my ex mil still a hateful woman

[dawn infinity]

Hello everyone , me &my ex has been divorced for about a yr, a few months ago my son moved into small house she owns , well about a month ago i dropped off a Chinese plate too my son , well she my ex mil texted me wanting to know why i was over at my sons hpuse &said he was grown & i wasn't allowed over there , well. at first i saw red i thought how dare her to act like that i don't bug my son that much because he works &i was up town &he told me he would like to hav a Chinese dinner since i was up town. now she lives in seeing distance to where my son lives so she seen my car over at his hpuse now i know she a control freak but telling me i can't see my son. , I've always tried to get along with this woman , & i divorced her son cause. of his drinking habits habits put me thro hell. i texted her &told her i had a right to visit my son &take him a plate lunch the woman texted me back &said i didn't he was grown &stay away on her property. she doesn't like me i know but what in the world can i do with someone so nutty. ? thanks everyone for letting me vent &if u have a ex mil story u gals or guys have please tell thanks dawn

[Wally]

I can feel some sympathy for you even though I don't have kids and my mil is quite nice to me.
I wonder if there is a strategy that works with that woman. Maybe you have to seek legal advice. I don't know. Some people don't get the message unless you scare them. or try to anyway.

[Blue Tiger]

The problem of course is that it IS her property. As such she does have some legal rights over who can be on it, though I haven't an exact idea what those rights are.

I'd basically suggest not even bothering with her. You've never gotten along with her, and she is hardly likely to change now.

Try to find somewhere neutral to meet him, a coffee shop or a park or wherever you can visit with him.

To be honest, a battle over this is likely to escalate into something even uglier than it already is and there are not going to be ANY winners if it does.

Originally Posted by Blue Tiger

The problem of course is that it IS her property. As such she does have some legal rights over who can be on it, though I haven't an exact idea what those rights are.

I'd basically suggest not even bothering with her. You've never gotten along with her, and she is hardly likely to change now.

Try to find somewhere neutral to meet him, a coffee shop or a park or wherever you can visit with him.

To be honest, a battle over this is likely to escalate into something even uglier than it already is and there are not going to be ANY winners if it does.

Yes, this might lead to litigation.
Dawn infinity, may I ask who has legal custody of your son, if any? I mean, was it addressed during the divorce settlement. If your ex- has custody were there arrangements about your access?

Otherwise, while your mil may have rights about who can enter her land, you have rights as the mum to see/be with your child (in the absence of any legal order to the contrary). Hence it may come to a legal battle in the end. At it's silliest, she could claim trespass on you entering her land without permission but that would look pretty daft in Court if your intentions were non-harmful.

Best is to get your son out of there asap. Otherwise don't bother to respond to the mil unless it's utterly essential.
Just my view.
.

[Ziusudra]

As your ex said, your son is an adult? - at the age of legal consent for own personal decisions?

Let him decide when, how, and where to get together with you.

Even in a custody legal decision making by a court, underage children of certain age (mostly above 16 in USA) has a right to chose which parent that they want to live with.

You son is now an adult. He now has the right to see you - how, when, and where.
Your son's mother obviously still hold anger and resentment towards you. So, it is her problem, not yours.
There is nothing you can do about that, except to avoid her and any situation that may cause a problem.

It is extremely sad that any parent would stop the other parent from seeing and caring for their child.

In reality, so many divorced fathers stop caring for their underage children and stop paying child support. Hence the reason, a court has to enforce these deadbeat dads to at least paying for the child support.

You also need to let go of your hate/anger towards that woman who happens to be your son's mother.
You do not want your son to hate his own mother since it would damage your son's relationship with any women in the future.

If he wants Chinese food, just take him out to a Chinese restaurant.
Try not to set your foot in her property and causing more problem with her.
You have a choice to end this war with her.

This world is vast.
There should not be a lack of place for you to meet your son.
He can come over to where ever you are staying in town as well.
Don't make your life difficult by keep fighting with that woman.

[Ziusudra]

.....dup...

[linen53]

Well I'm wondering if your son is paying rent and has a renter's contract or if your x mil is just letting him live there out of the kindness of her heart. It makes a difference.

You have to give her kudos for being kind to her grandson regardless of the way she feels about you and visa versa. She could be one of those who makes everyone's life a living hell but she isn't. So give credit where credit is due.

If your son does not have a renter's contract then it's her call and you need to make arrangements to see your son outside of his residence. That should be easily accomplished with a little planning and forethought between your son and you.

He won't be living there for the rest of his life so grin and bare it until he gets on his feet and wants more independence as to who can visit him and who cannot.

And please don't put him in the middle of you and your x mil's conflict or make him feel guilty. You will come out on top in the long run.

[dawn infinity]

Thank u everyone for the advice , yes my son is a adult , ur right he probably won't be living there for ever , anyway, thanks for the advice

[Taking a Break]

Originally Posted by dawn infinity

Thank u everyone for the advice , yes my son is a adult , ur right he probably won't be living there for ever , anyway, thanks for the advice

She still loves you? or at least some feelings of love?

Another aspect here you may consider.

Please don't have your son to feel he is in the middle of this dispute.
I have been there and made some decisions I regretted.
The peaceful road is usually the best road.