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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Healing

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  #1  
Old 01-10-2015, 05:36 PM
rhubarbrosie rhubarbrosie is offline
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Gratitude ~ free kicks on the poor widdle rich girl :)

I am working on healing a dysfunctional childhood, and have gotten a lot from Carol Look (she's on twitter & facebook) who emphasizes the importance of gratitude in shifting your own vibration.

If people could help point out to me ~~ gently ~~ the true advantages of my growing up without financial anxieties or harsh physical abuse, I would appreciate the help in expanding my point of view.

There was a lot of money around me growing up, but I was my mom's overeating partner by age 8, her drinking partner by 14, her drug partner by 18, that is, when she had time for me. So I started out life with a lot of addiction issues (cocaine equals mom and love? Uh no) and self-loathing. That unhealthy behavior has stopped now, just about...but I still have a lot of anger and sadness to shift.

For starters: at least she paid for an awesome education and I got out of college debt-free, right? That's a HUGE start on life, I should be grateful for that. And I wasn't physically or sexually abused, which is more than some women I've met can say :C

It's just very hard to love yourself, when nobody loved you growing up. It's like I don't know what that feels like if it's not white wine & a cigarette

.... also hard to hold my wound with compassion without taking it too seriously either!

thank you for giving my inner child some air time !
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  #2  
Old 02-10-2015, 06:20 AM
nammyoho nammyoho is offline
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Ohhh I'm learning a little on a somewhat similar note currently:)

I don't think it's that you have to be grateful for experiences you consider negative but it's more just really accepting that they happened in general that's been helpful for me. While I'm certainly thankful for what I've learned from some experiences, I personally wouldn't consider it necessarily healthy for a survivor of abuse to thank their abuser for breaking their bones or forcing them to learn to disassociate ya know? The simple fact that others have experienced 'worse' traumas in no way simplifies or invalidates your own experiences. It's like when parents tell their kids to finish all their food because a child across the world is starving. That doesn't change the fact that the kid is full and done. Both can happen at the same time.

I think the simple notion of hope has a lot to do with it. Ruminating on negatives often only breeds more negativity. For me, I found that focusing on specifically aiming to heal certain wounds still left them uncovered. Are you familiar with that saying about how muddy waters only clear once you let them sit? I think that's the only way to start seeing clearly. It seems you've already begun to try to shift yourself toward focusing more toward the positives and that's wonderful.

It's easy to tangle self-compassion with self-pity because they both involve focusing inward toward the self but when it all boils down to it, you just gotta be nice to yourself. I think this takes constant practice during steady times because practicing self-compassion during only moments of extreme self-loathing probably won't work well if you're not even nice to yourself on the good days. Some people find talking to their inner child to be healing. Some people find it, well...childish. You know you best and there's not one right way to love yourself.
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  #3  
Old 02-10-2015, 05:41 PM
rhubarbrosie rhubarbrosie is offline
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thank you nammyoho for your sensitive & sensible response. Am sorry you too have items to process from your past, it's not easy at times

I like your idea of practicing being 'nice' to oneself in times of less stress so the habit is there when times get rough.

Oh and just let me state I'm not trying to be grateful that my mom failed to emotionally nurture me; but I am trying to recognize that hey, things could have been a heck of a lot worse too.

I wish I could let the muddy water sit still a bit but fate has thrown me & my elderly mom together more and more. I didn't realize how angry I was until she needed me to take care of her ... something she never did for me. Made me very bitter & angry at first but I guess this is a healing opportunity. Luckily she still has all that money so she can buy a lot of help and does
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  #4  
Old 02-10-2015, 06:03 PM
Tanemon Tanemon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rhubarbrosie
If people could help point out to me ~~ gently ~~ the true advantages of my growing up without financial anxieties or harsh physical abuse, I would appreciate the help in expanding my point of view.
Let's see... I think you've been able to identify certain advantages. As you change, as you evolve, you will probably identify others.

You're new to the Spritual Forums (SF). It offers many opportunities, so wander around and read whatever threads intrigue you.

Life is about evolving, and as you evolve you naturally, effortlessly assist others to evolve. You may encounter special opportunities to help people with their life, their evolution. And you may find that something - some positive things - in some way developed out of your privileged circumstances has provided you an advantage in being able to help in these ways.

