Deathwish

[childheart]

...Obviously scares people, some more than others. That's why I haven't really told anyone that I have a very immense deathwish, had for 7 years now (I'm nearly 22). I want to die because I want to return home. I haven't ever felt like this is my homeplanet, especially in this time period. I have always known that I have my purpose here and will proceed with what we call life, but the deathwish is always present.
The odd part is that I'm happy. In fact, those who knows me says I'm the happiest person they have ever met. They see me as a very loving and caring person, always showing affection and gratitude.
I was around 15 when I got aware that I wanted to drown more than anything. Being embraced by the water and disappearing down in it's depths.. 5 years later I was told from several people not knowing of each other that in a previous life I'd been a pearl diver, and if it's true it does makes sense.
Past years I've also longed in other situations when death just have been one action away, such as on high heights, or by train tracks..
I love to watch and listen to people who has had NDEs, maybe I shouldn't watch them as my wish gets intensified, but I find myself unable to stay away.

I know there's people out there who feels the same way, are you one of them?

[astralsuzy]

You are young, do not wish your life away. Enjoy your life while you are still here. Time goes very quickly and before you know it, it is over. Try not to think about it as it is not healthy. Your purpose is here, to learn, to grow spiritually, (not sure about that one), help other people and to get on with other people. I know you cannot get on with everyone.
I admit there are times when I think I could not be bothered with this life anymore. It is such a pain. I have to go on. I have to be here until my time is up.

[Native spirit]

:hug3: Hey Childheart.

You are not alone in feeling like you do i do as well, but i also know that i wont go back to spirit until im in my eightys,81 or 82 around that time, i also know this is my final path to walk, i wont be back again,
i have faced death in the face a few times, always to be bought back, i have a very good inclination of what i must do, and am in the process of doing it, you are very young im not as young as you are, but somethings dont become apparent to you until you get older, going for past life regression may work for you, it could give you a clearer understanding of feeling like you do,

Namaste

[Medium_Laura]

It's like someone who hates school and just wants to go home. A lot of us feel that way. I did when I was younger as well. Why was I being punished here? Why did they send me here when I don't fit in?

Normal and it occurs when the passage from the Other Side to here doesn't completely wipe out our memories of past lives and home. Maybe you are meant to know those things for a reason. Find the reason and use it to live life to the fullest here. :) Maybe you are meant to teach others. :)

[theophilus]

You should be careful what you with for because you might get it. After we die we must face God's judgment. Here is a test you can use to find out whether or not you are ready for it:

http://needgod.com/004.shtml (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualforums.co m%2Fvb%2Fredir.php%3Flink%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fnee dgod.com%252F004.shtml)

[forevergirl]

:hug3: Hey Childheart.

You are not alone in feeling like you do i do as well, but i also know that i wont go back to spirit until im in my eightys,81 or 82 around that time, i also know this is my final path to walk, i wont be back again,
i have faced death in the face a few times, always to be bought back, i have a very good inclination of what i must do, and am in the process of doing it, you are very young im not as young as you are, but somethings dont become apparent to you until you get older, going for past life regression may work for you, it could give you a clearer understanding of feeling like you do,

Namaste

Fascinating, thank you for sharing this! xo

[Kai]

Actually, I kind of know how you feel. I'm not suicidal or depressed or anything, but more just... I feel like I have better places to be. Of course, that's not something I'd actually bet my life on, and I have a feeling if I was actually staring death in the face I'd run screaming. I have a life here and I'm going to live it, no matter how weird it feels to be here... I do hope you're not suicidal because you're here on Earth for a reason.

[childheart]

Please don't misunderstand what I've said, I have a longing, and nothing to it. It's just a feeling I have, and I have absolutely no intention of following that wish. Like I've said, I know I have my purpose(s) here, so there's nothing to worry about.
It just gets hard sometimes, to live with this feeling. I don't know if I need to make some kind of radical life change or so, to make this life more like the one I'd have "at home", or if I just need to learn how to live with what I've got..
But in time, I'll get all the answers I need.

All I wondered was how many others out here feels about the same way.



childheart

[rainbowcrow]

Yes Childheart, I have felt like this for as long as I can remember. My life has just always felt temporary. It is nice to know that it's not only me that feels this. I just wish that I had a set of instructions that outlined my purpose in this life lol.

rc

[mattie]

Many have felt a strong connection to elsewhere in the Universe & had a strong longing to return. Suzan Carroll wrote about this longing being useful to reestablish an energetic connection to our extended energy field (SELF). After this initial longing that often includes our feeling like we don’t fit in, we often settle into an easy acceptance about this, shifting more to anchoring our whole energies here & having fun w/ the experience.
Enjoy the journey for it is a journey of joy where ever we are.

