Being true to highest self.

[57tcjc75]

I'm back to trying to decide "whom" my larger soul group is again (if certain ones I know are or are not in it). I believe I understand pretty much who is in my primary 12 soul group now, which has taken nearly 15 yrs. of the awakening to piece this together.
I recently found a website that talked about sort of a connectedness of one's larger soul group to other soul groups, as if there is the 144 larger group yet connecting to other groups, in ways that sort of makes sense.
I feel like when my life is getting out of sorts, that I have to pull back, pull into myself & re center. I sense people may do this differently, my own way is an internal locus of control. Some folks I believe that may be very outgoing in nature could push even more in social involvements.. More introverted will pull into themselves to center. I guess (?) it is healthy to be more toward center, if introvert then more toward the center, but who knows on that. I think my personality is slightly introvert however I do love people.. just not too much of it & specific to my interests & doing what I'm good at.

I'm really trying to decipher this, group, as to people I am around, the 144 souls, as some I recognize, the primary 12 seem more obvious.. the 144 is where I am contemplating..
There are some, a handful, in my 3D, whom I feel an affiliation with, however, these ones, seem too different in key ways than myself. I get the 12 primary souls, & even then I think in Heaven, or at least the 1000 yr reign of Christ, I could see us not being together that often, some of us yes, & seeing each other of course, but as if we have specific tasks, missions, of which we are created to do.. This developing of self is also, now. Our, "meeting," knowing each other, healing, is a part of that but not exclusive.
I seem attracted, in the larger sense, the 144, to me, if I could choose, it would be ones who are more extreme in their calling, not settling on less.
Some of the ones in my 3D, ones I wouldn't consider part of my primary 12 soul group, but question at times if they are in my 144 soul group, some of these ones, are not as determined, as myself, the ones in my primary 12 group (that I believe are the ones I have come to understand as my closest souls..).

I am saying the above, because what I notice, is if I am not honoring myself, my highest self, then I get side tracked, feel oppressed, & a sense of losing control over my own path.
Humans can be so quick to judge, to think that they know what is best for a person, try to move people into slots, shift someone into believing or doing what they really would rather not. Knowing self is priceless, & I think to me, that is some of what this awareness, awakening is about. To try to lock into it, not maybe as to, "one," although when my first conscious awakening it was like, "the one," but no, I think, The One, is God, & there is soul family.

When I read about highly successful people, of which is fun to read.. just to solidify, reminders of; it talks about not being a people pleaser. My journey in life, I have not been a people pleaser, although I hate to upset others. Some of my solidifying of self is being OK to upset them IF I am needing to have my own journey, that locus of control, to make sure I am honoring my highest self.

I picture, heaven, as this shape, similar to, The Louvre, in France, a diamond shape, perhaps with the lower part being hell, the upper part, heaven. So the lower levels above ground for instance would be a vibration above 3D, but the higher vibration, light, say 4D-7D, where 7 D is highest, with the 3 lower rungs knocked off, because there is no more earth as it was but a renewed, "heaven and earth." So the higher the vibration, the less people..

I read in near death experiences, also, that if someone is at a higher vibration they have to cloak themselves when visiting someone at a lower vibration.. that makes sense to me.

I guess I feel allergic, to people who NEED to put people into boxes, & I have my own beliefs & opinions yes, but the cruelty at times of humanity, or this idea that everyone has to do things Just Exactly Like everyone else, is beyond my psyche.
I am around..some of this, on nearly a daily basis... & when I begin to feel overwhelmed, or my locus of control is going haywire, I need to pull back & decipher, what really matters to me.

Even with the primary 12 souls in my soul group, I sense even we, are very independent souls. When the first conscious awakening guy dumped me.. I was devastated but then God began to show me the WHY's, and things began to come together, more meetings of my closest of souls.. But it was more of a recognition, tremendous blessings, healing, & a release to do what we are doing. Either that person or myself was the one to push back.. or for instance one close soul, whom I feel is forever connected, died. So the journey is .. more about forever .. than now here at 3D.

It's not as if I don't want or need to think about my close souls, the 12 in primary soul group, the 144 soul group.. but it is as if I need to keep that center of my highest self & the locus on control to who God created me to be.. my interests, passions, my mission, at forefront. I don't have to succumb to lower energy, become something someone else things I SHOULD be when that just doesn't ring true for me.
To be specific.. or more so, it's as if say some of.. the ones I wonder at times who may be in my larger soul group, & I do think they are close to my soul group perhaps, but lower energy in ways because of their (some of these ones) judgement of others, the extreme need of their outer locus of control..
it seems a lower energy to me, not as centered as what I am needing, or thinking my 144 soul group to be.

