Dealing with Masculine Inferiority
 

A few hours ago, I was reading some threads and stumbled across one that talked about gender equality in the workforce and that they felt unhappy because the work they were submitted too was hard for them and these jobs for be for males exclusively, since apparently we are just inherently stronger and more physically capable than women ... which I honestly don't think is completely true.

My father and mother have metabolic issue, though strangely they are on both opposites scales in terms of what they do. My father's metabolism is so fast that it makes it very difficult for him to maintain weight, exclusively muscle and fat-while my mother has difficulty maintaining muscle because it often gets chemically reformed into fat.

For myself, this means that not only does my body have issues with gaining weight, but any fat I have is almost instantly used to create energy instead of muscle and as such gaining weight is a huge struggle for me.

At first I didn't let this bother me too much, I trained in various martial arts, and met men and women capable of lifting and performing much more than I can in terms of strength due to their muscle mass being greater.

No I didn't start having issue until I started working. Constantly I was turned down from more intellectual jobs because they feel that women are more able to excel in these positions like accounting and much more, I have certifications in these fields that I trained for, but even still they refuse me. And, then I am pushed into jobs that function on hard labor, and its a constant battle. Due to my weight class and my inability to gain weight, I'm a liability to many of them. They know I can't lift heavy things and all around me are these huge men who are buffer than steel and seem to look down on me for it. Funny thing is I can beat many of them in a fight, but that doesn't really matter-not when the point is putting bread on the plate.

I can't make enough money to even buy a lot of food needed to keep a male figure like that, and my metabolism simply won't let up- and it probably won't for a while as my father is in his sixties and he just seems to be getting skinnier.

This has left me quite depressed, I can't understand what I'm supposed to do in a world that feels so gender-centric about its opportunities. At heart I'm an artist, but well, only a few in the realm art get to make it in terms of making money off it. Especially in this country.

Which country are you referring to could I please ask?

It is relevant as say the machismo attitude or perhaps religious belief dominate certain countries. This may just be the way that you feel or it maybe well known so if you could let us know it would help with the next step...

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Assuming your in the US, I have never heard of someone getting denied skilled employment because they are too skinny, quite the contrary. I have a back ground in HR management and I never heard or studied of someone being denied employment because of 'under weight' in particular. Gender and racial profiling are the two areas that have the greatest impact on employers both legally and financially.

It could be your interviewing skills, resume and the way you carry yourself. I'd focus and work on those attributes. It's such a competitive job market, you really have to show your interested and determined, write back formal thank you notes and letters for even having an interview.Lots of butt kissing basically. =/

It is my personal experience working in office settings than men are a lot easier to work with. That is just my personal opinion. : )

I live in the US.

Clover is dead on for the US job market. Even the Casino's were sued for "Sizing".

One thing I've continually seen over the years is an overvaluing of self worth to the point where the applicants are not willing to make that first step to get into the door. It's all cyclical, but getting in and then demonstrating your skills works in the proper environments.

Resumes if drab will be trashed 3 lines in, there are plenty of workshops and career coaches who can help create a Resume that pops. Interviewing is showcasing 'You' and what 'You' can bring to the table. Swagger helps, but focus on your strengths and be present in the interview.

Currently I can't get around very well, I can't afford a car or the insurance the pay it at the moment. So I have to get around with a bike, with makes my options limited so I have to go through staffing agencies. They made it quite clear that they reserve jobs for more skilled and HR based things for women due to complaints of labor work being to hard for them and have forced me into labor fields as a response. I've tried looking for work in area around me but it has been difficult, I might try to just butt-kiss more but I honestly thought it was fine as my resumes are supposedly great from many employers' perspectives and I always do call-in's when I send a resume as well.

But honestly it just seems like things are getting to that point of no return, I keep popping tires on my bikes-the bus schedules don't line up with my jobs which is causing problems and most of them are too far to walk to. I feel like just giving up, honestly life just isn't worth these kinds of struggles and I'm done with this.

Luckily I took training for that already. I haven't really failed any interviews because I'm very well spoken. My issues are more with budget and just not having a footing.

Focus less on what's not working or what you don't have. Trust in your SELF. Beyond being well spoken, charisma and charm are in my experience easier to reach if you're relaxed and confident in your shoes. Good luck

You may want to report the staffing agency to whatever your regional labor relations authority is.

