Ha ha thankyou :D

Thank you for your input, knightoflenity :) I really appreciate the kind words.

Maybe I phrased the chronological events in a poor manner. It could very well be so. My writing didn't catch up with my mind.



Nonetheless, I would like to clarify something:

When I initially rejected his first invitation, it's because I was a newbie in the company. I had arrived a few weeks prior and didn't feel fully comfortable going out for drinks with someone from senior management. It was nothing personal, nor was it intended to be personal nor romantic.

That was the only invitation he offered until this last time, mainly because we don't work in the same country. What is he exactly supposed to do? I would understand if we worked in different cities, but we work in separate countries. Hence, the context is different than if we worked in the same country/office.

Besides, how one say if there's a connection or none if we haven't even had the chance to interact outside of our work emails? We've never even spoken about anything else outside of work related emails. Work emails are not a good basis to determine a personal connection.

I understand the drinks might be an invitation for more, but at the same time, he hasn't seen me since last year. Therefore, I doubt he's expecting me to sleep with him. Maybe it's just me. How am I supposed to show him how great I am?

Besides, ever since he heard he might see me, he's suddenly been giving me good reviews and even reads my emails to the point where he acknowledges his own mistakes. He's been uncharacteristically more "professional" towards me.

I think you are choosing to miss the point.
It's pretty obvious from the outside this guy has been using a form of negging on you and it's working. Now he might get his way he will be nicer. Big surprise.
None of his behaviour says "romance", sexual interest likely but that's not romantic so don't confuse the two. Anyways I wish you well. Eyes wide open.

I understand your point. But ...

- Where did I say I'm going to sleep with him?

- Where did I say he has romantic feelings towards me?

I'm not choosing to miss the point. I'm seeing the point. I know men want to get laid. Trust me, I've had my fair share of experiences with men who claimed to like me only to disappear when I refused to sleep with them. My radar is very much on point.

However, I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt initially. And who cares if he just wants to sleep with me? Does that mean I will sleep with him to please him? Certainly not. I've got enough self-respect, thank you very much. He's not going to lure me into sleeping with him. I have a good head on my shoulders. I'm not one to sleep around, at all.

Also, how can you be 100% sure he just wants sex? I don't know him and neither do you.

Oh and I know he was negging me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been that worked up about it.

I think it is clear as day that someone that age with child only see's you a certain way. You have a fantasy or typical attraction and you want these people here to explain and figure it out for you why.... Hello?!

I agree here with the other folks.
You are in a head game with yourself concerning this attraction and then trying to intellectualize it.

It comes down to a very typical cat and mouse game where attraction is sent and received as a bid by both parties to get what they want.
You want seen as a professional peer and valuable asset to the company with a lot to offer - who is additionally desirable.
He's willing to give you that in exchange for the possibility of sexual intercourse. He's proven his bid is correct through how he treats you and your responses via email and in person. You are willing to 'warm up' when you are treated as a valuable equal.

Your head game with yourself is trying to determine if you want to be bought under these conditions.

Welcome to Office Politics - the Sexual Gambit version.

All you gotta ask your self is "Are you for sale and if so what is your price?" Right now it seems to be "Being Seen/respected by him."

That's a fairly low bid. It's a common bid from young ladies trying to work out issues of not being noticed enough and paid attention to by their fathers. You'd be amazed at the number of older guys who get younger women in bed who are still processing and trying to heal their Daddy Issues.

So if you don't like the bid you are offering in this Exchange of Energy you might want to look deeper than the surface story you've been telling yourself of "How am I supposed to show him how great I am?".

Why do you even seek his approval and is it really his approval you are seeking?

Crystal,

As much as I appreciate your input, please do not step into areas you have no background information on. I'm here referring to my father.

I had a close bond with my father. He was my moral support, we could talk for hours. He sacrificed a lot for me and to get me where I am today. He probably gave me more attention than he did the other kids. I'm talking in a past tense because I chose to cut contact a few months ago because of an issue with my mother.

The daddy issue is so cliché. It's lousy psychology IMHO.

However, I knew someone would bring the daddy issue. It doesn't apply to me. I've never been attracted to older men. Never will be. It's only this one who is a bit different.

Well, your on a discussion forum were dialogue and viewpoints are part of the platform, if your going to ask a question, your going to get different many different opinions and helpful advice. Your getting very sound advice from older spiritual people, so there really is no need to be defensive. Defensiveness is an indication you have deep emotional blocks to work with. I see your father was as soft spot for you, so there is most likely a lot of emotional energy built up that needs to be released, If it doesn't get worked on, you'll probably be projecting those undesirable emotions to a lot of people, and trust me it's no picnic to those on the receiving end.



There is an art and value to emotional intelligence when interacting with people, whether it's in the work place, relationships or a simple dialogue...it's a two way street of giving and taking.

Being older does not always mean more aware.

Honestly, I simply do not like when people make assumptions about my family. Wrong ones, at that. I'm sure anyone would be defensive if someone were to bring up a member of their family in a matter that does not concern them.

I have no emotional block in relation to my dad. I'm the first to admit I have huge blocks with my mom, but my father, never. I do not want people to assume he was a bad father and therefore, it pushed me to seek the emotional support he never gave me by seeking an older man. Absolutely not.

Older men have never been my preference and they never will be.

How come I've only been into guys my age? I still very much am. I simply do not understand my attraction to this man, hence my post.

Attention from my dad is something I never lacked. On the contrary.

Once - I don't think that anyone assumes that you will sleep with this man but in your first few postings you seemed frustrated that whilst you had initially had a positive interaction with him once you said no to drinks his attitude seemed to shift.

You seemed to be confused by his negative work attitude after this & also it sounded as though he had once again initiated drinks which in most peoples mind is somewhat "cheeky" since he has been dismissive to the point where you were questioning your own valued work.

I will say that I promise & you can hold me to it - that I won't cross any lines but I will be honest in a respectful way - respecting that you aren't a fool etc.

You now seem to be leaning more towards the why/age aspect of the situation & also defend him a little. Even if he can be what we English call a "git" at work (via email) it doesn't mean that he is a total git any other time which you as a confident & also spiritual soul will already know. It is only wise for anyone to point out the things that you have likely already thought about - just in case much like your lost keys in your pocket ... it's stupid but even the best & brightest can do that ;-)

Now why are you attracted to this man ...

It could be any number of things & lets be honest, age doesn't really factor into things especially when its an older man/ younger woman as an older man biologically has a longer shelf life.

Perhaps the only way to know is essentially to know so maybe unless/until the drinks happen you will never really see what sparked this interest?

From the male & brotherly perspective - I'm not liking the rude/ ignored emails & if it were me I would just leave alone but it doesn't sound as though you are someone who can sit without a definite answer.