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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Past Lives & Reincarnation

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  #1  
Old 02-03-2021, 08:15 AM
TheGreenQueen TheGreenQueen is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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What I Grieve For From My Past Lives

I have been meditating a long time on my heart chakra- it's always seemed to have this very heavy block on it. I can make it go away if I spend 3 hours or so on it, but then it just comes back. That's when just concentrating on the energy flow itself, and not investigating the sources of it. Some things I have searched out and released from it: grieving my easy relationship with knowledge (I have poems and longer explanations on that if you want), pain over how animals are treated in this reality, lack of self-love.

Now, at exactly 3:33 AM (not a coincidence, I assume) I feel the urge to type out a little bit about my past lives, in an effort to purge some more of this energy block.

In my closest previous life, I was a man. (I have found out that most of my incarnations have been male, unlike this one. Which is probably why I experience mild dysphoria from time to time.) There's an old legend that you fall in love with someone who looks like your own past life. I think that definitely applies here. Before I even learned that legend, I had this experience. I am not one to be overly romantic or sentimental, but the first man I dated and liked a lot, years after we parted ways, I found myself in a hypnosis session and had a past life regression, the sensation of looking in a mirror (I'm an aphant, so I did not experience this visually) and having his reflection.

Something I noticed while perusing those memories in that trance, is that I seemed to have a lot of knowledge about cars, something I have less than zero interest in for this life. I was a married man, middle class with kids. As a teenager, I had a near death experience, possibly while at a rally for the environment (I gleaned that from a particular dream later). But as I settled into my marriage, my younger days of being a hippie, I considered childish. (Even as I type that sentence I get tears in my eyes.) The people in power are very invested in convincing us that activism is a college-age thing, something to be left behind once you "grow up." I spent a decade or more of that life, in more lucid moments, wanting to raise that flag again. But always work and the kids came first. I was being "responsible," I told myself.

Enter this life, and due to this past, I have a huge block on both my Throat Chakra and my Heart Chakra. I believe the 5th block in my neck helped cause dramatic, statistic-defying thyroid problems when I was very young. (Let's just say the doctors didn't even think to diagnose me with it because I was only 10 and it usually doesn't present until well into adulthood) I was introduced to the concept of chakras as a 16/17 year old in the series Avatar: The Last Airbender, but I didn't start applying it to my life until around 22 years old. Even then it was difficult, being so programmed by Western religion to doubt their benefit.

Luckily I found plenty of evidence to demonstrate original Jewish belief in reincarnation, so that wasn't as difficult to absorb.

So, what am I still grieving about my past lives? I have let go of a particularly painful end where I, the matriarch of a family that had all abandoned me geographically for work and romantic love, died alone in my house.

I have done a lot of work on a past life that seems to have unknowingly inspired a lot of my fantasy writing, where I was betrayed by my blood brother in pretty much the most horrible way possible.

But tonight, for one thing, I seem to just . . . miss being an adult.

Now, I am physically an adult, sure. But sadly, I am kind of the female equivalent of a guy who dwells in his parents' basement. I am too ridden with anxiety and executive dysfunction to hold down a stable income. If I had to support myself tomorrow, I don't think I could. I miss the feeling of being a pillar for someone else to lean on. I daydream about fostering or adopting kids, even though I hardly even take care of myself, and I also mean physical needs like eating.

Further back in my estimated 200 past lives, I miss the the serenity of mind afforded to a monk. I think I've been one in at least six lifetimes. Possibly more that are fuzzier or less memorable. There is truly no comparison in the human experience, I think, than that of being at a monastery. A commune experience, not marred by romantic competition or strife. And specifically, the best is an Eastern one, where physical attunement of the body is as integral to spiritual practice as anything done with the mind or with the hands.

But, even if I did commit myself to a monastery in this lifetime (do mixed faith monasteries exist? I'll have to look that up), I get the sense that my mind has been so spun around by the absolute assault of the psyche in the form of constant media input and entertainment, I would not be able to reach the exact same mental state. We see thousands upon thousands of visual ads before we turn six or seven, the first large brain leap in self-awareness. That absolutely 'loud' and abundant chaos of thoughts and emotions and ideas I believe is responsible for much of the mental problems of the first world, that are statistically much rarer in less developed countries.

I think, at a subconscious level, I know that I cannot attain what I have attained before. Or at the very least, it will take even longer for a meditation practice to get me there. And I cannot experience being at peak peace in the prime of my life. At least not this time around. Because that window has passed.