It is illegal to "profile" or blatantly declare some jobs best suited for females and others reserved for males. It isn't just annoying, it's against the law.

Here in the UK I have noticed that employers want you to essentially swear allegiance to the company.

It also appears that the interviewers buy into a lot of body language techniques etc which work on some basic level but are also so basic that there would be other signs to go along with say eye contact as an example.

I for example feel that my gaze is too strong, the windows to the soul etc so I'm not going to concentrate my eyes on some 50 something old man unnecessarily. They might interpret that as lack of confidence but that's just moronic if you also have great answers & anecdotes etc.

There have been jobs that I am super over qualified for yet have not had a call back because I think that the next guy in the line hit all of the talking points.

I had a group interview once where even though I had handled thousands of ££'s every day & made on-the-fly decisions in my previous job the interviewer clearly liked the stock answers given by the Romanian next to me.

She wrote assessments on our answers & whilst I didn't see what she wrote this guy could say something like "I have always wanted to work for Walmat" & she would write lots down on the paper about him. Where can you go with that answer, does it show initiative or confidence - no.

It's like a lot of things in life whereby the people asking often want a certain answer, my best jobs came from going completely off script & just talking to the interviewer but if they are just office minions then you can be in for a rough ride unless you speak minion.

Waaaay extreme but have you ever considered the police or military? In the UK anyway you can earn class 3 driving licences as part of the training which are a great back up if your stuck for work later in life.

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I couldn't join the military. I do not support America's proxy wars and would rather die than be forced to kill an individual over something as measly as territorial disputes and money games.


I wish I could, but they get away with it by making it as subtle as possible. If you ask them for a job in an office setting, they'll first say things like 'oh, we already have those positions filled,' or, 'You're not qualified to meet them,' event though I have certifications and vocational training them, but there are, somehow plenty of warehouse and labor based positions for you-then, you suddenly realize that all the women who come in are telling you they are getting office, low-labor and many other positions like that- and when you ask them why all of the suddenly there are office positions and why you weren't asked to take one even though you're qualified-((and this isn't just me, several other guys brought this up too)) they say, 'oh, sorry we held those positions for people who are more qualified,' which is funny. because some of them don't even have experience or even certifications in working in those environments and yet they get assigned before us because some off reason.

I'm not some heavy lifting guy who can pull these jobs effectively, I already get reassigned from a labor job because I was 'too small,' and couldn't handle the lifting necessary for it. It was an on-field fencing company where we had to handle 9.G almost 300lb+ rolls steel fencing, I could easily help someone carry them, but ask me to get it on my own and my body just isn't made for it. Every other guy there had a hundred and more in terms of pounds above me and it made wonder why the hell I was even there.

I have great endurance, I do parkour and train in the fifteen different martial arts both in weapons and hand-to-hand when I get the time, but I'm not a dead-lifter and I don't have the money, metabolism and needs necessary to keep up a body like that.


Thanks, I usually feel very confident but as said as of late I can't even get to many of these jobs as I have to rely on staffing agencies to make use of my position right now.

It's interesting your being pushed into physical jobs by the temp agency's.
I maybe way off base here but it could be they are seeing an athleteism in you as opposed to an 'office demeanor'.

When I was fresh out of High School I didn't have money for University, the Military was out because I wouldn't have made it through Boot Camp due to fierce independence and butting up against oppressive authority. lol I was able to scrape a few thousand dollar together waitressing and so I chose to go to Barbazon Modeling School to fill in my education.

Learning how to dress, hold myself, enter a room, hold a conversation, leadership, public speaking, presentation, voice pitch, inflection, good manners at the table, feminine posture and walk, classic cuts of cloths, how to select high quality cloths inexpensively and so on .....gave me a boost in life. Some modeling gigs to practice the new skill sets at and when I entered the job market again I had an entirely different air and have been management quality ever since. Hiring in at the bottom and advanced up in the first year every time.

I don't think one needs to go to modeling school these days to accomplish the same thing. These days there's enough free information online one can train them selves between YouTube and Ted talks on leadership there's a great free education available for one willing to do the surfing and practice the skill sets into a naturalness and thus to sculpt themselves into what is desirable in the market place.

I lived for years by the saying "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." That means how one carries themselves, speaks, interacts and everything (not just cloths.)

A $500 beater car with 6 - 12 months left in it and a weeks worth of 'office style cloths' from a nice thrift store or 'gently used clothier' and you may just land a job you really prefer to doing over what you are doing now, with minimal financial investment and wise use of self training.

