Opinion time, please!

[Purple Lemon]

Hey guys, just wondering if any of you could help shed any light or new theories on what's going on with my twin.

As I've mentioned before in other posts, when I broke up with him on New Year's Eve (don't even really know why in retrospect, as 10 minutes later I regretted it!) he shut down completely.

For a month I tried to get back with him, yet I never felt we were broken up and at first he wouldn't tell me. Later he seemed annoyed that I thought we might still be in a relationship, because he said, "Why don't we see how being friends goes?" or something even though I asked him several times point blank if we were still in a relationship.

I admit I was petty after I found out he had a new girlfriend a month later (even when our relationship seemed to slowly be moving forward a little) and messed up his character on the MMO we met on. He quit and I went back to playing. Later took over his character because I felt guilty and it was nice to have something of him, spent a ton of time and money on it making to keep it up to date. It was left to our mutual friend, technically, and when that friend came back he saw how strong it got and stole it from me. I went to my TF to ask if I could have the account, and he seemed like he would, but after talking to the friend, he snuck back into the game with the friend, even though he told me he wasn't going back, and he knew I quit because he wasn't playing and I lost his account. When I confronted him about it, he made excuses that he already promised others to play with them, and that's my first stage of leaving him alone for good.

We had talked off and on during the year. I unfriended him after I found out he had a girlfriend in Feb, and didn't talk to him for a while. I thought then I'd be good, but after all that anger wore off, I missed him terrible and friend requested him again on most of our old places. He accepted - I was surprised, though we didn't talk. Finally I screwed up the courage to talk to him a bit, and he did reply. We chatted occasionally about inconsequential things until the new girl he was with broke up with him, then he suddenly disappeared off the radar. The only place I saw him was on the PS4 but I was never really comfortable talking on there. After a few more months of me chasing and him ignoring or just avoiding logging on, I tried talking to him a bit on the PS4, but he didn't bother to really talk or seemed to want to. I told him I missed him and asked him to get on Skype sometimes so we could talk, but he didn't.

The incident with the game happened around the end of Oct/beginning of Nov. After I was upset from being blown off a friend asked him if he still loved me, and he said, "In the past" and then "not enough to be with her" and then that we were only friends. Even then he couldn't give a straight yes/no answer, and I don't know why. That was the last straw. He agreed to talk to me the next day (see how much he cared, he didn't even bother that day!) but suddenly I didn't want to talk to him. I guess I was a coward, I didn't want to hear him say it was over, or whatever else he would have said. He likes to smooth things over but usually in such a way that at first I feel okay, but later I have a ton more questions. I honestly don't know if he tried, because I hid. He didn't try hard, if he did try, because he could have emailed me or left me a message, but he didn't.

I've not spoken to him since, but I still feel like I can feel him strongly. I did go through a very bad period right after, one I'm just getting out of now. I do still feel like he loves me, but his actions and words confuse and hurt me, and don't seem like he wants anything to do with me.

One thing I've noticed, since making myself invisible on the PS4, I often see him sitting up late on nights he doesn't have work the next morning. Just sitting, not doing anything. He's 5 hours ahead of me, and sometimes I see him on around 3 or 4 AM my time, meaning he'd be on well into morning for him. I stalk him a bit, because I miss him, and I shouldn't, but it comforts me a bit to see him around. Yesterday I happened to notice he was on Skype for many hours. That might have been a fluke, but he really hasn't been on Skype for any substantial amount of time in forever. He probably and very well might be on both things to chat with someone else, but part of me wants to believe he's waiting or looking for me, even if just to catch a glimpse of me, or hoping I might see him and message him.

These are things I would overthink on, because they could have any and all reasons for him doing any of them. I'm not obsessing anymore, but I do wonder what you guys think or if your TFs have done similar things but come back, so maybe I have some hope!

[Lorelyen]

Difficult. As we don't know each other I can only give an opinion - an honest one, mind, because it honestly sounds a mix-up. You don't say much about why you broke up and/or how close the relationship was/ and your circumstances. I presume you weren't living together. Two people living together communicating on faceache and the PS4, nahhh, not on!

You're obviously caught up with him and really you should be out and about like he sounds to be, making new friends, eyeing-up new prospects! You're roughly the same age as me...and we're around halfway through our active physical lives so don't let your life slip from under your feet. In your situation I wouldn't be at home contemplating any kind of outcome other than it's probably over (if it was an intimate thing).
Signs are it's played itself out.

