Why is it so hard to get to Father Figure without obstacles?

[Oneconciousness]

Hello,

Now I am upset that my Father - Figures daughter blocked me. I used to buy clothes off her, but I have this habit of over talking or saying the wrong things and tell her about my panic attacks.

She said this:

No worries. I’m a stranger and so happy for you to vent but it may be more beneficial to talk to a professional instead of myself as I am unsure how to help. But I hope you’re doing okay!

Then after 1 Month from that message I said to her:

Hello M,

Your kindness has come along way.

Yes I may be a stranger, but strangers are best to talk to. You have helped me drink alot less (I haven't had a drink for a whole month since you last spoke to me) and I have seen a GP and have had medication, and booked in to have a phonecall with a psychologist.

You have helped me. You are a kind person and I am also on my way to being diagnosed.
So thank you for being a kind person towards me when I needed that extra "Push".

I just had to let you know that. Once I get diagnosed, I will let you know. Apparently I am like Sheldon from the Big bang theory. Haha.
You are not just a stranger, you are more than that.

Thank you again.

Kind Regards,
N

And I said aslo this:

Do you like Candice King ❤️ She Is also In the Vampire Diaries

Do you like Frozen?

My Birthday is the 15th of September

A name keeps floating in my head, do you know a Richard? I am so sorry, but there is something about you and your Family. But a name Richard keeps ringing in my ears and also planes. Sorry if you are the wrong person.

Cancer rings a bell to me 😭

I am sorry.

Now panic attacks started again 😞

After that she blocked me.
All I wanted was to be her friend. Why is its so hard to make friends with people online, especially with women.

When I walk down the road in real life people want to talk to me or try to get to know me, but why online, do people especially the females I have realized always shut me down?

I said all that because I feel like it's an urge and I couldn't stop, especially when I was drinking again after 1 month of no drinks.

I bought clothes off her ages ago and will make a blanket. I never told her I will be doing that or mentioned her Father being my Father Figure.

I have waited my WHOLE life so I can be close to my Father Figure and it feels like it's really hard to connect to him, when people who are linked to him keep blocking me or I say the wrong thing and also they don't try to get to know me.

I am crushed.

I just want my Father Figure who has been a huge impact to my life and I believe that I am connected to him spiritually and I want to meet him physically, but the females like his ex wife's don't want nothing to do with me, his daughter was sweet at first to me and tried to be her friend, but I don't know how to connect to them. Men are easier to connect with but why are some females so difficult for me to have a decent conversation with, without being seemed as a creep?

I feel such a deep connection to my Father Figure and just don't know how to get to him without obstacles in the way. I have loved him like a my Father before he had children.

It's like he is unreachable. I feel a deep connection, what can I do? 😭💜

I have other posts about him on these forums already, so if you are confused why my Father Figure means so much to me, then please go read that. 💜🌠

Please kind words and no mean comments 😊💜🌠

[Oneconciousness]

I am 34 soon 35 and loved my Father Figure since I was 8 or 9.��

[lostsoul13]

Can be hard when they push you in a direction of staying the relationship low key and you just replied kindly and then they blocked you/

As far as the father figure goes if he is your father figure then fate will bring a way for you to connect…

[Oneconciousness]

Originally Posted by lostsoul13

Can be hard when they push you in a direction of staying the relationship low key and you just replied kindly and then they blocked you/

As far as the father figure goes if he is your father figure then fate will bring a way for you to connect…

Hello, did you get my private message? I am still trying to learn this forum. Lol. 💜🌌🦋

Could be you scared her off with the issues you are undergoing at the moment? Could be she was advised by someone to do so? Panic attacks, drinking problems can be scary to a lot of people. They may not want to get scared of you but get so anyhow. Can also be you crossed boundaries as for what she was prepared to keep this relationship at and one can never force oneself on someone else, if we push too far they might take steps back automatically as they are trying to restore a boundary where it feels OK, good for them and one has to always respect that.

We don't know, her life could be filled with problems that she might keep to herself, that need her energy, attention, which then could mean she can't go beyond that and be of any help to you as for now, what you had/have seemed therefor too heavy for her? Perhaps it simple wasn't the right time, you know? Let it go, let it pass, look at it as traffic passing you by, when it is time red will turn to green and it is your time to cross the street and the cars will have stop so you can. Perhaps a terrible example, what I am trying to get across is don't take it too personal, everyone's got their luggage to deal with.

