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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 15-07-2017, 06:26 PM
OnceInALifeTime OnceInALifeTime is offline
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Strange feelings towards a significantly older man

Hi all,

Please do not judge the following story I'm sharing, because I'm already slightly embarrassed as it is. These feelings make me quite inadequate.

When I was younger and even before I met this individual, I remember always fantasizing over an imaginary male with a certain "P" name. I was not sure why as I had never met anyone with this name. So whenever I was not fantazing about a "crush" or someone I was dating, I would always think of this "P" name.

Fast forward, last year, I met a man with this "P" sounding name. I was immediately attracted to him. I had completely forgotten about the "P" name as I was in love with someone/dating them when I met him. I didn't think much of it, except from the fact that I found it quite strange that I'd find attractive a man who is 23 years older than me!

I'd always sworn I would only date someone my own age and was slightly disgused by girls who would date guys who are older. At 25, I couldn't even picture myself with a 29 year old, so let alone be attracted to someone who is 50 something.

Anyway. We spoke a couple of time though business and we hit it off fairly well. He asked me to join for drinks a few times, but I never did. I don't like to mingle with the people from work.

We live in the same country, so after my visit, he never really bothered to my business emails. He would also blame me for mistakes that were made by other people. It really bothered me, because I felt he thought I was incompetent. This really bothered me to the core. He was dismissive of all my business emails.

I called him once and he started trying to prounonce my name in a funny way. Then he asked: "You're not impressed, are you?" to which I replied "No, not really". He stopped calling ever since that episode. He apologized profusely on the phone, during our business conversation though.

Anyway. He still couldn't be bothered to reply to my business emails, until a few days ago. He heard there would be a possibility he might see me, and he replied to my business email ... which is extremely rare! He replied asking the dates because he "heard" yadi yada.

I gave him the dates and his response was that he will be on holidays, so he's sorry to hear he won't be there. He said he would have otherwise asked me to go out for drinks.

Now, I'm utterly confused. I asked other people who told me he always replies to their business emails and is always very nice, even to other women/girls. With me, he's dismissive. He knows I'm highly educated and worked in tougher industries before. He's fully aware I'm comptent and know what I'm doing. He's pretty high up, so he clearly thinks he's got a free pass.

Why is he like this with me? I'm pretty sure he does not suspect I may or may not find him attractive, since I've always been professional and we don't work in the same location anyway.

The fact that I am attracted to him is very strange. I would never be attracted to someone who is 23 years older than me. Yet, whenever we have an interaction, I find my "chakras" going crazy.

What is going on here?

Thank you.
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  #2  
Old 16-07-2017, 03:14 PM
SCR2017 SCR2017 is offline
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I cant really tell you what exactly is going on but Im attracted to a man who is twenty years younger than me. So dont feel bad. Im not attracted to other guys his age in fact I am very rarely attracted to anyone.
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  #3  
Old 16-07-2017, 03:25 PM
CrystalSong CrystalSong is online now
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Sounds like he's attracted to you also and is very stung by your initial rejection of him when he invited you out for drinks and is getting some retribution.
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Old 16-07-2017, 05:10 PM
OnceInALifeTime OnceInALifeTime is offline
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Well, I did want to reply a "maybe some other time" to his last message. However, given the business nature of our interactions, I thought I would be crossing a line (despite the fact he changed the title of the email). I just responded "Well, I hope you'll enjoy your holidays. Have a nice day". And I left it at that. I didn't acknowledge the drinks suggestion ... which I am sure he will view as another rejection.

Ever since this last email, I have just felt my attraction to him growing. Usually, when we talk on the phone, I feel overly "happy" and "giddy" afterwards. Initially, I didn't think it was attraction because I was madly in love with someone else, but now I realize I've been attracted to him since day 1. I just discarded it, because someone else was in the picture.

That said, he should be able to distinguish work and this rejection. He's the grown man, after all.

This is so confusing.
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Old 16-07-2017, 08:26 PM
In Flux In Flux is offline
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I think it's probably a tactic on his side, a way of saying: I'm interested in you romantically. Refusing to acknowledge your competence and interact with you about business means that he is not playing according to the rules. This can be perceived as a risk taking behaviour (breaking the social conventions), which some people find attractive in a partner. It can also have the aim of making you feel a bit insecure when interacting with him, which can create some romantic tension (because feeling insecure can lead towards wanting to find security with the other person, and being accepted by them).
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Old 16-07-2017, 08:58 PM
CrystalSong CrystalSong is online now
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Well said In Flux.
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  #7  
Old 16-07-2017, 09:20 PM
OnceInALifeTime OnceInALifeTime is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by In Flux
I think it's probably a tactic on his side, a way of saying: I'm interested in you romantically. Refusing to acknowledge your competence and interact with you about business means that he is not playing according to the rules. This can be perceived as a risk taking behaviour (breaking the social conventions), which some people find attractive in a partner. It can also have the aim of making you feel a bit insecure when interacting with him, which can create some romantic tension (because feeling insecure can lead towards wanting to find security with the other person, and being accepted by them).