The incident with the game happened around the end of Oct/beginning of Nov. After I was upset from being blown off a friend asked him if he still loved me, and he said, "In the past" and then "not enough to be with her" and then that we were only friends. Even then he couldn't give a straight yes/no answer, and I don't know why. That was the last straw. He agreed to talk to me the next day (see how much he cared, he didn't even bother that day!) but suddenly I didn't want to talk to him. I guess I was a coward, I didn't want to hear him say it was over, or whatever else he would have said. He likes to smooth things over but usually in such a way that at first I feel okay, but later I have a ton more questions. I honestly don't know if he tried, because I hid. He didn't try hard, if he did try, because he could have emailed me or left me a message, but he didn't.
There are a hundred reasons why someone girl or boy wouldn't give a straight answer to what might be a frightfully loaded question - although his answer seems perfectly straight to me, along with he doesn't want the friendship to turn hostile. He probably thought the friend was your emissary; may even have not wanted to raise false hopes.

I've not spoken to him since, but I still feel like I can feel him strongly. I did go through a very bad period right after, one I'm just getting out of now. I do still feel like he loves me, but his actions and words confuse and hurt me, and don't seem like he wants anything to do with me.
This is what you feel. Actions speak a lot louder than words and it's best to judge on them. It's up to you to believe what you will but delusion will only lead to disappointment. Take a realistic look. Do you want some half-hearted guy who feels it's over enough to take a new girlfriend? Does he owe you commitment?

One thing I've noticed, since making myself invisible on the PS4, I often see him sitting up late on nights he doesn't have work the next morning. Just sitting, not doing anything. He's 5 hours ahead of me, and sometimes I see him on around 3 or 4 AM my time, meaning he'd be on well into morning for him. I stalk him a bit, because I miss him, and I shouldn't, but it comforts me a bit to see him around. Yesterday I happened to notice he was on Skype for many hours. That might have been a fluke, but he really hasn't been on Skype for any substantial amount of time in forever. He probably and very well might be on both things to chat with someone else, but part of me wants to believe he's waiting or looking for me, even if just to catch a glimpse of me, or hoping I might see him and message him.
Well, it looks like he's happy to be friends and it might be the best way forward. Give it time. If you shared a lot with him - more than gaming machines - if you and her really were friends - deep friends, not facebook nonsense - there'll be a natural pull back together.

These are things I would overthink on, because they could have any and all reasons for him doing any of them. I'm not obsessing anymore, but I do wonder what you guys think or if your TFs have done similar things but come back, so maybe I have some hope!
Thankfully I don't have a twin flame - the disease hasn't yet crept into the UK in any volume. He doesn't sound like your twin flame either and, like I say, assure yourself it isn't delusion then... be friends and see how it goes.
A good friend is worth a lot more than a flawed committed relationship: break ups, arguments, chasing, running, low trust....and every day we get older.

...

[Clover]

Would it be possible to find the courage to speak with him directly? Have a heart to heart discussion with the individual, I highly recommend it. I understand everyone has their own unique experience on this subfourm, However, I found ( even doing personal readings for people with these connections) that no amount of wishful thinking or spiritual "connection" will get you any kind of clarity or closure until you speak with the person directly. Otherwise, I can't imagine it being a healthy thing for you to follow the individuals every move, sounds a bit distressing.
best wishes on the matter,

[Khalli]

My advice is use this time to take care of yourself and work on things that you need to.

Just be yourself and if someone is destined to be with you it will happen in Divine timing when both parties are ready.

[Purple Lemon]

Thanks for the insights guys!

A little background on our TFness:

I could be wrong about him being my TF. As Lorelyen said, from an outside or more realistic point of view, it doesn't seem as such. I'm really not one to get obsessed with anyone though, especially when the facts present themselves so clearly. Normally I would try more than most, but not hold on so tightly to this degree.

We never met in person, unfortunately. He lives in England, and I in the US. I broke up with him because I was fearful of meeting for the first time because of insecurities and fears. The long distance thing, I think, was wearing on both of us as well. A lot of it had to do with my insecurities actually, and I do have to say being apart has taught me a lot about that.
I may have ruined this relationship, as if he didn't feel the need to stay it might not have been worth it to him. There is that possibility. I think our insecurities mirror each other, but I tend to handle them a bit better, he tends to run.

I know it sounds farfetched and desperate, but I did/do feel a very strong connection to him. This connection goes beyond words, and often I would wonder what exactly drew us together. Sometimes it seemed we had nothing in common, yet we always seemed to fit together perfectly.
He was actually the first one to press the relationship issue, almost desperately. He said many, many "odd" things that later I realize I also feel and think are the TF feelings, otherwise I wouldn't believe he felt the same. I doubt he realizes or thinks in a TF mindset, but the things he's said are undeniable.
He always felt comfortable to me, and I was always drawn back to him, no matter what. He opened up with me, more than anyone else at the time, though now he's clammed up tighter than I don't know what.
I know he's damaged, as much as me. Maybe more so, because he tends to bottle things up and run from them, instead of try to understand them. He's also much younger than me. We're both kind of sheltered, extreme introverts. Him more than me, I have trouble relating to people but he has it worse off. He tends to get in and out of relationships easily, and extremely quickly and didn't have any real life friends, and only a few online ones.

