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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 24-08-2021, 08:02 PM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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some universal law why get things one doesn't need,desire? and how it effects others?

for years i have had this minor problem that is not even worth complaining about. i hope nobody misunderstands me because it is not to gloath.

it is that in romantic relationship/s (only had few) the guy/s given me gifts over time, as a surprise/s, i would say especially the gifts are jewerly .people, especially women, has over the years asked, commented and told me that it is and so forth. like it is a big deal. i can see that other people treasure the jewerly more than I do and they know more about it than i do. I have explained that I'm not that into these things.my first family, especially mom, was frustraded with me when growing up saying it was a waste of time to give me any jewerly. I like it on others, absolutely. It isn't that. I don't know what it is. i've been afraid to wear it in case I ruin it too.

I have friends, and I especially have to consider few of them with this problem. It is like this stupid pattern - always - over the years. It is that they feel their partners don't buy them these stuff, they've tried to communicate their complaint about this different ways, and direct. Too if me and my girlfriends has been out on a shopping spree or what ever and the guys are to meet up with us my partner/s (Over the years, I am monogamous , LOL) has never said anything, even if i have bought just as much if not more, but the others start to complain and sometimes I think they are just kidding around but others one can tell it is a serious complaint.
I wish that I could remove my girlfriends pain, which is so real to them (even if not to me) and that they were the ones who would have been given the stuff and how happy that would have made them. It's like true bitterness coming out of them and I never knew what to do or what to say. I have felt like an ungrateful, spoiled kid and felt ashamed and tried to hide the jewerly and never talk about it. When to go to a party where we were all to meet up (a girlfriend and her partner and me and my then partner) I would be close to making it, only my then partner asked/told me to wear a jewerly given to me before as it would look good with the dress, and I then have felt stupid not to accomodate and wear it, so I have.

I don't get why I get things I don't need, desire- and they just don't and it keeps happening, all these years. is there like this universal law (spiritually?) that keeps happening?

Last edited by asearcher : 24-08-2021 at 09:10 PM.
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  #2  
Old 24-08-2021, 09:24 PM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
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You are not very Materialistic this is not bad and there are a lot of people like you,
I like my home to be comfortable but i am not house proud.

When i was growing up my mother had two sisters .both married to brothers who lived opposite each other.
One auntie had 4 kids the other 7 the aunt with 7 kids was very house proud loved her expensive ornaments and clothes plus jewelry.

the other aunt was untidy clean but didnt care for expensive things.

my aunt with 7 kids if i went there it was uncomfortable you couldnt touch anything when you stood up she was fluffing the cushions. she was very materialistic.

my other aunt her home was comfortable and welcoming she is the one who had more visitors.
so just be yourself.


Namaste
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  #3  
Old 26-08-2021, 03:54 PM
Ziusudra Ziusudra is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asearcher
It is that they feel their partners don't buy them these stuff, they've tried to communicate their complaint about this different ways, and direct.

Your GFs feel love when it is demonstrated through some kind of "material gifts". It is actually a part of our evolution and survival instinct. Males have had to provide physically and materially for their females and their off-springs to survive.
We see this pattern in our animal kingdom.
Females mate with the males who demonstrate their ability to provide.

Although times have changed and women can buy their own "gifts", the innate subconscious and even unconscious levels, women still crave those "gifts" from men.

Some men are just natural about demonstrating those natural instincts (these men are good at attracting, mating, and keeping their women) and some men are not.

Your GFs need to find males who can satisfy their needs, as it is impossible to change the male behaviors, unless they can understand the deeper reason behind their needs those "gifts" and can overcome their instinct.
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  #4  
Old 26-08-2021, 04:22 PM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Wow, thank you, Ziusudra, I had no idea, very interesting take.

when i was in a relationship with a psychopath as it turns out even he gave me jewerly but then i have to say the feeling of it was bittersweet because it was as if he gave it for show, i can't really put words to it. he was cheap and i remember one time he refused to give me just a piece from his dinner. and always he would not hold up the garage door so it would slam in my face. just those little things that i am sure he never thought of, when he forgot what his image was suppose to be about. He didn't wanna give, and I can't explain that in any other way. like it was heavy, like ugh, like don't-look-at-me. One time I had to ask someone else for help with something and he did it but then I asked again and before he did it he said I like to help you it isn't that, but why don't you ask your boyfriend? (as if strange he did not help me). That was one of the moments I got it. I think I said "Oh I'm sorry. He's been busy". I was always giving gift or money to say thank you to this other guy who helped me (just in a friendly way). But I remember I felt this grief when he just asked me. I felt foolish. But the psychopath boyfriend didn't wanna give to nobody, except of course if it was a new person, new person was special, then he was this peacock, but that only lasted for a short while ,then he was back with his ways. His show was over. Short-show. my family said they found the jewerly he had given me here and there in the garbage can, and had to tell me it was worth money during, after the break up. I couldnt stand them (the jewerly).

