Can one "feel" the other one more?

My question is if someone has experienced being connected to someone (and they feel that too) if they feel it more so?

I used to feel it as in feeling an ex boyfriend's essence, personality, feelings.

At first I thought it was my brain playing tricks on me. That it was memory based even if it was no memory. It was never that I could hear his thoughts or any words. But I felt him. Not as in him touching me. Best way I can describe it is that I felt his presence, essence of it, within my mind. This could come at any time.

I knew if I spoke up about this I would be seen as odd, crazy or that they would misinterpret me and think I still had a romantic set of feelings for him. And I didn't. I was also hoping it would just go away on it's own in time. I did not know what it was.

He and I had been a couple for years. He was my first love. I wasn't his. He had overall been an exceptionally good boyfriend to me. There was one problem thought and it would get even bigger in time. That had been his drinking. It went overboard, he got addicted to it after a tragic incident which had nothing to do with me. Even when drunk he was a good guy. He did not flirt with others, he did not embarras me, he did not in any way pose a threat to me or anyone else. He was not abusive, not in words, not in actions.

There used to be some wild parties where he came from and my mom would always say that of all the people (in his family) she was sad that he was the one who got hooked. That to me said she had seen some stuff herself, and that the way the drinking was going on.

His family was sadly not helping me out when I tried to get him to Rehab, and his friends sort of ducked the bullet. I think for them all it was too difficult to grasp as we were all young then and partying, and besides, most of his drinking he did at home, with just me as a witness.

I was nervous to bring it up with him, afraid he would get mad at me and dump me, but he didn't. I think part of him was in denial (in fear) and another part of him knew all too well that I was right.

As far as his family was concerned my heart went out to them as well as I knew this was overall a nice family and they would have been embarrassed it would have to come to that - that he would have to go to Rehab. But at the time, in my desperation, I said the words to an authority within in the family "So you rather sacrifice your son then?". That was not received well but I don't regret saying it. It was the truth. I did not care what other people would think, as long as we got through this. But i never did care what others did think, people are going to think what they want anyhow. I only had my vision of the future, of us being married and having a family of our own and I was sick of watching what the drinking did to him, his body, and his beautiful mind, seeing it get worse and worse. I was fighting for him, but I guess I came off as the evil one, one to "Put him in his place", when that was not at all what we were, neither of us. I felt we were equals. We were close. We were like a little family on our own. I was either patted on the head, or I was looked as if I was some ruling girlfriend who had made him into a sissy. We would seclude ourselves when he stop drinking from family and friends and few friends did not understand. At the time I was forbidden to say anything about his drinking and him quitting. But then there were people he knew too that did not act hurt, but got angry with me because I tried to stop him from drinking. I know of especially one, who perhaps out of his own bitterness from his own failure of a love life, wanted to wreck ours, I felt a bad vibe coming from the moment i met him. And he was an intrusion. I did not want him in our home. I know he had it in for me, but my then boyfriend would just smooth things over, that guy also drank as if there was no tomorrow. He was the last thing we needed.

Finally my then fiance did quit on his own, which is not to recommend, and as far as I knew he stayed sober til around the break up, that could have been 6 months or so later .

He looked as if he had been drinking, had a hangover when he found me a day or so after the break up. A big fight then happened between us as I began screaming at him and telling him to go away, and in the end he began screaming at me too and then he left. He made little sense too. Later he was to tell me he only had glimpses of the evening we broke up, what caused it and it was not enough to remember. At the time I misread him preoccupied with my own feelings from the evening. I did not understand how that could have been. Today I understand how - there are studies shown that there is brain damage to the memory even such a long time after as 6 months, even if the alcoholic have been sober that long and acts, talks, replies, just normal.

His drinking was a secret and I never told anyone he was a drunk after the break up and I guess I hoped for his own sake he had gotten passed that, somehow. But there were these signs he hadn't, as he in periods out of the blue would start to call me non stop.

I did not know it then but he had saved my stuff, even my nail polish just where I had left it at our, later his (again, it was his from the start) place. It was this way for several years. And then he moved.

He would say to friend that he and I "were the same", and would continue to call me "my" and my name after even if he knew about him causing the break up and knowing I had moved on with someone else. He too would move on with other partners.

During the relationship he would make it sound as if he could see me even if I knew he could not (when he was at work and I was somewhere else) and he did not offer any explanation for that. And I didn't know what to think. He would tell me he could tell if I lied to him, because he could see me.

After the break up, he again, specifically one evening I remember, he was calling non stop from his home phone number and I was not taking it no more. I had drapes on from the window so if he or anyone else had stood outside they still would not see what was going on in my room. I had changed clothes and I was shifting a channel. I smiled at a joke a comedian made, that I had not heard of before. He would later report back to me that specific time in details. At the time he was sort of frustrated, angry and not quite sober and after I told him to please stop he was scaring me he did not say another word of it. He did apologize for scaring me.

