Absolute emptiness

[ThatMan]

Last night, while being wide awake, I experienced something that I never experienced before, something out of this world, at first, I thought that I am about to die.

With few hours before I said to myself, tonight I am going to do it, reach the deepest deep into my own inner being, deeper than ever. When time was for sleep, I gave up this idea and I went to sleep, little did I know that I am about to experience the deepest deep even if I decided to not try something like that.

Suddenly I see this pure white and very dense snowflake in that blackness we all see with eyes closed. This snowflake took over the entire blackness, like a powerful flash of light, then I heard a very loud bang.

Here starts the confusion, I thought I am about to die, I started feeling like I am loosing my very own self, everything that makes me to be me was fading away, dissolving away as if it never existed in the first place. Even the "I" started to dissolve away, with the very last powers I thought about my family, then another loud bang.

What I am about to write now comes from looking back at the experience, there was no "I", the best I can describe this, I was like a sphere of awarneness that was floating into this void that was our world.

Everything that makes me to be me dissolved away, there was nothing left, no memories, no thoughts, no images, no emotions, no nothing. There was not even the sense of own's identify or the ability to identify the outside world, everything just was and it was emptiness, nothingness. My body looked like an object made of nothingness, I was seeing it but there was no connection between what I was and what this object was.

I became "EMPTINESS THAT DOES NOT EVEN KNOW ITSELF", being and not being, there was not even a point of reference that I could call, this is a point outside me, here I am, no, everything was like an ocean of nothingness. There was my body, my bed, my room, the outside world, but there was no way to say: "This is my body, this is an object, my bed, that is the outside world"; there was no "I" to say anything.

There was no time, there were moments when I was coming out from that emptiness, I was looking at the clock, hours passed, I had no recognition of such things.

In the very first moments ( I call them moments but there was no time ) of being dissolved away into emptiness, fear came and then it dissolved away just like that, so I wondered, where is fear? It should have been there but it was not, better said, it was nothing, absolute emptiness.

Nothing ever existed. Here is my body but no sense of my body, here is my bed, but no sense of my bed, here is my room but no sense of my room, here I was but there was no "I' to say "I am".

I don't know how this happened, it was a spontaneous thing, with few hours before I had in mind something like that, I said to myself that if I reach that deep I will experience absolute liberation and have it for the rest of my earthly life, but now I am back to the old self. Better said, I hoped that I will forever see beyond the illusion.

[Miss Hepburn]

Oh, I'm laughing out loud ...how fun you were able to write this out!
Yup. Been there!!!

[ThatMan]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Oh, I'm laughing out loud ...how fun you were able to write this out!
Yup. Been there!!!

It was wild, totally unprepared, a thunder hit me when there was no storm

Now I experience a severe state of depression, like never ever before, I read that some people, many of those who had a NDE, experience a severe state of depression. I feel like 10 buses hit me. I can't do nothing, totally stuck.

[Unseeking Seeker]

@ ThatMan ... your experience seems quite different from something similar (or perhaps not actually) I felt on two occasions ... formless consciousness expansion, encompassing all there is, everything.

However, no banging sound, simply wonderment! The ‘return’ was facilitated, since I was there and yet not there.

In my view, depression should not have followed ... something wrong here ... some hidden fear or inner conflict? Only you can best figure it out.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by ThatMan

Now I experience a severe state of depression, like never ever before, I read that some people, many of those who had a NDE, experience a severe state of depression. I feel like 10 buses hit me. ... totally stuck.

You wanna talk about it more?
Why do you feel depressed...let's look at that.
Is there a logical reason?
Or is it a mood that has swept over you and you don't know why or where it came from?
If it is the latter...you know, you don't have to 'stay' there.
And it will pass.

[ThatMan]

Originally Posted by Unseeking Seeker

@ ThatMan ... your experience seems quite different from something similar (or perhaps not actually) I felt on two occasions ... formless consciousness expansion, encompassing all there is, everything.

However, no banging sound, simply wonderment! The ‘return’ was facilitated, since I was there and yet not there.