I have gone through every single possibility, including that maybe he just latched on to me because I was "there" and as a rebound. But I really felt our relationship was different than all his others, before and after. He had time to think about us, for over a year. Usually if he waits a week to get into a relationship he's doing too. He didn't make a move until he had nothing else to lose, and he really tried. Toward the end he was getting a bit quieter, but it might have been other factors I was too selfish to see at the time. Still, he did try, but less. I guess he was tired too, but that began to really worry me.
I also strongly believe breaking up with him completely undid him. He shut me out immediately. Later I realized/remembered he has abandonment issues. That's when all the vagueness and avoidance started.

Again, I could be wrong on this, but I've felt him very strongly since the break up. I know you don't know me, but I don't hang on to things that are obviously over, not this long. I also forgive for a while, but he's done enough things that with any other person I would have written them off long ago as well. I'm no chump either though, with him I just "understand" the reasonings behind the things he's done. Doesn't make them right, but I can understand.
It's been almost a year. His negative answers and avoiding me, all the hurtful little things he'd done, are more than enough to send me on my way, usually. Yet since meeting him I realized I loved him all along. He was always with me, and it felt so right I didn't even notice it until he was gone. Yes, it might have been internet-only, but we bonded closer than most people in real life. We never needed a lot, often leaving each other for times, yet always coming back. On my part I think the relationship brought up issues of clinginess and jealousy I need to work through.

One thing I know for sure, my love for him has grown every day, despite him sometimes flat out saying he doesn't want me, and shortly after starting our relationship and talking a bit about our feelings, I suddenly felt like he was my sole purpose and destiny in life. Everything I ever suffered through, everything I did or didn't do, everything I had become, even all the specific events bringing us together, they were all for him and to make me the person I am to fit with him. Even he commented, saying that all the hardships we went through were to bring us together, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Of course, that was all in the past and now he obviously is feeling differently, however, I tend not to believe in coincidences. "Everything happens for a reason" and all that... but it's still very hard to sit back and let it happen. I do realize I had been trying to push the issue with him, and obviously that wasn't right. Whether or not he feels anything for me anymore, he has to figure things out himself. I thought at first, since he has issues of his own, that if I showed him I was still "here" he'd come back around, but I think it's more things he has to work on in himself, getting past his hurt and thinking if I'm someone he really loves or just another fling.

khallianen, I do agree, and am now trying to do that! It is very hard, but like I said, pushing him won't make him come to any decisions faster, probably just make him run more.

Clover, I have felt like I wanted to talk to him, but at the same time I think for now it's best to keep my distance and pray that he reaches out. I'm a bit doubtful he will, but yet something tells me it's not over yet and I'm not really sure.

Anyway, I am trying to focus more on love and such rather than worry, and work on things in my own life rather than when/whether he'll be back. Normally I'd scoff at the whole TF thing, but these feelings are so strong and with absolutely no proof at all, it has to make me wonder!

[SecretDreams333]

hi sounds like he is a aloof type energy stealer
stay away don't bother with this guy
your reactions are his game he plays
pretending not to be interested
and so getting you in his grip

[Purple Lemon]

hi sounds like he is a aloof type energy stealer
stay away don't bother with this guy
your reactions are his game he plays
pretending not to be interested
and so getting you in his grip

Thanks for your insights! This, however, I can say isn't true. He would have walked away if I let him, and let that be that. I've seen him do it before, and he's even said as much about friends in the past. The fact he has nobody close to him emotionally backs that up, as well as how easily he can disappear. Even the few deeper relationships he has he will let slide by without putting any work to save them at some point. As he's said himself, everyone likes him at first, but after they find out who he really is, they back away. I also think he's misunderstood, and can see this from others' opinions of him. I'm pretty confident I know him better than anyone else, maybe even himself. It frustrates him when people assume things about him.
That's one reason I'm attached to him so, because I know he's lonely and somehow unable to help himself. I believe he feels that nobody truly cares about him. He really does need someone chasing him, after he gives up.

That being said, I'm done chasing him. I know it's unhealthy for me, and he needs to grow up and make a decision. I'm not sure why he's being so wishy washy, but I've given him all the knowledge he needs. If he chooses not to believe me or to let me go now then that's on him, as hurt and upset as I'll be if he never contacts me again.

[SecretDreams333]

have you heard of the expression stockholm syndrome

but your going on with your life , live your amazing life the way it works best for you which I am sure you will do