I guess I think it's OK to desire the best, for myself, the ones I love.. and even if it means to honor myself, not cater to everyone else's whim, or desires, but to be true to God's Calling in my life.
This is the tricky part with even the primary 12 soul group.. it is & it's not.
Again, I sense it's that I make sure my locus on control is on my highest self.
To keep my vision, on Heaven, the bigger picture is what I need to continue to do.

I have been struggling lately, feeling a pull, guilty some for not spending more time with the latest one of my 7 I believe, t.f.'s.. He is a sweetheart and VERY called, I love him to death.. but I am drained if I talk to him too often..At first it was a recognition, healing, understanding, but as to our realities in 3D and our mission, so to speak, I feel we are on a different path.. He can be around, but I don't have to focus my attention onto him, if it is not to my best interest.. & vice versa for him.
The calling would trump & Heaven is forever, to no TIME, so this all looks quite different even on other side..
I take care of myself, "eyes on my own plate," to achieve the outcome that I desire.. my highest self and aligning with my closest souls, is not necessarily in 3D. To work on that light of which is about also, myself, my own talents, strengths, gifting, my vision, as what I feel God allows me to see, & when I ask, The Holy Angels in protection, waiting also on HIS TIMING.

Lately I have just felt this heaviness, with a pull that I SHOULD in some areas of my life socially, by ones who I am around, church stuff (groups), some of how i feel of the should with the newest t.f. guy, & just some other stuff that is newer I am having to deal with.. BUT that locus of control, back to my highest self, seems the only answer that will work. I don't have to cater to everyone else, be what they want me to be, to become a lower energy to, "fit in," to preconceived social norms. To remain true to that which God has asked of me, is what is the answer.. though I am not sure I have this all right, it's sort of like this very narrow path, leading to the place that feels as HOME (HEAVEN).
When I pull into myself if things seem out of control.. to reset that helps. From my teenage years, I was not one to be a kiss up type of person.. I feel I have a developed self, over my years, but some of that comes from knowing when I say yes & when to say no. If God has me on a path, I will try to honor that path. If I am true to my highest self, it's like, that is all that will work.
Going through this awakening, is as if being in water, reborn, learning how to swim.. dimensionally, 3D I could drown, but in Heaven, I am transformed..so the journey is. Forever.

[57tcjc75]

So he calls me today. I hadn't talked with him (latest t.f.), since Friday.
I am pushing him back. I feel my spirit is tugging at me to embrace what is.
It's like he needs to talk with me... I need way more space than he does...
I'm editing.. It really doesn't seem odd to me any of this as I have been going through
this type of thing for between ten and fifteen years now..it makes perfect sense to me in
the way it does. The part I struggle with the most is not being able to speak what I see...
it's as if the 3D is cloaked. Higher dimensions are not seen & would not be allowed to discuss.
I don't know why but also with this t.f. it's like there is somewhat of energy drain.. if I am around him
too much. Definitely heart connected & I believe God shows me details of what is.. Once again not
being able to talk about this openly & to those who know me, is probably the hardest.
Editing some...
LOL the crazy part? is trying to LIVE in 3D.

[57tcjc75]

I wish I could be more free to just let things be. But too when I do this, some of my other life falls apart as it was.
So what to do.. My personality type is definitely about balancing.. so I guess it's one day at a time.
I cannot share this type of thing with soul connections with a therapist I see once in awhile.. I pray that there is someone
who I can talk with to share & I guess perhaps that is what these forums are meant to be for.
The one if I had to pick one who was a true twin flame, though I see 7 for myself, and the one twin ray.. That particular
twin flame I could tell him details of all of these things and he got it.. He could see what I was seeing.
Perhaps in ethereal as he is deceased, maybe it is our loved ones waiting for us in Heaven, that they are aware of our trials.
I pray to God that this confusion ceases. Outside of moving, I'm not sure how to smooth this out.
The intensity upticks + 3D is just so difficult.

[inavalan]

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and hesitations on this.

I believe I need to focus a little differently.

I firstly asked myself: Why am I here, on Earth? What should I try to do, to accomplish?

Then: Why are we here, on Earth? What should we try to do, to accomplish?

In my opinion, I can't get close to the right answers from anybody else. Even if somebody knew them and told me, how would I know who's that someone from the huge number of different opinion peddlers?