In my view, depression should not have followed ... something wrong here ... some hidden fear or inner conflict? Only you can best figure it out.

I see, interesting, were you meditating or some spontaneous thing? Yes, that's how it was, but I can only talk about it looking back, I experienced this for about 8 hours, all the night.

Mine was wild, even though I already had so many experiences, every new experience finds me as if I just fell from the sky and have no idea what's happening with me.

Yes, the fear of losing my realisation, on and on and on the same thing, I can't seem to find a way to make me understand that you can never lose what you are, something that you never had, it is who you are. I think this is the trigger of that experience, the fear was so overwhelming that it reached a point where it exploaded and the experience of emptiness came. Well, this is why in the first place I planned to do something like that but I gave up... someone the experience came no matter what.

It's my greastest realisation, it changed my life...

[ThatMan]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

You wanna talk about it more?
Why do you feel depressed...let's look at that.
Is there a logical reason?
Or is it a mood that has swept over you and you don't know why or where it came from?
If it is the latter...you know, you don't have to 'stay' there.
And it will pass.

I know.. but I don't know, my mind can't believe the realisation that I have and it doubts it non-stop. So many experiences and here I am doubting again and again. I think it's the programming I inherited from my family and these mental patterns are so strong that sometimes I can't liberate myself from them though I know that it's all in the mind.

I believe this is why I had that crazy experience, I could not take it anymore and everything dissolved away into this absolute emptiness that there's no way to quantify it. After all, deep deep down, there's only space, nothingness.

It's fascinating how far we can reach into the very fabric of reality. I don't do drugs, don't smoke, don't even drink coffe, it's all within, so.. I write this only for those who are new to this.. there is a neverending fountain of power within one's self, pure raw power, there's nothing you can do in this life, it's simply incredible...

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by ThatMan

... the fear of ... the fear

Before I hear from you...this is it.
Fear.
SO, looks like in your core beliefs you would benefit from a rock solid,
unshakeable, unwavering trust of and in God, the Universe, the Divine...by whatever name you like.

When you know, with out a shadow of a doubt that whatever happens , wherever it happens is perfect and you are being watched over and are ALWAYS 'ok'...that's when depression and fear vanish...in the face of anything.

But, even if depressed -part of you knows it is for a reason and your acceptance of this
reason/lesson will make you more of an observer.

[ThatMan]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Before I hear from you...this is it.
Fear.
SO, looks like in your core beliefs you would benefit from a rock solid,
unshakeable, unwavering trust of and in God, the Universe, the Divine...by whatever name you like.

When you know, with out a shadow of a doubt that whatever happens , wherever it happens is perfect and you are being watched over and are ALWAYS 'ok'...that's when depression and fear vanish...in the face of anything.

But, even if depressed -part of you knows it is for a reason and your acceptance of this
reason/lesson will make you more of an observer.

I experienced that state of expanded consciousness, it was bliss, the universe is so magic.. imagine living every moment of your life being fully aware of the greatness of the universe, the life out there.. it's very much possible, I experienced this.

Yes, after my realisation, every hardship felt like a way to reach even deeper into my own being, you know, to bring out from within an explosion of creation. This is why my realisation is the greatest thing I ever "found". It frees oneself from the bonds of mental self.

Thank you for your great help!! I really know what you mean becuase you too have experienced that clarity and you can never forget it, even when you are in the valley of shadow of death, so to say.

Thank you!

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by ThatMan

I experienced that state of expanded consciousness, it was bliss, the universe is so magic.. imagine living every moment of your life being fully aware of the greatness of the universe, the life out there.. it's very much possible, I experienced this.
Yes, after my realisation, every hardship felt like a way to reach even deeper into my own being, you know, to bring out from within an explosion of creation.

Well, get ready to laugh a lot...because you know
things that will be digested more and more like seeds that blossom. (Or bubbles in champagne.)
Ha, I wonder if I could find my old thread from yrs ago about there's no difference
between us (humans, I mean) and the great yogies.
We have no restrictions except those we place on ourselves.


Deleted some ---sending you a pm instead :) Some things just sound too wacky to people! Lol!