My awakening

[misery-machine]

Hello source lights :)

I have been undergoing my awakening for about 20 years now and have slowly been clawing my way out of this body of darkness. I have always known that I was sent/put here to do something or accomplish something but still to this day I don't know what that entails.

Deep in my soul I know I am love & light from the source. And I have also discovered that I am a highly sensitive empath. But I also feel I have darkness clouding my higher self or true being. I am unable to meditate or undergo hypnosis for past life regression that I know is my key to unlocking my true identity and purpose. But after 2 qhht sessions I feel they were sabotaged by this darkness to further keep me enslaved if you will. All throughout my life has been inner pain, anguish, anger, suicidal thoughts and sad loneliness. On the outside i'm very outgoing, was popular in school, great in sports, helped anyone I felt was in need even if I suffered as a result.

My main dilemma is my inner rage about something deep seeded but I have no idea what it is that makes me so angry. I did experience physical and mental abuse growing up but I tried to heal those wounds through self destruction and profound drug use (psycadelics) which somewhat has led me here to this point in life.
I do not know why I even have anger because that's truly what I want to help eliminate so everyone knows the profoundness of the light & love from the source. Which is why I think I have some sort of entity or inner demon of sorts that is trying with all it's power to keep suppressing me. The anger is odd in itself almost like a lightswitch it gets turned off and on at random and I have no control over it. It's not a physical anger where I'm fighting or hurting anything but an inner emotional / mental one. So if anyone has suggestions for this debilitating issue, please feel free to reply with thoughts/suggestions!

And as long as we are being honest I might as well include the oddity which is my birth family lol.....
I feel no real connection with them, it's almost as if I was incarnated into the wrong vessel or the wrong family. I do care for them and love them but again something deep down says that this isn't right for whatever reason.

But with that not so quick intro lol.....I will say it's great to meet everyone here and remember : fate brought us all here to help all souls/entities to find love & light from the source!

On the same page,great username btw haha.

Yeah anyhow,have gone through 20+ years of drug addiction and had trauma in early life,as well as family didn't feel like family either.

The darkness and anger you speak of,is from the ego,ego loves drama and is holding onto past unresolved trauma.

Time to face the trauma and let it go,it's plagued you for far too long.

Brings these memories up,sit with them and ride them out.

Watch a sad movie,listen to a sad song,you need cry and have a big release.

If you can't do this yourself,find a safe person who you can trust and vent with,in order to let it all go.

It's build up of emotions and are causing blockages and continuing pain and distress.

Do some reading on how the mind works and the ego.

The ego needs release,the ego needs to reintegrate and take the back seat.

Good luck.: )

Cheers

[misery-machine]

Interesting Elabr8, I will give it a go and see what happens. Thanks so much for the reply :)

[Mitodin]

Dear misery machine,

I would advice therapy, if possible, to discover the causes of your inner rage. Look for humanistic or gestalt therapy would be my advice for your situation.
And in the meantime, I'd suggest that this inner rage may not be the enemy you think it is, but rather a misguided friend. Originally, perhaps at a time you no longer remember, it served a good purpose for you and helped you survive. Now, it is locked and no longer understands that the circumstances are changed. If you approach it as a suffering beloved to be healed, you may find that it is more willing to share its secrets with you. Our negative emotions, just like love and light, also originally come from the source and are as worthy of our love and compassion. It is only ignorance and absence of love that has them locked in darkness.

Having had some experience with past lives, my instinct is that it is not possible to be born into a wrong vessel or to a wrong family. They provide perhaps not what you want, or even what you need, but they do provide the ideal opportunity for you to work on something important for you.
I would also say, you needn't be to fixated on past lives to discover your purpose in this one. All the keys to unluck these answers are already embedded into your present life and are accessible in the heart when you learn how to listen. Such a discovery from the living heart will also be more alive and authentic than having to discover it based on events in the past.

I hope at least a little of this is helpful. If there is anything else I can be of service with, please ask.

Best wishes

Originally Posted by misery-machine

Hello source lights :)

I have been undergoing my awakening for about 20 years now and have slowly been clawing my way out of this body of darkness. I have always known that I was sent/put here to do something or accomplish something but still to this day I don't know what that entails.

Deep in my soul I know I am love & light from the source. And I have also discovered that I am a highly sensitive empath. But I also feel I have darkness clouding my higher self or true being. I am unable to meditate or undergo hypnosis for past life regression that I know is my key to unlocking my true identity and purpose. But after 2 qhht sessions I feel they were sabotaged by this darkness to further keep me enslaved if you will. All throughout my life has been inner pain, anguish, anger, suicidal thoughts and sad loneliness. On the outside i'm very outgoing, was popular in school, great in sports, helped anyone I felt was in need even if I suffered as a result.

My main dilemma is my inner rage about something deep seeded but I have no idea what it is that makes me so angry. I did experience physical and mental abuse growing up but I tried to heal those wounds through self destruction and profound drug use (psycadelics) which somewhat has led me here to this point in life.
I do not know why I even have anger because that's truly what I want to help eliminate so everyone knows the profoundness of the light & love from the source. Which is why I think I have some sort of entity or inner demon of sorts that is trying with all it's power to keep suppressing me. The anger is odd in itself almost like a lightswitch it gets turned off and on at random and I have no control over it. It's not a physical anger where I'm fighting or hurting anything but an inner emotional / mental one. So if anyone has suggestions for this debilitating issue, please feel free to reply with thoughts/suggestions!

And as long as we are being honest I might as well include the oddity which is my birth family lol.....
I feel no real connection with them, it's almost as if I was incarnated into the wrong vessel or the wrong family. I do care for them and love them but again something deep down says that this isn't right for whatever reason.

But with that not so quick intro lol.....I will say it's great to meet everyone here and remember : fate brought us all here to help all souls/entities to find love & light from the source!

Hi ... From one empath to another going through awakening , going through dark periods, going through madness!!!!!...... Welcome .

Originally Posted by Elabr8Aspie

On the same page,great username btw haha.

Yeah anyhow,have gone through 20+ years of drug addiction and had trauma in early life,as well as family didn't feel like family either.

The darkness and anger you speak of,is from the ego,ego loves drama and is holding onto past unresolved trauma.

Time to face the trauma and let it go,it's plagued you for far too long.

Brings these memories up,sit with them and ride them out.

Watch a sad movie,listen to a sad song,you need cry and have a big release.

If you can't do this yourself,find a safe person who you can trust and vent with,in order to let it all go.

It's build up of emotions and are causing blockages and continuing pain and distress.

Do some reading on how the mind works and the ego.

The ego needs release,the ego needs to reintegrate and take the back seat.

Good luck.: )

Cheers

Beautiful.... Just beautiful... That's all I can say... Thank you.

[VoicesofSpring]

Welcome here !
You got sound advices I think, so I will simply wish you to find healing and peace in your life

Originally Posted by misery-machine

Interesting Elabr8, I will give it a go and see what happens. Thanks so much for the reply :)

Up to you and no worries.

Here's a link,that may help :

The-work-review-prisoners-therapy-documentary-folsom-prison

[dream jo]

hi,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,