Good you're getting help and wish you all the best with your healing. Your drinking problem/other problem/s? is what needs your urgent attention, help. I would try to not focus too much on her and to not let it get to you. You have been kind to her so you have nothing to be ashamed off. I just do not think she knew/knows how to deal with this, it got to be too much for her. You focus on yourself now, where your energy needs to go, for it to go to her and to your father figure at this stage I don't think is the place/s it should go. You do not need to prove, to please etc to anyone else at this stage, you just look out for you now, that would be my advice. I think once you get through this it won't matter what she has done or not done as far as blocking is concerned. Your life, your well being is more important and worth to put the energy there instead. Hugs.

[Oneconciousness]

Originally Posted by asearcher

You do not need to prove, to please etc to anyone else at this stage, you just look out for you now, that would be my advice. I think once you get through this it won't matter what she has done or not done as far as blocking is concerned.

Hello Asearcher,

yes you are right. I got to focus on myself. I don't mean to scare people off, just I have this habit especially when I have waited for YEARS and Years and only lately I just want to try and reach him, as I been patient long enough.

But I understand I don't want to over step people's boundaries. She doesn't know me and I have never mentioned about him to her, but was asking if she would of heard a Richard etc (Her Grandfather who passed away, when my Father figure was 15 years old)

Obviously I think she would know that only because, I been getting signs etc.

When I was also thinking about my Father Figure and his Father last night and I looked at the time unintentionally and it was 01:01am. I searched what means in Angel number and there was a mini ad, that was advertising Air Force jobs. I couldn't believe it, because his Father was in the Royal Air Force!

Thanks for your response and I will maybe to do a pass life regression of some sort, but also work on myself. Just there is always that yearning sadness to be part of a family you know you belong to, but cannot reach.

Hugs to you too. Sending love and light 💜🌌🦋

Thank you, wish you all the best with this. I believe people who are born or come from disruptive families have/are at a higher spiritual growth. I remember from other threads you made what your situation was like growing up.

When we have a problem, a threat of any kind, we tend to bring that a lot of our attention. It is in our human nature. What is important is the real people in your life and those deserve your energy. Not one sided relationship/s where you are inferior from the get go.

Him and his family has been/is potentially under target as fame is involved and it can be that they have gotten suspicious for the right reasons and do not dare to take any chances and so that could too have been why you were blocked, even if you come with the best intentions.

The way I think of family is the family I had as a child, and the family I have now as an adult. And friends too can be family. I have friends that a child thought for years were my sisters or cousins just to take an example. You make your own family. If there are people, needs missing in your life you can always go ahead and try to find that and do things of your own interest, pick up a hobby, something to give you joy of life so this other family and him do not steal your energy and bring you the blues in the process.

I think you will find your answer why you are not only accepting but yearning for a one-sided relationship to one day become mutual. That the answer/behavior pattern from this steams from your turbulent childhood. You deserve more self love and self respect. The love you experience having for this father figure I would wish you could turn that love to yourself and the people in their lives because honestly the family and him do not "deserve" it and you are placing yourself inferior to them, to him, it is one sided.

From what I have heard we are part of big soul groups, bigger than what one could think, so yes it could be he reminds you of someone from that soul group or is a member from your soul group but either way it is not your time. Trust the Universe. When you let things just be, let go, you can be surprised of how much will happen, that is me just speaking from my own experiences.

Good you are getting help and taking your mental health seriously. You deserve that, and those who love you and are in your life deserve that too. One might only have very few or just one to stand by our side in troubled times, but they are worth their weight in gold. Look at them the way you look at your father figure or his family because they are the ones that deserve it. I think this goes back to the old and instinctive need we have to sort out problems, solve a threat, but we can sometimes do it so much that we do not think is this real or not? And how much is this taking from the people I love in my life and myself, energy wise, that it shouldn't?

Besides you never know him and his family could be an obnoxious family as hell, usually people keep their images just perfect on Facebook, Instagram, you name it, but there could be something else entirely going on behind the drapes.

My husband has one serious narc for instance in his first family and trust me everything looks picture perfect but underneath: No. Big fat no on that one. People however on the outside, and I quote one of my in-laws "would never believe us".

Hugs, and sending you love and light right back =)

[Oneconciousness]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Thank you, wish you all the best with this. I believe people who are born or come from disruptive families have/are at a higher spiritual growth. I remember from other threads you made what your situation was like growing up.

When we have a problem, a threat of any kind, we tend to bring that a lot of our attention. It is in our human nature. What is important is the real people in your life and those deserve your energy. Not one sided relationship/s where you are inferior from the get go.

Him and his family has been/is potentially under target as fame is involved and it can be that they have gotten suspicious for the right reasons and do not dare to take any chances and so that could too have been why you were blocked, even if you come with the best intentions.

The way I think of family is the family I had as a child, and the family I have now as an adult. And friends too can be family. I have friends that a child thought for years were my sisters or cousins just to take an example. You make your own family. If there are people, needs missing in your life you can always go ahead and try to find that and do things of your own interest, pick up a hobby, something to give you joy of life so this other family and him do not steal your energy and bring you the blues in the process.