He did too have a crazy period, which I blamed his drinking for and us breaking up (I was not doing too good myself but trying to move on), where he began to stalk me. It was then as if he had forgotten we had broken up, that he had caused it, and he would park his car outside my work or home, and tell me to get in the car, we were going home. His eyes looked strange. I knew something was off. As he began to act this way I was then afraid to get my own place and would stay with my first family who wanted me there, and then go to work, forth and back.

One point I warned him about the police and that I wondered if his family knew how he was behaving, but then he just laughed at me. If and when I happened to meet someone from his family that person just gave me a cold look and did not even respond the Hi, I said. As if the break up was my fault or something. I did not know what was going on with that family member. I had not done anything to this person. I did not know what to do with him. I did not want him to get in trouble either. I just wanted him to stop. And finally one day he did and then he seemed back to his normal self. About the drinking I didn't know if there were times he quit and times he was periodic. He would as if time stood still at times when he was drunk find or get my phone number from someone, somehow and again, call non stop, but then just be open and friendly, having already prepared a story of what he wanted to tell me. We would then hang up, and then few minutes later he could call me again and tell me the same story. There were times I had to be the one to guide him home as he could not find his way. I remember I put the rehab papers in his kitchen before when we had been a couple and told him to please look there and get help.

He would repeat that he could see me, at times when he should not be able to, and I don't know how that works, do you? Is it a real gift? I sort of also suspect he might have astral traveled, at least one to two times, but I am not really sure what to say about that. I have also one time been able to smell him, his favorite cigarette smoke in my own home, even if I know he has been nowhere near. I don't know what to say about that either as he was then very much alive. There was no break in or anything in my home, if I should now consider something so crazy that he would physically have been there in secret.

He would tell a friend he felt me a lot (and I did not feel him a lot, mine was more random) but his seem to have been more that he could see me? If he felt or saw me a lot, felt this connection between us, how come I didn't? More than just random? Should it not be a mutual thing?

First time when I thought OK there is something to this, it is not just in my mind creating memories, was when I for some time had felt him change his style, that he had more money "to play with" and had changed his image because of it. I did not know this, nobody told me. Then one time, out, I happened to see a glimpse of him and our eyes met. People has said all my emotions shows in my face and if I don't like something or someone I can't hide it. I kind of must have looked at him in a judging, harsh, disappointing way and then I looked away, and when I looked back he sort of looked down. I would afterwards complain to a family member that "who does he think he is" these days, before he was like Bruce Springsteen to me, now he looked like someone who thought they owned the world. Let's just say I had my own apparent prejudices at the time (I was young - can I please blame it on that?). This family member then met him out of random and told me to take a chill pill as did I not understand? That he must have thought when he got in that position (earning more money) that then he would be happy, but even with a new car, that she thought "he's not happy and now he doesn't know what to do". Later on I could feel him coming more into balance with his style and who he was, and I would say it was as if he combined two worlds. I was later told he had told a future girlfriend that all she seemed to care about was money (I bet he was just angry at the moment) and when she began talk about me (for some reason) he said that yes, she (me) was "at least not cheap!" as in his (poor) girlfriend having an expensive style, but that he found her cheap anyhow. I bet he was just unfortunately out to hurt her and using me to somehow do that, and it wasn't nice. We did not have much money when we were a couple, but we both worked and we both make a mends, I was happy with the money we did have and did not worry about the future or felt it wasn't good enough. It was more him that was at me to make a plan on how to educate myself further, that I was smart enough to do that, and that he too had plans to go somewhere. I could do that but I was also happy where I was. Anyways, that was the first time when I had felt how he had changed his style (to more expensive) that I understood there was more to it.

We had a short period after years of not having been a couple where we were seeing each other again but I found out I did not have a romantic set of feelings for him and had to call it a day before I could hurt him. I felt awful. After that we did not end as enemies. Out of the blue one day after years of silence he had written me a letter stating I was the love of his life, turns out something had happened to him and he wanted it said just in case he was to die or something like it. As I did not want to be disrespectful to my partner I could not contact him personally but had to find a way to go around him and still get a reply from me, and it - well it all felt wrong and stupid and not enough. He had before that at one point been to Rehab and phoned me to ask of my forgiveness and I thought this is what is in the program and so of course I forgave and wished him all the best and told him how proud I was of him to have done this. He knew at the point I was in a serious relationship, and I did not even ask about his current status. Years before now and then if we happened to meet we met as friends, and I did not think of him as the boyfriend as I used to think of him as, it was as if it was another life.

I don't know if he felt or saw me more because he had his regrets or did not get through all the stages one does after a break up because his drinking got in the way? He would talk about this extensively to a friend who was the one to tell me, I didn't know. I had thought I was alone in feeling him all this time. While my feelings for him had changed, he had told me, but I don't know if that is true, that when we began seeing each other again that to him I was the same and that he had always loved me. To him he said he was OK with us being friends or being a couple, or engaged. It sort of killed me when he said he had saved our rings. It had by then been several years after the break up and he as well as I had been both involved in other romantic relationships. He could have gotten good money for a ring, even, and I know there were times he was in need of money even if he never asked to loan from me.

