I am controlling my breath

[Sarahpro]

Ok seriously this is f**ked. As I recall more of what happened before sht hit the fan, I was literally enlightened. I had full blown kundalini, would close my eyes and meditate and instantly feel like I was on mushrooms, and sometimes when I slept I would stay conscious. Who the hell gets enlightened and then falls to the most misery ive ever seen ... some would maybe question was I truly enlightened... not that it matters anymore cuz I have to let it go, but I was, I had it... deep love and peace. And now nothing at all.... I don’t even know if I can get back on the path, I don’t know if I am capable of surrender. Apparently I am, but based on how the last few months have gone, i have a hard time seeing that. I am CONTROLLING MY BREATH, I don’t know if surrender is possible.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

Ok seriously this is f**ked. As I recall more of what happened before sht hit the fan, I was literally enlightened. I had full blown kundalini, would close my eyes and meditate and instantly feel like I was on mushrooms, and sometimes when I slept I would stay conscious. Who the hell gets enlightened and then falls to the most misery ive ever seen ... some would maybe question was I truly enlightened... not that it matters anymore cuz I have to let it go, but I was, I had it... deep love and peace. And now nothing at all.... I don’t even know if I can get back on the path, I don’t know if I am capable of surrender. Apparently I am, but based on how the last few months have gone, i have a hard time seeing that. I am CONTROLLING MY BREATH, I don’t know if surrender is possible.

Sometimes we start feeling really good, but it doesn't last, and then we start yearning for that feeling again, which makes us more miserable. It takes a lot to just be OK with things as they are without expecting them to be any other way, and the fundamental truth is - life has ups and downs - and practice is keeping an even keel be there storms or calm seas.

[Xan]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

No like I HAVE to control it; it doesn’t breath autmatically without my intervention. I think I caused major psyche damage

Do you mean that if you don't control your breathing you will physically die?

Or is this a fear in your mind?
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[Sarahpro]

I think so yes. It sounds insane but if I relax my breathing the inhalation doesn’t occur...I think it is because of this ego death I accidentally caused...I read somewhere that if the ego TOTALLY dissolved the body would not be able to carry on living... not that I am egoless at ALL but the structure that allows us to maintain a healthy living separation is gone..

[Sarahpro]

I AM truly worried this will keep me separated from the divine forever as funny as it sounds... the first time my heart burst open I was aware of my breath and it was a totally non-self, egoless moment, allowing me to see love for what it is...now every moment involves self because I am controlling my breath... if anyone knows anything...

[Phaelyn]

Originally Posted by ant

I have been in the same boat for quite some years.

What helped me was the practice of doing nothing.

I started doing this last year and unbeknown to me at the time,there is such a thing.

Go0gle the practice of doing nothing.

Practice over time,i started to see results.

Detox from tv,internet and social media.

Do nothing,look out the window at nature etc.

Observe your thoughts,as they come and go.

They are only thoughts,they are not you.

So get comfortable with solitude and do nothing.

By doing this,you become more in the present and less affected by the mind.

Great advice. Never good to think all day long. Find some way to get out of our heads. Relax, take it easy. Pour some chocolate milk over corn flakes and watch that movie "Lion".... will have a good cry at end.

Take a vacation from ourselves. There are 8 billion persons on this earth, take a break from being one, let yourself have a few days off from being you. Nothing to do or achieve or become or judge.

[Phaelyn]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

instantly feel like I was on mushrooms,

I'd say to get off all drugs if you use any, including weed.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

I think so yes. It sounds insane but if I relax my breathing the inhalation doesn’t occur...I think it is because of this ego death I accidentally caused...I read somewhere that if the ego TOTALLY dissolved the body would not be able to carry on living... not that I am egoless at ALL but the structure that allows us to maintain a healthy living separation is gone..

Your breathing continues as you sleep...

[Sarahpro]

It MIGHT....
I would really like to know if it is getting in between me and surrendering to love, not that there is anything I can do about it even if it is....

[Xan]

Originally Posted by Sarahpro

It MIGHT....
I would really like to know if it is getting in between me and surrendering to love, not that there is anything I can do about it even if it is....

If there's fear that is seen as real rather than as a negative pattern in the mind, it will keep you from surrendering to, and even feeling love.

Any of us can run into a point when the sense of ego-self disappears temporarily, but then unconscious fear locks the mind into self protection, often with a sense of helplessness.

There is something we can do about it. We don't have to remain trapped in the fear-based ego-mind.

By honestly facing the feelings and beginning to let them go, the love that is hidden behind them can be revealed again in your awareness.
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