Spiritual Forums

Home


Donate!


Articles


CHAT!


Shop


 
Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.

We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you limited access to most discussions and articles. By joining our free community you will be able to post messages, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload your own photos, and gain access to our Chat Rooms, Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please, join our community today! !

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, check our FAQs before contacting support. Please read our forum rules, since they are enforced by our volunteer staff. This will help you avoid any infractions and issues.

Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 25-09-2022, 06:39 PM
asearcher
Posts: n/a
 
What do you think is worse, to dump or be dumped?

I've been in relationships where they caused the break ups and somehow it seemed as if I was the one who had it more easy moving on compared to them. They wanted me back in some shape and form unknown to me and then they really hit the harpoon with the I love you's etc, this a long time after the break ups. I did not want to.

I think what gave me strength was the knowing that Mr Right would never do that to me (leave) and so they were not worth having and that I had sold myself off too cheap. I did not know it so much then but their lives were as if they stood still while so much was to happen in mine.

I think in my past with my parents split up and my dad not being part of my life for years just made me cold and survival instincts kicking in that I did not want a weak man. I wanted someone to stay in the ring with me or I was better off without. That it was good I knew that now than later on.

I think the men who caused the break ups had their own baggage and I was someone too kind and too loyal and someone who could endure things I perhaps shouldn't so it was in a way I think too a blessing that they did what they did or else the relationships would have gone on longer and caused more pain than it needed.

When I have left a relationship I have meant it and I have had no regrets about it. Then I have done it for a specific reason/s and told my partner that so there has been no mystery as to why. Then it has in a way not come as a surprise as these have been issues we have had and struggled and not overcome and been taken too much of a tool on me.

I think because of the way I have been dumped, in a cruel manner and continues cruel manners for reasons I did not know as to why and when that was gonna stop (only convinced me even more he was no Mr Right, that was for sure), and me knowing you are always going to remember that, the humiliation part of it, that I did not want to do that to someone else and I haven't, even if I too have been hurt and angry.

Things has in the past been rocky in my marriage and I would wait for him to dump me when he was angry and him delivering all kinds of words but not them. He would tell me to not listen to him when he was like that and that he even had memory-loss, was so upset, of what he had said or not. He does not have that temper no more. I think he felt/knew somehow, that if he did dumped me that would have been final, he would not be able to get me back.

What do you think is worse, to dump or be dumped? Or maybe it depend on the relationship, the feelings towards the ex?

(PS edited this post above)

Last edited by asearcher : 26-09-2022 at 03:38 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 25-09-2022, 07:32 PM
Miss Hepburn Miss Hepburn is offline
Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southwest, USA
Posts: 24,948
  Miss Hepburn's Avatar
Both are so painful.
BUT the rejection from 'being dumped' triggers deep wounds from childhood and even past lives.
Oh my, it has deeper and longer effects, imo.
__________________

.
*I'll text in Navy Blue when I'm speaking as a Mod. :)


Prepare yourself for the coming astral journey of death by daily riding in the balloon of God-perception.
Through delusion you are perceiving yourself as a bundle of flesh and bones, which at best is a nest of troubles.
Meditate unceasingly, that you may quickly behold yourself as the Infinite Essence, free from every form of misery. ~Paramahansa's Guru's Guru
.


Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 26-09-2022, 03:46 AM
asearcher
Posts: n/a
 
Thank you for sharing Miss Hepburn :)

(deleted many many many words, LOL)

I think too we take our childhoods ghosts with us in our adult love life, it gets triggered, everything gets, it is not the same as in our other relationships. This how someone can have other relationships that are stable but the love life is going so and so. You either met someone with their childhood ghosts or you still have yours or both.

Last edited by asearcher : 26-09-2022 at 03:29 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 26-09-2022, 09:17 AM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
Master
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,062
  FairyCrystal's Avatar
Both are painful.
In a way being dumped is easier as you don't have to do it yourself so you don't have to make the hardest decision ever. Often you already know it's not working but lack the strength to end it, out of fear what will come next. So it's easier to just stay put in a dysfunctional relationship. Maybe even hoping, waiting, for the other to make the tough decision you can't make yourself.

I remember when I wanted/had to end my marriage... In spite of all I've been through in life, that remains the hardest thing I ever had to do. To rule over 3 other people's lives, and then my own.
To date I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy to go through the hell I went through to make that decision.
Went from fear, doubt, anger, guilt, strength etc. etc. Guilt being the most prominent one.

What most people don't see is that the one that ends a relationship loses the exact same that the dumped one loses.
I lost my dreams and hopes for the future, just as he did. I lost my hearth & home, my husband, my safety, my social circle. I lost my entire world.
NO ONE ever thinks about that. The outside world just blames you and can even go as far as saying, "Well, you wanted that yourself!!"
Really? I didn't ever want to divorce, that wasn't my dream & hope for the future! But his behaviour and refusal to work on it left me no choice. So I felt rejected on top of the rest of the pain.