[FallingLeaves]

it used to aggravate me, that i could sense my twin but she wouldn't actually be there physically. I felt like if I couldn't have her in my life why would I want to be always remembering her through feeling? Can't I just move on?

Another thing that comes to mind is I've always known if there weren't the acute distance between me and others, I would just get lost in whatever it is that they are feeling. And not have any sense of what I feel... even as it is I can kind of echo people back in small ways.

Anyway I think there are things like remote viewing, astral travel, stuff like that where you can view other people or places without actually being physically present with them. Again, I used to feel jealous that others seemed to have these abilities but I was bereft...

Hi, FallingLeaves, so you felt her that much, I can understand how it can aggravate you.

I don't know if my ex was my so called twin, I kind of goes with that he was not, that he was, is a soulmate. But regardless of what we still had personality traits in common and if we met, even as 2 exes or 2 friends or what ever, it was as if we just took off where we had left earlier. That we had a way of talking - that we were on the same page. I guess about a lot of things. But not all.

I forget who but someone wrote on this forum at one point that this connection business is when you two are on a same frequency, same page, when there are things in your personality level if I get this right that is, that is the same, same understanding.

Someone else told me that when we think of someone it is like sending a text message. I have 2 friends in particular who when I think of them they always get in touch with me shortly thereafter. And too has happened I step into a friend's dream.

Yes, maybe it was remote viewing he had of me then, my first love, and maybe a connection is not equally made, but the intensity he felt with it (that I did not know was that bad the friend told me) was his "own bridge" to me. That maybe one or he took for granted in a way that my bridge to him met him half the way only it didn't. I didn't feel the same way no more. Maybe it was our different personalities, still then, different kind of intensity? He often had a glow in his eyes, and when he walked he walked in a kind of more energized way.

He used to get the same look as a friend of mine got when the future visions came, and he did it to me once and it turned out to be true, but he never said to me I have visions. He was too someone very honest and very intuitive and sometimes it was as if he did try to cut in between with a line to someone but it fell off the melody, but he was right just the same. Lots of times he did it with me, as if he wanted me to feel better about myself or about a situation. He did not ever do it to my knowledge to hurt someone. And he also had that expression when listening to someone, as if he already knew.

I hope you can if you want to that is somehow make your bridge not reach out so much to your twin and to maybe realize that maybe you are more gifted in this area than your twin is, if that is now so? Do you have any idea? Have you two talked about it? I suspect today that my first love was more open or gifted than I was.

I would have liked to just sit down and have a word with him and finally understand for sure what was going on with him, but can't.

When we were a couple he told me he did not like a priest. So then that sort of threw the entire church overboard. After he had been through what I could see made his drinking much worse, he was angry with God if God now even existed to him, on that I was not clear on. I thought it was best not to talk about it. I sort of wondered to myself when we were going to get married if he would want it in a church or not, but I didn't ask. I did tell him my view and it was that it was no God making all the misery but the people and on that we had some argument as he then told me about all the illnesses then in the world and so on. I still felt he respected me if we discussed something even if we looked at it differently.

There was one time I remember when I felt someone I loved was in danger and it was just the bad timing that it happened as we were love making (so embarrassing) and so suddenly I said that person's name (luckily for me, it was not a man's name!) and sort of broke free (ok broke free, that sound wrong - I don't know how to put it, what ever we did it stop, not saying we did anything abnormal, we didn't) and I rushed to the phone. It was to me that instinct, that intense feeling that I knew from before - when someone was in danger that I was connected to. And I was right too.

Afterwards he sort of looked at me. And that when I thought I have some explanation to do. He would say I was all woman a minute before and then afterwards, I was like a little girl. I think I was back then afraid that anything like this was a glitch in the brain and that I would be accused of being crazy, and so I always tried to hide it as much as I could and besides I could not explain it and if and when I had turned to my parents they did everything they could to hush it down. I learned it was not to talk about. My dad was more open to it but he was by then out of my life. So I was sort of lost with this. This forum wasn't around in my life that's for sure. But anyways he wasn't judging me and he could see I was uncomfortable and so he shift the subject. He would tease me sometimes afterwards saying he better watch out what name I would be calling (I did not "call out" the name for Heaven's sake!) in bed. My cheeks would go deep red, I could feel it, he was just joking with me. He would also say that when I said "I'm sorry" it really meant "I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it", it didn't mean sorry, but that he didn't mind. He was gracious about it. He wasn't pushing me. Perhaps because he understood my attitude with any of these things he did not talk about his own experiences or his own openness or what it now was to call it by as well? One or twice I also told him "I don't want to talk about it", "You don't want to talk about it? Then we don't talk about it. Alright?".

And then another time I suddenly (also during love making to him, what was this?) saw those dark beings or what they now where around him, his back, on the side of his arms and I froze and could not believe what I saw, and then they were gone. I never dared to say anything about it to him.

