Lump in Throat

[WanttohaveFaith]

Lately I have been getting this strange lump in my throat feeling. It is specifically related to my writing - I have finished one woebegone, pathetic, not fit for public novel and am attempting my second draft on a much more promising one.

I got distracted by a man - might be a catalyst, I thought he might be a Soul Connection - and have stepped away from my writing for a while. I can't seem to concentrate on it. All I want to do is look up information about this process or kundalini or if what weird things I am going through are all related. I have made several attempts to get back into my writing, but fail to generate any kind of momentum.

But as it was at the start of my, let's be real, crush, I seem only able to write about him. Imagined scenarios should we meet, what would I say, what would he say, etc. It's like taking a daydream and writing it out, actually. But as I write these fantasies, I get this constant lump in my throat. It goes away should I read or do something else. But as I am even writing this now, especially when I typed the word crush, the weight on my throat gets heavier.

I have done some little research about it and the throat chakra is directly related to creativity and inspiration. It also seems related to being honest with one's self or getting to the heart of your own truth. I know you can't tell me what my truth is, I have to find it for myself.

Has anyone else experienced this lump feeling related to their own creativity? It's like an actual manifestation of writer's block. I've felt blocked before, but this is insane.

Backstory: I discovered this blogger, crushing on him, sent an email to his site weeks ago, no response. Feeling sudden signs of awakening related to thinking of him, tingling head, pressure around my head like a vice, disconnected feeling, varying between joy and despair feelings in solar plexus, pain in my lower back, now recently vibrating feeling in my coccyx, and my ears ringing and lump in throat.

Any advice would be appreciated, TIA!

[Uma]

If it's Kundalini-related then that's an energy block in your throat.

[WanttohaveFaith]

Originally Posted by Uma

If it's Kundalini-related then that's an energy block in your throat.

'Kay. Then what do I do? Does it not mean something then? I feel so silly looking to analyze everything, but I thought blocks in chakras meant something else. And does it mean something that I only feel it when reading or writing about him?

[LadyMay]

Originally Posted by WanttohaveFaith

'Kay. Then what do I do? Does it not mean something then? I feel so silly looking to analyze everything, but I thought blocks in chakras meant something else. And does it mean something that I only feel it when reading or writing about him?

You don't need to find a meaning for everything, just let things be as they are.

A block is a block, it will clear itself out in its own time. Just recognising it is half the work done because that means it's risen to the conscious mind and once it's there it can start to be released.

[WanttohaveFaith]

I've expressed my impatience a few times and maybe that makes me less likely to finish the process because I'm too **** impatient to let it be, let it go, Let God, fill in the annoying proverb here.

I wrote the guy an interesting anecdote, as my way of introducing myself. I wrote an entire novel based on a dream I had about him. I wrote little fantasies about his and my meeting. Now when I am writing or reading something I wrote about him again, I feel a lump in my throat. It is here now as I write this, but was not here a few minutes ago when I sent an email to a customer about something totally unrelated to him, of course.

I feel silly, YET AGAIN, Because I guess I am pretty silly. But how can I just not try to figure this out? How can I ignore the significance and just let it be?

*sigh* Maybe I'm too neurotic yet for anything to come of this...

[LadyMay]

What I most see in your post is resistance to what is. I know you can't help it for now, but I'd advise to learn to watch your confusion and take a step back rather than being drowned in it.

I would hazard a guess and say your block is about expressing/acknowledging the truth of your love.

[WanttohaveFaith]

Originally Posted by ScarlettHayden

What I most see in your post is resistance to what is. I know you can't help it for now, but I'd advise to learn to watch your confusion and take a step back rather than being drowned in it.

I would hazard a guess and say your block is about expressing/acknowledging the truth of your love.

Thank you for your thoughts on this. If your guess is correct, however, I feel I might be doomed to be blocked for a long time. While I am unwilling to fully accept that this man might be more than a catalyst, I am likewise too afraid to accept that he is only that. My fear of getting my hopes too high and my fear of letting go of all hope are warring with each other leaving me in this painful unknowing and uncommitted either way.

I am sorry, yet again, that I keep seeking answers where they can't be known. But again thanks for responding and trying to ease my crazy confusion.

[LadyMay]

Originally Posted by WanttohaveFaith

Thank you for your thoughts on this. If your guess is correct, however, I feel I might be doomed to be blocked for a long time. While I am unwilling to fully accept that this man might be more than a catalyst, I am likewise too afraid to accept that he is only that. My fear of getting my hopes too high and my fear of letting go of all hope are warring with each other leaving me in this painful unknowing and uncommitted either way.

I am sorry, yet again, that I keep seeking answers where they can't be known. But again thanks for responding and trying to ease my crazy confusion.

It will just take time, go easy on yourself.

[FairyCrystal]

Sorry, but I disagree. This comes up for a reason, this man came in your life for a reason, probably to trigger an issue in you, so you get confronted with it and will be inclined to work on it, to solve it. Just sitting back may work sometimes, but with serious stuff, it doesn't. Serious blockages or traumas don't resolve themselves by sitting back and putting your feet up.

You can try to work through it yourself. Start analyzing, ask yourself questions. Clearly an old trauma is triggered, from this life or a previous one, that has to do with you creating and you voicing your opinion, feelings, showing yourself to the outside world.
I think mostly the latter: letting the real you be seen.
What do you feel when you think about this man? Do you get jitters, insecurity, fear, ... , ... , ....
If it's fear: Fear of what? Being ridiculed? Yelled at? Hit? What?
If it's another feeling, analyze that. Analyzing will take you to the core of what it is.
And let's take fear of being ridiculed. Has that happened to you in this life? When? Just once, or several times? Try to go back throughout your life to the first moment you can remember you experienced that feeling.

If you can't work it out yourself, get a good book in on Inner Child work. Or have a reading/healing done.

The throat problems are not the core of this issue though. It's the result of an issue/trauma. The throat is also closely related to the 2nd chakra, which is also about creating. And sexuality. Sexuality is also an expression of Self. And reproducing is creating.
Just a thought... If your problem is related to expressing yourself, you may experience 2nd chakra issues as well (look them up).

Good luck. But by all means: act! Do something. This is not going away by itself.

[dryad]

Do you have a pattern of obsessional or addictive thinking?

The way I see it is that your obsession with this man is your block. Its holding you back from anything and everything else. Let him go. See it for what it is. A fantasy. If you accept that you will be able to focus on more useful things. Use it as inspiration for better writing if that is what you want to do. Don't write about you and him. Use the way you feel as inspiration for a new creation.

Releasing this may well reveal deeper issues as well. But first things first.

Also the awakening symptoms as you call them don't come from him they come from you. From your emotional reaction. the positive emotions bring your energy to the surface and the negative emotions stop it from flowing like it should. That's why you get symptoms. Because your both overcharging and blocking.

Also consider that if he ever does respond to your approach then holding on to this fantasy will either scare him away or make the reality a disappointment.