How do you know when you love a man as a man or as a friend?

[O]

4yrs is a good amount of time.
I would have to agree with Crystalsong, spend more time with them if you are still confused.
But imo, if you are not interested in the one physically at all, esp after 4yrs, he might just be a friend that you care for deeply. Nothing wrong with that. Sounds like a wonderful friendship, and sometimes thats even better. :)

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by CrystalSong

Actually......when we have sex with someone it releases chemicals and pheromones into our system which feel like love and we perceive as love - so sleeping with someone actually doesn't give us clarity because it RELEASES CHEMICALS so we're 'on drugs' so to speak and can't trust our heart as our body is having an experience based on those temporary chemicals and pheromones.

Research oxytocin - it will alter how you think about sex and under what conditions and why you will engage in it if you want to be in clarity and honesty with yourself.

I think you're right. Love is addictive.

[FairyCrystal]

It's not really about how you feel about them, but how you feel when you're around them.

There's a nice way to get more clarity that will take just a little time.
Don't think of these men for a bit, and visualize the right man for you. Best not go into detail, you just visualize a male shape, give it a colour if it helps. For me he's like the sun, light, but choose anything that works for you.
It's not about his details, like facial features, eye/hair colour etc, it's about how YOU feel around him. How does he make you feel?
Again, keep in mind that this the right partner for you!

Now you can continue visualising all kinds of things, for instance him taking you to dinner in a fancy restaurant, or the two of you going to a pub, or dancing or whatever it is you like to do.
Keep feeling, be aware of how this right man for you makes you feel.
You can also visualise while you do things for real, for instance while you drive to the supermarket or shopping mall. How do you feel when he's there with you in the car?
While you're cooking dinner for the two of you. You can even set the table for two. Put on some music you like and visualise him helping out with cooking and the two of you dining together. Light a few candles as well (for real).
I've done this last one, and it's amazing how I started to feel. I really put a wineglass, plate, cutlery, napkin for two on the table, lit a candle. I felt amazing! I danced while cooking and setting the table, he helped out here and there, we danced in between things, kissed, had a great dinner.

Having done that for a few days, my entire vibe started to change. I now know how I feel around the right man.
So why not do similar things, then you know the difference from how you feel with the right guy for you and how you feel with these two guys.
That will give you more clarity.

[Crwydryn]

Thank you FairyCrystal. This is a wonderful advice. I will try it and post about the outcomes. Thanks :)

[FairyCrystal]

You're welcome!
I know someone who met her husband that way within 2-3 months! They're now happily married with children.

[cress]

Originally Posted by Crwydryn

How do you know?
How can you make differences between liking a man and loving a man?
How do you know if it is lust, infatuation or real love?

I'm just asking these questions as I'm confused. There are two men in my life.
The first one, I feel warm when I think of him, I want to help him to heal, it makes me happy when he is happy, I do think I love him, I love spending my time with him but strangely I never thought of him kissing me, let alone sex.

The other guy, another friend of mine, I love chatting with him, I'm excited even when he likes my facebook post I posted because I knew he would, he is intelligent, he works hard to make me laugh, to teach me things about life, and with him I felt those butterflies, and I do want him to get physical.

But then my mind say none of them would be my perfect match. But is there such a thing at all? This sucks a bit as I don't even know what I'm asking.
Am I in love? Or Do I love them both as friends only?
Sorry for the lot of questions but I'm still learning to realize different kind of loves.

I am not an expert, i'm still seeking for love too, but here's an advice from my experience. I've been in nearly same condition as you.


If i were you, i would choose the first guy. He makes me happy, i want to help him heal, and in my case, he makes me feel special. I never thought of him kissing me either. I never think i ever fall in love with him, no butterflies, far less excitement than the second one. Many months later, he told me how he adore me, and how we at least should try. This thought linger in me and i'm start comparing with another guy i'm close to.

I hate this feeling, and why i wont give him a chance? Do my chance with 2nd guy is great?

By any means, i don't want to have a rebound love, but why not giving a nice guy a chance? he makes me happy!

Talking about deep inside, i know you feel both might not your perfect match. But while waiting, you might need to add some life experience (using relationship), knowing other person more and all. Maybe he's in your path to teach you something.


just my 2 cents.