Now when I think about these two incidents - could it be because our energies with our bodies while love making - got mixed up, which sort of opened my senses more? These two incidents has never re played any other time. It was weird, to say the least. And it was not as if I was doing drugs or drinking at the time. When i would try to carefully mention this to someone I was seen as a creep and as if we were up to some sinful actions instead of normal love making, and I had to explain that excuse me, we've been a couple for so and so long, and we're "normal" and we're engaged to be married, and that I did not have some secret disgusting fantasy going on, but only hoped to find an explanation of what I saw that time. I was worried about my then fiance. As he was doing dishes once the day after or so I would touch my hands on his arms and upper back and try to make it look like normal, and of course nothing was there. I could not explain it to myself what I had seen and why they had been there during our love making and only "feeding?" off him? If it now was not just a glitch in my mind but I don't think it was. Or something wrong with my eyes. And the way the room had been back then - it could not merely had been shadows or a lightning playing tricks on me. The way I think it was was that I saw with my other "pair of eyes" that I used to have when I was a little girl when I would sit up in bed and see those arms and beings reaching out for me before I could see with my "real" eyes again. At the time of our love making he had already been drinking more, perhaps to ease the pain of the difficult thing he was going through, it was already happening, and perhaps it could have been "beings" of some sort in the other world feeding off that type of energy? They did certainly not leave me with a good impression. All these years I have felt guilty about not telling him, and too when I was his I was afraid he would think there was something wrong with me if I did. After all I had already "called out" another person's name in midst of love making, he must have thought there was something seriously wrong with me if I told him this as well. It was not until later when told that he felt and claimed he even saw someone on his back not of this world, that I wondered had he seen then what I saw that one time? And what if that had a bad effect on him? If I had spoken up about it - would that had been better? He was right about the expression that he thought I turned into a "little girl", it was that instinct in me from childhood I guess, I knew I was not suppose to say such things and I guess I was afraid of rejection or being made fun of or looking at me as if I was crazy. That I would loose credibility. And just because I could not explain it - I was to later learn in another relationship (with a psychopath) that that could really get me in trouble. If I then lied and said it was because of something else - I would get in trouble for that too. I simply could not win. So it was best if I kept it to myself if I was to experience something. But even if I did that, people still noticed.

I think it is sad if he was that gifted or open (again what words am I suppose to use?) that I did not know more about it when we were a couple or even when we were just friends some years after the break up, as we functioned quite well then, as friends, or acquaintances (just because we had people in common and as we got along nobody made a big deal out of it and neither did we. It was easy then for me because I knew I had no romantic feelings of him left, and so that was how I viewed him as a friend or brother. I couldn't have cared less if he had had a girlfriend or wife etc then or not, we did not relate to each other as something else, or known to me at least).

The old memories of us a couple could have been stirred up while he was in rehab as I am guessing they talk about their past and I must have showed up sooner or later down the memory lane, that that could have been a trigger for him.

I would always notice that even if we were only friends that if, when we came in contact, could just be random, or through people we knew, that he would the next day or so try to reach out on his own, he always did that. And then I would have to take 2 steps back, and then he would still try but then also some time later take 2 steps back himself. I had to tell him more than once that I did not have romantic feelings for him anymore, it wasn't something I wanted to say, I did not want to remove his dignity, I wanted "chin up". Besides, I would try to tell myself he was this way "hunting" with not only me, and that he did not take it so seriously, "you can't blame a guy for trying". But mostly he was a gentleman and he was behaving just like a friend, nothing else, and we just did not go there (talking about anything romantic).

I have wondered if his drinking perhaps made him somehow more open to this stuff than if he hadn't been. I still don't know why the family even had him meet a priest or what that was about when he was younger. He just told me one day as we were passing the priest by (and the church) "You see that priest, he's evil". Now, that was surprising to hear. But still maybe for him still a mistake to turn his back entirely on the religion just because of one priest? But he would get angry if and when talking about God as he thought there was so much misery in the world and how could God allow that. And because he said himself people had complained about his temper when he was younger he would just suddenly not say anything else about it, or say he just got so mad he did not want to continue to talk about it. So I let it be. As my family were not actively religious either I didn't know what to say, and how to make him feel better. Even with the temper he said people complained about (and I too would hear people complain about it. People either loved or hated him and never in between) he was not abusive towards me and I could scream my lungs out if I wanted to at him. He wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't threaten to. He wasn't a sissy, but he wasn't loosing it with me either. He did correct me if and when I called him a name saying he wasn't going to stand for that, and there's the door. And you come back when you have something real to say. Just like that. I felt like a kid he was correcting. I froze that time. It completely shut me up. He never called me any names. I did not know it then but he had some pretty unflattering nicknames to his exes, and of course this was both immature and boyish and just plain stupid of him, I don't know why he had those, I heard one of those and told him he shouldn't call her (an ex) that. And when I asked them well what is mine then they all said you didn't have any and that, said one, was the problem "you were always "My" (followed by my name)". I don't know how I managed to escape without a nickname. If anyone should have had a nickname it was me. Perhaps it was so bad they did not want to say it, LOL.

He was to say that he felt at his best during his years with me, most stable, strong, etc, and this despite him developing an addiction like he did (that he partly was in denial about). Perhaps that is what he missed, it wasn't so much me - but maybe that young period in his life, and how he had felt those years we were a couple. There were lots of things in that period of my life that I liked too.

