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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Dreams

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Old 23-09-2020, 08:12 AM
PlatitudePluto PlatitudePluto is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 191
 
Visitation Dream Ended My Trauma Bond (sort of long)

I recently had a second visitation dream from a former high school classmate whom I didn’t know well (or at all if I’m being honest). The first one was before the holidays last year. For a little backstory, at that time, I’d been dealing with about six months worth of a trauma bond with a neighbor, who happens to be bisexual and transsexual. She befriended me while still dating the apartment manager (male) and she worked the desk at the time.
When they ended, she expressed interest in me (I’m female). I was flattered at first, and actually a little excited at the idea of dating her since we’d hit it off as friends. I soon found myself uncomfortable with the situation but I couldn’t figure out why, so I noped out of it. I was soon validated when I figured out she was still trying to manipulate the manager who seemed not to want anything to do with her (and at that point they’d both lost their jobs for other reasons, so no real reason). Now I understand that I was put off by what I felt was her deceptive behavior surrounding dating him while being friends with and hiding her interest in me. Also that the manager had never liked me from day one despite not even knowing me before this situation even started, and they both had keys to my apartment.
After I rejected her, I didn’t see her for two weeks except maybe twice when she was short with me, which I understood, despite the realization that she could’ve looked at her own behavior but didn’t. Then she started showing up everywhere I went and hanging around the lobby when I’d leave and return. This went on hardcore for about two months, and would start and stop all over again over a series of months, usually when I’d stop thinking about her and relax. She’d triggered other trauma-related stuff in me, and I had bisexuality issues (she’d outed me in the building which led to other harassment).
Around the time of the first visitation dream from my former classmate, my neighbor had started attempting to triangulate me with other people. At least twice, she practically chased me around a block to shove a new person in my face. I had to change my daily walking schedule several times trying to avoid her which didn’t work. Even drastically changing the time didn’t work.
The first visitation dream from my classmate was really nice, warm and comforting. Then I got really sick right after that, so sick I thought I was going to die. With everything going on, though I remembered the dream, it and him were kind of pushed to the back of my mind for several months.
My neighbor finally moved around the same time that I’d had a run-in with another of our neighbors, a friend of hers, and I’d written a note breaking my lease because I feared for my safety, and later asked if I could stay because I had no choice and they let me. She left around that time. I continued to have trouble with the same man and he’s still turning people against me (other people tell me he still talks about me).
A select few people who didn’t know about our situation still think the one neighbor is a gay man, not a transwoman. But since one man who claimed not to like her as a person ended up being her flying monkey, it’s just an example that I can’t and don’t trust anything.
Almost a month ago, I had a second visitation dream from my former classmate. In it, he was in lucid form, still looking like he did in high school. He wants me to contact a friend of his, whom I vaguely remember but doesn’t appear to have an online presence (plus how do you do that exactly anyway? IDK…) The dream was short but I felt very loved and protected. I woke up not feeling the same way about my former neighbor, whom I still struggled to keep out of my mind at that point. Now when she comes to my mind, I have mild disgust and nothing else for her.
Since then having been unable to get my classmate out of my head, I’ve been looking at yearbooks I haven’t seen in twenty-odd years. I had no idea who his friends were. They were popular types apparently, and I was not. I didn’t know who the popular kids were.
I only remember one communication with this guy, it was sort of negative. I didn’t laugh at his attempt to make me laugh on my first day of ninth grade when I started two weeks late, and I had a lot of personal **** going on, and I wasn’t sure he wasn’t making fun of me or something. The only other two times I remembered noticing him were one time I hastily went to sit in a seat in front of him but his bag was there. Another time he walked past me with a girl, they kissed in front of me and parted. I don’t remember thinking about or seeing him again in four years. I had a crush on another boy on our bus and my limerence for another fellow nerd type was in full swing at that point anyway.
For more backstory, in ninth grade, I was friends with the nerds. But early on I’d become friends with an older girl who kind of took me under her wing when I was having a hard first day. She was popular and really into school spirit. She took me to games and snuck me off campus with her friends for lunch. But my grandparents threw such a fit about the situation it made it awkward to continue. Also somebody had reported her sneaking me off campus (which I’m sure my controlling best friend who was a nerd might be responsible. She’d get mad that I was eating with someone else and wouldn’t tell her who). So I kind of stopped calling her and she stopped calling me and things tapered off.
When I fell out with my ninth grade best friend, and lost my whole nerd friend group after she used them and a counselor as flying monkeys, I was without friends until the next year when I met another new girl. She’d kind of formed a group of misfits before she met some punk kids and I kind of followed her.
Though there were stories about the issues between punks and jocks, two of her friends were actually popular and friends with some jocks and two cheerleaders, who would sit with us, and my friend didn’t like that. Anyway so that’s kind of my high school story. My life has been chaos for quite some time. I left my hometown almost four years ago now.
When I heard that this former classmate passed on a little less than three years ago, I was shocked but yeah I didn’t know him. On Facebook I followed my general high school page for all the classes but not my graduating class Facebook page. Someone from the graduation page shared it on the other page I follow. I didn’t join the other page mostly because I hardly knew most of my graduating class due to falling behind in subjects and looking younger than my age and having bad memories of the people I knew in elementary school.
One classmate that I vaguely remembered from middle school despite moving around constantly, refused to give me my graduation gown even with my school ID. I’m pretty sure she was just being a ***** the way she was acting. So that’s the kind of relationship I had with most of my classmates and had no interest in reliving it, so I didn’t go to any reunions to that point obviously.
I was able to take a closer look at our graduating class Facebook page, which had been taken around the same time that he passed away, but I didn’t realize until this week that it was at his funeral. The church looked a bit like a house, you can only barely see the sign if you’re really looking. And in the front is the barely visible picture of our classmate that someone else is holding. You have to scroll in to see it but since I didn’t know how to do that, I didn’t see it the first time I saw that page around the time that this happened. One of the nerds was a little put off that he didn’t “know anything was going on” and I’m sure many people are annoyed that not the whole class is on the picture. I don’t think the nerd guy knew it was a funeral either, and I remember being put off by the way the organizer responded kind of short but now I understand and I’m glad they kept that picture up.
His funeral had a pretty decent turnout of our classmates. He was very loved. After that, they started planning regular meetups which they published on the page, up until Covid happened. So now I’m finding myself grieving this guy I barely knew which is strange I guess and certainly a bit inconvenient at my present time. I just get so angry that the natural healers of the world keep getting taken away from us.
I don’t know why this happened. Why him and why me, or why that and why it worked. How was that medically possible that one dream broke my trauma bond? I have no logical explanation. But I’m really grateful and I just wanted to share this experience.
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Old 23-09-2020, 08:15 AM
PlatitudePluto PlatitudePluto is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 191
 
I apologize about the lack of paragraphs, they're not showing up the way they're supposed to and I can't seem to stay logged in long enough to fix it.
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