I’m sensing a focusing on wanting death that is MUCH more than the longing most have about realizing that they are from elsewhere & wanting to return. Be careful what you ask for, as you just might get it & not in the quick easy way that you might imagine like a sudden fall or being hit by a train. Longing for death may well manifest in a way where it is long & drawn out where one can savor it for years & years, every day.

We are here to fully explore humanity to add this experience to our repertoire. Have fun exploring while you are here. There can be many lessons that we have chosen to learn while we are here & these can be different for everyone. One of these can be to learn to be fulfilled where ever we are in the Universe.

[Distortedsoundz]

I agree that you should live life to the fullest and take what you can while you are here. Although, it is good that you do not fear death. Life, while is a temporary state, it is just as important as what waits for us on the other side. Although I must say, I am determined to ake sure that this life is my last incarnation, even if I were promised a beautiful,happy life after this one, hell no. I will Pass!

[DaveStar]

Completely understand, you'll be home soon enough my friend, be patient :>)

[childheart]

Yes Childheart, I have felt like this for as long as I can remember. My life has just always felt temporary. It is nice to know that it's not only me that feels this. I just wish that I had a set of instructions that outlined my purpose in this life lol.

rc

Where's the adventure in that though? :D
I think that all of us, to different degrees, has a purpose of serving others. (Nearly(?)) Every occupation is helpful to others in some way.. So how would you like to do your best- to make life better for others as well as yourself?

[rainbowcrow]

Ha ha ha, how right you are Childheart! And I do agree with you that each of our lives should touch others in a positive way, from the smallest gesture to the biggest sacrifice, so long as it is done with love :smile:

rc xo

[Trieah]

Well, I can definitely relate to looking forward to the day death finally comes a calling. My passion for helping others, including earthbound trapped spirits, has left me feeling so drained, that I'm just worn out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure there's still a bunch more people/spirits that need my help, but I really am getting very tired from a lifetime of serving others. Lately, it's just been getting harder and harder to keep myself going when so many just see my compassion as a resource to be exploited. I need a break. Whether it be through death, or a positive life changing event, I'm getting to the point to where I just don't care any more.

[Sarian]

Sadly, since I was 3 and 4 I began to feel this way, but yet knew I had to be here... Now all these years later, sometimes I get so grief stricken and distraught because I'm not sure of the purpose...

[Arlan Lares]

My 2p, for what it's worth. One cannot participate fully in the joys and wonders of this life with one foot in the door towards a possible "next life". Death in this mortal life will come when it comes. Why go searching for a permanent exit from this state of reality? Death is on the horizon for everyone; we need not fear death or strive towards it. Look to satisfy your spiritual yearnings in the present moment.

[Internal Queries]

when i was a little kid, like 5-6 years old, i'd stand on the outside of the railing on the back porch which was located on the top story of our house. facing forward i'd hang out over the edge and try to will myself to let go so i'd fall head first onto the concrete below. or i'd try to will myself to jump out in front of a car. i delighted in freaking my friends out doing really dangerous crazy stuff. and it's a miracle i survived my teen years. yikes!

and yet ... here i am. the instinct for survival overrode my desire to escape. i don't yearn for escape nowadays so much as for the Love i didn't receive from those who were supposed to be nurturing me when i was young.

[rainbowcrow]

:hug: Hugs to you Internal Queries :hug:

[Trieah]

i don't yearn for escape nowadays so much as for the Love i didn't receive from those who were supposed to be nurturing me when i was young.

I think you just said it all right there.

I think my biggest problem with fighting for reasons to keep going, is that there has always been a serious lack of love in my life. No matter how much I do to try and put love, hope and understanding back into the world, it has yet to really make its way back to me long enough to sustain me enough for the remaining duration of this lifetime. Or perhaps even the remaining durations of my soul's lifetime, I don't know.

Even amongst all the various degrees of enlightened people out there, there is still this stigma that disrupts the flow of true love, hope and understanding for everyone. We're constantly trying to sway people to our own personal beliefs too much, instead of just understanding, accepting and loving each other for our differences, as well as our similarities. It's just too easy to sit there and tell someone else they are not as enlightened as we are, or that they're just being mislead from the "real" truth, instead of truly showing them enough love to be understanding and accepting of the things we don't agree with.