[O]

Originally Posted by cress

Talking about deep inside, i know you feel both might not your perfect match. But while waiting, you might need to add some life experience (using relationship), knowing other person more and all. Maybe he's in your path to teach you something.

just my 2 cents.

I agree.

@Crwydryn...You know that they are not your perfect match. You answered your own question. But, that does not mean that they aren't in your life for a reason.

I dated someone yrs ago that I knew from the get-go that it wasn't meant to last, but that there was a reason for it (for us meeting and being together at that moment) and I still do. And, I still cherish that experience to this day.

@FairyCrystal...I've heard of that type of visualization before. Interesting.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Olivia13

I agree.

@Crwydryn...You know that they are not your perfect match. You answered your own question. But, that does not mean that they aren't in your life for a reason.

I dated someone yrs ago that I knew from the get-go that it wasn't meant to last, but that there was a reason for it (for us meeting and being together at that moment) and I still do. And, I still cherish that experience to this day.

@FairyCrystal...I've heard of that type of visualization before. Interesting.

Possibly, it's working with the Law of Attraction. If you do these things consistently, it changes your vibe, opens you up to people (and men of course), it shows you how you (should) feel in the right relationship.
In my case, I had sort of lost track of what the benefits of a partner/relationship would be. The added value so to speak, other than him putting the bin out once a week and fixing the fence instead of me (LOL).
Doing these visualisation made me feel again what the added value is. It helped open my heart again.
I'm not there yet, I still have some resistance. But working on it. And it truly does help!
The ONLY bummer I discovered from doing this ... I started to really really really really (did I say really?) miss a man in my life Because it felt so d***** good, and feeling what it is like to have a man in my life, made me acutely aware of what I don't have at the mo.

[O]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Possibly, it's working with the Law of Attraction. If you do these things consistently, it changes your vibe, opens you up to people (and men of course), it shows you how you (should) feel in the right relationship.
In my case, I had sort of lost track of what the benefits of a partner/relationship would be. The added value so to speak, other than him putting the bin out once a week and fixing the fence instead of me (LOL).
Doing these visualisation made me feel again what the added value is. It helped open my heart again.
I'm not there yet, I still have some resistance. But working on it. And it truly does help!
The ONLY bummer I discovered from doing this ... I started to really really really really (did I say really?) miss a man in my life Because it felt so d***** good, and feeling what it is like to have a man in my life, made me acutely aware of what I don't have at the mo.

Yes, LOA.
I've also heard that it helps to ask for it or better (if you are ready for it). Even if you are currently in a relationship, you can state for that person to be all of things if it is for the greatest good of everyone involved. If not, to bring you that (your visulization) or better in someone else if need be (if that is what you want).

On missing it and being made aware of what you dont have....perhaps that awareness was an important step for you? ((Hugs))
But at the same time eventhough I do understand your sentiment, I think that all of that (those feelings), we already have within us. We dont need someone else to feel those things. You did it all on your own when you were visualizing, no?
Therefore, you can feel like that whenever you want to without a man in your life, if you so choose.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Olivia13

Yes, LOA.
I've also heard that it helps to ask for it or better (if you are ready for it). Even if you are currently in a relationship, you can state for that person to be all of things if it is for the greatest good of everyone involved. If not, to bring you that (your visulization) or better in someone else if need be (if that is what you want).

On missing it and being made aware of what you dont have....perhaps that awareness was an important step for you? ((Hugs))
But at the same time eventhough I do understand your sentiment, I think that all of that (those feelings), we already have within us. We dont need someone else to feel those things. You did it all on your own when you were visualizing, no?
Therefore, you can feel like that whenever you want to without a man in your life, if you so choose.

Yes, you got that one right, haha. Indeed it was an important step for me, as it was what I needed to experience. I had resistance concerning a relationship and couldn't think of the added value of one anymore.

It is a bit of a weird one. We're supposed to get to where we don't need it anymore, and in general that's where I am, but if that was enough and utterly fulfilling, no one would get involved anymore? So there has to be something extra, added value, for people to want to get involved. Yet if you start longing for that, you have to be able to give it to yourself?
Isn't that a weird kind of loop?
I guess the healthy line is being able to be happy on your own, lead a fulfilling life, not needing someone else for that. So it is really just the icing on the cake.
I want that icing! LOL. But I know I still have little bits of resistance to work through still.