I was more grounded and more self secured of myself in a way when I was his and during those years. I thought we were equals but there were those that maybe because of his personality, again he was a bit more "glowing", "energized", that he cared more for me than I did him even if I don't think that it was as if many took that for granted, that they were sure he loved me the way he did, it was a special feeling he gave me, I guess in a way I felt stronger myself because of it, I don't know what it was.

[lostsoul13]

What can I say that hasn’t all ready been said? —- I definitely feel soulmates and twin- like you described-it’s an essence… it flitters around the encryption- and I can decryption it with my feelings- (it’s easily made out -like they were writing you a letter) I feel when something is going to happen & I have telepathic communication with them- this relapses into feeling or collapse into my feelings… remote viewing??! Clairvoyance ??! I can recall a few times I had awakened these subjects…. Mostly with the children and then flame- I’d have this let with my soulmate where she would talk out loud in public and we would have conversation from the distance- she still claimed this information- although me and twin were regular together and hardly apart- I enjoy the moment we were apart but hated them , at the same time—- it gave us extra ways to communicate; like by phone or email, social media… the children had a mobile also—- but we hardly used these statements… constraints to feeling (the good old -way) we got most of our information from the selfs- being manifested from the same account there were downloading and uploading of information- but the most needed information was we were here and there- together…I still couldn’t stop the sadness’ and longing of wholeness and being separated put a block in the way for us- I’d rather be one’ a wholenesses’ stuck in sandwich theory or a block chain of encryption from the environment of a singularity observer that was actually a whole negative and positive charged: as a flame- I couldn’t stop the brooding: If I hadn’t witnessed it my self - I would of rejected her.. that’s what it felt like…I couldn’t win- because I couldn’t get over the singularity observer- it wasn’t something I was comfortable with- I wanted to be there with someone else- my flame to be honest!!? But no matter the encryption said end to end it was a singularity- but however, my twin still manifested- so it can’t be all exactly a singularity… but more over a singularity that’s means there’s an actual reality on the single occupancy(brooding a flame- or there in the encryption where we are sticking our head out to time dilution-they are curled up at the end to end) that’s what it felt like when she appeared- she appeared from me- but things like death, separation (the atom term and human term) being thrown apart from both reasons-or losing one another in the kingdom…I felt dissatisfied and even though I was satisfied with the merging and the coming away from the self- I was worried how we’d be put back together as a singularity- where we would just hold on and go through reincarnation , until we found our real bodies’ and reincarnation into jumpers- teleportation… until it was achieved in the actual: achieving twin flames wouldn’t be maximised until that came into fiction-reality… where both would have been jumpers- resulting the spin on both positive and negative atom to jump and give cause to the damages that lay ahead with manifesting… prematurely… seems fair enough… so I was quite distraught but she would talk about the connection and I would understand because I had seen it my self manifesting… and placing back was just a time diligent-dilution…where the real atom hadn’t assembled in time fiction but had been poking their head out ‘so to speak’ —- because the changes of environment and encryption… we had rules and grew up together… nothing could surpass the judgment of twin flames - so we always took it slow- just being in the ‘now’ and enjoying each other- but I couldn’t shake the incompleteness of having a wholeness and then brooding a flame from the distance of pain - completely gone through reincarnation as a singularity that was whole - in context….but I still had clairvoyance with her and felt her broodingly…just I didn’t know how I was going to put my split atom back together—- but it seemed to take care of the connection it’s self:while manifesting- it was quite narcissistic… full story short we grew up together until she finally reach maturity and the self—- she came back in then by reincarnation—- I felt her spirit on me and the account- almost like she had left—- almost like only time had left not actually her… all along I was kissing the magic of time while still being whole- a lot came out of the shadows of the account: the children- and the children-children… and flame- and I have to admit as the self was reincarnated none had actually left the encryption- just time of them through reincarnation had left and would eventually seize back like dust settles… fusion…I couldn’t believe it when it all happened- I felt like the luckiest man alive—- this happened a few times- so I was use to the idea-and my observer was understanding of the friction and cause and intent… over all it was premature- I doubt they will be having time again- we spent years like this… it was a pleasure & I’m really a believer in twin flames since it happened- including the children- the connections were like out of this world—- if I wasn’t a believer I am now!!? It’s hard to explain but it happens all the time, we never know what’s going to come from the account especially with manifesting…

Hi LostSoul13, I am trying to follow you and your twin's story, but I am afraid I get a little insecure and mix it up sometimes. Are you mentioning that you felt your twin in past life too? Have you met in this one? Or is it this "only" (not so only that is) communication the essence etc?

As for me I for some reason don't think my first ex was my twin but in some other ways we fit and I had a very special feeling with him the years we were a couple that was just there, in the silence, complete peace, in a way, hard to put into words. Like a melody no one else heard.

Thank you for too recognizing what I mean - with the feeling of the essence of someone! Makes me feel not so alone in the description.

