a handful of thoughts

[FallingLeaves]

you really don't remember
do you?

That or you are just teasing me some more...
but it would make sense
from what I know of you
that you might not
anyway if I've actually got a secret
from a you
I think I will hang on to it for a while
or two


Anyway, about her
she has been the best thing for me
since sliced bread
she did for me what you never could
and mostly without batting an eye

but does that mean we could be together?
I used to dream about that!

but now
I'm tired
of trying to fit
a big foot
into a small shoe

and I'm tired
of thinking people like me
that way
when they really really don't

and I'm tired
of trying to pretend
I can have what I can't

so while
I am really really grateful
to this girl
I don't even know
for things
she doesn't even know she's done
and love to sing her praises!

I really don't see
that it could go
anywhere
unless
I'm really really
underestimating a her

but it wouldn't be the first time!

but as to you
you've said
'if it is meant to be'
but I take that as
you being comfortable
with what you've got
lioness and all that
so
it will never be
'meant to be'
as far as I can tell...

so there will never be a
you and me
as far as I can tell...

so I suppose at this point
I could thrash around
for one of the others
but
this is weird,
this idea of
not having to have someone
all the time
and I might try it
for a time
unless my true love
who I was told isn't a lioness
after all
comes a fetching...

last I heard though
we were both being apathetic
each to the other
and I've got no reason
to change that.

by the way
I still wanna fly
high in the sky
(not your sky another one!)
but dunno
if I'll get killed
before I get there...
as I'm not even
into
trying to preserve
my own life!

and I don't always
choose exactly the right words
because
I don't always
know the exact right words
but I thought a creamy sunshine
without thinking of a sun
was more appropriate
kinda like your correction
to a me

as far as
needing space
well you choose
what you think is nice
I'll try not to
throw a fit
until tomorrow
late afternoon
lol!

[FallingLeaves]

i dunno
if I wanna go on
all this sameness
everyone hounding me
trying to tell me
that if I want what I want
I have to do
what I don't want to do
even if it kills me
and nothing for me
anywhere

'it is always about everyone else'

[FallingLeaves]

i dunno
noone ever wants me
it seems

so I have to want them
then they treat me like dirt
and finally I lose my life.

[FallingLeaves]

maybe I figured out
I'm not to be rid of you
this us just is to go on
more or less
the same
as always

or maybe I didn't.

who knows?

all i know is
one of the most beautiful moments I've had
was sitting
watching
as my mind just reveled
deeply
in negative thinking...

I really liked it, that day.

If the collective consciousness
wanted a me
I guess I could be bright and sunny
playful and happy
airy and beautiful
with the best of them

but since I'm sitting here
again
alone
and unwanted
and dull
and dreary
I might just as well do as I please.