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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Spiritual Development

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  #1  
Old 30-09-2021, 07:47 PM
asearcher
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way to turn off the sensitivity?

with the few loves in my life I have always been extra sensitive to their energies and I have noticed they were not as sensitive as to mine not that I would have expected them too as I always knew since childhood that I was just sensitive. I could just look at a sibling to know that sibling was sensitive too, even worse than I was.

Me being that sensitive is too what I think had caused a dependence streak in me, meaning their feelings came first before mine.

one time a religious person, priest told me I was very sensitive in a beautiful way, as if that is simply what I was, and I think at the time the priest was trying to protect me.

is there someone out there who knows how to turn down the volume on the sensitivity in a romantic relationship? I'm overall sensitive to energies. if and when I am connected to someone else, and a romantic partner I will be connected too, it gets even worse. it takes naturally a lot of energy from me
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  #2  
Old 30-09-2021, 09:38 PM
Lorelyen
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One way, which may not appeal to you, is immerse yourself into as much romantic stuff as you can stomach so that you become sick of it. Watch romantic movies, listen to romantic songs, read romantic poetry and novels (Mills & Boon are good for this). You may not get sick of it but you’ll see it for what it is – applied romantics. They don’t last forever and one hopes that appreciation, understanding, and an openness to compromise will take over when it calms down. Do lots of things together with a smile.

But another way is to look back on your own experiences, being VERY honest to see the turning point where prospective males? lost interest will desensitise you. It may make you slightly cynical but that’s often a by-product of desensitising. Ask yourself if your sensitivity isn’t leading you to build up unreasonable expectations, like the Mr Right you met might not seem so right when he’s handing you his soiled undies and socks while you're loading the machine. Just as men should regard women in the same way – the girl who’s terrified of her boy awakening to see her without make-up or with her hair in rollers or some such! I used to think that unless a guy and I can stand naked unashamed before each other then don't bother!

And know that most men are never in touch with their real emotions (it’s to do with upbringing at the point of puberty) so inwardly nod but don’t believe all the words. So deciding that you’re going to be a little more guarded will go a long way to help.

Hedonists often go the same way: SO much ecstasy they get sick of it and life, sex and self-indulgence turns into a search for ordinary life - although I believe that hedonism can have its place in spiritual development in its own right properly appreciated, just as an understanding of romantics can.

I used to be acutely romantic being a Leo but now I look for deeper things…
Good luck.
.
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  #3  
Old 30-09-2021, 11:43 PM
FallingLeaves FallingLeaves is offline
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hi asearcher

I'm uncertain if I'm talking to you too much... but you keep saying interesting things... Sigh...

lorelyn is right, sometimes the best way to get over a bad habit is to overindulge and make yourself sick of it. Of course you need safety nets though lol!

i have your problem too, but in this life I've covered it up with lots of chasing around after anyone who will even talk to me, trying to find words that will please them, and so forth. Just to keep their attention. And from your POV you probably know how that comes off on the other side... it is totally ineffective lol!

but really it is just covering the root issue... I've been through these kinds of lives enough times to know that whoever I've ended up with hasn't been good for me in terms of energy-sharing. I tend to end up getting lost in them and they usually don't much care about things that are important to me which means I lose myself. Anyway, instinctively, the only option in a very difficult life seemed to be to mix bulls and skunks... of course skunks have a spiritual life too though lol!
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  #4  
Old 02-10-2021, 12:03 PM
JustBe JustBe is offline
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If your highly sensitive like me, it can’t be turned down but rather it’s always a signal if self care and noticing myself in it. In my relationship I tend to lead and get clear when an entanglement opens up my sensitivity. So I look and notice why it’s there. I’ll address my part, till I’m clear.

As an example, recently I had to move through a deeper process, today sitting next to my partner I feel his internal discomforts. I knew it wasn’t mine, but I said out loud, ‘your really shaken up’ since I entered my process. (I’m very aware of my stuff) he replied. ‘ I really am’ I described his feelings and we talked. In my clarity my sensitivity helped him understand his part.

Many relationships become difficult for sensitive empaths, because entanglements or attachments create confusion and struggles if one party is not aware. Openness in both helps greatly. Truthfulness of feelings too.
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Your trials did not come to punish you, but to awaken you - to make you realise that you are a part of Spirit and that just behind the sparks of your life is
the Flame of Infinity.
Paramahansa Yogananda
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  #5  
Old 04-10-2021, 07:08 PM
asearcher
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Hi everyone!