I also found it interesting you wrote about feelings and the encryption and decryption, as for myself my experience has told me that if I stay long enough in the exchange of feelings (when I only feel either myself in past life or through some sort of communication with a spirit that there is a knowledge in the feelings, words one can call it but stronger than that).

What I think my first ex could have had depending on the things he said and my experiences with him would then have been

-Remote viewing
-Dreams of me, knowings of me - before we met - knowing already then I was real (when we did meet he circulated around me like forever and was very careful on how to approach me. I was shy too so that fit me, had he come on too strong I would have not dated him just because I would get too nervous, I was like that then, somehow he knew?). He did not care too much of my looks like some did, and would tell a friend who said my looks had certainly improved (what a thing to say!) that I was always "beautiful" to him, he always treated me the same.
-Astral travel is something I suspect through various experiences but he never ever said he did any of that
-Visions of the future (looked just like my friend who would get those and his too came through even if it was not likely)

As a person he sort of stood out as he was simply himself and never bothered to try to pretend he was someone else. He said what he thought. He had a special energy to him, was positive and he had a great laugh, and for some reason he must have thought I was funny.

When people saw us together, even if he had a good hair cut and regular clothes on just like everyone else people judged him as a "bad boy". His own style in clothing was nothing that said Bad Boy, but I guess it was his face then? People were divided when it came to him - they either loved or hated him and never in the middle and I would overhear stories about him, when they did not know I was his girlfriend, or dating him, and it could be like "Can you believe he said that to me?!" "And can you believe he said NO!" and so on. He was sensitive to people he thought abused their authority or people who thought they were more worth than anyone else, they got right under his skin. He could easily answer back if a boss said something to him he did not agree with. He was very hardworking and work meant a great deal to him and he was very giving, helpful to those he liked. Children and animals were drawn to him without him doing anything in particular, he could just sit down in a sofa. He would try, I would notice, if coming into a room to make himself "small" and just sit somewhere. He did not seek to be the center of attention, but he had a sort of strong presence to him, you still sort of noticed he was in the room. I don't think it was so easy for him to "melt in" even if he tried. He would go to the moon and back for those he loved, he had a very loyal streak to him, and it was as if he could take a lot of "beating" and still be there.

I used to think I was "bad" when I was a child after my biological dad had left me with my parents split and my mom telling me I was just like him when ever she was mad at me. I would sort of shift from being overly polite to being "bad". I had a sweetness to me and an independent, rebel side to me, and my mom used to be amused that people did not see it coming, when I shift my mood. It was too when people tried to step all over me for their own selfish reasons or doing it to someone else, I was very protective too of others, and would then be strong, I was in all honesty not so strong when it came to defending myself, I don't think I thought I was worth so much, unless it was taken way too far - that was when I finally reacted in defending myself.

Because of his earlier experiences, he had had it tough, "bad boy", I think it got to him how he felt he had been treated by lots of adults and he did not care for them or what they thought but he had been too young to do anything about it, I think he felt the system had failed him, somehow. I get it now that perhaps it was his "bad boy", and his earlier experiences, and mine - that made us more close, that we were "alike", but I never said to him oh you're a bad boy or anything. But I do think we had some sort of affinity in that area, of having been judged as "bad" and that we didn't quite belong, but in different ways.

He was someone who automatically did a lot of good, he would help out in the society, in health care in ways he could because he felt it was the right thing to do. And he was doing that before we met and continued throughout the relationship. He did not overdo it but he was still part and active in something, so I would say he did care for others even if he did not know them.

[lostsoul13]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi LostSoul13, I am trying to follow you and your twin's story, but I am afraid I get a little insecure and mix it up sometimes. Are you mentioning that you felt your twin in past life too? Have you met in this one? Or is it this "only" (not so only that is) communication the essence etc?

I don't think it was so easy for him to "melt in" even if he tried. He would go to the moon and I get it now that perhaps it was his "bad boy", and his earlier experiences, and mine - that made us more close, that we were "alike", but I never said to him oh you're a bad boy or anything. But I do think we had some sort of affinity in that area.

Sorry about that—- the essence was there from the manifestation of the self (I suppose knowing I’m supposed to be with a flame, and from when she manifested-(I was trying to get into a avarta and there she popped out from the self/with the self(I could feel she was from my essence and we both had a knowing —- that we were flames… I spoke to her atom before we reincarnated and then we kinda grew up together and reincarnated from then on into old humans …into our adult self—- I was also her ‘bad boy’ and she was my side kick?! We were two equals of the same coin- the positive and negative—-if you read into quantum physics the theory comes into play - especially with fusion…

We adequately were each other’s twin : much like the biological twin where the person looks alike—- we could tell from the manifestation that it was from my observer ‘part’—- but I was getting on with going into a human at those times—- I had been spending time in a ghost -type dressing gown incarnation… but the buzzing of the atom was really itchy: and needed to get into skin… it was fragile…

