scared of meditating

Hi,

I'm hoping someone can give me a little perspective about what I am and have experienced with meditation.

I'm not sure if this is "normal" or not but it really freaked me out and I've stopped since.

During my last meditation, which was about a month ago, I experienced some really bad pain in my shoulders and and while meditating I imagined, saw, witnessed or experienced wings coming out of my back and felt a woman in front of me and a man in back of me and they both kinda came into my body at the same time. I wept soo hard that I was shaking and felt undeserving that I immediately came out of my meditation. I've been so spooked that I haven't meditated since.

Then about two weeks after I did something in my kickboxing class and have 1st degree tears in both rotator cuffs!! Haven't been able to train since and the pain kinda leaves and comes back but it's definitely a constant.

I've also feel that I'm not real, like I'm walking around in a perpetual state of illusion and time literally stops. I woke up yesterday morning and thought it was Monday. I wish I could say that that's weird but it just seems to be a regular thing with me.

Can anyone offer some advice or explain what I might be experiencing? I really enjoyed meditating and would dedicate at least 30 minutes a day for about 6 months. It helped keep me centered, and anchored. But after that, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I've had the angel thing, It was I have to admit a bit freaky, I shook it off though and chalked it up as experience. I did come out of it though fast to stop further development. I did not suffer pain. and the experience did not come accompanied ie no people. I cant explain it though.

Originally Posted by Nakae

Hi,

I'm hoping someone can give me a little perspective about what I am and have experienced with meditation.

I'm not sure if this is "normal" or not but it really freaked me out and I've stopped since.

During my last meditation, which was about a month ago, I experienced some really bad pain in my shoulders and and while meditating I imagined, saw, witnessed or experienced wings coming out of my back and felt a woman in front of me and a man in back of me and they both kinda came into my body at the same time. I wept soo hard that I was shaking and felt undeserving that I immediately came out of my meditation. I've been so spooked that I haven't meditated since.

Then about two weeks after I did something in my kickboxing class and have 1st degree tears in both rotator cuffs!! Haven't been able to train since and the pain kinda leaves and comes back but it's definitely a constant.

I've also feel that I'm not real, like I'm walking around in a perpetual state of illusion and time literally stops. I woke up yesterday morning and thought it was Monday. I wish I could say that that's weird but it just seems to be a regular thing with me.

Can anyone offer some advice or explain what I might be experiencing? I really enjoyed meditating and would dedicate at least 30 minutes a day for about 6 months. It helped keep me centered, and anchored. But after that, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Hello, and be of good cheer, my dear. YES, these types of experiences are not uncommon when it comes to meditation for those who are very psychically attuned to subtle energies and their deep emotions, as you are.

Your meditation experience was actually a great success. The fear that came to the surface was for an important reason; it was to let go of some resistance, which is essentially what meditation is for. Most people believe meditation to be about experiencing peace. Yes, this is at the core of the experience. However, it is about looking within one's consciousness to discover the negative beliefs, the "blocks" to the already-present inner awareness of peace, and to happily surrender these impediments to Self-realization.

The physical discomfort is only temporary. No pain last forever, of course, and you can right now begin to choose to honor the pain, the fear, the negative emotion, instead of fearing it. Do not fear fear, in other words. No one even needs to fear their fear. It is FEELING the fear without panicking, which is the only true way to genuinely feel fear and allow its energy to pass through the system freely, which allows mental/emotional/physical healing.

You are experiencing an AWAKENING. Very simple. You experienced (and are currently experiencing) a consciousness shift in a way that you had previously "subconsciously" agreed would include some very noticable and powerfully felt sensations. The wings, the woman, and the man are all metaphorical, even as they were very "physical" effects in your meditation experience (meaning that you psychically perceived them as having "substance," a substantial reality for you beyond your "ordinary" thoughts that pass through your mind).

