What are the benefits?

[JnaCK]

There always has to be a benefit in all that I do. What do I gain from doing something, anything? When I scratch my back, I relieve an itching back. When I eat something, I relieve a hungry stomach.
When I meditate, I find relaxation and peace. Without a benefit at the end of an activity, I would not engage in it. What would be the point?
To find happiness and comfort, I travel down many avenues in life, from material to spiritual ones. Light ones and dark ones. Some are wide open; others are like a tunnel. It doesn’t matter what kind; ultimately, they are all my avenues, not someone else’s. And only I can gain the most benefit from them. Nobody else. My experiences, my benefits, my growth, my life, my impact in this existence.
Someone once said that freedom of choice is the choice of either moving towards a purpose or away from it. That is similar to what I am saying. What benefits me most in life is finding a groove that leads to a meaningful purpose.

[FallingLeaves]

the problem i had with trying to get things for myself, is that after a while people started thinking I liked trying to get things for myself more than I liked having things. That led of course to various insanities, such as making sure I couldn't have things so that I could have the pleasure of trying to obtain them. And other stuff...

Of course I didn't see it that way at all, as it is absolutely awful to be made to chase around after things one can't actually have...

[JnaCK]

sounds like you were chasing after falling leaves. you can only get them after they lay on the ground for you to pick them up.