So both are horrible, but I lean towards saying that dumping someone is harder. Takes more courage & strength & guts. To do, but also to withstand external criticism afterwards.
Maybe that's why many do the dumping the lame way? Via email, phone or just disappear, because they lack the baws to do it face to face.

Want to add to that... when dumped you get sympathy, you are entitled to hurt and cry and feel sorry for yourself and what you lost.
You get none of that when you dump someone and that makes it extra tough. As an example, I had to work through all the pain and what I'd lost -incl. hopes & dreams- by myself AND still be the rock for my children who were also in deep pain, confused etc.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 26-09-2022, 04:00 PM
asearcher
Posts: n/a
 
It's good you point that out and I've too heard of this right or wrong, black or white scenarios when the one who dumps get to be the villain except when I think there is the knowing that that person has left someone cheating, or physical abuse, then it is as if it is allowed. Mental abuse is still tricky and then it is as if everything is allowed as it many times is so hard to prove.

You can't do something else if the other person refuses to work on the issues, that is for sure, then it is a dead end street if you feel you have done all you can do and more. They have left you that way instead.They are just physically there and sometimes not even that. Some sinner wakes up too late but at least they wake up but some never wakes up.

Nobody really knows what is going on between two people, not even the two people at times. People "close" to the couple or former couple should not express themselves so much when they don't know but I know people are quick on their toes to chose side when a couple breaks up.

(deleted the rest)

Sorry just had to add this, as I thought about how you mentioned how other people reacted to you divorcing, being the initiative of it, that it is a shock as well as dealing with the people, the social life, apart from everything already being difficult.

This is in no way to compare as I was not married or had a surviving child/children with my first love, but I remember close in time after the break up that he would tell me in harsh words what his family, especially one of his parents, thought of my behavior. At the time he himself looked as if he had a serious hang over, so I don't know if he was one to talk.

I remember that our families and friends were all like what ever. That we were young. That this was no big deal. That there was no one fighting for us. Not saying it was their responsibility to do so. Perhaps people do not think you can love even if you are young. I had heartbreak but it was as if there was something strange/off with me for having that, because we were young, because we both had our whole lives ahead of us. I have later now looked back at that and thought that they were in one way maybe trying to help us (separately) but in another it was with the message that we - our relationship - had not been important in their eyes, and that this was normal in young adult's lives. It was as if too I was suppose to feel ashamed for having serious feelings of the break up and being serious. They did not take his drinking problem serious either. I think it was a time in my life when I was patted on the head as if I was no real grown up when I was. Our relationship had lasted years. We were almost always together and if not on the phone. We were like one family, he and I. I could tell lots of our friends had these short lasting relationships and go and get drunk on Friday and Saturday and we were caught in all that but it was almost as if we were the parents there, we could just share a look across the room, our eyes met, and we were so secured with one another.

I have thought that if a child of mine ever gets to have a young heartbreak that I will not minimize it. Again in one way I think they intended to help by saying such things, but in another it was as if they had not taken us seriously. I think a great love can happen to you regardless of age as long as you are an adult.

He was to save everything, photo albums, you name it, perhaps as a way to say, yes, we were once and we count/ed.


In the other relationship it was this ex that treated me badly in a way that was humiliating and scary, but his family and friends would treat me well and I think they were sort of shocked as well. I would miss them later on, but not him.

Last edited by asearcher : 26-09-2022 at 06:41 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 26-09-2022, 06:13 PM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
Master
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,062
  FairyCrystal's Avatar
I've been both on the receiving end and the one to end a love relationship.
It's never pleasant and always painful (I'm of course talking about a real relationship, not some brief dating or puppy love).

But even when on the receiving end... you know the connection wasn't good anymore. There are signs. I highly doubt it goes sour out of the blue without any reason whatsoever.
My last partner had been married, had a daughter with her. And when she had told him she was leaving him his world fell apart as he hadn't seen it coming.
I really couldn't believe it. It made me wonder what he'd been doing all that time, live in a fantasy world? So blinded by his own love that he didn't notice hers was fading?
Might be me, but I thought that was truly odd. I can't help but feel that if you're consciously aware & present in a connection you notice something has changed or is off.
Would that maybe be more of a woman's thing? Intuitively feeling, sensing, knowing. Like a woman usually just knows that her partner is cheating on her without having solid proof. We can just feel & sense it and are rarely wrong.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 28-09-2022, 07:55 PM
lostsoul13 lostsoul13 is offline
Master
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,625
  lostsoul13's Avatar
Both: reincarnation took mine away from me - I don’t see it as them dying just it was time for suspension- but I think after breaking my heart about reincarnation my self happening to me as well I couldn’t afford either…
__________________
Vampire speed..

Arabic first language (English)—- bear with me and please be patient)
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:13 PM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) Spiritual Forums