Just a thought :) Blessings to you.

I wish that were the case, but I don't really give off an athletic vibe, in fact I'm constantly on the brunt of being underestimated in that field-its odd, even my work history and resume information specifically show that I'm more catered to skill based positions. In fact the staffing agency was astounded that I can type an accurate 60+WPM, but even still I haven't been offered a single position. I even showed that I'm computer literate as I have Certifications as an IT Specialist, Technician and in Network Administration and Maintenance which they told me, for some surprising reason they don't cover positions in those fields at all. Martial Arts honestly has taught more than I need to know in terms of handling people-as many might not know, presentation is important to a martial artist who practices discipline and we are constantly taught in ensuring we dress well, talk correctly and deal in functions that's not just about the body and fighting but sharpening the mind as well. And I don't mean in military sense-the way I present myself has even caused me to be isolated from my race as they see me as 'odd,' and too 'proper,' as they put it.

I realized actually, my issue is simply the position I am in right now, no reliable transportation and many of the jobs I want to go for outside of these staffing agencies being too far out of the way-so am stuck with dealing with their issues.

I thank everyone for their output though.

If you want a job, imo you just have to sound good to people..and also dress nicely, you know what's impressive tho when you go for a job interview? when you already know all about the place your trying to get a job at, you have done your homework and can suggest/discuss things to the person interviewing you what you think is really good about the place or what you think could be better (in a nice way) you just say alot of what you can do for them, you can say you would like the job alot, thats good but not good enough all the time. If you don't have skills for the job you want to do, alot of people say "sorry you need experience" you know? an then your like "how the frig am i ment to get experience if no one is letting me get experience? huh?" you can just do some short courses and then learn about it and put it on your resume.

Thats another thing aswell i think, it's good to have alot of things on your resume, courses you've done and jobs.. even if you haven't had a job in a while you can just make one up and put the referee to that job as your friends phone number and ask them to speak highly of you.. i have done that twice before, it was funny and worked both times.

However there has been a couple times i have not gotten a job because of my race, one lady even said to me "sorry but your not like us" ... i just laughed, ok what ever.

Ok ... but that wasn't all that I said was it - in fact it was the last sentence but seems like you waved the rest of my points away?

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Sorry, I should have noted that my response to it was entangled in the rest of the comment. As said, I already have a great work persona-in many different fields for that matter. The issue is my position in life at the moment, I am incapable of getting around due to no reliable transportation-and many of the jobs in the field I want are very far away and require very cumbersome amounts of commuting-which sometimes don't even align with some of the work-hours I have to deal with. Which, is why I'm dealing with an unpleasant staffing union that segregates work into gender-based templates on such a low profile that they get away with it.

Ah, yes I'm well aware of the 'experience vs education,' thing going on lately. Luckily I was apart of job training school that also gave me vocational certifications who taught me how to create a resume that looks as impressive as you make yourself. There's skills on my resume that I didn't really even get from training, just from life experience, and it passes well. Business Administration does good things for people in my fields.

I've had people deny me for race, even my hairstyle, as I have dreadlocks and not the more unkempt versions of them. Thanks to some misconception, people think we can wash are hair and choose not to and that's actually very far from the truth.

Oh ok, well thats good, sometimes in my spare time i will just do a course here an there at random just to build my resume, my resume really looks quiet random because iv done so many different things, job wise and course wise, but its good.

Oh dread locks huh, yeah i guess some people don't like them, i don't know what else to say about that, i know people do wash there dread locks i have a friend with them. I see a few people with dread locks working in like cafe's or garden type jobs, but just do your best i guess, we know what people want to see, look presentable from society's point of view and give them some reasons why hiring you is a good idea for them.

At one of my jobs that i don't have any more the dress code was strict the boss of my boss was a funny character to if he saw me with even just a part of my shirt un tucked he would pull me aside and other people to and give them a talk about how they have to look presentable, in my mind i was just thinking like "ohh man get a life, its not a big deal" but i guess they are paying us its just part of the job.

Dreadlocks are a part of my culture and represent a lot of things. Sadly they get bad rap due misidentification. Though thankfully bring denied or them has only happened once in my liife.

Thats good then, keep ur dreadlocks! do they touch the floor?

We can't get away from the bio-chemistry such as testosrone which results in males having more musculature that females.