I think you will find your answer why you are not only accepting but yearning for a one-sided relationship to one day become mutual. That the answer/behavior pattern from this steams from your turbulent childhood. You deserve more self love and self respect. The love you experience having for this father figure I would wish you could turn that love to yourself and the people in their lives because honestly the family and him do not "deserve" it and you are placing yourself inferior to them, to him, it is one sided.

From what I have heard we are part of big soul groups, bigger than what one could think, so yes it could be he reminds you of someone from that soul group or is a member from your soul group but either way it is not your time. Trust the Universe. When you let things just be, let go, you can be surprised of how much will happen, that is me just speaking from my own experiences.

Good you are getting help and taking your mental health seriously. You deserve that, and those who love you and are in your life deserve that too. One might only have very few or just one to stand by our side in troubled times, but they are worth their weight in gold. Look at them the way you look at your father figure or his family because they are the ones that deserve it. I think this goes back to the old and instinctive need we have to sort out problems, solve a threat, but we can sometimes do it so much that we do not think is this real or not? And how much is this taking from the people I love in my life and myself, energy wise, that it shouldn't?

Besides you never know him and his family could be an obnoxious family as hell, usually people keep their images just perfect on Facebook, Instagram, you name it, but there could be something else entirely going on behind the drapes.

My husband has one serious narc for instance in his first family and trust me everything looks picture perfect but underneath: No. Big fat no on that one. People however on the outside, and I quote one of my in-laws "would never believe us".

Hugs, and sending you love and light right back =)

Do you believe he could be a Twinsoul or a Soulmate? The passion is sooo strong. But not romantic, just like a deeeeeep connection.

I honestly do not know what to decide what I believe at this point. I'm thinking lots of things right now. Thinking because you have not had a strong father figure model in your life from what you have explained earlier you could therefor have kept him alive in your fantasies as it was, is still a need you have that has not been fulfilled. That he had/has the qualities you would have appreciate/appreciates in a father figure. That chemistry (Not romantic type as you pointed out) was, something that would work for you why you chose him in the first place. Can too be he reminds you of someone part of your soul group or is part of your soul group. If he is part of your soul group you will meet when the Universe says it is time.

My biological dad was not in the picture for a really long time. That made me insecure. Then he and I reconnect at some point. and even if we, in my opinion, could never get that other time apart back and I had it in my head that he can leave me again our relationship was never as close as I had wanted it to be. The damage was done. I think I would have in my adult years been able to talk with him a talk that would have been difficult for us to have when I was being younger and my dad still in a vulnerable position as my mom could at any time decide we were not allowed to see each other again. The court system was not in dad's favorites back then, not where we came from. I know me and my dad loved

I think I was more fortunate, lucky than you have been regarding your own dad. It had nothing to do what you and I deserved or not and not something about any of us really. It has to do with the adults in these situations, it is all about them. Sad thing is, children take on responsibilities that do not belong to them automatically. See their identity a certain way because of it. I saw girls with their dads when he was out of the picture and I felt these difficult feelings no child should feel.

Perhaps because I did not think the world of myself I would accept situations, people where I was kind, but I was not met by the same kindness. Then I would automatically think was it something I did, said? When it wasn't. You will notice when you love and respect yourself more you will not be overly kind to people who treats you badly. You will not put up with one sided relationship/s.

I know that I had a substitute, a celebrity too and/or I would think of what kind of dad while growing up both in my dad's absence and when he was back in the picture again, I would have liked to have had instead.

When you get panic about something - look around and see where is it in your life or in your past that you have not been in control of. Who or what has crossed your boundaries? Are you a people-pleaser? Then you have given away your own power to them and placed yourself inferior how they chose in that moment to treat you or the situation are then dominant. When it should not be.

You have to look back. I am guessing you did become a people-pleaser because you had no choice when you were a child, you had to tip toe around other adults and other people in charge and they took advantage of this and did not treat you right and did not raise you to know where your boundaries should be at. If a grown up in charge is whole enough in themselves they will teach a child this. They will instead teach a child self respect and self love and where to look inside where the boundaries should be at. They will themselves display a healthy example of that. They will not punish you when they think you "stick up" when you in fact are not.

Honestly what are children suppose to think when the grown ups that should give them love and respect and that they love and respect does not give that back? They could very well think this is all they are worth. If someone who is suppose to love them treats them this way.


We all own a responsibility to ourselves to be the best version we can be, to do self love, and one may not always know what is our own paths so we have to feel our way, and it is OK to try and OK to change our minds.