The only way that has a chance to be successful is to connect directly to the source, and to try to minimize my biases affecting the answers I get.

I believe that is relatively unimportant to identify those who are incarnations of those souls that are close to mine in other dimensions. I identified some, but it doesn't seem to be of any importance for the purpose of this life.

[57tcjc75]

inavalan,

I like your thinking about the "I" part as to accomplish & also first.
Then the "we" to accomplish. Yes.

LOL @ "opinion peddlers."

I totally agree with connecting to Source (for me that is God).
I do believe I have had a lot of healing & movement in my life meeting the closer souls.. I had no idea this type of thing with twin flames, etc., existed before my experience with this going on 15 yrs ago.

Going back to your comment on the "information peddlers," again, LOL.

Probably I know what to do.. I get very overwhelmed when the newest t.f. guy comes around too often & he is finally starting to detach & I'm praying that he finds more of a niche & when we do chat it is not as intense or at such length.
Nothing like meeting some of these connections where one lives. Who would have thought.
I've met 3 of the 7 twin flames where I am living (apartments) over the course of 20 yrs.

It is much healthier to work on self, & as you say, with Source (God for me).
There is much healing with these connections but to pull in too tight as to not utilize the opportunity of one's earthly existence to improve would be defeating the point.. or at least to love & work on accomplishments.. Again on that too, I totally agree.

[57tcjc75]

@ inavalan, Again, to thank you for your insight sharing, as to how you approach this with twin flames, twin souls, in addition to life on this earth.
--------------------
Your comments:
"I firstly asked myself: Why am I here, on Earth? What should I try to do, to accomplish?

Then: Why are we here, on Earth? What should we try to do, to accomplish?"

----------------

I keep coming back to this (what you write) because right now I need to focus on these things.

It's funny how the connections, in particular that conscious t.f. meeting going on 15 yrs ago now, & even before that I think I knew & was around a few of my twin flames, but no conscious awakening yet.
The, Slain in The Spirit, effect the meeting had on me, some time ago now,
really allowed the movement to transpire in my life, that healing effect I so needed.
The subsequent meetings of my closest of connections, that have since come into my life, it is as if they also needed that part of me, that had been healing, the healing effect even from the ones I had since known, & then the continuing of healing of our soul group. It's as if this re connection of soul family happens over a lifetime, for myself, our group.

I am guessing there are many nice neat soul families, with the white picket fence, 9-5 jobs, not too much other than the usual success & trials a life can bring. Not our group.. Yes, we work & work hard, however our lives (soul group) have been ones set apart & for a greater calling.
Part of our healing has been that recognition, meeting each other, again, over time; embracing the healing, understanding, movement of the energy. Letting go of the shame of not being perfect, embracing perfecting, alongside the heaviness of the world as is.

That light, thus shines, onward, God within, the understanding of heavenly knowledge, wisdom, shared with those who seek it.. Also, that power above, then reflects within, to each of us in a direction toward our true HOME.

This latest t.f. meeting, it's as if I found another piece of myself with him, & vice versa. He needed that which I had, & vice versa.
Where I am now, in tandem with what is, in three dimension, to work yet on myself, love always, be that love & light to shine.

I.. am totally into health foods/ exercise/healing modalities; this is what makes me tick, even into being extreme about this. My twin ray is very similar in his nature, that he is attracted to the same this way.. healing modalities, healthy foods, exercise, knowing in regards to these things.

My twin flames, at least a good number, not all, are not into this the same as myself. My mother is however into very healthy & she is likely one of the 7 twin flames, my aunt is not unhealthy (though she loves to eat out a lot so I would not call her extreme in her habits as I am, and my twin ray & mom)...
Some of my twin flames, especially the conscious awakening one, and this latest t.f. are very opposite in their draw to these unhealthy pacifiers (cigs, etc).. BUT, the bible says, "the foolish shall shame the wise, the weak shall shame the strong." & "everything is folly." YES.

This journey, is as professional analysis, every bit as costly at times.

The, "I," &, "we," dance by the love, light of above. That dimension we share, clothed by The Veil, lifted at times to see what awaits. The distinction is by fire, not to disappear until The Good Lord decides our time is up, once again we meet renewed. The blessing IS in being in three dimension (for now) to work on ourselves, meet again, help each other raise up in tandem, part of the healing of the nations, & by (HIS) light, love.

[57tcjc75]

Thoughts about the "warrior gene & cheating gene."