The pain is actually not new. It was already in your consciousness (in a way that one could say was "unconscious" to you), and the meditation had an effect of OPENING you up to more fully feeling some of the energies that had been repressed in your consciousness, and this was felt in your body in symbolic relation to the chakra/meridian points that represented areas where healing is most needed. (It is never actually the "physical body" that is healed, but rather it is the mind that is healed of fear which corresponds to areas of the body. "As above, so below." "As within, so without.")

The woman and man are symbols of the anima and animus, the female and male archetypes. Yin and yang. The "woman in front" of you represented the female energy balancing and harmonizing with the male (the front of the body represents the male aspect). The "man behind you" represented the male energy in balance with the female (the backside symbolically represents the female). (There is also validity to reversing the symbolism.) It was a very powerful healing experience, and you need not have any long-term physical discomfort. It was not the meditation ritual itself that caused those effects, but rather it was actually a pre-arranged agreement that you made made "prior" to the meditation (in "higher" states/dimensions of consciousness), including that which you know as the "astral" vibration.

The "wings" simply represent an awakening to your true spiritual freedom, a free an open awareness of Pure Consciousness that you are increasingly opening up to. You, my friend, are MORE than "deserving" of the highest and the best! We all really are, without exceptions, although to really experience this Unconditional Love requires an ALLOWING of it. Your pain is not a "constant." Please be very clear about this. That was just a *belief* you have been affirming, inwardly feeling that the pain is always there to varying degrees. Yes, there is validity to this, in broad terms of inner tension (for human reality/incarnation itself always involves some vibrational pressure or tension as differentiated from "higher" vibrational realites that are "closer" to God-Source, so to speak.

However, friend, remember that pain is ultimately an illusion, which is not to say that it is not "real" in human experience, in the "physical" levels, and that you can begin to shift this for the better more quickly, through making a very conscious and deliberate DECISION to not resist the pain. Of course, do whatever you feel guided from within to do that would assist in this process of feeling better, which may include whichever healing modalities and sources of help that you choose, such as insights from members in this forum as well.

Weeping hard is a great, healing emotional release, and nothing at all to be ashamed of, if you indeed felt some shame. It is only prolonged, blameful crying (whether this includes physical crying or not) that would be unhealthy. YOU have been doing nothing really "wrong," from a neutral Higher Self perspective, and have indeed been making many POSITIVE choices in terms of healing and Self-realization.

YES, "you" (the mind/body persona "you") is certainly not REAL in itself, in the ultimate divine sense, and YES, all there really IS is NOW, the Eternal NOW in which all "time" and "space" seem to exist. You do not need to *formally meditate* in order to receive the meditative benefits that you desire. Ritualized meditation is but one general kind; the other "type" of meditation can be said to be the Living Meditation that the Higher Self abides in, and this state can be attuned to without having to sit and close one's eyes, or however and whatever one generally labels as "meditation." You are actually attuned more to the Living Meditation, my friend. At this stage of yours, that is, you could even forget about "trying" to meditate. Indeed, we are all walking around in a perpetual state of illusion, and this is the way it is supposed to be--a manifest illusion--in terms of so-called physical experience.

I highly relate to your state. You are very sane. You have done very well. It is very important to RELAX, to learn to allow yourself to simply be at peace with your present state of awareness, even realizing that this state of yours that you describe is not impractical, and you may "use" it, so to speak, to heal yourself. Be more easy on yourself. Self-forgiveness, you see. "This, too, is passing," you may affirm. This affirmation works healing wonders, and is even very good for relieving physical discomforts. I speak all this from my own personal experience.

Be well, and thank you. You are having a powerful, noticeable effect on healing the collective human consciousness. Blessings. Namaste.

amazing insights there thanks sourcerer

[Belle]

Nakae - what an experience!

I wonder whether you might want to try and take a step down a bit and become stronger in your grounding.

The other thing that comes to mind is perhaps you are too open and need to focus on closing down and protection ?

As to the injuries, trust you have seen a good doctor / physio. I have recently come out of a back injury which laid me low for a couple of weeks - and for me there were emotional / psychic connections to the back injury - as well as the physical. Working with all these things in conjunction may well have set me free from this recurring.