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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Healing

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  #1  
Old 08-10-2010, 11:06 PM
Roselove Roselove is offline
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Is forgiveness essential for healing?

I have been hurt too many times in my life and too forgiving.. i have let people in my life too many times that have hurt me in so many ways.. i finally cut those chords.. do i really have to forgive them? i feel like forgiving them no longer holds them accountable for their actions.. they have wronged me unfairly in so many ways and chance after chance i have given them and they just hurt me.. i can't let them back in, they don't even see the errors of their ways.. so what can i do? i don't want to hold negative resenetment energy in but i feel like letting go won't hold them accountable for their actions, i also dont' really now how to let go.. as i am hurt at a deep level
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Old 08-10-2010, 11:38 PM
John32241 John32241 is offline
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You ask some very good questions.

I can see by what you say that your intent is to be well. You do want to make better choices and put yourself into a better energy.

You want to replace "negative resentment" with compassion. This apples to aspects of the self as well as the person who has deliver the pain.

I suspect that if you embrace that concept completely, you can move forward with your goals.

Blessings,
John
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http://www.telepathyacademy.net/
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  #3  
Old 09-10-2010, 12:08 AM
Roselove Roselove is offline
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thanks John I have compassion for most souls, just not them I have tried to understand where they are coming from but either end up feeling guilty myself or can't figure it out.. it's just difficult for me
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  #4  
Old 09-10-2010, 12:14 AM
innerlight innerlight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosewater
I have been hurt too many times in my life and too forgiving.. i have let people in my life too many times that have hurt me in so many ways.. i finally cut those chords.. do i really have to forgive them? i feel like forgiving them no longer holds them accountable for their actions.. they have wronged me unfairly in so many ways and chance after chance i have given them and they just hurt me.. i can't let them back in, they don't even see the errors of their ways.. so what can i do? i don't want to hold negative resenetment energy in but i feel like letting go won't hold them accountable for their actions, i also dont' really now how to let go.. as i am hurt at a deep level

Forgiving another is not condoning their actions, but is making peace with yourself that allows you to heal. Forgiving releases any judgments you may have about them after they did what they did. Those that do bad things to us are acting with the knowledge they have at the time. In their eyes they were doing what was right. If it was not right to us, mean to us, or harmful to us, we must forgive them for they know not what they do.

What they did is something they did. It does not mean you have to hold onto it and remind yourself of it all the time. If you do such an act you are not moving forward with it, but are stuck on it, and in most cases you are living in the past.

Forgiving them does not mean you have to allow them in your life. You can forgive them, and let them go so they can find their way. As much as we want to help the world we can only help those that want help. The others we sometimes have to let go of them to allow them to grow and learn. Sometimes keeping them in our lives will do them harm in their growth because they will not grow. Sometimes it takes us letting go of them for them to realize something is not right.
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Old 09-10-2010, 02:22 AM
Roselove Roselove is offline
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i understand that, it's just so much harder to do lol but your right I am going to have to let this go just don't know how to
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  #6  
Old 09-10-2010, 02:29 AM
innerlight innerlight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosewater
i understand that, it's just so much harder to do lol but your right I am going to have to let this go just don't know how to

Here is an exercise I wrote on forgiving and letting go. Hope it helps you.


While it is not always easy, or possible, to talk it out with the person that it is involved. You can do the next best thing. That is to write them a letter. This letter does not need to be sent to them. This letter never has to see the light of day ever again after you are done with it. You can make this letter as simple as, I forgive so and so for doing this or that. I find that it’s more effective the more detailed this letter is. This will allow you to get everything you have ever felt, and are feeling, off of your chest and out into the open. This will then help free yourself from the event that you have been holding on to and will take you one step closer to freedom, peace of mind, and happiness. When you are done with this letter its best that you destroy it, burning it is helpful. This allows you to be fully free of the energy that you put into this letter. You also may not want to take the chance that someone may see this letter at some point.

(c) innerlight
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Old 09-10-2010, 02:31 AM
Roselove Roselove is offline
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thank you so much innerlight i will try this! lol prb will need to write several.
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  #8  
Old 09-10-2010, 05:26 AM
pre-dawn
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As innerlight says, forgiving is not about condoning. IMO, it is also not about releasing judgments. They have hurt you, how could you forget? Forgiveness is really not so much about the past but the future.
Forgiveness is not to have ill-will towards the person or group. In forgiving we clear the space in front of us as well as inside us.
In all of this let's not forget that the person most in need of forgiveness by ourselves is ourselves. Forgiving ourselves for being so unforgiving in so many ways.
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  #9  
Old 09-10-2010, 01:25 PM
innerlight innerlight is offline
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Originally Posted by pre-dawn
As innerlight says, forgiving is not about condoning. IMO, it is also not about releasing judgments. They have hurt you, how could you forget?

Is there really a reason to not forget? What does remembering it really do for us? It makes us cautious and lowers our trust, and then we end up shielding ourselves from others so we don't get hurt. Sometimes we even go as far as to holding a grudge toward the person that hurt us, after all they hurt us. We don't let it go and allow ourselves to be free.

Many people use the saying, "I can forgive but I just can't forget."

Are you really forgiving if you can't "forget?"

Last edited by innerlight : 09-10-2010 at 02:47 PM.
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  #10  
Old 09-10-2010, 01:41 PM
Summerland
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosewater
I have been hurt too many times in my life and too forgiving.. i have let people in my life too many times that have hurt me in so many ways.. i finally cut those chords.. do i really have to forgive them? i feel like forgiving them no longer holds them accountable for their actions.. they have wronged me unfairly in so many ways and chance after chance i have given them and they just hurt me.. i can't let them back in, they don't even see the errors of their ways.. so what can i do? i don't want to hold negative resenetment energy in but i feel like letting go won't hold them accountable for their actions, i also dont' really now how to let go.. as i am hurt at a deep level

Rosewater, I can totally empathize with you and your problem. I have had to make a nonsense mantra for myself, "I'm like a duck; I just duck and let it roll off of me" Sounds totally trite, but that is basically it. Two daughters have hurt and betrayed my trust so many times that we don't even speak. And that was their choice, not mine. It hurts and there are grandchildren involved. But at the same time I feel so very sorry for my daughters. You can't keep dwelling on it; you can't keep going over the 'what if's '.But you have to let go of any bitterness or anger. Those emotions will eat your body and soul up. They lead to heart attacks and cancers. Forgive and don't try to forget because you can't Not a real spiritual answer I know, but it is self preservation and logical. You can't keep your doors unlocked after you have been robbed a few times. Then it is time to make sure that the house IS locked up and safe. I will probably get some gaff on this reply, but I do know what you are feeling and what you have gone thru.
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