Originally Posted by Supersteel
Maybe a rant. Alot of anger and hate pent up over months
Im not religous anymore. We were in our family. I went to a yeshiva when i was small and then to a jewish day school in riverdale ny
I now live in israel. Worst mistake in my life to move here.
I have been going through a lot of hardships as of late. What seems to be very bad coincidences and very bad luck. A grey cloud that follows me. All together whixh just seems like winning the lotto would be better odds
All day everyday I cirse at god. I wish I could disconnect myself from hating "him" moving to atheism but I cant get this built up hate I have for him. I cant stop myself. I cry from hysteria at times as it seems to unreasonable bomabrded with bad luck all the time and its a bad cycle.
What can one offer me suggestions wise to disconnect my thought from god and judiasm together. Throw ideas at me to do this please
Please suggest only what I need help with please
Supersteel - maybe your way is simply something other than Judaism. Not necessarily atheism.
I also left Judaism. Since my family were rather mixed though, I grew up with the influence of several cultures and views. It was always left open to me what I would decide. I have found that I am too spiritual to follow Judaism.
And maybe that's your way too. I have very strong faith in the Creator, it's just that I never found anything spiritual in the Jewish community. I remember the last time I was on the way to the shul - about 20 years ago that was. I was nearly there, and I suddenly thought "what am I doing here"! By then I was already considerably fed up with all the pretense, the judgemental views, the inability to live a normal life, the lack of real faith or anything resembling spirituality. Well, I literally turned round and went back home, and I haven't set foot into a shul since.
That's not to say that Judaism in itself is bad, but the way its followers live it - that's certainly not for me.
It's been extremely hard as I got shunned, one person even told me "as far as the Jewish community is concerned, you are dead now". What a thing to say!!!
But - I've been much happier living according to what I believe is right, treating people the way I would want to be treated - or the way they deserve to be treated if necessary - and connecting to what I believe to be true. No more living in a world of pretense - but living in truth!
And maybe that's your way too.
Just like you, I have also experienced extreme misfortune and bad luck. All my life really. And I do mean extreme, I'm talking here the sort of things that the few people I told my experiences to, all said "who is going to believe that"! I'm talking the sort of things that one hears about in the news, but that nobody normally experiences themselves. I'm talking the sort of extremes that make it a miracle that I am still alive.
I have looked for answers as to why this is happening, and why it's ongoing and not even stopping. I'm still looking for answers, but one thing I do know: this is not coming from the Creator. This is all coming from people, people who have subscribed to the dark side. People who are so evil that they want to extinguish the light of those who are not of the dark side.
But then I wonder - why isn't all this being prevented? Why aren't there guardian angels protecting me from all this? Why weren't my loved ones protected from getting murdered?
I haven't found any answers to this. Maybe it's to do with free will, and therefore evil people can carry out their evil deeds. This conflicts with me having free will too though, and me not wanting to be affected by their actions. I don't know. I just know that this is not coming from the Creator.
You do have the right to choose your own way, whatever that might be. Even in Israel, even if you have the most religious family in the world - no one can take that right away from you! It won't be easy, but you'll feel happier, free, and you will know that you are being true to yourself. It doesn't matter whether you choose to follow no religion, to just believe what you believe to be true, whether you choose in the end to fully return to Judaism, whether you decide another religion is right for you. To choose what to believe is a fundamental human right, even if that is so often denied nowadays!
Look at everything, ask questions, think things through. You'll find your way - whatever that might be!