyone through challenging and thought
Anyway, I had a very intense experience this morning when I woke up. I felt tingly, heavy and charged up with this stuff, like um etheric energy or some such thing.
I witnessed a scene. Wet leaves soaking up rain, intense emotional sadness/pain/ trauma radiating from the whole scene. Time slowed, In felt my heart energy and the whole scene froze. Like I just escaped OUT OF 'TIME' itself! THe whole sight spoke to me with such lucidity and clarity and this
voice (could have been mine) said something like "what if you...felt like this all the time?" (quite dramatically..like a voiceover)
THen from here on my inner 'voice' became very clear like I could her very clearly what I was thinking in my mind, and the feeling associated with these thoughts were very intense too, as I was filled with this tingling energy. I tuned out of the pain I experienced (it was literally raw pain and sadness).
I have had a very challenging morning emotionally. I was calm, but a bit shocked and reflective of this experience as evidence of there being MORE to human experience than what I have had . I felt veryself conscious about this like there was a hidden audience somewhere.
I thought I got to get out of here and clear my head. change my scenery.
I felt a bit lost and wandered in the hazy sun along the beach, got some cigarettes and sat watching the surf. I needed some friendly human contact as I was lost in thought about how aimless my life feels right now ( I have no real commitments, unemployed, diagnosed

'scizophrenic'. (to translate from my experience... I sometimes enter another emotional 'level' where I sort of 'daydream' a slightly altered feeling from reality, like wearing tinted sunglasses, but usually a bit pained and depresssing with a sort of flavour to it.
I have had experiences talking to presences I feel around me that I think are girls from my school, like 20 years ago (and since then too).
They never say anything interesting just repeat my thoughts to me and repeat this message about one of them. Usually along the lines of 'Im working/she's woking me off' Apologies if this makes no sense- it shouldn't anyway...it's my mental experience.

Anyway...after a long and laboured walk to the shops in the increasing sun and temperature, I stopped to buy some cigs in the shop.
I disliked the fact that the only huamn contact I had this day was with a stranger in onrder to make a purchase! Anyway, Luckily the girl in the shop just before had given me a warm smile and made me feel more strong/refilled my confidence and attitude, making me feel happier and more centred.
On the walk I passed people doing yoga, a few people mumbled a good morning to me when I relaxed a bit and met their gaze. Most seemed very focused, and introspect as you would expect from strangers. Just like me perhaps.
Anyway, along the way I really had a very amplified sense of my own voice and a real energetic perception of how I was feeling.
I started to shed this density of intense energy and it became lighter as the walk went on, but I feel like I have been through some experience that I really wanted to share and get some feedback on...just to make me hear some different insights or thoughts and maybe qualify this experience in my mind somehow. Gradually my emotional SHOCK from this experience in the a.m diminished, but I just feel I had to get it out there.
Cheers if you read this far! comments welcome. 'namaste' :-)

[knightofalbion]

A very warm welcome to the forum, dear Simon.

[Sye34]

thanks for your warm message, Lance is it? Very similar to my thoughts on my walk... I appreciate your comment and your welcome!

[love9]

Hi Simon, a warm welcome to SF, and, a great spiritual experience to you here!

[Sye34]

thanks 'love9'

Hello and welcome….