Here I've shared my experiences, I apologize for being so lengthy. I would love to hear your stories/experiences especially if you can relate!
My experience was very long-term and gradual. I could say it started when I was born, but recently I've been flooded with very early memories as a toddler and grade school student that all validate my theories. Which makes it feel like my whole life, but up until I was nineteen, I was fully submerged in physical reality and egos (mine and all others surrounding me).
I've never fit into anything, including my own family and group of friends. This caused me to slip into a dull depression which wouldn't take over my life but would always be a bit of annoyance. Throughout graduating high school I always felt so much more aware than people around me, like I was in a different world. But this couldn't be right, the people that are talked about as being "out there" are so weird, I've contributed to the talk about how crazy they are. I didn't want to be looked at like that! I began to feel "thinking so differently" was a bad thing. That's what all my friends and family said, it must be the right way. I wanted nothing more than to fit in and be one of the kids.
I laugh about this now, but it was quite the confusing and sad time. I would get teased, mocked, looked down upon, when excelling at anything. I started to hold the pencil awkwardly so I would write sloppy like the other kids. They told me my handwriting was too perfect, and that it was girly. I made pathetic art projects so no one would see my obvious talent and make fun of me. I played wrong notes on my instruments in band after being called teachers pet. I don't want a pity party, I just wanted to list a few examples because it's crazy how much I've let other's opinions ruin my happiness!
Fast forward to college, I continued to follow the "norm" with an annoying feeling of unfulfillment constantly around the corner. This was when I really "woke up" while walking in the middle of a crowd of zombie college students. I began to really question what was going on around me, realizing I couldn't be a part of it anymore. I dropped out and began embracing my every talent that had been left dormant or neglected. For the first time I felt incredible, limitless! At that point, I opened myself to a little spiritual research but I wasn't aware of any subjects such as indigo children, starseeds, rainbows etc.
I had mixed emotions for my new heightened awareness. I felt I knew the truth, what was really right. But negativity began to win more and more as I looked at my experience as more of a curse. How could I ever be happy again? I lost the bliss of human ego, I willingly killed it. I figured the more I learned the less happy I could ever be. (Especially while spending a lot of my time researching atheism.) Despite my newfound depression I still followed my path doing things I loved and creating.
Yes! That was wonderful. But, imagine this, once again no one around me supported me. My dearest family members, parents, cousins, aunts, (Grandparents!) Called me a lazy loser to my face. A lazy loser! Because I hadn't worked through the misery of college and six figure student debt. I suddenly felt if I wasn't studying for a degree I didn't want, or working a 9-5 job, I wasn't worthy of the happiness the people around me deserved from their "hard work". I didn't want to be a lazy loser! I set out to make the people happy, proud of me.
I started to see my most loved artworks as hopeless, desperate, failed dreams. Something that would never provide me with the life my people wanted me to have. I abandoned my talent once again, along with my passion for life and sense of my higher self.
I consciously let go of myself. I remember saying to myself, "maybe all of that can't exist here. Maybe I need to be like everyone else. I need to be normal."
I got a 9-5! Oh how proud everyone was of me. I was starting to be just as miserable as they were, and they loved it! I don't need to say much about my job, it was the most depressing thing I've experienced. Over a period of two years, I completely lost myself. Again. (I laugh about this also now) I began living as a victim, ruled by money and my boss. I rented my own space and got involved with soul-sucking negative people.
I hit the lowest point of my life, and it was only then I was able to start pulling myself up again. I came back researching the internet relentlessly for reasons I was so unhappy, which quickly got me back not my path of self help and spirituality. I look at this as my second, more powerful awakening. This brings me to the present.
I realize it looks like a lot of negativity/bad experiences etc., but I love everything that happened. I am sharing this mostly because I find it humorous and motivational. I’m unsure of my correct label, or if I have/need one at all. I use indigo simply because everything it consists of, I resonate with. Whether it is true for me or not, It really motivates me to be so much better than I’ve tried before. It allows me to not feel uncomfortable with being myself. Basically, its a tool I use to drive full throttle down my path of growth and discovery!
Life here is incredibly amazing and beautiful, and I am so happy to be here experiencing it. Thanks for reading, peace
Nice to meet you Michael
Linear Mode