Yes, I do understand the need or desire to have such immense diversity as a way of feeling more complete. But does that also not segregate us into too many smaller groups just a little too much at times? And what happens when you simply can't find enough people who are similar enough to you, to make you feel like you actually are a part of something bigger? Where is our feeling of completeness then? Where is all this love, hope and understanding, when we cling to our needs and desires for diversity so much?

I should probably shut up now.

[Internal Queries]

:hug: Hugs to you Internal Queries :hug:


aww thanks. :hug2: back !

[Internal Queries]

I think you just said it all right there.

I think my biggest problem with fighting for reasons to keep going, is that there has always been a serious lack of love in my life. No matter how much I do to try and put love, hope and understanding back into the world, it has yet to really make its way back to me long enough to sustain me enough for the remaining duration of this lifetime. Or perhaps even the remaining durations of my soul's lifetime, I don't know.

Even amongst all the various degrees of enlightened people out there, there is still this stigma that disrupts the flow of true love, hope and understanding for everyone. We're constantly trying to sway people to our own personal beliefs too much, instead of just understanding, accepting and loving each other for our differences, as well as our similarities. It's just too easy to sit there and tell someone else they are not as enlightened as we are, or that they're just being mislead from the "real" truth, instead of truly showing them enough love to be understanding and accepting of the things we don't agree with.

Yes, I do understand the need or desire to have such immense diversity as a way of feeling more complete. But does that also not segregate us into too many smaller groups just a little too much at times? And what happens when you simply can't find enough people who are similar enough to you, to make you feel like you actually are a part of something bigger? Where is our feeling of completeness then? Where is all this love, hope and understanding, when we cling to our needs and desires for diversity so much?

I should probably shut up now.



first ... :hug2: well, if there's no one around to Love you Love the one you're with ... your self. seriously. and maybe you could develope an inner relationship with an angel or spirit guide, someOne, some part of you, who instinctively understands, can comfort you, guide you to and reassure you of the worth of your selfhood and keep you from utter loneliness. sometimes these relationships even reveal a sense of purpose. there are a lot of threads dedicated to the subject of contacting one's spirit guide or angel.

just an idea.

[Trieah]

first ... :hug2: well, if there's no one around to Love you Love the one you're with ... your self. seriously. and maybe you could develope an inner relationship with an angel or spirit guide, someOne, some part of you, who instinctively understands, can comfort you, guide you to and reassure you of the worth of your selfhood and keep you from utter loneliness. sometimes these relationships even reveal a sense of purpose. there are a lot of threads dedicated to the subject of contacting one's spirit guide or angel.

just an idea.

Thanks for the hug :smile: Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely a hopeless case of misery :wink: I do know how to lose myself over to the true beauty of the world as well. Aside from pondering stuff too deeply, I'm also somewhat of a hopeless romantic/goofball little kid at heart :wink:

I actually have wound up developing an inner relationship with my angels and spirit guides. And I suppose because of how intensely passionate I get with things like helping lost souls cross over; doing special things for other people; acting like a carefree child, and trying to love with my whole heart and soul as much as I can, my relationships with them kind of blossomed into beautifully intimate relationships. I love my angels and spirit guides with just as much intensity and passion as I do when my heart truly feels at peace with the world.

Unfortunately, because of the intense diversity of other peoples beliefs, and how we all want to sway everyone to our own personal truths, I'm constantly getting told that I'm either just some poor disillusional sap, because no angel or spirit guide would ever love me in the same capacity as I've described. Or that I'm just under the influence of negative spirits who are only trying to rob me of my essence and I should banish them from my side for ever.

It just kind of makes it a little more difficult to continue having the same quality of relationships with my dear angels and spirit guides, when both mine and their integrity is constantly being challenged.

[Internal Queries]

Unfortunately, because of the intense diversity of other peoples beliefs, and how we all want to sway everyone to our own personal truths, I'm constantly getting told that I'm either just some poor disillusional sap, because no angel or spirit guide would ever love me in the same capacity as I've described. Or that I'm just under the influence of negative spirits who are only trying to rob me of my essence and I should banish them from my side for ever.

It just kind of makes it a little more difficult to continue having the same quality of relationships with my dear angels and spirit guides, when both mine and their integrity is constantly being challenged.

yikes! use your intutition to gauge whether or not someone you encounter is open to or can at least tolerate your beliefs. i know that if someone is closed minded i simply can't relate such concepts to them. my voice literally halts in my mouth before it reaches my lips.

you can't always give exactly what you want to give so all you can give is what folks allow.

