The Love I Never Knew

[Shivani Devi]

Hello everybody.

I joined this forum back in November, a belligerent child who only wanted appreciation...who only wanted respect and acknowledgment for my work in the paranormal field as well as hoping to find another devotee of Lord Siva I could pour the contents of my heart out to - because that was all that was in there.

I was pretty much a loner, a social misfit, a nerd and a total misanthrope with regards to anything and everything else. God was God, man was man...God was love and man, for the most part was just plain ridiculous. Yeah, I couldn't understand any of this 'love of human/humanity' thing, even though 'Love of God' seemed to be some kind of prerequisite for it and without Eros and Philos, there was no Agape and vice versa.

After all the drama and heartache in my life, I came on this forum for 'spiritual stuff' and never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever think that 'spiritual stuff' would include me falling totally, madly and wildly in love with another person - after so long, I didn't think I even had this in me anymore and after so long, I realised that love is something once experienced, it can never be forgotten.

For many years I tried to push all these emotions out and fully purge them, thinking I no longer needed them for any purpose...thinking I was 'over the hill' and 'too old for all this stuff'...yeah, since about the age of about 40 on and for the past 12 years, I haven't been with a man in that way...I rarely thought about it, even though it crossed my mind from time to time.

Now, I find a man who loves me and totally accepts every little thing about me...the good and the bad. He has been approaching other people to get the best advice on how to reach my heart and touch me inside - little knowing that this whole act is what does! It's like Cyrano...

So, people will read these threads and go 'what happened to Necro?' and I don't need to answer that one. They are asking if Khallianen and myself are an 'item' and if we are both in love and each other's Twin Flames - yes we are - it took me a while to come round to this and to drop the big protective, defensive wall of 'I have no emotions', but David proved to me, in a rather big way, that I do and that I was capable of loving people as well as loving God - so no matter what happens, I will never forget this.

So, romance is afoot on SF and I never thought I'd live to see the day, but here we are.

I don't know what's going to happen now, but I am taking it one day at a time and each day is better knowing that he loves me too.

[Robinski78]

Lovely sentiments Necromancer... So pleased you found what you never expected...

There's little more needs saying...

Robbie....

[Theophila]

That's beautiful, I'm happy for you...
Thank you for sharing , it gives hope ...

[Shivani Devi]

Thank you to you both for your replies and kind thoughts/words. <3

I am fervently praying this will reach the eyes of the one it is intended for, but I just have to wait and be patient for how ever long that takes, knowing that it also may never happen.

Sometimes it's also best to keep thoughts and emotions to oneself if you realise there's no way they can ever be reciprocated, even by the mere expression of them.

Love is the most confusing emotion I have ever known! - do I talk or stay silent? do I respond or hold back? do I wait or carry on regardless? do I think of myself or the other person? I am always having to do a double-take of myself...of everything now and I don't like this...I'm really uncomfortable with this...

I'll just go with the flow here, but the future sorta rests on this.

[Khalli]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Thank you to you both for your replies and kind thoughts/words. <3

I am fervently praying this will reach the eyes of the one it is intended for, but I just have to wait and be patient for how ever long that takes, knowing that it also may never happen.

Sometimes it's also best to keep thoughts and emotions to oneself if you realise there's no way they can ever be reciprocated, even by the mere expression of them.

Love is the most confusing emotion I have ever known! - do I talk or stay silent? do I respond or hold back? do I wait or carry on regardless? do I think of myself or the other person? I am always having to do a double-take of myself...of everything now and I don't like this...I'm really uncomfortable with this...

I'll just go with the flow here, but the future sorta rests on this.

My Love, I do not want you ever to hold back.

I'll share something with you from that journal I've been keeping:

7/7/16 Wow!! Things have gotten awesome. I got in a convo with Necro on the forums. Was just regular stuff then She posted a science theory on Brain-in-vat. I was fascinated by this, a woman interested in science! Could this be the equal I always wanted in my life?

That is when I decided to surrender to the attraction I have felt for you for months and opened up. I knew then We are connected deeper than just being an item.

So, people will read these threads and go 'what happened to Necro?' and I don't need to answer that one. They are asking if Khallianen and myself are an 'item' and if we are both in love and each other's Twin Flames - yes we are - it took me a while to come round to this and to drop the big protective, defensive wall of 'I have no emotions', but David proved to me, in a rather big way, that I do and that I was capable of loving people as well as loving God - so no matter what happens, I will never forget this.

So, romance is afoot on SF and I never thought I'd live to see the day, but here we are.

I don't know what's going to happen now, but I am taking it one day at a time and each day is better knowing that he loves me too.

When I read that I was jumping with joy and my heart was racing. If I had replied right away. considering at that point I had been up nearly 23 hours, and wrote what was going through my mind I would've broken a few rules.

Oh yeah romance is alive and well. Also remember our talk about the tiger being out of the cage? I changed my desktop background as a reminder:

[Shivani Devi]

That is so beautiful!

I'm just up and around for ten mins, but I'm going back to bed...either with or without you. :)

You are the one who is going to teach me to have patience where many have hitherto failed.

As I was drifting off, I was reminded about the 'spiritual lag' that exists between dimensions.

Sometimes I'll ask my guides a question, only to have it answered a week later because they didn't receive it 'til then.

I asked my guides how to deal with this...

They said to take the fact I am a day ahead of you quite literally and they also said that it takes some people days to respond to some things because they need time to think and put it in the right words.

You fell in love with me for who I am and right now, I am not being who I am or else I would still be talking about science things, kundalini, Hindu things, doing my sadhana (spiritual stuff) and whatever else I have been neglecting since falling for you and I know you wouldn't want it this way.

I probably won't be on again tonight because I should have rested up before now and each time I cough, it feels like I have been hit across the back with a baseball bat and I scream...I'm just going to drown my sorrows in codeine linctus until I don't care anymore.

Have a beautiful day/evening my love and I am glad you read and replied to this.

Goodnight, my heart.

[Khalli]

Goodnight My love!

And really do get some rest, I'm not going anywhere.

Necro- I have noticed a changed in your posts. Not the content but your "feel" in them. You seemed a lot calmer, confident, a lot more at peace, wiser, and loving. Now I know what happened!

Khallianen- Nice job on scoring one with one of those hot Australian accents!

[Khalli]

Good morning My Dear, I hope you are feeling better today.

[Khalli]

Originally Posted by life.love.regret.

Necro- I have noticed a changed in your posts. Not the content but your "feel" in them. You seemed a lot calmer, confident, a lot more at peace, wiser, and loving. Now I know what happened!

Khallianen- Nice job on scoring one with one of those hot Australian accents!

Yes, Her voice is very sexy!

But the real score being in love with Dianne has been unlocking and expressing my emotions.

On a public forum no less for all to see. That is something I have never done before or thought I could ever do.