I understand what you are saying… there’s always an heir in peoples essence—- I’m a double Scorpio and get the same attention at times: but with baby booming (and my own children that have manifested) I don’t turn my attention to people that are here… I have seen my twin manifesting and children…I know that’s where I belong… if I hadn’t seen it my self- I’d never had believed!?? Only I need to know that everything manifested ;but I’ve got the right mind in sharing my story because people are in similar situations-where their twin prematurely comes away with them -while distractions of a human avarta get in the way—- the whole reincarnation story is narcissistic—- and to know my twin manifested and would have to go through hell and back: like me… shows how bad we really are… how we put up with premature death and incarceration and suspended animations …


It’s great you feel that way and can describe another that way- but the whole brooding of reincarnation has me feeling the bad boy stereotype is just a game also for everyone who reincarnates? The amount of stick we put up with- and the amount of pain and sadistic incarnation of right of passages that predict the cause of death - than naturally has me rethinking my ‘bad boy’ present stigma and where it truest belongs….

"It’s great you feel that way and can describe another that way- but the whole brooding of reincarnation has me feeling the bad boy stereotype is just a game also for everyone who reincarnates? The amount of stick we put up with"

Thank you :) yes we do certianly have lots of stereotypes in our society and our own built in prejudice without sometimes realizing there are layer after layer to us all ,and all these layers are who we are. I never saw him as a "bad boy" myself but that is how he was seen by a lot of others I found out.

I think that I asked to look just the way I looked through my life, physically I mean, as I was then to learn just how a lot of people judge you from your looks even if you can't do a thing about it (oh well there is surgery but I would never want to go through that). It made me think about what is beautiful anyways and what is perfect? and that is when you realize we all got something working for us, and something else that we might not consider working for us, but someone out there likes it, LOL:)

They would also often comments on his eyes, but I have found that way with several that have some sort gift and that is what I could sort out on my dad's side, they had lots of p hotos of everyone and I began to take out the ones with the eyes and that was someone he was close to who had died before my birth and someone who used to have visions of the future and so fort and was very good at it. I did the same on my moms side, I just saw it in the eyes and I wish I could explain that, maybe I see something different than some others, maybe it isn't even the eyes. but anyways it might have been how he looked at people even if he was kind and he had a kind of explosive, healthy laugh to him, he genuinly seemed to like my jokes and we were teasing each other, a lot, to the point of insulting but we didn't get insulted as there was too much warmth in it.

i have been told i have warmth to me although i don't see it about myself, but if someone had warmth - it was him. When I was later on in a relationship with a psychopath I knew what cold meant. the home was perfect he looked perfect as in clothes and so on, what people was impressed by, he could go into any building with his charm and his education and people did not think he was dangerous, dangerous to me. Put these two men side by side and they would judge my first love as "bad boy" and they would judge the psychopath as a "good boy" and it was the opposite. In all the little things I would have flashbacks from my first love when he was unselfish and without him thinking about it, it was just him, and his warmth, not just to me but overall to other people, things.

one time i remember he called me, non stop, this when he was drunk and I took it in private away from the psychopath, and when he said, almost to himself at the end of the call "my..." and then my name after something inside me broke, as it was this sad echo from the past.

I only have a glimpse of the psychopath finding out about the ex even if i had not been unfaithful and i simply did not have romantic feelings left. I know it isn't right to compare two people like that, but as the psychopath stood out so much - he was not a giivng person, he did not want to give, he was only giving in the beginning and even that was staged. There was this strong resilient in him to give to someone .The slightest thing. Like holding a door open so I could pass, my first love would do it - always - on our way to the garage or wherever as we were just talking, he didn't think about it, I didn't think about it. Just those little things. And I think I missed the humanity, and the warmth that my ex represented (even though he was in trouble the way he drank) while I was living in this "perfect" looking world with the money from the psychopaths background and present that just did not effect me the way it did some of my friends. It was such a relief when I got out of that world. I can still get chills down my spine when ever things are "posh" and "perfect" as it reminds me of my days with the psychopath and how everyone just bought the image, bought the package. I did not have the self confidence to trust myself, trust my gut, the way I had before I got involved with him, and after.

I have sometimes wondered if all those flashbacks with my ex, when he did good things, like how he cared for an animal (again had nothing to do with me, did not have to do with me) when I saw how indifferent the psychopath was in return with animal, if not more, if it was my higher self sending them to me to let me know this is not normal for a guy, look at your ex, he did not behave like that to animals, or if it could possible be my first ex sending out messages in his own way to me. It confused me because I was 100% certain I did not have romantic feelings left for my ex, I was in love with the psychopaths false image, and it never ever entered my mind to be unfaithful. Still I have to say those flashbacks - they were like my life line, this rope I was holding on to as I was going through the darkness with the psychopath as I knew there was another reality, of beings that were not like the psychopath, of boyfriends who were not like the psychopath. I needed to still remember that. The psychopaths reality and my identity with him had become my own and it was killing me. I needed someone in my corner. The way it worked with the psychopath is that he pretty much controlled the people in our home, surrounding, and i too wanted to protect a few from him, overall i felt protective of others and did not want them too close, so in a way I was alone - and the memories I had of my ex was my strength that I was not alone. I would tell him he had to stop drinking and stop calling and I had to block his number (knew how to do that then). But those calls - it was as if he knew I was in trouble but not saying it, not to anyone. I have no idea how much he "felt me" but if he did - then he was the only one who knew I was truly unhappy and afraid and blue but trying to mask it. I gave up the way some others (the ones the psychopath invited into our reality) viewed perfection, and posh and his charm thought that would mean I was fortunate, happy, what the eyes saw. I gave up trying to become like them and feel the inside of me instead, the core, my heart. And I looked at things differently. It may have gone overboard as my family thought I was nuts when they found out I would take off jewelry the psychopath had given me (for show no doubt, he did not give unless it was for him in the end, how that would make him look, again - staged) and it would go in the trash or be found in weird places to put jewelry and they would say "but it's worth money!" and I was like "who cares, take them away from me". To me they were like dangerous snakes, I did not want them on my body. I wasn't his anymore even if he wanted me to keep holding on.