[Trieah]

my voice literally halts in my mouth before it reaches my lips.

LOL. Yeah, I've found myself doing that to at times. It's very rare that I even talk about this kind of stuff to people around me, but I should probably just stop talking about it all together on message boards. You never know when someone is going to come along and add a discouraging comment, no matter how much a few others might be more receptive.

[Internal Queries]

LOL. Yeah, I've found myself doing that to at times. It's very rare that I even talk about this kind of stuff to people around me, but I should probably just stop talking about it all together on message boards. You never know when someone is going to come along and add a discouraging comment, no matter how much a few others might be more receptive.


why concentrate on the negative naysayers? this message board is pretty open. i say stuff on here i'd never in a million years express elsewhere. sure there are disagreements, vanity jousts and a few folks who might think i'm nuts but reading the imaginative thoughts and beliefs of others sure takes the sting out any implications that i'm crazy. that's not to say i'm not crazy because i know i am. only that i'm no nuttier than the other folks here. spill your beans, Trieah. be as weird as you please. we're all 'round the bend here.

[Trieah]

Yeah, well, that's the thing. I've never been able to fully shake off growing up in extremely negative situations and being surrounded by extremely negative people. It's not always easy to break out of bad programming. It's kind of like rebooting back into default mode and having to work on the positive code structure all over again :wink:

But I get what you're saying.

[ROM]

I'm sure everyone has a longing to return home. But, you know, if you didn't want to incarnate on this planet at this time then you wouldn't have, but you're here now, so why not make the best of it while you can?

[jamesart7]

Dude, if you want a killer, don't hesitate to contact me.... :cool:

[scorpiowitch66]

I remember thinking when I was little, I guess between 4-6, that I didnt belong here. I would just sit and cry wondering why I was being punished. What is strange is that did not even remember it until I started on my current path. I am remembering so many things from when I was little since "woke up" that I had buried. I find that so interesting....

[skygazer]

Like a silly human I am surprised by how many of us feel this deep longing for 'home'. At my age, I thought nothing would surprise me anymore.

I don't remember a time when I didn't feel it. I just never realized until recently that I was suppose to find joy in spite of it. Once I made that connection I felt as though my body become lighter, not as solid a mass as before, if that makes any sense.

[sunstrucknz]

...Obviously scares people, some more than others. That's why I haven't really told anyone that I have a very immense deathwish, had for 7 years now (I'm nearly 22). I want to die because I want to return home. I haven't ever felt like this is my homeplanet, especially in this time period. I have always known that I have my purpose here and will proceed with what we call life, but the deathwish is always present.
The odd part is that I'm happy. In fact, those who knows me says I'm the happiest person they have ever met. They see me as a very loving and caring person, always showing affection and gratitude.
I was around 15 when I got aware that I wanted to drown more than anything. Being embraced by the water and disappearing down in it's depths.. 5 years later I was told from several people not knowing of each other that in a previous life I'd been a pearl diver, and if it's true it does makes sense.
Past years I've also longed in other situations when death just have been one action away, such as on high heights, or by train tracks..
I love to watch and listen to people who has had NDEs, maybe I shouldn't watch them as my wish gets intensified, but I find myself unable to stay away.

I know there's people out there who feels the same way, are you one of them?
Dearest Childheart - NO YOU R NOT ALONE!!!


Just typed you a great msg then pressed the wrong key and lost it - so this will be v brief!

I have felt the same way for so very long - since the age of around 13. Over the years I have read a great many books and seen a few very good readers who all have led me to the conclusion that its not really up to us to make THE decision - if that makes sense?
And I have been told that even if i acted on my wish and was somehow successful, i would be booted right back down here again to start over - no thanks!!

Was going to type out the 2 great quotes i just typed out then lost but its getting v late here and i am so tired so will recommend the books they are in 4 you and hope they help.


"The Wheel of Life" - autobiography of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross ( the expert on Death and dying in psychological terms.)

also- "The Prophet" - Kahlil Gibran

and finally - "Saved by the light" Dannion Brinkley - whom you've prbably already read as it is about his NDE.