Very interesting to read your perspectives on the matter, really, thank you =) I thought I had replied here before, but guess I didn't. Hopefully better late than never?

In my first relationship the boyfriend would tell me early on that he would always say what was his truth, that he was stubborn and that he did not think he was easy to live with. I remember thinking what kind of date is this? Is he trying to scare me off? But then I burst out laughing. And so did he. He wasn't kidding - about the truth-stuff. when he did give compliments he had a genuine way of doing it. Even if we thought different I knew where I had him, that made me feel safe.

But again - my sensitivity in the relationship - I was adapting, but honestly I did not think he was difficult to live with. Others would complain of his temper but I think it was because if he saw through you he saw through you. He could tell if someone had good intentions or not. It was more me who still would hope someone would change and have good intentions, but he would not buy it, still he would say "for you I will" to then later return and say he had been right. People would ask me to ask him of favors "as he wont say no to you" or "he wont be mad at you". He could get mad at me even if they did not think that ;)

it wasn't til the relationship was over that I realized I had let too much of his feelings rule.

When I automatically feel someone elses emotions it is as if my own is shut off. This why the only way I have learned to cope with this is that I need my alone-time, but in relationships when I have asked to have my alone-time it can be taken the wrong way. I've never known another way to cope with it. With my first (ex) boyfriend he would turn up on days when we had decided we would not see each other, and because I did not want to be unfriendly I accepted it, even if I felt a boundrie had been crossed. I needed my time alone. For some reason people has always said they can be themselves and be relaxed around me, even if I dont say or do nothing. And I wish I could say the same of any other people but I can't and I know it is because of this sensitivity.

The only one who did not have a problem with this was in a relationship with a psychopath.
To go from a truth-teller to a psychopath who would say such, to me over the top, romantic stuff I remember thinking is this for real? From what movie is this line? Then I would tell myself I was cynical and just because I had a failed relationship in the past I was now afraid to get my heart broken again and why I would not dare to believe fully the words. Then again who was I to talk? I may have done a 100 mistakes of how I expressed myself. Later,sadly, I learned I was to be right - they weren't genuine, they did not have any roots, it was just as superficial as his charms was, his image, his mask. But other people bought it. He could manipulate with his words. I never dared to tell him I had seen through him.

Especially during and after the break up - as he would send those still in contact with me - with messages from him - and I could tell they truly believed his words and felt sorry for him and even if they did not say it - it was as if I was the villain in their eyes. It was words like how great his love was for me, how he only wanted to talk to me, He had not started out that way. He had started out with an attitude as if he was my boss and bossing me to talk to him, but I wouldn't. Its like I knew how quickly he could shift.

What these other people did not understand - was my deep instinct of fear - even when hearing he would say such lovely things. I think it was because in the past I had at one time broken up with him (as to why I can't recall but thats because I still have memory blockages). He would get me back by sweet talking like that. I remember my surprise that he was not angry with me about me breaking up. Instead he was very much in control and would say it was his fault.

Then, some part into the relationship as I had returned - he changed. He went on to tell me he had not deserved me breaking up with him, that it had not at all been his fault. He would not let this one go/pass. It would return, and return. It was to the point that I did not dare to leave again, afraid of his reaction. There were other times as well, as he would say something that would sound sweet and kind, but it did not feel like that. It was as if I knew - when we get out of here , lets say we were at a party, and we get in the car. I knew he would become someone else in the car. And there was nothing I could do about it. But the other people at the party thought we were a perfect couple. That he treasured me. All the words the others heard - was loving. If I had done something wrong at the party to get negative attention, lets say I had by accident done something, he would react to me in an overly negative way, and then get his mask on - but I knew in the car. it would not be forgotten. Even if it was by accident. Even if I had said I was sorry before. you'll laugh if to know how futile it was. it was that I had by accident spilled, just a little bit, of something. That was all. I had not flirted with anyone else, I had not been drunk, I had not said anything wrong.

