Hi Sweetie!

[FallingLeaves]

sometimes
he wishes
he didn't have to be
frightened of his own shadow

sigh

[FallingLeaves]

been thinking about
losing what i have
makes me sad

but now i think
there is something to be said
about
not asking for a guarantee
that things will remain the same

and besides
someday
yet ahead
i have yet
to accept it
when my twin says goodbye

talk about losing something big!

[FallingLeaves]

i probably shouldn't
write much else
it has been a long day
after all

but I will just say
more of the being blamed
for things I didn't do

it is hard to put down baggage
when people keep piling it
on top of you

[FallingLeaves]

more of
being mistaken
for something he is not

should he get the hint?

but meanwhile
he thinks
he will just practice
letting everyone
mistake him for a rogue

anyway
there is nothing he can do
when
people
see what they wanna see...

the sooner he learns that the better

[FallingLeaves]

well
nothing he does
is ever good enough

back to
waiting
to feel
left out
again

he guesses...

[FallingLeaves]

a lot lately
he is just plain mad
when he sees
what mean thing
they are likely to do next...

he doesn't much like it
anger leads to awful places

although he reflects
it might be good
for time travel...

if he were still chasing sidhis
as if they were 'all that'
that is lol

so he is disapointed
the he's had to become
mad...

[FallingLeaves]

so he figured out why... 60... seconds minutes whatever... that led back to 30 which he recently discovered as a magic number... which led back to this:

the holy grail, when poured out, is like three tables, a circle, a square, and a rectangle, having equal surface.

it was always obvious what the first step of that little puzzle is but now I think I have the second. But I think I'm going to hit a road block on the 3rd because I'm no math/science wiz sigh... how to relate nifty geometries back to physics? OTOH this is supposed to be so easy a child can do it and yet so difficult no mathematician or scientist will ever be able to reverse engineer it, so maybe there is hope for me yet! That is if i decide to try again, I'm almost of the opinion that the holy grail is somewhat worthless anyway lol...

[FallingLeaves]

for his part
hes
getting a better sense
not to expect
to love everyone he meets
or that they should love him...

although that still stings...

[FallingLeaves]

he is starting
to ignore the females
around him
though

he figures why not?
they don't seem to want
his attention
anyway

and it is much easier
to avert his eyes
than it is
to try
to figure out
how to relate
to someone who doesn't
even want to relate
to begin with!

anyway
to be honest
he never liked this situation
where he has gotta approach females
but their only choice
is to find a way
to reject him
anyway

sigh

[FallingLeaves]

well
about this thing
where ya gotta be
all gooey
happy
all the time

ya gotta want things
and ya gotta get the things you want

he supposes
he is like anyone else
he woulda bought into it
if they had only let him
instead
of fighting him
every step of the way

but now that they have done that
and ticked him off to no end
by simply not accepting him
as he is
but wanting him
to be something else
entirely

he remembers stories
from the bible
where god
made people unhappy
after all

and then there is of course
the whole thing
about the wisdom men have
looking foolish
in the eyes of god

not a good omen since men love to proclaim
how good it is
to simply be happy

lol
------------------------------------------------
so it doesn't seem to me
to be
all rainbows and unicorns
and bright sunny days
the way some would have it..
------------------------------------------------
in at least some of the stories
it was claimed
it wasn't due
to faults
in they who were
being made to suffer

but just due
to the whims of god
deciding what he decides
for whatever reason
he decides it.
------------------------------------------------------
but even moses
came away empty handed
in the end
when he finally
displeased god

he didn't get to go with his people
to the promised land...

lol