Is forgiveness essential for healing?

Along with mine a time or two no doubt.

I know, get a boat and sail away.... lol

[in progress]

Maybe this isn't really about needing to forgive them? I keep hearing over and over that everything happening around us is reflecting back something about us, things we like and don't like. Is there something you need to forgive and love about yourself?

[Roselove]

**** glenos!

good point inprogess.. i guess maybe it's my own feelings.. i don't have self worth, very low self esteem..

...get them sails up

You are worth loads mate

[inspirit]

Originally Posted by Rosewater

I have been hurt too many times in my life and too forgiving.. i have let people in my life too many times that have hurt me in so many ways.. i finally cut those chords.. do i really have to forgive them? i feel like forgiving them no longer holds them accountable for their actions.. they have wronged me unfairly in so many ways and chance after chance i have given them and they just hurt me.. i can't let them back in, they don't even see the errors of their ways.. so what can i do? i don't want to hold negative resenetment energy in but i feel like letting go won't hold them accountable for their actions, i also dont' really now how to let go.. as i am hurt at a deep level

Maybe I can help. I don't know the best answer to this but I have found the best way to deal with people like this is to forget them and when negative thoughts and resentments creep back in to pray for them. Yes forgiveness is necessary for healing but that doesn't mean letting someone back in to hurt you again and again. At the same time it doesn't necessarily mean cutting all ties with them because it's not possible to entirely forget about someone. The best thing to do is to pray whenever thoughts of them creep back in and to establish good boundaries in case you ever must deal with this person again.

[Roselove]

how sweet glenos thank you! i will drop you off to a tropical island for vacation on my way!

thank you admin.. i think it's just bet for me to cut off ties at this point, lol pretend they don't exist

Originally Posted by innerlight

Is there really a reason to not forget? What does remembering it really do for us? It makes us cautious and lowers our trust, and then we end up shielding ourselves from others so we don't get hurt. Sometimes we even go as far as to holding a grudge toward the person that hurt us, after all they hurt us. We don't let it go and allow ourselves to be free.

Many people use the saying, "I can forgive but I just can't forget."

Are you really forgiving if you can't "forget?"

Yes, one is forgiving partly because one does not forget. If we could forget then forgiveness would not be necessary at all, just forget. Some people would have to forget years of their life.
We know that virtually nothing is is forgotten but stored in memory. No matter whether it can be easily retrieved or not it influences our life. Forgiveness is the means to defuse memories.

i think of the kali yuga, we are all learning. no one is perfect and im sure in a past life i abused someone real bad. we are incarnating in a really ego filled time and many are suffering, even our abusers. just a thought. you dont have to forgive. These things affected you and you have a right to feel the way you do.

[Roselove]

thank you ....

For me, it's learning to forgive on the SOUL level. It doesn't mean you condone their behaviour. But before you can do that you have to learn to forgive yourself. And that's the hard part!! Once you're on the road to liking and accepting who and what you are, then you can look at the person AND the situation, take a step back, look at the bigger picture, and see why they are acting the way they are.
Forgiveness goes hand in hand with judgement. Part of our journey is to become non judgemental, compassionate, empathic and so on. Learning to forgive on a deeper level helps you achieve the lessons being taught. Remember, everything happens for a reason and so many positives can be taken from what seems like such a negative situation. You just have to figure out what those are and forgiveness then becomes second nature. It's not difficult. Remember the old addage. KISs Keep It Simple. This doesn't mean you become a pushover, and if people think you are so be it - that is their own issue and not yours.
Be firm, be strong in your own beliefs and you'll get there. Time is a great healer - just keep in mind what you are learning from all this and you'll be just fine :)
Namaste
J x