You hit the nail on the head!

I feel incredibly insecure when I have to deal with him. I know my worth and value. Yet, when I have to interact with him business wise, I find myself questionning my capabilities to the tinest detail, which I never do with other people. I get so insecure to the point where I have anxiety/get scared when I have to reply to an email of his (of course, I reply to his, he doesn't reply to mine).

I find myself trying to "prove" my capabilities to him, going above and beyond what is expected to "impress" him, because I'm so frustrated that he rarely acknowledges me from a business perspective when he acts perfectly professionally towards other people.

I'm incredibly attracted to him, but he triggers insecurities which I normally don't have.

I remember, he was also the one who kept requesting that I'd get a local phone number to put in my signature, so he wouldn't have to search my number in the company directory (I have a phone number, but it is a foreign one, which I am not allowed to disclose in my external signature, for certain reasons).
I was told "P. walked up to me and kept insisting that you'd be provided with a local number, because he doesn't want to search for your name in the directory". I guess this person gathered something was up with him because they said: "We'll provide you with one, so P. can call YOU haha".

He also admitted one day to deleting my email which I never got an answer on. I had to ask him why I didn't get an answer and his response was "I can't locate it, I must have deleted it".

I'm not sure how to behave.
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  #8  
Old 17-07-2017, 10:59 AM
Baile Baile is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OnceInALifeTime
I'm incredibly attracted to him, but he triggers insecurities which I normally don't have.
You have several others threads about people in the last two years you've been attracted to and/or who you consider to be soul mates and such. One it seems is younger than you, so I assume he isn't this fellow.

I'd suggest the question for you here has more to do with what are you doing in terms of creating these relationships? It seems you're intent on manifesting them in your life. Instead of putting your energy into these "not actually relationships," why not step back and allow something healthy and natural to happen on its own? A sign that one is pushing things too hard is when things repeatedly aren't working out for them.

As for feeling incredibly attracted to someone, that's simply an emotional response. Learning control of emotions is actually a spiritual discipline, one that would resolve about 75% of the relationship issues people post about on this forum.
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Old 17-07-2017, 11:32 AM
OnceInALifeTime OnceInALifeTime is offline
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I'm a bit confused by your input.

The younger one is someone I dated, not someone I had a crush on or knew from afar and I specifically remember not wanting to label him as a soulmate or the one or a tf.

We have several soulmates in life, so I never stated any of them is The One, at all. Nor did I say I was going to marry any if them. It's part of life to meet several types of people who are going to trigger you. I don't see what's the problem or how it reflects any issues if mine. If anything, I'm fairly emotionally balanced otherwise, I'd be jumping from one relationship to another.

I remain date and man free for three years before dating the younger one. Then I dated him, it didn't work out and 8 months later, someone else showed interest. What's the problem? They're all soulmates in one capacity or another. A soulmate isn't "The One" as most people would think it is.

This man, I didn't push at all. I met him when I was dating the younger guy, I was crazy about. I don't see his I'm creating a non-relationship, when I'm simply stating the fact that he asked for drinks. It's just a fact. I didn't manifest anything, for fact, he had already asked me when I was seeing someone.

The attraction was already there from the get go. It's just that now that I'm free and more confident, I realized a few things. Besides, he's the one who made the suggestion.
We don't even work in the same location, and haven't see each other since last year, so its not like I'm trying to entice him.

Plus, I don't see what's the problem with me being attracted to someone. It could have happened with any person.

Last edited by OnceInALifeTime : 17-07-2017 at 12:48 PM.
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  #10  
Old 17-07-2017, 07:19 PM
In Flux In Flux is offline
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I think that in general it's good to not take on awkward responsibilities. For example, it's not your responsibility to make sure that he understands all the details of your proposals, and it's not your responsibility to obtain an explicit agreement from him. You can just email him your general analysis (that in most cases should suffice) and write that "in case anything needs to be clarified further, please let me know", or "if you want to make a suggestion, please let me know before Friday, and otherwise we will go ahead with the proposed plan". That puts the ball in his court :-).
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