Gaining muscle is much harder to do than gaining fat, it requires regular strenuous resistance exercise. If not undertaking such strenuous activity, one can't expect increases in muscle mass.


Diet is crucial to building muscle, just as it is crucial to gaining or losing fat, but yes, some people are genetically predisposed to being very strong and/or muscular. Women will find it more difficult to build muscle than men mostly due to their lower testosterone levels, but that does not prevent women and girls from getting really strong.



True, one needs a lot of food to get strong, but it doesn't cost the world if the diet is simplified to high protein like chicken breast, brown rice and a variety of veges whatever is going cheap. No junk.


I'm not sure if you are primarily interested in being stronger and healthier, but if that's the case, it doesn't matter if society is gender biased. It only matters if one eats, lifts and sleeps right.

I'm sorry. Many articles has proven you not wholey accurate on those matters. Including life choices of my own. As said I trained with many people. A woman can achieve higher muscle density she simply changes her diet and performs as you put it strenuous exercise whether or not she can achieve a level equal to males depends solely on the males in question. Not all males produce the same amounts of testosterone as others and this also goes for females. She could take hormones for that. But not a good idea. Instead there are natural means of envoking testosterone development in females and it doesn't make breast vanish or give you manly voice. They were actually very beautiful. And could kick my ***. Which ... made them attractive to me. However that doesn't necessarily mean you'll just get buff huge.

As I mentioned some people have what are known as metabolic blocks or platuaes. This is the reason why weight classes exist in boxing and other sports of it's kind. Although diet is crucial. Some people's metabolism work much different than others. As said with my own, it's very fast. To the point I can't developed new muscle because my body puts it elsewhere and expends most of it in my energy. There was a time when I was training that we were eating almost six plates a day of high protein foods and and doing strenuous exercise. This lasted for a year. Though the only change was that my original muscle became more dense and a looked physically stronger. I had only gain maybe five pounds in that time while everyone else was exceeding me. The reason being that I have a very high plateau. I could do unhealthy things like hormonal boosting. But that's out of the question in my position.

Now. Understand what I said isn't that I think all women should be the same. No. Just that I've met and trained with exceptions and that it does humanity no good to imply these boundaries on each other because of cultural biases that have been beaten into on on the daily. I don't think women who do or don't choose to be fit or trained or whatever are really any different than each other. But for someone who has trained with these kinds women who could and pull these jobs and can do so in an instant if meant also caring for their family. Don't get me wrong. They are rare. Though I think they'd be less rare if there were less categorization and social impedance on the matter of who can and can't be strong. I aldo don't like being singled out by employers or at least the staffing agencies into hard labour just becuase I am a man, even though I have no experience in them and and smaller frame that makes it difficult to keep up. Even though I'm properly trained in these things they as for. And I would be equaslly upset hearing the same for women.

That is all.

No, I'd never let them get that long lol

I was going to make some of the points that you have made here, I think that sometimes the median is given in certain "facts" that obviously won't apply to some people - yet we are told that the advice is sound.

Athleanx is a great programme but I found that you don't bulk up, lots of the MMA fighters are small in frame but it's hard to point that out to a "mans man" type as that is often their identity.

Have you had any further progress on the jobs front? I presume that for you that an agency is the best option for you but have you come up with any other ideas for yourself since your original posting?

One thing that I thought of that obviously depends on your circumstances, but have you considered that it may come to the point where you either move location or rely on welfare until you can get on your feet?

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Remind me to stop typing post on my phone, they look absolutely horrid when I reread them. lol

Well, thankfully, this new position isn't too terrible. They have me paletting bags from these large machines that just assemble bags lol Its nowhere as difficult, and it actually mostly puts my endurance to the test, which isn't so bad.

Its funny you say that, I actually just recently moved to this location in Utah, I'm living with friends at the moment and starting 'from the bottom,' my mental illnesses has caused some ostracism from my family and they've decided they wanted distance from me. Which is understandable. I really love it here, just getting on my feet is a challenge with all the stuff going on and my inability to really get around as I don't have a car. I have to ride a bike almost an hour back and forth to the job and it leaves me very tired throughout most of the day.

