Can "Knowings" change?

For years I have had this "knowing" that just hit me one day.

It was that I would be a mum but loose custody.
In real life I've been told I am a good mom.

In a relationship long ago I began to get suspiscious that the boyfriend was intentionally trying to inpregnant me and then it was by force and by confession. He did not want to wait as we had agreed.

Something else happened during this relationship. It was that all of a sudden as I had jumped into a car as he was to pick me up and we were happy I was suddenly in the future, as in a vision of the future only I was in it. I did not do drugs, had halluciations or anything else. In this vision his clothes changed from what I could see. I was looking behind in the back seat and it was as if I saw a baby there, strapped, safety. I could feel myself as depressed, and that he (the boyfriend, the father) was in charge. It always stayed with me as a super weird experience to have. I never told him or anybody about it. I would tell myself I maybe needed more sleep or glasses or something, that it was only a temporarily glitch in my mind. Never had it before. Nor after.

Later on, for the first time in my life, I began having what I learned is called panic attacks when I was coming out of the relationship when he was trying to pull me back in. I would in secret be afraid that the vision I had been in had been a vision of the future and if I went back that would be what I could expect. I never went back.It wasn't just because of the vision, naturally. We just weren't right for each other. I was very unhappy with him. The panic attacks died out on their own and I returned to normal but will never forget it.

Strangely what would happen in a future relationship is that all of a sudden, without provocation from me, us, our relationship, the guy heard something on the radio (we were sitting in a car, driving somewhere) and he said that if I ever did that to him (I think it was someone cheating on their partner) he would take custody from me (as revenge). Then two more times it would come, the same threat, that he would fight for custody, these two times when he was angry and with his temper at that point I learned almost anything could just fall out of his mouth, and he had to calm down first and then we could talk. These two times, just at the first one, had nothing to do with him objecting to how I raised a child or anything child-related at all. I was a stable person, I rarely drank and if I did, little, I took no drugs, I took good care of the baby. There was no need for such threats. I told him I believe we were both as important, both mummy and daddy and to please never say such a thing again, if and when we would split. ( the way his parents fought could not have been healthy and he copied it into our relationship I think as he figure this was the right way to fight? he was not like that as a dad.)

I brought it up with him how unease it made me feel. I asked him to be honest too, did he think I was a bad mum? And he went no, I was a great mum, wasn't that, and he never said it again. He would always say that he would not be the one leaving me. but he was set not to have me leave him, leading to such threats. It did not help bringing us closer, if that was what he thought. He has later apologized for having frighten me.

I still have that fear, though. It is just the same as when it hit me years back. Does "knowings" ever change? Anyone who knows? I had this "knowing" from young adulthood before entering any relationship.

I have bluntly asked the guy in the future relationship if he has ever threaten a girlfriend of his past the same way and he hasn't. I don't know why me.Almost like he could smell that was my fear. Strange.We had never talked about it before.

[John32241]

Everything the human mind can know is able evolve and be expanded upon.

The same is also true for beliefs however most of the time with those they stay rigid. For some reason we never consider there could be a bigger awareness about any belief we have.

John

thank you so John32241. I had this fear since way back and so I think it got stuck in my mind. I try to tell myself I have already been through it so it can't happen no more. Just old fear.