So, as I have tried to force myself to stick to a yoga practice with little success, as I become subtly frustrated by the weakness of this body both as compared to a male one, and as compared to someone who has been brought up with daily exercises as a child, (I've written a character who was, and he speaks occasionally on the topic with perspective informed on my foggier and more uncontrolled mental state) I realize now that I've needed to address this block first. I am not going to get to those milestones. This life's purpose is laid out for me clearly, and I'm going to have to focus on that, and not my own iniquity both of mind and body. I have to accept what I can and cannot do. I have to stop subconsciously comparing myself to my other past lives, who I see as more competent. (I'm sure I have some very incompetent ones in there somewhere too, they're just not knocking as loudly at the threshold of my mind) I have to do these practices with the understanding that they will not produce the results that I grieve for, but they will make this lifetime better.
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I drew that cute little dragonet on DeviantArt's Muro board. It is a lot of fun to reply with pictures in a forum!

"The brain was billions of years or more in the making. Each one is a unique make and model. What will you do with yours?" quoted from here *taps head*
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  #2  
Old 02-03-2021, 11:59 PM
FallingLeaves FallingLeaves is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,652
 
No matter what extraordinary things people want to think, the primary purpose of this place is not wish fulfillment.

it isn't really true you can have absolutely anything you want, as some things will be actively opposed by powers outside yourself if you decide to want them. Which isn't to say you cannot overcome that and get such things anyway... if you really want them... but you have a time limit and the more you spend on one thing the less you can spend on another. So practically speaking you can't get to a point of gathering up everything you might want, all at once. Effectively, some things will be denied you because of the way this place is made.

personally i'm happy to be listening to god rather than trying to get what I want... even though there is an awful lot I might otherwise want...
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about you - in one life you were wishing you could go back to your hipster years but you were too responsible to your family to be able to ever actually do it... in this life you have hardly any responsibilities and get to stay a child but you are wishing you were an adult with responsibilities.

you may just be getting what you asked for, earlier... but you apparently don't want it any more...

Not that I blame you though. This place is rough.
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  #3  
Old 03-03-2021, 09:18 PM
Just Tim Just Tim is offline
Master
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,563
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FallingLeaves
No matter what extraordinary things people want to think, the primary purpose of this place is not wish fulfillment.

it isn't really true you can have absolutely anything you want, as some things will be actively opposed by powers outside yourself if you decide to want them. Which isn't to say you cannot overcome that and get such things anyway... if you really want them... but you have a time limit and the more you spend on one thing the less you can spend on another. So practically speaking you can't get to a point of gathering up everything you might want, all at once. Effectively, some things will be denied you because of the way this place is made.

personally i'm happy to be listening to god rather than trying to get what I want... even though there is an awful lot I might otherwise want...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
about you - in one life you were wishing you could go back to your hipster years but you were too responsible to your family to be able to ever actually do it... in this life you have hardly any responsibilities and get to stay a child but you are wishing you were an adult with responsibilities.

you may just be getting what you asked for, earlier... but you apparently don't want it any more...

Not that I blame you though. This place is rough.
A very "real" comment.

All I can wish you is to get all you need
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  #4  
Old 11-04-2021, 08:19 PM
davidsun davidsun is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Arizona, U.S.A
Posts: 3,556
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGreenQueen
So, what am I still grieving about my past lives? ...

... I think, at a subconscious level, I know that I cannot attain what I have attained before. Or at the very least, it will take even longer for a meditation practice to get me there. And I cannot experience being at peak peace in the prime of my life. At least not this time around. Because that window has passed.
Hello 'Queen' (that chosen 'title' says something about your this-life personality configuration, yes?) -

It strikes me that you may(?) be stuck because you choose to hold onto 'grief', by continuing to regally/willfully yearn for thangs/experiences you once 'had'.

Here’s a ‘fable’ which may(?) yield dividends if contemplated in the above regard: “God ‘gives’ people every (kind of) thing they could possibly love and enjoy or imagine loving and enjoying and then, one by one, takes these away from them and/or places the possibility of their ‘having’ them (again, in the former case) out of reach, such that all they are then left with (that is, should they then choose to themselves be and continue so) is the Love and Joy they were thereby soulfully introduced to, which Love and Joy is Life Itself!”

Love is the Spirit of Life. What can you/do you love? .However humble you have to be to do so, I recommend that you start with that.

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