In reference to the MMA, I was trained in Jeet Kun Do, and many others like Krav Maga and even few traditional martial arts practiced by Shoalin. I learned about all these differences in metabolic rates and why some people are naturally larger and more amply built to produce muscle in their bodies than others and why it is also very hard for some to build them in response. its quite incredible seeing some of the people who practice these things, and it leaves me in awe with the kind of judgement they get-many are even sometimes shamed for it and its a bit disheartening to see that kind of behavior towards people who struggled for their athleticism in life.

I was working on goods-in for an I.T company. Unloading vans & lorries, moving pallets etc. I got to know the people & the booking in system & started to do the warranty side a little. About 2 years later someone told me to go for a job "upstairs" which I thought was stupid as I never went to university.

I got it though :wink: and became a buyer.

Sometimes we have to make stops on the train journey that we don't think apply to our destination but we can be pleasantly surprised by what we discover.

You sound strong & committed my friend - if the other fools fail to see it then they are either blind or blinkered.

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That's one of those moments where it just feels like things were meant to happen, I'm really happy for you! I'm hoping I'll get some fortune soon, but I know its gonna take time. Its hard, not unlike that roller-coaster qoute I hear all the time haha

It's quite hard to build muscle. 5 pounds is more than 2 kilos, which is a significant increase in a year. To build muscle it is best to do body building type training - resistance training for muscular hypertrophy.

Volaju seems to be pretty on the ball, can use Google himself if he so desires. He's shown that he is a hard worker & has taken up many disciplines on his journey so far - he isn't doing anything wrong & isn't naive.

In his circumstances he has shown himself to be committed & willing to learn, change & adapt.

These traits alone show that his initial questioning of his situation are valid, on point to a large degree & he really does deserve some positive turnaround. I'm confident that he will get there - he sounds too nice of a guy to just let things keep him down.

Most people cheat to get bigger & he knows this. Look at John "Bones" Jones now. Heck even Brock Lesnar appears to juice & hes already a beast.

If Volaju is physically not a big guy he is most definitely spiritually & emotionally that's for sure.

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Hmmm. I've been working with a lot of bodybuilders in my life and I'll have disagree with that. Older men tend to have more issues getting muscle. 5 pounds in a year is staggeringly low for someone of my age. One of my friends jumped up much higher though he had much more body weight and I can note few others in the group too. But as I mentioined this due to complications around race and genetics. I just happen to be African and Native American and, with some exceptions, our races have trouble gaining massive amounts of muscle mass.

We were doing bodybuilding, but that's not the point here. Really. Other than the fact I have issues with metabolic blocks, many of the positions I held don't let me go to a gym and I can't afford gym equipment either so bodybuilding is out of the question for a while. Thing is I don't want to buff up. I want to stay lithe and physically strong enough to do parkour, not the 'strong man' that cultures are trying to push on me to be becuase I'm not that type of athletic. Saying that a healthy male specimen is someone who is buff enough to lift twice their weight and more is absurd. I know bodybuilders who can't do what do I'm terms if 540 kicks, and full front flips becuase they are muscle bound and incapable of doing so. All I was trying to say was that it's unfair for this staffing agency to deny me office jobs just becuase I am male and even more so since I'm not the 'type' of male my society wants.

Well, I guess a pygmy isn't going to be as strong as a Tongan.


Parkour is awesome - and basically free.

Well, yes, society has a story that defines masculinity even though the majority of men aren't that kind of guy.

It's pretty awful having a job we don't like, and it's better for athletes to do less physical labour so they can do more training, so I hope you go ahead and upskill and start applying for suitable office jobs.

I actually had to look up the term pygmy and Tongan because I honestly thought they were a race of aliens from Star Trek or something, ****

I feel like such a dork right now, haha

And yes, that's what I love about Parkour, that and when you concentrate on just urban exploration and not really all the flashy flips and jumps, its actually amazingly practical and so energizing. Nothing beats that feeling of base jumping a 13 feet jump, landing perfectly with your tuck and everything after a wall-run that lasted a good few seconds. Its the closest to flying I can get without wings and plane lol!


True, I just need better transportation, my friend said I should invest in a motorized bike until I can afford all the payments I need for a car that's not in such terrible shape it wont be reliable. That way I can start applying for places outside of my area and still be able to get there without exerting so much energy.

How are things going at the moment Volaju - any developments since your last post?

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Well. I ordered an electric bike so I can take a little moree stress off my body. Hopefully this job will hire me after the 3 month period so I can get away from these staffing centers.

Cool - nice to hear that things are ticking along & not so negative :smile: