best way to release trauma...............

[learning to heal]

Therapy today was so intensive and I'm really worried now about going back to the root of a lot of problems I have. We have touched the root and I'm scared it's going to throw me off balance when I'm doing so well....
It seems that a lot of things that happened to me in the past, when I speak about it, there is no emotion. Like I blocked it out, dissociated or something. As if it happened to someone else, not me. One of the things that came up last week was that my dad use to lock me up in the bathroom in the dark when I was little, if I'd been bad. But I'd completely forgotten about this until my course psychotherapy workshop weekend. And I remembered my dad use to do it a lot. But I can't remember at all what I did for him to do that, or how long I was in there for, or what I felt. I mean I can imagine I probably felt fear, unloved and guilty... but I don't remember. And the therapist was trying to get me to feel compassion and love for the child in me, and to try get me to remember how it was. But I couldn't. And then there is the huge diary event which changed my life when my dad read it and what he did and I got PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)from it at age 12. But now that I'm finally old enough and it doesn't affect me any more, I have to re-live it in order to release it.... and I'm really afraid to do that. Maybe I need to know or feel I have support around me before I take that step. Or maybe I need to be more aware that it's not going to be easy and I might relapse with eating stuff or self harm triggers etc and I need to put something in place to prevent this or feel secure that these outcomes will be dealt with a comfort system or something around me.. I don't know, am I even ready? But then... when can you ever be ready?

she said that my dad "beat and battered it out of me."
which he did physically when I was 12.

I just - you know, it's taken me so long to get to where I am...... and the thought of it all crumbling is something I'm not sure I can handle, but - I want to, so , so much to just get it all out of my soul.
I just want to break free.

So I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice for this journey I'm about to re-live. I have reiki level I,II and III but, I haven't done healing in a very long time. At the moment I'm very well, happy and loved. Things aren't stable as I'm still settling into new city etc and I'm looking at a new job and place to be moving in so, I am actually very worried how therapy and healing trauma is gonna affect me....
Another thing is I'm very creative and love writing and art and dance, even if though I go through spells of none if it , at the moment I find myself being more artistic.
I also re-started meditation and taken 15-20 mins for myself before bed, though it's been hard on what type of meditation I should focus on to help me.

Thank you so much for reading this.
Lots of love.

[Xan]

learning... A very effective method for releasing trauma without having to get deeply into the pain of it is EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques. You could look into it at http://EFTuniverse.com. This is an energy healing method that brings one into accepting and loving oneself despite everything.

Although it can be a self-help method, for long term trauma experiences like you had it would be best to work with a trained practitioner.


Xan

Hi Mate, you say you're , very well, happy and loved, that being the case i personally would not consider therapy, thats me though. All the very best to you...

I would say trust what your heart tells you. From reading your post what I hear your heart saying is that you need a break to rest in your life as it is now and to gather more strength before digging in the painful depths. It should be a cycle, digging in and then resting to gain more strength. Therapy does have its value but to push too hard when you aren't ready won't give you healing.

About meditation, there are so many methods but for example if you picked a mantra type meditation using OM you could try at the end of your meditation while your mind is quietest ask your heart how it is doing, what it wants...you might hear it then.

[Uma]

Hi Learning to Heal,

For what it's worth, I say go with your gut feelings and focus on the light. Reiki and meditation are wonderful practices to help with that.

Remember that traditional therapy is based on a physical science that says mind is the brain and doesn't give any credence to the reality of the invisible world of soul and Spirit. The therapist is using a therapy that is based on that false premise.

If it's working for you, keep it. If not, change it or stop. Contemplate what you intuit is best - or how much you trust this therapy or the therapist. Sometimes it is helpful to release repressed feelings and look at them objectively but traditional therapy doesn't know how to go beyond that, from what I've seen so far. THere are a few more or less enlightened therapists who do bring in brighter ideas, such as vision boarding, but they are hard to find and usually really expensive. Most of the ones I've met sound like your dad - locking people into dark rooms and leaving them there. I could be wrong, but there is a lot of incompetence out there (and the same goes for the alternative therapy ones).

