Is there something else I can do?

Thank you very much Lostsoul1, supersweet of you, really.

He was very changed when I left him after his weight-insults. one time I wore something on me that I have never reflected he liked, and he said "Why do you have to tease me like this? you know I love you in that - why you have to wear it? Its like you just do this to say to me Hey, looked what you had, and now you are never going to get it back". i swear that was about the less most sexy thing a person could ever think of wearing. it was kind of shocking to hear anyone would think that of that piece of clothing. I remember I thought he has really lost it now. He needs to get to hospital and get an x-ray?

so now all of a sudden I was receiving creepy compliments. too i never thought he for real thought that I wore anything to send him a message. I answered that I weight the same, you know. There is no difference to me. I wear what I like. Not to please you.

thank God I'm spiritual. Even if they are not with me physically, in the flesh, my mom and my grandma they are apart of me as I am of them and so is my daughter. We have lived isolated life style. one time out in public someone I knew just saw me and came by and we just chat for a bit before the person left, and he , my childs dad said "even here people know you", as in liking you. as if he was trying to keep me from that somehow. I didn't comment.

someone I know has asked if he ever rejected me, had lost interest in me and I had to say no. Someones I know have experienced that and I feel sorry they have and about that I get the point. May even think I am spoiled that way. That I shouldn't take it as bad as I have. Not complain about it. But it has been more than that. Lots of control-ways of his that I never said a word of to anyone. He himself has used that as a reason too, said he always desired me, that he did not think it would take the consequence it did, that he did not wave that in the picture but then how could you not? who can not tell in advance that if you put down someones body that they will not just love to be seen by you naked no less. does not take a genius to figure that out. It's the way he did it, said it. If he had had respect for me he would not have done it that way.He had more respect in his voice long time ago when being worried that I was underweight (out of unhappiness that had nothing to do with him then).

worse part is that someone with such need for control has not handled this all well, doesn't want it. the more the craving for control steps in the picture the less control there is as enough is enough and then the need for control gets even worse, so that's bad, hoping it will change. I felt so let down too because I was thinking the therapy was maybe working. I saw positive signs I couldn't believe, he had let go of the control of other aspects of life. Then came that one. It had just moved from one area to another, that's all. About me, of course. Had been better if the other way around. I'm thinking if I'm the trigger then I have to remove myself. And why he can't just see that. It isn't about love anymore.

When he gets into his control freak moments he is stressed out, frustraded and then not taking in anything I say. He is typical like that when he has to delegate. when one does it has to be done his way and he will stay and make sure it will and if you happen to do something not to his liking he will let you know where (if) you have done an error and plenty of times there has not been any error, not really. After that, that moment, he is sorry. I have after, calm, tried to replay what he has said and asked how he would feel if it was done to him. He's really insulting your intelligence when he is like that. I'm most definitely a trigger for his control-freak-self to take over. he is different, better with others. Typical. Before I took the blame for it thinking it was my past or thinking I had failed to make him feel enough loved or thinking I just wasnt good enough, that he wasn't making that up, that it was true. But then I noticed that other reflections on me, work, family, friends, even child's school, teachers - they were not the same as his in their view and treatment of me and without them knowing it it was a strenght to me. Still is.

I remember I had wondered if he would do a pay back about me saying I think we needed to split (before the therapy), that I worried about that once the therapy session started, and was surprised he was going to let me off the hook so easily. I could understand if he changed throughout as in not finding me attractive no more, but then he again confused me by then getting torn up about it, not wanting to accept it.

I think I would have had more patience if he had agreed with me before to go to therapy. I was then not thinking of leaving him. I was not as run down then. For the longest time he tried to tell me we were fine, that it was me, that I was so sensitive, that if I wanted I could go into therapy alone. He wasnt taking me seriously. I again and again asked him to please let us get help, that there were things between us we could not solve ourselves.

[lostsoul13]

Your independent young woman -why wouldn't people know you...seems you've moved on a lot...I'm sure somewhere your hard work had payed off.. at least you can tell your self not to be in that situation again, you would know the warning signs... you probably can engage in higher activities than the average person because you know the cost of these things...nothing will make it correct or right apart from you knowing the warning signs and when to leave if your put in that situation again..which I hope you won't be... These things happen and the people seem normal but it's a hate on hate world and society doesn't know how to deal with it... The best you can do know is be there for your daughter...A nice strong mother.... The most I understand is best to explain it as waking up...I woke up...to a different perspective and understood the reasons I was putting my self in that situation...I had to forgive my self and my self-esteem...thought provoking...