Letting go ,,

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Starman

But putting a wall around our heart to avoid love relationships with other people, in my opinion, is not healthy.

I agree, though I get why people do put a wall around their hearts - they're afraid of being hurt so badly again, understandably. It takes courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable, particularly if you've been hurt very badly in the past. But relationships can be great catalysts for growth as you say, and as I've certainly found in my own experience, though I think that the most important relationship we have, and the one that forms the basis for all our other relationships, is the one we have with ourselves. Get that right, and all the other relationships in our lives will take care of themselves.

A lot of angles to this. Are we attached to the idea of a relationship or do we perceive love for another person ? After my divorce I became very content with solitude. I would view this period as a time of genuine growth. After 7 years I married again…..I had no other relationship in that period of time nor did I pursue one……then serendipity intervened….:). Make lemonade out of lemons is my advice.

[Starman]

A human Being, I agree with everything you just said in your last post, especially about the relationship that we have with ourselves. I believe that relationships are the most important thing to the human species, and that there is no way that we can not have a relationship.

Relationships most definitely include the relationship we have with ourselves, but also how we relate to this planet, how we relate to other human beings, including acquaintances and casual relationships. How we relate to other species, animals insects, etc.

There was this technique for people who had relationship issues, first have a relationship with a rock, take care of it, etc., then a plant, then an insect, then an animal, and then transfer what you learned from that to another human being. I don’t know if it works or not but what I do know is that we give to each other the work, or lack of work, that we have done on ourselves.

Molearner, A lot of people just do not know how to live alone with themselves. In our society people generally shun being alone. Many are afraid of being alone. Some equate it with loneliness while others, like you, equate it with solitude.

Loneliness does not come from being alone, still there are people who embrace the idea of a relationship as a remedy to their loneliness; not understanding that there are people in relationships who are also lonely.

A person can be in a crowd of other people and still be lonely. In my opinion loneliness comes from feeling disconnected. Generally people use other people like a drug; we get our emotional fix from other people, or our sexual fix, companionship, etc. Some need more of that drug then others. A love relationship breakup, divorce, etc., can be similar to drug withdrawal.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Starman

what I do know is that we give to each other the work, or lack of work, that we have done on ourselves.

Great point.