I understand it if other people can not relate to me at all when I say that even if I would hear nice it would evoke danger to me. As if no time had passed, very long time after the break up, he got notice of where I had been and reached out on his own and then through others, and it was scary to me as his words were the same as back then, as if no time had passed, and not taking any consideration that things may have changed for me, in my life. I am sure his had not stood still. I dont believe he would have pined after me all that time. I dont know why he came after me like that - but when he did - even those overly romantic words - triggered my alarm system. I just kept with the no-contact, no responce. And cutting for good people connected to him in any way out of my life. But to them - they were just nice words, no threat.

Those early days,weeks, months in a romance is like a minefield really, one is even more sensitive than what one already was before, and the getting to know you stage. I remember I could so easily get hurt or would not talk about what was wrong. I agree one wants the genuine, the depth, the reality and safety from that, that should naturally be arriving after the first stages of the romance when one is so careful.

I guess I have to find some way to set boundries, How to allow myself to feel the other ones feeling but not forget my own.

Thank you

Last edited by asearcher : 04-10-2021 at 09:06 PM.
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  #6  
Old 05-10-2021, 09:48 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is online now
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You need to use protection immerse yourself in a bubble of pure white light.
you also need to remember, that the feelings are theirs not yours.
you need to set boundries.for yourself which you will not cross. ay any cost

You can not keep taking other peoples feelings on as well as your own or you will burn out,
when anyone speaks to you remember the feelings you pick up are not your own. you are only responsible for your own feelings, not for others.


Namaste
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  #7  
Old 05-10-2021, 11:45 AM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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You give the answer yourself: you make yourself dependent of/on people that mean much to you, esp. a romantic partner.

People often do this when they lack inner strength due to low self-confidence, self-esteem and so on. Then you seek strength in the external.
So working on those things will help tremendously. It could even improve your relationship if you do this as it doesn't feel nice when someone is leaning on you. Unless he needs to be needed.
In any case, when you make yourself dependent on others as you lack inner strength you also develop strong antennae so you can constantly tune in to these others. That way you can anticipate what they need, how they feel etc.

Usually it's that or something very close to that.

So there's no need to switch off your sensitivity. That is actually a strength. You just need to learn how to channel it, for which you first need inner strength, self-worth, self-love etc. etc.
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  #8  
Old 06-10-2021, 02:20 AM
Unseeking Seeker Unseeking Seeker is online now
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Agree with Native Spirit Post 6
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The Self has no attribute
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  #9  
Old 07-10-2021, 10:52 AM
JustBe JustBe is offline
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Just as a side note. Empaths only have feelings stick when they hold within themselves a feeling that they are containing as the sticking point.

So if it’s sadness and you feel sad, then it’s a trigger to flow with that feeling, release it fully.

So empaths are both lucky or cursed depending on how you see this issue.

Everything reflected back at you is an opportunity to flow with your own feelings. Many empaths take up roles to manage feelings others are dealing with. Their is always a pay off in some ways.

You can’t run from what is seeking to be known in you.

Whether it’s about caretaking, being too attentive to others where by you become saturated in others painbody.

I’m a recovered empath.

In many ways this is being aware as an empath, the lived experience becomes the space to become fully present from within and come to know yourself. Not be overly entertained by what others are emitting, but rather recognising you, reacting and tending to that.

You can’t take on others unless your reacting internally and not dealing with you in it.

White light as native shared serves as a way to remind you to stay present in your own space. Tend to what is activated in you.
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Your trials did not come to punish you, but to awaken you - to make you realise that you are a part of Spirit and that just behind the sparks of your life is
the Flame of Infinity.
Paramahansa Yogananda
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  #10  
Old 07-10-2021, 11:01 AM
JustBe JustBe is offline
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In the awareness we are all connected, empaths actually can feel that connection but often it’s highlighting the issues you both have. You do have to learn to come back to you continuously and not shelve your feelings.

Shelving is common for certain sensitive personality types. But eventually you have to take it down and deal with it, otherwise it builds up and you’ll continue attracting the same types.

What your aiming for long term is space and awareness of the other, and you can decide in each moment what you need to be doing, saying from a place of authenticity.

The space between is the spirit flow of life that joins us and seperate us as individuals having their own personal experience.

The more space you give to relationships, the more you receive in positive ways, both of you.
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Your trials did not come to punish you, but to awaken you - to make you realise that you are a part of Spirit and that just behind the sparks of your life is
the Flame of Infinity.
Paramahansa Yogananda
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