My counselling

[Belle]

I dreamt last night about my counselling. I am having counselling and yesterday we went to a really dark place which I don't admit to, not even to myself. Very much. It's the place which is part of me where I just really really want to die - somehow, quickly. I think it is part of my medication that I'm on which does cause suicidal thoughts.

Anyway last night, I dreamt that I was in counselling and my therapist said I was out of her hands, that she needed someone more experienced to see me - as she felt she couldn't help me. So I went to the new therapist, the whole setting was weird. My brother and sister had to be there. Now, I have a poor relationship with them. We were sitting down waiting to get started, we were in a living room. Then, 10 mins after the session was meant to have started, my brother wanted a coffee. That took 10 mins to get. I was paying. I remember in the dream that I wanted them out of the room, that I didn't want them there and not really knowing how to manage that. I felt that they didn't care, they were snickering between themselves.

[Native spirit]

Hi Belle,
Going to counselling is opening up wounds that you have hidden that is why it looks to be dark, I feel a resentment of your siblings ,are they to blame for how you are feeling? this is about you and how you are feeling yourself do you think the counselling sessions are turning a corner? they can make you think we don't always take in what has been said to us until later when you are alone you take your time to digest the session.do you feel you have gone as far as you can go with this counsellor,
this is making you think which is a good thing,

Namaste

[Sisyphus]

NativeSpirit made some good comments. If you feel the medication that your prescribed leads to experience suicidal thoughts, maybe consider speaking with your GP. There could be other medications more suited to you.

The subconscious is closely merged with the conscious. Dreams often have a connective element to our everyday lives and what pressures, worries and challenges we face.

Dreams may tend to present your daily life symbolically, at times may find the dream plays out scenarios that offer various ways to deal with daily issues.

Exploring into the dark place as you describe could be this connection, as a way to escape from what you may feel you have to face, escaping from the counsellor to one to whom you feel may not go to this place with you.

You seem concerned in the dream that there is a risk of exposure and the feeling you have if this had happened, if you feel comfortable still with your counsellor consider sharing your dream with him/her, by sharing in this way your counsellor may consider to take a different approach. If the counsellor knew how you truly felt I expect may not consider taking you down to this place so soon.

Consider talking it over, you may begin to feel more comfortable and more in control as the counsellor may review the depth, approach and speed of your counselling. Above all keep talking openly.

[Belle]

Hi both - just to say the GP and doctors are well aware of the link between the meds and my thoughts - it's well noted on the records. THe more I reflect on it, the more I'm being called to accept this shadow aspect of myself.

I do feel perhaps I've reached the end of the road with this counsellor, she's very good, but young and inexperienced.

My siblings are not nice people. At least, not where i am concerned.

[Thunder Bow]

Part of yourself feels you are wasting your time with therapy. You feel you cannot heal. But in reality you do want to heal. Thus you are feeling delayed in your healing. I say, stay with your current therapist, to avoid delays.

[Belle]

Interesting comments thank you thank you.

I had thought today that I wanted to find a new therapist, I'm still not sure about the future with her. She said a few things in my last session which weren't helpful - eg. she said she would miss me if I were to die. I'm her client not a friend. It felt overstepping the boundaries. Also she didn't manage my descent into darkness well. She didn't give me a structure or any hook for me to work the way through. Also, now i@ve moved jobs she is 45min drive away. So it's not as easy to see her. It's my choice ultimately. She's certainly opened a door and is brilliant at remembering what I said which is helpful.

[Sisyphus]

The relationship with your therapist plays a very important part in therapy.

If you do find yourself internally asking questions or experiencing an uneasiness, this maybe because the congruent flow has been interrupted.

This may have been due to her comment that lifted your awareness or you may have been feeling a shift in the therapeutic relationship.

To make the comment that she would miss you if you were to die is an ‘unusual’ comment to make in therapy; boundaries may have been blurred slightly here as it seems the therapist may have had a sympathetically connective moment. I can see what method she was aiming to use by projecting this, but needed re wording.

This could also be down to inexperience or something with the therapist to reflect on, an experienced therapist should know about ‘timing’, they will have a structure of how to counsel a client tailored to their individual personalities and needs. This would involve knowing when to take you to that place needing to be explored ‘only when the conditions are right’.

In this way although you may experience feelings of anxiety, fear and a general unsettled persona when about to explore these places, yet should feel prepared where you feel secure and safe to explore with the confidence and safety of your therapist, knowing you have complete confidence in the therapist to help you to shift your focus quickly if need be at the times needed when exploring anything traumatic or emotional challenging.

Its my belief that a counsellor and client relationship correctly connective should be like’ seeing yourself standing in your minds dark attic, you are about to explore what may seem like a scary place for the first time and the counsellor is one who stands by your shoulder, symbolically holds your hand and at the same time shining the torch ahead over your shoulder, lighting the way ahead, so you can see ahead how to move forward and for you to both walk ahead together’.

With your moving 45 mins away does seem to be more challenging to attend sessions and therefore understandable you may wish to seek another counsellor because of this purpose.

I believe all therapists/counsellors at all levels do learn something in every meeting with a new client no matter how small, For a therapist to grow in their capabilities moments of learning from their clients contributes towards their continued development and effectiveness as a therapist.

I cannot speak for the therapist but would assume when your therapist may have made this statement may have found herself caring more deeply that had left her to express herself in this way, which caring cannot be a bad thing !, but how it comes across in therapy maybe a different matter for the client.

If you do decide to stay with your therapist and you feel that in some way you have both worked well together, maybe consider for both of you there are elements of sharing and learning, sometimes this in itself can clear the air for therapy to flourish and to become more enriched.

Sometime's the right therapist is worth the travel, even if it became once a month/fortnight instead of weekly sessions.

I wish you well whatever you decide to do and hope you find the freedom you wish for.