Pre Programmed - Pre Destined ? Coming to this Life

[RedEmbers]

Realistically...
I had trepidation coming in... so much fear from the womb. Chemically, babies feel the fear in the womb..biologically, it prepares us for defence and protective qualities.

I say "qualities" because those fear chemicals in the womb prepare babies to a life of survival.
Coming in with a disability, has recently been very eye opening for me... what is considered a disability in society at this time... was most likely a set of extremely valuable traits in a hunter gather age but far from valued in modern society.

.. I have some awareness that it is all just experience. Nobodies life is perfect, some appear to have it easier then others.
My brain takes a workout... like any other muscle which requires work... I seem to spend a lot of effort and focus on training my mind and nervous system into a state of resilience and safety... it takes work like anything else... to train myself into more frequent states of safety.


I have a close friend who is a refugee from a war torn country and he seems to have a very solid routine to maintain this kind of wellbeing mental state. He said he has to, otherwise he would not be able to tolerate what he experienced.
I envy his commitment in many ways... yet try to emulate it in my own way. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, he makes regular, daily choices and commitments towards these mental choices. I do my best as well, i will acknowledge that... however I am willing to appreciate how life has not served everyone equally and how some efforts are more challenging for some then others...

It is not an equal playing field as much as my childhood idealist had hoped for and believed in.
There is something very admirable in regards to the human spirit and life on earth in general, about adaptability, resilience, courage in the face of adversity and the dedication to keep trying...

[AncestralEchoes]

I’ve waffled back and forth on this concept. It has taken a considerable effort to rise above life’s difficulties enough to reclaim even a sliver of innate knowing. I was born into a situation that seemed so antithetical to my core attributes that I spent most of my earlier life in total confusion. The juxtaposition of soul level awareness and the experiences and perceptions of life I was being fed as truth/reality was a strange, crazy-making place. It was like I “knew” what the deal was, but everything and everyone around me was trying to gaslight me into not knowing what I knew, lol.

I still don’t have a firm conviction one way or the other about soul contracts or lessons. The fact that I have moments of experiencing source and then dropping back into this earthly existence confirms to me that what we perceive is not what we are and that maybe this life is simply an opportunity to see or refine that understanding. And because not everyone in this energetic stewpot is at the same level of development, what happens here is ultimately a free-for-all of blindness, karmic action, and insight refinement. But maybe that’s the point. Even if you don’t believe that we are here by choice to learn or assist, I agree with Red Embers that there is something noble and worthwhile just in the embodiment of resilience, grace, and “flow” amidst chaos. Being, helping, teaching, learning, or lost in a cycle of negative karma? It’s all here, all at once. So maybe it’s less about choosing or fulfilling something and more about simply being and seeing clearly?

[vibrations]

I find it’s best not to wonder - just be in the present