Anyone out there beat low self esteem?

[lemex]

Originally Posted by Sungirl

Well, I feel that when I am talking to my father he gets bored of my babbling. I can see it in his face. Luckily I don't live at home any more but it still happens.

At work my differing views challenge people. I don't mean I set about to challenge them but there is one person specifically that finds my differing opinions hard.. so I keep them to myself now because I feel they are not acceptable.

I have also realised that for some reason I find I want to disagree with people almost for the sake of it. It's bugging me so it must be annoying to others too. I used to think it was because I support the underdog and sometimes it still is, other times it's because I see more than one side to a situation.. but sometimes it's just because I don't want to be the same as them. I am still working through understanding why I do this, but I know I need to change it.

After that it's just that I feel that I recognise that I need to express something and be heard and I get it all wrong.

Just looking for how to build my own self esteem.. maybe although I think I love myself enough for others to love me I don't actually and that is being mirrored back to me.

I think it is important to remember the idea you yourself wisely pointed out. One that you find your thoughts challenge convention. We relate and have relationship with people having their own ideas. Therefore you won't find agreement. In your conversation you are asking them to and of course the mind brings up it's defenses. But you also recognize the need to express. I think I relate to what you say but if it upsets them, do you continue. In my own case I do not. I think it is always wise to find others whom we can talk to which is a little more difficult as many of our beliefs are not main stream. Sometimes, it does require a little more strength. Hopefully one day other ideas will become more integrated into society in the establishment of (free) teachings and places of training.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by lemex

Hopefully one day other ideas will become more integrated into society in the establishment of (free) teachings and places of training.

I believe that this is 'the way' of the future. Providing good for each other, without exacting payment is what we're heading towards.
That is what 'enlightenment' is all about. We want to enrich ourselves, and each other; we do not want to "cost" our neighbors anything.

[girlsearching]

I'm 27 and have yet to overcome having Low self esteem . It is not easy at all I can't just wake up tomorrow and suddenly I see the beauty within myself . It takes time to learn to accept yourself I guess I have all the time now because of quarantine. I hope to someday get my drivers license and a car but just the thought of learning how to drive gives me anxiety.

Originally Posted by Sungirl

What did you do?

Pretty low at the moment so looking for hints.

I can love myself heaps and heaps, but I struggle with believing that others think of me as much more than an annoyance or a skivvy most of the time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBKqJHOC0JY

Just kidding. Yes I suffered from devastating low self esteem when I was young. I didn't really know it at the time, as it was just a baseline thing for me. I had never known anything else with which to contrast against it and see the difference. When I realized it in my early 20s, it was the almost like suddenly realizing that one has been slogging through life with a 100lb pack on ones back and becoming aware of how weighed down one was, and that it need not be ones normal.

For me what helped (not solved) was a combination of therapy, education (psychology), going to groups and talking to fellow sufferers (e.g. ACOA), and lots of time. Spiritual exploration helps me to put things into another perspective as well. Decades later it is still an ongoing process, though not so intense anymore. I expect what ultimately solves it is death.

Our human ego based sense of self is, at least in large part, an amalgamation of all of the messages we have encountered in our lives, as well as the processing of those messages and the importance and validity we give/gave them. Verbal messages as well as others such as actions, behaviors, attitudes and so on. Once low self esteem is established, we also have a tendency to interpret any message with a slant against us.

I guess the way I look at it is that self esteem is about the esteem one holds for one's self, and that tends to come from deep within. So within the self is where one must go if one is to get to the root of it. I had to come to grips with an image of self I had created (with lots of help), learn to see it for what it was, just an image of self, and realize that I am not and never will be that image. Then one doesn't take it quite so seriously and may be able to gain a foothold of objectivity about it.

It is by no means a quick or easy process (not for me anyway). Lots of learning, lot's of work, lot's of challenging one's fears, and lots of leaning how to recognize and question ones assumptions (almost forgot, lots of falling on ones face and having to get back up again). But IMO the reward is worth it, not just in terms of alleviating ones own suffering, but in learning to see that same suffering in so many others. I can assure you that you are in no way alone in yours, it is quite ubiquitous to the human experience.

“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honor trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”
― T.H. White, The Once and Future King

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