There are ways to work with and dissolve hurts, resentment, and feelings of lack. A lot of us on SF have personal healing histories that we've shared in various posts. You may find pointers to such ways or processes as you spend time on SF.

And as you go along, in real life (not just on the internet), you'll probably find role models who will help to fill in the gaps that you've recognized in you past relationship with your mother.

Your subject line almost suggests that you wanted people here to kick at you. No point in requesting or suggesting that (if this was implied). What's good here at SF is that, most of the time, people want to be honest, but also helpful and kind.
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  #5  
Old 03-10-2015, 06:28 AM
higherpower higherpower is offline
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It's just very hard to love yourself, when nobody loved you growing up.

I understand this so much. Its very, very hard. Something I worked on for years. Honestly it seems like i never really truly have an end goal in loving myself, as I'm always discovering myself in a new way, and thus have new ways to love. But its okay, just a little bit of love is good. I hope this makes sense.
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  #6  
Old 03-10-2015, 09:22 AM
knightofalbion knightofalbion is offline
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Then, dear Rosie, you have learned - the hard way - the meaning and value of love ....

You cannot change the past, but the present and the future are yours, to put your hard earned wisdom to good use.

Be a source of love. Send forth love and love will come back.

In the long run, your experience will, if you are wise, make you a far better person, partner/wife and mother - and, when you tie it in to spirituality, kindle your inner flame.

It is sad really, your mother's own obvious quest for love made her miss the greatest love that was right there in front of her ...

I very much hope you find love and happiness, as you are worthy of.
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If you set out each day to do all the goodness and kindness that you can, and to do no harm to man or beast, then you are walking the highest path.
And when your time is up, if you can leave the earth a better place than you found it, then yours will have been a life well lived.

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  #7  
Old 03-10-2015, 10:28 AM
rhubarbrosie rhubarbrosie is offline
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@Tanemon, what an interesting point that I wanted people to kick at me. I will think about that one. It certainly shows my mindset, that I'm kicking myself for not being further along. But also too it may be that I am simply used to people hearing "money" which in their opinion should invalidate any other complaint I might have

Vey nice to encounter a different reaction here. Thank you also knightofalbion & highpower, reading these responses does help in letting it go
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  #8  
Old 03-10-2015, 05:37 PM
nammyoho nammyoho is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by higherpower
It's just very hard to love yourself, when nobody loved you growing up.

I understand this so much. Its very, very hard. Something I worked on for years. Honestly it seems like i never really truly have an end goal in loving myself, as I'm always discovering myself in a new way, and thus have new ways to love. But its okay, just a little bit of love is good. I hope this makes sense.

I love this!:) I don't think it's fair to expect yourself to just wake up one day feeling whole. It's a process, like building (and maintaining) muscle.
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  #9  
Old 04-10-2015, 07:51 PM
Mr Interesting Mr Interesting is offline
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I've kinda chosen art as my way of keeping busy in the world and while it was always there so also to a certain extent was the fact of my humble beginnings which were illustrated to me by my father as an ardent socialist who incidentally had an awakening of his own long before such was a populist term.

Anyways it has always brought me into the world between worlds in the sense that I'd far prefer doing art with poor people but they simply can't afford to keep me in the way I like to be kept (I'm being over dramatic for effect here) so I have to go into the world of the rich to get the mullah.

And you know what? There's no difference whatsoever and it all comes down to simply carrying a burden or dropping it and deciding to enjoy oneself. All the rest is just excuses.

The thing is, and I just finished writing this somewhere else to, is that ones life is either built on sand or it's built on the rock... for starters, and if it's built on sand then no amount of learning how to build on sand will change the fact it's built on sand... so one has to find out what rock is.

But I'm, at heart, a builder... it's what I do. I understand structures and how they work. It's even in my bones somehow so I could build on sand... no problem, yes, special materials because sand is often close to water and they kinda exhibit the same fluidity but that's kinda beside the point.

The point is your problems are inherently no different from anyone else's except what you look at might be shinier, what you eat might be tastier and what you sit in might be softer but that, just like everything else, comes with it's own sets of challenges.

One simple route that pays no dividends is to look at duller things, eat blander food and sit on harder things but that's just merely changing the outward appearance and makes no real difference except tp be seen to be making a difference.

Nope, the simple fact is you are where you are and it's absolutely the absolute best place for you to be and so do what you can with what you've got and you'll know what really matters... it'll become obvious.
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