8 or 9 years later…help…

[dishevlment]

Hi everyone! Gosh reading my posts from 8/9 years ago was a trip.
The person I spoke about and I never saw each other again. In fact I stopped thinking about him for 6 ish years. Like totally buried this. If he popped up I would immediately push it away.
Two months ago something happened in my mind and the floodgates opened. I’ve been replaying everything. I’m feeling all those things from years ago again and I’m consumed by it. He tried reaching out on a dating app about 7 years ago. He blocked me when I didn’t respond for a couple of days. Our whole relationship was a mess. I can see now that we loved each other despite it making no sense to. I can see now how we mirrored each other. How we messed up. How the universe dropped real love on two very young and very damaged kids. And we could not hold it. It was not meant to be then.

I need to give this more time and i need to focus on myself for many more months before I decide on taking action or not. But yeah, I’ve moved around the country had a lot of adventures. In my early 30’s now. I’m coming out of a terrible period of my life that lasted several years.

I’m at my families house for the foreseeable future and he still lives nearby. He’s unmarried but in a long term relationship. I snooped on him. I won’t cross that boundary but is it crazy to reach out to him if he’s ever single in the near future? I’m feeling the same loss and heartbreak that I felt all those years ago.
Why is this popping up on me? I’ve dated and had relationships since but nothing ever scratched what I felt for him. Not even remotely close.

How do I put this away for now? Why is this resurfacing so intensely so many years later? It was a toxic relationship but real connection and yes a raw love. Please help.

[ThatMan]

This actually happens, you can suddenly relive things that you experienced years ago or dozens of years ago, something triggered this or just your internal safety mechanisms decided it's ok to deal with those experiences now, to deal with that trauma.

This happened and happens to me a lot, in the past I used to be completely caught in this mental web but if you give it time, and breath in and breath out, relax, and wait it out, it will fade on its own, but this is your choice, to let go or to invest energy into this.

[dishevlment]

Originally Posted by ThatMan

This actually happens, you can suddenly relive things ....

Thank you for this. I think I just am finally processing this now. I think it’s just that confusion and pain of having a rare connection to someone who clearly wasn’t meant to be in my life, it really was a huge trauma for me emotionally. How could we feel this and not be together? All the hallmarks of twinflames or soulmates were there and I didn’t even know what that was when I met him. I started searching for answers to help me understand. I just have to work on my relationship to myself ultimately and to really let this go. Thank you!

[Eternal Flame]

Sometimes when we suddenly think of people, it's because we are going to come in contact again and say hello.

Honestly sometimes things in the past look rosier than they were, and things change in the future.

Always with dating, play in cool and respect people's free will. ie. Don't get too hung up on the outcome.

Good luck, maybe you'll happen to meet by chance soon.

[FairyCrystal]

You have the answer within as to why this is coming up.
What is happened recently or in the present that may have caused you to become vulnerable?
How do you feel at the moment in your life?
You say you recently came out of a difficult time.
Also, as I posted under "Libra full moon & Venus Retro & Merc Retro"... there was a very strong theme of old things surfacing.
Oftentimes things surface because there's unfinished business. Not with you and another per say, but inside yourself.
You say you suppressed it. Well, then you know at some point it's going to come bouncing back up. There's only so long you can keep a cork underwater.

Also, maybe get some good perspective on what you actually had with this man.
You keep mentioning relationship and love but were you even in a relationship? You were on a dating app and you didn't reply and so he blocked you.
How is that a relationship?

Often we make something a relationship in our mind, especially we women are good at that, while in actual fact -and in the mind of the man- there's no relationship whatsoever.

Just don't shy away from facing what actually happened. That's my advice. You have to figure out what was going on. Was it a relationship or did you desperately want to believe it was one?
How did you feel when whatever it was went sour? Did you deal with that? Is it a theme in your life? If so, when did you first have it happen? Have you dealt with that occurrence?
Often these things go back all the way to our very early childhood.
That's why doing inner child healing can be so healing.
If you had a turbulent childhood it may be helpful to do a course on inner child healing or getting a self-help book on it and doing the work.

Good luck.

[dishevlment]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

You have the answer within as to why this is coming up.
What is happened recently or in the present that may have caused you to become vulnerable?
How do you feel at the moment in your life?

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. We fell in love with each other but I refused to be in a relationship with him bc he was emotionally immature with major issues and I was avoidant. However i never once questioned his feelings. We danced around each other for a few years. It was a push and pull. Ultimately he couldn’t face himself and by looking at his social media for the first time in 7/8 years he hasn’t changed. I will say there were several times during our last meeting where some kind of divine timing or intervention stepped in at the exact moments it needed to to stop us from moving forward. We would have destroyed each other. It’s honestly is eerie but I’m so thankful.
I think I just buried this trauma with him bc I couldn’t handle processing many things until now. I guess it was time for me now!
I’ve been doing EMDR therapy and have been through spiritual, emotional and physical hell the last few years.
If soul connections are a real thing I had one with this guy. And they’re not always pretty! They make you face the absolute darkest part of yourself and you still may not heal. I’m so happy I didn’t reach out to him during these last few weeks of processing bc it would have been a huge mistake.
Maybe it’s trauma recognition? Sometimes two traumatized 20 year old kids just have love dumped into their lap and it’s like oh **** I’m not ready for this…

I haven’t even thought about the concept of twin flames for years now. But it helped me try to understand what I was going through at the time.
And damn you can’t keep stuff buried forever!!

[Miss Hepburn]

Great insight, FairyCrystal ...and, oh my, soul connections are real, alright!! Ha! Not just my opinion.