The normal ones, partners, had much thought behind their gifts, was not so much the price even if i did not want to think of the price. there has been times i have found out what it cost and felt it was way too much and i didn't dare to wear it . Too even in ways they did not think about it , like holding up a heavy garage door while talking so I could slip right through, or be sure i was safe when to suddenly danger was in traffic and he had to react, when they don't think, those things I treasure, very much so. just that generousity and protective instinct, giving. I remmeber something so funny as my latest partner when fixing up lunch boxes for me to have at work during my pregnancy - it was filled to the top, that was not eating for two, that was for 3. I couldn't eat all that. And he was like what do you mean? I don't want you to go hungry with the baby and all.
To just be kind. Very attractive indeed.

Anyways very interesting to hear the history of it and how it can still effect us til this day =)

Last edited by asearcher : 26-08-2021 at 05:20 PM.
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  #5  
Old 26-08-2021, 05:57 PM
asearcher asearcher is offline
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Hi Native Spirit, thank you for sharing this, God I recognise myself so much in this! the different homes you describe. I can't relax that much in house proud homes and those who are perfectionists, I feel in the way and/or afraid I will destroy something. It is so strange they can go so far in arranging a dinner party and everything has to be (overly) perfect and still even if I can see it with my eyes I can't appreciate it or feel relaxed on the inside.

Good you had that more relaxed - and more welcoming - aunt =)
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  #6  
Old 13-09-2021, 09:39 PM
lostsoul13 lostsoul13 is offline
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The materials are not so expensive here Louis Vuitton is just about 2months paycheck..Gucci and other designer retailers are similar-of course there’s expensively 100,000 * amount cars and luxury jewellery but you can really get real stuff for less than 2months pay..and still constantly get your return on it if your into shows like brokers and pawn shops...(you can pawn your items in for Cash) the life celebrities live is only for their millions house-I’m building a house and it only costs about 40,000 to build that will sell for 130,000- it’s quite affordable here...I wonder what there is to do but save up and buy these things when actually affordability is just around the corner, it’s great you like the minimalist look..I do too..I often enjoy the concrete mist/dust than put flooring down..the shabby look...I’m subconsciously needing to prioritise because I have over 15 children -the let provide’s for its self..but with twin flame I’m conscious about wanting us to be in luxury...at least minimalistic ... I’ve been lucky and had these things *(I’ve made a house, flat screen tv all from my mind when I first was born- having cans of beer isn’t to far to having a cubic link necklace or a car...I don’t desire much* and I desire a lot...having a healthy attitude is attractive and acting...I’ve made nice stuff, lived in luxury here, even rented luxury...drove around in chauffeured car etc it’s nice to know it’s there and in the mean time while your making your mind up for it that 100,000car is less than 10years away from saving on an average pay...gives you something to do.. when I could easily spend on mundane and not know where it went...you get what you attract and attract what you like..attraction is easy here,,it just takes a little bit of saving...
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  #7  
Old 13-09-2021, 09:39 PM
lostsoul13 lostsoul13 is offline
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The materials are not so expensive here Louis Vuitton is just about 2months paycheck..Gucci and other designer retailers are similar-of course there’s expensively 100,000 * amount cars and luxury jewellery but you can really get real stuff for less than 2months pay..and still constantly get your return on it if your into shows like brokers and pawn shops...(you can pawn your items in for Cash) the life celebrities live is only for their millions house-I’m building a house and it only costs about 40,000 to build that will sell for 130,000- it’s quite affordable here...I wonder what there is to do but save up and buy these things when actually affordability is just around the corner, it’s great you like the minimalist look..I do too..I often enjoy the concrete mist/dust than put flooring down..the shabby look...I’m subconsciously needing to prioritise because I have over 15 children -the let provide’s for its self..but with twin flame I’m conscious about wanting us to be in luxury...at least minimalistic ... I’ve been lucky and had these things *(I’ve made a house, flat screen tv all from my mind when I first was born- having cans of beer isn’t to far to having a cubic link necklace or a car...I don’t desire much* and I desire a lot...having a healthy attitude is attractive and acting...I’ve made nice stuff, lived in luxury here, even rented luxury...drove around in chauffeured car etc it’s nice to know it’s there and in the mean time while your making your mind up for it that 100,000car is less than 10years away from saving on an average pay...gives you something to do.. when I could easily spend on mundane and not know where it went...
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