Put it this way - I have felt like you almost my whole life - I am only just now starting not to - and I think the fact that you are on this sit at all and were brave enough to share something like that indicates you simply need some guidance and who knows where it will take you. don't give up - you know i hate the Beatles i have to say - but over the last week or so have realised that their song "lAll you need is love" is soooo true!

keep going- you will get there xxooxx I have seen the light, i wana go back to it so badly but I have learned by experience that that decision is made by someone with a lot more clout than me!!!

good luck xxooxx

[blackraven]

childheart - I find funerals to be quite morbid. I hate to see people embalmed, made up and displayed in a casket for people to gawk at. I would hate for that to be my ending. Once I'm dead, I'm dead. I've left instructions for no one to view my body at death and for me to be cremated. I don't care for a funeral either. I just want my spouse and son to spread my ashes around a tree I planted on my property in honor of my dog that I had to put down a year ago. That's it.

Blackraven

[callofthebird]

Life is a part of the journey home. It has its meaning and place, yes, at times we can't see or understand it. I used to be like that, but I wanted to die before my parents did (it didn't happen) and the world feels less like home. I actually believed that I was not going to make it pass 25, I did despite some pathetic efforts, now I don't really think about it (I am 38). I learnt that dying young seems a bit glamorous may be a quick fix solution, but it is best not to interfere with nature. Could it be a phase of maturing and finding a different meaning perhaps? Wish for meaning and wisdom perhaps!!

[KChildheart]

I would just like to indicate that I am not related to either Kai or Childheart and I don't have suicidal tendencies, please stop mailing me?

The link to my personal website will be in my profile somewhere soon just so you can clarify I am who I say I am.

apparently I'm not allowed to do that. If you're interested, simply google my full name I'm on google+

[PanBaccha]

...Obviously scares people, some more than others. That's why I haven't really told anyone that I have a very immense deathwish, had for 7 years now (I'm nearly 22). I want to die because I want to return home. I haven't ever felt like this is my homeplanet, especially in this time period. I have always known that I have my purpose here and will proceed with what we call life, but the deathwish is always present.
The odd part is that I'm happy. In fact, those who knows me says I'm the happiest person they have ever met. They see me as a very loving and caring person, always showing affection and gratitude.
I was around 15 when I got aware that I wanted to drown more than anything. Being embraced by the water and disappearing down in it's depths.. 5 years later I was told from several people not knowing of each other that in a previous life I'd been a pearl diver, and if it's true it does makes sense.
Past years I've also longed in other situations when death just have been one action away, such as on high heights, or by train tracks..
I love to watch and listen to people who has had NDEs, maybe I shouldn't watch them as my wish gets intensified, but I find myself unable to stay away.

I know there's people out there who feels the same way, are you one of them?


You are suffering from 'Soul Rembrance' ~ the uncanny ability
of remembering the past prior incarnation. I know how you feel.
I felt that all my life. But had to deal with the pressures and
challenges afforded me in this lifetime that we, ourselves, have
picked for karmic reasons and growth. But now I am of the mindset
that I have things to do and death - that welcoming doormat- can wait.
Heaven and earth are not two worlds, per se, but actually One World
separated in vibrations, with the higher realm interpenetrating the lower
realm. You agreed to come this time. You have work to do. But I do hope
you will sing and dance along the way to your higher accomplishment
on earth before the next transition arrives. Peace and love to you!

[Dinko]

...Obviously scares people, some more than others. That's why I haven't really told anyone that I have a very immense deathwish, had for 7 years now (I'm nearly 22). I want to die because I want to return home. I haven't ever felt like this is my homeplanet, especially in this time period. I have always known that I have my purpose here and will proceed with what we call life, but the deathwish is always present.
The odd part is that I'm happy. In fact, those who knows me says I'm the happiest person they have ever met. They see me as a very loving and caring person, always showing affection and gratitude.
I was around 15 when I got aware that I wanted to drown more than anything. Being embraced by the water and disappearing down in it's depths.. 5 years later I was told from several people not knowing of each other that in a previous life I'd been a pearl diver, and if it's true it does makes sense.
Past years I've also longed in other situations when death just have been one action away, such as on high heights, or by train tracks..
I love to watch and listen to people who has had NDEs, maybe I shouldn't watch them as my wish gets intensified, but I find myself unable to stay away.

I know there's people out there who feels the same way, are you one of them?
yo i have the the death wish myself because i feel that i usually dont incarnate as a human on 3rd density i too long for my home whereever it may be
maybe u should try to serve other creatures on this planet with pure love... that may help
PS u can find some answers in the ra material the law of one

Luz & Amor