About 7 yrs ago, I saw a Dr. Phil show (he is not my favorite, but I have learned from the show of which I used to watch! Makes no difference how I FEEL or what I THINK about Dr. Phil, I learned this from orig t.f awakening.. God Lives in my heart, that movement is key, heart connect, also because I'm sure there are many who follow Dr. Phil & like his t.v. therapy ways..).. OK so..
He had a program about,
the finding that there is a "warrior gene" & a "cheating gene."
I found the program fascinating. He had done genetic test on a number of people, & these ones were on stage. He also had people, "guess," who had the genes by their appearance (another interesting to me).
What I was surprised about was the one gal who seemed so sweet, she had the warrior gene.

To go back in time, ancient days, men had multiple wives, concubines; women lived at times in these groups of folks. The idea of, sharing, in this way was accepted.
I'm not trying to make this, "OK," because I am Christian & I know what the bible says. However, the bible also says, "sell your possessions and come follow me." It talks about the fact, "God is a jealous God." So the pull, focus for me always ends up being, Source (God; Father, Son, Holy Spirit) for me.

The cheating gene.. would be more of the hair trigger response, reaction if someone upsets a person. I've noticed there are some where anger, confrontation, a person can walk away, yawn, etc.
In regards, the bible talks about, not being Lukewarm. Yeshauah got angry, he turned over table, etc. So, anger, is an emotion, not good or bad.
Of course there is morality & societal rules, love, hate.

I would say 3 of my closest souls in primary soul group, of the 6 men have the cheating gene. My dad never cheated on my mother, however, I always felt, he could be flirtatious, so I give him a .5 cheating gene. :)
that's 3.5 with cheating gene of the 6 men.
I do not think my mother has the cheating gene or the warrior gene just to add (probably one of the reasons they stayed together however my mom is not perfect either.. my dad was very loving & patient person).

Of the warrior gene, I would say, 5 of the 6 men have the warrior gene, I do not believe my dad has the warrior gene, although IF he does it's only a .5, & then I would have to question that.. but he could get upset, he also could delay reaction.
I have the warrior gene. I don't KNOW but I can get upset & react if someone upsets me.
I do not easily not react.. I am not violent but I can pop off at the mouth at times, it's hard for me to ignore if I have been blatantly slammed.. & it happens.. Some people just go about their business, etc.
My latest t.f. person.. he & I are nearly identical this way but he has a y chromosome so he Can become a bit more irate. He has not been angry at me.. I see his anger as more of righteous anger, & I don't see him as being an angry person. I'm not sure I would say any of my closest souls are angry per say but, orig, t.f. I am about sure has an extra y chromosome so he can get very upset about things I don't understand.. but that's not my problem or business. He is who he is. God created him with strengths and weaknesses..

Latest t.f. guy.. is one of The Sweetest people I have ever met. He is kind to EVERYONE, it is one of the first things I noticed about him. He is so sweet, but if a person is cruel to him, and sometimes people ARE this way to nice people just because.. people are who they are.. (the whole idea of twin flames is accepting this fact I believe, there ARE opposites & for a reason).

This particular t.f. & I are clones .. as we are both very kind/nice but we can get really hurt by slights.
He is out around people way more than I am.. I am trying to mimic him more this way.. not because I'm trying to be him, but & this was before our meeting, I need to get off of my exercise equipment long enough to be around others, and this is not simple ... He smokes his cigs so he is outside smoking his cigs a lot.. so he is around people. We are opposites this way..
All of my closest souls, other than my folks .. have the warrior gene.
Warriors for God.. (my folks are t.f.'s I believe & they are lovely people)..

The cheating gene.. I don't have the cheating gene.. my twin soul, one guy in my primary soul group I do not believe he does either, he was married 30+ years and his wife cheated & left him.. this latest t.f. does not have the cheating gene. (this is my belief as to these things)...
It's just interesting to me to understand the why's of life..
heavenly knowledge.

[Inika]

so what are you going to do with your life?

[57tcjc75]

Originally Posted by Inika

so what are you going to do with your life?

I DO a lot already .. with my life. I have 2 college degrees, etc.

Just discussing, the topic of forum...

Was just informed can't do as a journaling on this forum, so I will not keep the monologue... :)

I have many interests & I am very busy daily.
I am just discussing/ sharing (more journaling on this thread & I will stop)..
twin flame /twin souls.

What are you going to do with your life? :)
I wasn't needing help with the life part.. I know myself, very developed in my person. I am sharing my experiences & trying to decipher how to take in this newest t.f. experience.

[57tcjc75]

Oh & I am at retirement age, so I'm not seeking to find my way
or decide on a career.