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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Death & The Afterlife

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Old 18-01-2018, 02:36 PM
Seenthelight Seenthelight is offline
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 252
Dealing with grief - other people's grief especially

So today would have been my brother's 41st birthday. He passed away in August last year after battling mental illness and alcoholism. Although not 100% unexpected it was still a shock to the system but I had my beliefs in life ever after to hold onto, and also felt his presence around me quite profoundly at times. He was also the 4th family member to die within the last 5 years (the other 3 in their 60s from smoking related cancers). In essence, my husband and I are 'all grieved out' and because my brother has proved beyond doubt to me that his energy lives on following his death, I do not feel the need to grieve in the way I see my mother grieving.

She is wondering how I am keeping myself together. But it is so hard to know and hear and see (we live 2 hours away from her) her grieving. Of course she is grieving - and she also lost her husband 18 months before my brother (who died on what would have been their wedding anniversary). My mum is a very difficult person to get along with at the best of times, and private in her emotions. I have suggested counselling only for her to yell at me that that won't bring him back. I know she is hurting - and I would be too if it was my son.

My dad is more laid back - or perhaps has a more laid back demeanour - so I can't tell what he is thinking. He also lost his partner 5 years ago. He definitely grieves privately.

I do wonder if my own grief has been pushed aside (by me) whilst I angst over my parents' grief, or whether it is because I know my brother is around. The issue is is that I cannot share these beliefs with them. They know I have an interest in this stuff, but they do not share my beliefs. My mum would also be 'jealous' that I could sense my brother and she couldn't, so I do not want to open that can of worms.

I guess I am just a bit stuck and wondered if anyone had any advice for helping parents deal with grief? Thanks in advance!
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Old 18-01-2018, 09:49 PM
Native spirit Native spirit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 8,515
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Grief is a personal thing one that we all take it is also a long road to walk.
people grieve differently some as you say don't show it.others cry all the time.
I don't cry I don't see the need.its not that I don't care .its because of my beliefs.i am a medium so I see it as a continuation of life.
I am also a counsellor so I see it from the perspective of others to.it can take a long time to get over grief, there is no time limit to it.and there are many stages of grief to .
everybody has to deal with it the best way they can.

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Old 18-01-2018, 11:34 PM
Lynn Lynn is offline
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Past Pluto in the vastness of space and time
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I know that its not an easy thing to deal with. We do all have our own ways that we process and then hopefully move on from the passing of someone. Its an individual process, and one we all will face in our lifetime that loss of someone close to us.

As for helping another honestly you can just be there to listen at times as it is them that has to do the work to move forwards with life. We can never do that for someone. We can just be there if needed.

I know that as a Medium as well there is no such ending as "death" in the sense that its all over and done, there is more but too I was raised not to see it that way. To attend a funeral and cry and be sad. The only death I cried over truly let it all out was the loss of my Dad. From that passing I realized there was more to existence. That to be sad served only to hold me back in life going forwards.

Its not an easy thing at times for others to adjust to that being sad holds us in that place of being lost almost. Too its not an easy topic to bring up that you sense the passed one around and I know well its best one not breached at times and just left to settle within yourself and your feelings.

I am sorry that so much loss has come to you and yours. There are times one never fully lets the sadness go, and at times maybe that is part of the path of exploration one is to walk in life. We never want a child to pass before the parents but sadly it does happen.

Be strong as I feel you truly are and know that contact is made even if we do not feel it come to us. We know internally things are OK and whole.

If the crow has chosen you as your spirit or totem animal, it supports you in developing the power of sight, transformation, and connection with life’s magic.
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Old 19-01-2018, 08:32 AM
Seenthelight Seenthelight is offline
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 252
Many thanks both of you, for taking the time to respond.

It is reassuring to know that just because I am not breaking down into tears all the time that it doesn't mean I have a hard heart. It truly is because I believe he - and the others who have passed - are around us and draw near. I am not a developed medium but I am sensitive to spirit when they visit, and so is my husband (who is a more skilled medium than me).

I called my mother yesterday and I think she was upset I wasn't at home from work and in tears like she was. But the words you say - we each grieve differently, are so true. I think she gets that but I also think she is still very angry over losing him: she has a tendency to project her guilt onto others by becoming really angry with them and blaming them, when actually she blames herself but can't deal with that.

Thanks again
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Old 16-05-2021, 03:16 AM
ragdoll ragdoll is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 669
I know this is an old thread but how is it going?

I am studying to be a therapist and I do think that grief is a part of the human condition, as in, a byproduct of evolution where this emotion/behavior helped to strengthen bonds between people (bonds = better chances of survival). If people cared more in the face of death, they will work hard to keep people around. Also, I think there is a complete disregard for death and grief in today's world. What happens when someone dies? Your work gives you a few days off. Your friends avoid you for a while. Then, you are expected to "snap out of it" and get back to "normal." This prolongs grieving.

As far as your mother goes, she was not processing her grief, when then turned to anger. Anger tells us something is wrong. She displaced her anger onto you with her words "it won't bring him back." Therapy and grief counseling isn't for the dead. Its for the living to figure out what is going on inside, process it, and bring that healthily into relationships. But like all things, people have a different way of coming to things. Perhaps hearing it from YOU wasn't what worked. Sometimes people have to hear the same advice from a different person for it to mean something. That doesn't mean you are wrong. You are just not the person that holds the meaaning within that suggestion, if that makes sense. It could be that you are too close to the person who died, so in essence you are taking that person's place. It is easier to bring out anger which is displaced grief on you, because the dead person isn't there to recieve it (even though the grieving person probably wouldn't be angry person, but the grieving person cannot otherwise conceptualize the abstract nature of grieving and death.).

I hope that makes sense, and all is well.
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