There is this video that Ellie Goulding when she sings "your song", the kind of warmth that is displayed in that video - that represented to me how I use to feel when I was in the relationship with my first love, what our home felt like, and as I was coming out of the relationship with the psychopath, that cold world, I could get tears in my eyes, easily, which I hid, if someone else happened to hold the door for someone else or for me, all those little things - I thought they were beautiful. It was easy to take it for granted. There are many worlds in this world, and I'm just happy I had had the experience I had had before with the so called "bad boy" - first love, because of the warmth.

[lostsoul13]

Originally Posted by asearcher

"

There is this video that Ellie Goulding when she sings "your song", the kind of warmth that is displayed in that video - that represented to me how I use to feel when I was in the relationship with my first love, what our home felt like, and as I was coming out of the relationship with the psychopath, that cold world, I could get tears in my eyes, easily, which I hid, if someone else happened to hold the door for someone else or for me, all those little things - I thought they were beautiful. It was easy to take it for granted. There are many worlds in this world, and I'm just happy I had had the experience I had had before with the so called "bad boy" - first love, because of the warmth.

I went to prison about 11 years ago for fraud and money laundering…. I understand the stereotype the case was in the papers and still is covering all over the internet… it was a 12million case- that’s how much we apparently made… I don’t remember much apart from living a nice life style- I was caught up in the game and hustling was all I knew… 4 others got sent down as well in our ghetto… I understand the pre notions that go with the stereotype… it’s great that other people saw it and you never saw it or it just fell out of the sky!!? Bad boys are great at hustling and getting expensive stuff - jewellery, hotels, chauffeur… private jets.. when I’m famous as a jumper and they chuck it all at me - I’ll be leaving it all behind for what I have know- homemade stuff and arts & crafts saved my life—- literally… I bake, cook.. and exercise more… then it was a fancy spar- while I can afford to take my self to a decent spar - the aim was to have a house or these days it’s build a house—- I want to really make home for my family for when they return but really these are all the things they missed- have been worth them missing… I know they could see me hustling…and my bad boy stereotype was when I fulfilled many avartas from a symmetry group—- I had the choice of the brood… brooding I was and my double Scorpio and heavy Saturn in my chart made I was sent to fail at first, what I can see through my reincarnations things get better—-I become more richer.. I suppose every one has the presumptively… things can only get better- and I see that for you also… you’ve learned a lot about the people here and what it’s like… you’ve learned that many of the men have a hustling ambitions… and it’s hard to turn the ego off—- and relax in to high paid job some CEO or director… i once made my own company selling internet packages for a bigger cooperation… things in the economy were hard but I enjoyed my pending… some how we went into dilution… these days investing in the stock market seems like everyone wants a piece same for crypto monies…. It’s hard to make a living unless I make it for a look alike- I few of my avartas look like celebrities but it’s just my symmetrical name - carly—- my avarta is broad and expansive… even tu pac… lol

I watched the song and I enjoyed it- they carved their names on tree - it’s something we’ve done.. in local castles grounds- near town I live..

Opening the door for some one or giving my seat for the elderly is all I have these days- everything feels narcissistic like the I HAVE to enjoy the self- and being a lone observer… I have to submerge my self into who I am completely… like everything else will follow- my stereotype ect… I don’t really care how people see me, but being a lone man - with a hustling generation… persuaded by a mixed race avarta than the darkness of a white man—- I’m not easily pressured…

What a journey you've been through, Lostsoul13. Thank you for taking the time to watch the video and enjoying it, yes, little things (a give of kindness and staying in tune of what is important really) means a lot.

[FallingLeaves]

I hope you can if you want to that is somehow make your bridge not reach out so much to your twin and to maybe realize that maybe you are more gifted in this area than your twin is, if that is now so? Do you have any idea? Have you two talked about it?

thank you for asking... honestly my twin and I have never actually talked, but it has been intense nonetheless. At least for me... bridges never worked with her and there has never been a chance at a meeting of hearts.

I no longer think I know exactly what is up with her, but, I do now feel like my life has its own richness apart from whatever gifts she might have. lol.