There are alternative types of therapy that focus on the light and agree with the principle that what you focus on you become!! So if you are focused on darkness, you will only increase its power over you.

BTW I am studying psychotherapy, the traditional kind, but my intention is to change it and bring it out of the dark ages!

best wishes,

Uma

[Seawolf]

Hi! It sounds a little pushy imo to try to force a memory like that. If it doesn't feel right and your not comfortable, maybe you shouldn't try it right now? As I've been taking care of myself and surrounding myself with a lot of healing and loving influences, things just come up whenever they're ready. To me, healing is a daily process and doesn't need to be forced, but flows naturally.

[Silver]

I've become a proponent for EFT ~ ty Xan and others ~ as opposed to talk therapy, and I've been exposed to both. I agree with the other posters who say if it doesn't feel right or comfortable, abandon it ~ you can always choose to come back / or not.

[Xan]

P.S. There's a method in EFT especially designed for directly releasing traumatic memories. They call it Tearless Trauma, and people are quite surprised at how smoothly it works, after years of struggling with such painful issues.

This is the EFT Movie Technique, but again... for complex memories it's recommended to worked with a trained practitioner.


Xan

[learning to heal]

Dear everyone,

thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post.
I really appreciate all your support and advice.

I wanted to say firstly that the reason I am sort of "forcing" this, is because like Uma, I am also training in Psychotherapy. I am in my first year and we are required to be in therapy at the same time.
I have a very good feeling about my therapist, I feel like she is really pulling me apart in a way that no counsellor ever has before. I feel like she sees through me and know what to ask me. It's a very scary process, and my anxiety and fears were very apparent on my first post, but I wanted to say that I really do want to do this. I want to release these issues and I want to be free from them to be able to be a wonderful childrens Psychotherapist one day.
There is no better or right time to do it. I understand it happens when it happens, and I guess I am sensing that right now, it is gonna happen because it's been brought to the surface. But also it's been brought and not been open yet. Like a package. We've sort of peaked at it from tiny holes because I haven't wanted to open it, as I know what is in there all too well, along with extra things I've "put away" or forgotten, but I know.

I also believe that you do attract more of what you focus on, so I am aware that focussing on these things will make me feel pretty bad. However... this is why I want to find a way to do this in a secure and safe way, for me.
I'm trying to be very careful. I had my first flashback in over a year, last night. And it blew me off. Made me realise I am going to have to learn how to leave what I discuss in the therapy room, like find a way to not carry it around with me - which of course is very easy to say and much harder to do. I shouldn't be blocking it if it is coming, but I just need to know I will be able to still stand on my feet - if that makes sense..
I imagine a huge amount of relief from the awareness gained of releasing this. It's been affecting every single thing in my life, and I'm ready to let it go. To be free.

I will definitely try the mantra meditation suggested and I have started using art more so I will keep at that. Will look into tearless therapy and loving the EFT suggestion and will try add it together with my therapy :)
I got in touch with a Qi therapist today and if I volunteer for their organisation (a sort of therapy that presses on parts of your body whilst making sounds... anyone heard of it?) well I can get the energy therapy for free and I am willing to write about my experience of it working for trauma or not, as that is the volunteering they want me to do, to write about it so other people can read and learn and benefit from it too.

I am doing really well, and happy and feeling loved, but also I am more aware again, and I understand my needs and what works or doesn't work for me, so whilst it still may sound crazy to kinda throw yourself in a burning fire and "ruin" the happy feeling, I just keep imagining how there will probably not even be any fires in the end!!

"while your mind is quietest ask your heart how it is doing, what it wants...you might hear it then."
Will try this tonight too :)


Thank you so much everyone. Your replies have given me lots to think about
I will try keep you updated. When I see my therapist next week, I'm going to discuss all this with her.