I used to at times be told I was being too kind but I did not think I was. But I was. The ones that telling me this were the ones looking out for me. So they were pleased to see a change. The others, free riders, were not and that revealed more about them, their defects, than mine.

You will learn that if you do have people not whole inside of themselves who shows no will to change but continue to mistreat themselves, foremost, but could project out so they do not know it is them actually wit the problem and not you, that it is not on you to change or to endure someone's bad behavior. I was sort of like the grown up to my mom at times and I can see that my husband has been the same way with his narcissistic parent at times. And this when either parents were, are senile or anything. Both selfish. Immature.

I think you need to figure out where these panic attacks are coming from foremost. Maybe my example/s do not apply in your case, that is for you to figure out no matter what.

I know it is pure hell when they come because I used to have them in a period in my life after a bad break up with someone. My psychiatrist that I ended up seeing because of the panic attacks believed was on the psychopath scale, for real. He had subtly and bluntly placed so much fear, that was his weapon really, to cut me down with, his saw if we so will, if I was the tree. It is all about control with these people: Dominant, narcs and psychopaths. They are the ones who are afraid, but they are trying to place that on you and make your life hell because of it. They want to break you so they can rebuilt you to their own amusement, needs. That is evil.

Today I can say that yes I have been almost or have been broken by a psychopath and a narc etc in my life but they did not get to rebuilt me, I rebuilt myself, am rebuilding myself, I say what goes where and if. So they only did half the job they intended to do. I'm doing the rest.

Something else that was very much up this ex's sleeve, his very special dish that he would dish out, was that he wanted me to think he could work through people (which he could he was a good manipulator) and make or break my reality, make or break what people would think of me. He would do sick stuff to me during and after the break up that I can not get into, but it's whole purpose was to both intimidate me and to get me back but it was also proof of how sick he was.

Had he been a normal dude he would have known that if you love someone and you want them to be with you then do not use fear as a tool to think you can do that, because you can not. Fear has no business in the love business. Once that is there, it's over. It is a killer's ingredient. I had no love for him. I did not love him. He seemed to think I did or tried to still act as if I should just because I thought or did before in the past but that had changed as I saw his true colors. I saw what he really was, again and again. And once you see you can't go back to blindness.

The connection that still partly remains til this day is fear, it is not love. I can and am working on that fear. I had to go to extreme measure to keep him out of my life and out of anyone I knew lives.

That sort of old fear, old panic, is that this is something out of my control.

I would also "play dead", do the no-contact strategy thinking in time that would work, he would let me go. What I could tell happening is that it would go in phases, cycles with him but i just kept at it. I did not trigger. I could also see him doing the same thing over and over. Usually when something is not working it is not good to keep on doing it but that could have been part of his sickness, that he did not realize that. I could, can see the same thing with a narc in my life, doing the same thing even if it has seized to work, no new tricks. Just the same old thing. So nothing to be afraid of.

I am hoping maybe you can see where I am coming from with all this and use it in your own way to help you further towards healing.

I think you are so used to thinking about your father figure and thinking of that family that it is not healthy for you and you do need to take this seriously. You deserve to feel complete.

I do think he is an external need that symbolize that unfulfilled need that I think you can get on your own by at this stage getting professional help.

It will take time for you to break away from this, as this has become a pattern for you and a sort of painful reward system of a kind, and try to replace it with other fun things etc. If you do not have that in your life then go out and find it, is there something else that you are interested in, in life? A hobby you would like to develop? (You don't need to answer of course, that is only for you to know and find out). Are there other people you can reach out to and be part of, groups etc? Do stuff? If it is financial that limits you or so you think there are still lots of free activities, groups etc out there, you just gotta look. The best things in life are free.

Sometimes people say nothing new is happening to them (boredom, isolation) and this and that and then turns out they stand at the exact same place where the nothing is happening. They have to change scenery.

Also not hung on to a poisoned tree not getting better, who does not want to get better, there are lots of other trees in the wood.

Any relationship takes time to develop and I am never in a hurry to develop any relationship as I have this rather lay back, let-it-go or either-way-it's-fine attitude about me, I take it little by little.

I have noticed some are more forceful than I am but one too has to feel the other person in, it takes time to get to know someone, let it take time, if and so, it happens. You still sit safely in the boat. You know your worth. You know their worth.

If good people feel you have self love, self respect, and you give that to them as well, the good people wants balance of that and will respect you. Those who are damaged in some twisted way who wants harm on you so they will feel better - do not give them ever the power, chance of that happening.

You can become your new you this very moment, here it starts, and then work towards your new goal.

Hugs, love and light to you =)

PS I know I wrote "A little" extra but could not help myself, hope it is OK with you?

[Oneconciousness]

Originally Posted by asearcher

I honestly do not know what to think at this point.

I will send you a private message 😊💜