Why interfaith marriages do not work?

[Lilyth Von Gore]

Interfaith relationships can and do work. I dated a Christian 4 years ago. I was Pagan, still am. We broke up not because faith got in the way but because we just fell out of love with each other. I've also dated an agnostic and a Wiccan. It does work.

My husband is Christian, I am Jewish. We have been married for under a year but together for two years. My husband is my soul mate, so sometimes your heart/soul chooses someone for you :) Does an interfaith relationship potentially cause extra 'stuff' to worry about and sort out? Sure. I would say we went through a period (before marriage) while we were engaged where we had a lot of disagreements over certain topics. Overall, I feel this was a great learning experience for me and also a lesson in compromise. It's difficult to sometimes come to terms that no, your kids won't only be your own background and your own religion (personally for me, and I know most Jewish people would feel the same, however this feeling is by no means exclusive to Jews as far as I know), but at the same time, I got over it eventually. I realized that religion is secondary to how I want to raise my kids, which is to be good people. My husband and I shared the same views on our goals in life, the overall role of religion in our lives, the importance of family, etc, and share many other similar social/political views, and considering how much we love each other, it didn't cross my mind to just step away because of a different religion. I first I just wanted it to be *my* way, but I am so thankful that I ended up changing my mind about that, because while I learned to be more accepting of the religious environment my children would be exposed to, I also became way more open and tolerant myself. I think having traditions and learning from two religions is a wonderful thing for kids AND adults, as long as everyone keeps an open mind! The only case where I see interfaith as being a bad idea is if both people are very religious and/or one or both are unwilling to compromise.

[noxlumina]

Depends upon how committed you are to your respective religions, and if the religion is one that tends to have exceptionalist or exclusive ideas about its practices/beliefs. Issues of identity can sometimes be wrapped up in religion.

My parents are a "spiritual not religious" secular Jewish woman and a "spiritual not religious" man of Christian origins. But my mom still had a strong sense of Jewish cultural identity and a strong identification with Jewish causes and issues, and still does, and ultimately this is part of why the marriage didn't work. But it didn't work for reasons that are more cultural/ethnic. He didn't understand, for example, why she wouldn't want to live in Saudi Arabia (where he almost took a job), and didn't "get it" about anti-Semitism.

She is now married to a man of similar secular Jewish origins, who is an agnostic or atheist, who is equally committed to Jewish cultural and political issues.

So yeah - I've seen religious couples make it work - but make sure that *even if you're both converted to a new religion, or you're both non-religious* - you have an understanding about the baggage that may come with each person's religious background. And respect each other!

Of course interfaith marriages can work, if you love each other. I have a Christian who married a practising Muslim in my family and they have been happily married for 25 years. He goes to the mosque, she to church, no problem.

[Yaakov001]

I am an Orthodox Jew. Granted, if you read some of my other posts you will note strong familiarity w/ Christianity. My wife is Lutheran. It works for us. We respect each other's right to be different. It's really that basic.

[Moon_Glow]

My mothers family is all Jewish and my father's father was a Baptist missionary who translated the Bible from language to language.

They have been married 30 years and I was raised with the most loving and accepting family (both sides).

It can work it all depends on who you are marrying. My parents are both more "spiritual" than religious - neither of them have practiced for any part of my life - they both claim to be "burnt out" on the religion thing from having so much of it forced on them during childhood.

My mom was also the only on in her family to NOT have a bat mitzvah... she's a bit of a black sheep.

As a child though I was told that whatever I want to learn about they will support... it gave me the opportunity to really search and learn about all religions/philosophies without having a cultural bias.

[coelacanth]

I'm the child of an interfaith marriage - my dad is Catholic and my mother is Jewish.

In my view, religious issues in marriage arise not from people being of different faiths, but differing in their level of zealousness for that faith. A fundamentalist Christian is going to have more trouble in an interfaith marriage than they would in a marriage with another fundamentalist Christian, for instance. This is especially true if the partner is similarly zealous about their faith and does not want to compromise, but exert their religion on the other as well. Even marriages between fundamentalist Christians and more liberal Christians can have conflicts arising from different interpretations of the Bible and different life priorities.

As for my parents, they were very secular to the point of being almost apathetic about their faith. They let me explore what I wanted, but never really wanted to introduce me to anything too "extreme." So in a lot of ways I grew up in a spiritual void. Growing up, I was the only one of my friends who was not involved in some kind of organized religion.

[Moon_Glow]

Originally Posted by coelacanth

I'm the child of an interfaith marriage - my dad is Catholic and my mother is Jewish.

In my view, religious issues in marriage arise not from people being of different faiths, but differing in their level of zealousness for that faith. A fundamentalist Christian is going to have more trouble in an interfaith marriage than they would in a marriage with another fundamentalist Christian, for instance. This is especially true if the partner is similarly zealous about their faith and does not want to compromise, but exert their religion on the other as well. Even marriages between fundamentalist Christians and more liberal Christians can have conflicts arising from different interpretations of the Bible and different life priorities.

As for my parents, they were very secular to the point of being almost apathetic about their faith. They let me explore what I wanted, but never really wanted to introduce me to anything too "extreme." So in a lot of ways I grew up in a spiritual void. Growing up, I was the only one of my friends who was not involved in some kind of organized religion.

I totally agree and grew up much in the same way

[Found Goat]

Once upon a time there was a woman of Jewish faith who happened to marry a native Palestinian. Neither one had talked much about their religious background prior to their exchanging of wedding vows. While on their honeymoon, after they had consummated their relationship, somehow the topic of the Middle East came up. The couple ended up divorcing is less than a week.

[Moon_Glow]

Originally Posted by Found Goat

Once upon a time there was a woman of Jewish faith who happened to marry a native Palestinian. Neither one had talked much about their religious background prior to their exchanging of wedding vows. While on their honeymoon, after they had consummated their relationship, somehow the topic of the Middle East came up. The couple ended up divorcing is less than a week.

Don't you think that a lot of couples that hadn't discussed that would work out? that's usually one of the main things you make sure to talk about before you do get married.