Soulmate rejection... it hurts a lot...

[dragoness_crysta]

Hey everyone... I really wanted to share my experience with what I hope it really is a soulmate (my mind is going crazy trying to rationalize my emotions and my intution)...

Last year I ended what it turned out to be a toxic relationship with a narcissist... It felt like waking up from a coma, resulting in some sort of spiritual awakening... It was not exactly brutal, but it was very disorienting... it took me some time to adjust emotionally and starting to trust my intuition more... (more like an inner voice)...

During the last months of 2020 my intuition was going through the roof and I started searching shyly for people that may have had some sort of insight in spiritual matters that are associated with that is happening in the world right now... My intuition led me to him.. Lets call him Conrad... In facebook in one of the groups that I had been following, he had been posting things that resonated VERY much with what I wanted to search, so I befriended him. As it turned out, he has his own little bookstore and owns a small publishing company specializing in books about spirituality... In my mind I was like "This is it... This is him"... I purchased some books from him, we talked as acquaintances, and arranged a day for him to fetch my books. That day, I was very uneasy... The weather was awful, and I had a strong urge to let him inside my house should he wanted a place to warm up a little bit. From the moment I realised he was coming, I sensed he was no ordinary "delivery" guy... When I started having second thoughts about bringing him in, the intuition sprang like a voince saying " No no its okay... you can let HIM in... he is ok he will not harm you"...
When he rang the bell, I opened the front door wide open and let him in with joy as if I knew him from before... We shook hands, cheek kissed and started talking merrily. We opened up about a lot of things and it turned out we had a common friend from my university days... The energy that (I felt) we both emanated towards each other, was exhilarating... for the first time in my life, I was sensing someone sharing part of his energy with me, and not actually taking only (usually people drain me, even though they are close and dear friends of mine)... I felt that unexplicable bond that wanted to explore further... and immediately felt that spark... not the friendly type... the romantic type... I temporarily dismissed it thinking it may have been from being single for a while, but still wanting to find my partner for life. Because it was a typical meeting, we said our goodbyes, but we kept in touch.

After a week he proposed a visit to my house again and I immediately said yes... He arrived around 10 at night and the hours passed quickly without us realising that it had been around 03.30 in the morning... We talked, we touched, we hugged and it felt strangely familiar... the more he touched my hand, the more I wanted to touch him and hug him and I was sincerely fighitng the urge, because it contradicted EVERYTHING I knew about dates and first contact... Still... we had a wonderful time. I didnt want him to leave and when he left, it felt as if a there was a hole in my heart...

After the New Years, he proposed to come again..... This time we hugged a lot more, discussed a lot more and both of us started pouring our guts out... For the first time in my life, I felt that no matter what I told him, he would not criticize me... and I did the same... we were a lot more physical, romantic, but I was reluctant to let him kiss me on the mouth (after all it was only a second date said the practicality in me), still we stayed hugged for a long time and I could literally SENSE he felt the same things... from the way he was holding and looking me so intensely in the eyes... those green eyes that I miss so much right now... We talked about the next times that we are going to meet and all the things that we could do... At about 4 in the morning, he said that he had worked the next day but he was tired to leave... I sensed that he wanted to stay and was waiting for me to make the proposal, but for some reason I could not let him stay that night... still I had hopes that we repeat this sort of date again and I felt that I would be ready the third time he would come. He left still looking at me from the car and did not want to let go of the hug (I did not either)...
when he left the second time, I realised that I wanted more of this romance, I wanted to nurture it, explore it, and find the reason behind this strong connection... I was falling hard and fast for this soulmate.

Turns out he had other plans... after that his messages were colder even though he popped up by himself to ask me how I was doing...
Two days ago, we started a late night chat... and I sensed that somehow he was avoiding me... so I said plain and simple that if during the second date I had said sth that hurt him and he did not wish to not talk to me anymore I would understand (even though I replayed the scenario back and forth in my head and could not find something negative, judging from the way he was also behaving). He wrote me sth that hurt me for the first time to the core of my heart.
"After our second meeting, I decided that I do not see you romantically. For some reason I cant see you like this. The first time that we met I could not find the reason why... But I realised the second time. The first time we dated I felt that romance with us, but the second, it did not have the power it should have for sth to be done between us".
Thats when I poured my feelings out... I told him that for me it was exactly the opposite... and even though he rejected me I still feel this way for him. I thanked him for being honest, and I said it is not easy for me to express myself in a short amount of time. And our timing seemed to be off. He proposed we stayed friends... but I am always against that...I could not see him as a friend, as it would pain me every time I talked with him. So I warned him that I would stop all contact to stop hurting. He insisted we keep some sort of future contact but my last message was " it is not possible to show THAT much affection to another person, show THAT much emotion and then take it all back with a message, I cannot handle it"... I wished him all the best, because my last thought was for him to be happy and deleted all contact (facebook, numbers e.t.c.)....

I started searching around for this and I found the term soulmate rejection... In broad terms It is when the soulmate does not reciprocate your feelings right? I felt utterly rejected and within a month Conrad managed to do what 10 bloody years of toxic relationship could not... tear a part of my heart out... I decided to let it go even though he insisted... but in reality... who did the rejection? and how long is this feeling going to last for such a short amount of time that we got to know each other?

I forgot to mention earlier that after the second date, my intuition was divided between two major thoughts "He is not for you this time" and "You can make a wonderful couple together" and that had me on edge as well...

Sorry for the long post guys... any thoughts, or advice is always appreciated...

[PMPM71]

Its better that he was honest (if he was) then to hurt you more later on. Maybe he is a good man and sensed you were really into him and he only wanted sex, so he backed down not to hurt you or he just wanted sex and after that second rejection when he wanted to stay was angry or think its too much work. Or it is exactly as he said, he just didn't feel it. You were lonely and desperately wanted something to be what it wasn't.
I personally don't believe in that concept of soul rejection, seems to fatalistic and ego driven in a negative way. If something is not meant to be it is not meant to be, you cant be a victim of rejected fate by someone else.

[ONEsoul]

Your journey and peace will begin, when you no longer allow one person or any situation, circumstance to control you, and steal your peace. You deserve to be respected and loved without conditions