In crisis and so much pain :'((

[AnnaBanana]

Hello everyone I am new here and really need some guidance bc I don't know a heck of a lot abt Spirit Guides at all... But basically right now I have never felt this low in my life. I am experiencing gut-wrenching, annihilating anxiety and panic due to a situation w my boyfriend where I feel abandoned. I paid for a phone psychic reading last night in desperation, idk how accurate it is and I got cut off, but he said that he didn't think my bf was gone for good but that I am in a Self phase and not a Relationship phase of my life and that my Spirit Guides were mucking up my rs as a result..he said there was technically hope for my rs (he did say my bf WAS in a Relationship phase) but that I had to attend to my own issues first which were the life lessons of trust and intimacy. Then the call got cut off and I wasn't able to connect again strangely, but I'm wondering, how the heck do I work on life lessons of trust and intimacy without being in a rs??? So I started Googling all in a panic again last night and not really finding much that was helpful or alleviated my anxiety for long abt how to meet these life lessons exactly, I did read abt how to connect w my Spirit Guides which I tried but my "sensitivity" skills are really not that refined although I feel like I've been channeling them through my thoughts as intuition for awhile so maybe that is close enough idk. I've been putting requests out for help pretty much daily for the past cpl of wks and without fail I will stumble upon something that will make me feel better and then my anxiety is triggered again and it disappears. I'm in the mental health field so I do know all abt anxiety and had bought like an abandonment workbook and have been finding solace in all these different places but idk I feel like I'm missing something bc nothing lasts :'((

I feel like my intuition is telling me perhaps that my task is to both trust my bf that he isn't abandoning me but to also be able to be intimate in terms of being more authentic w him than I have been abt how bad my anxiety has been (everyone else keeps saying leave him alone, don't panic it will make it worse, let him take space), but it's been a wk and he hasn't acknowledged me and I feel like something terrible and awful is wrong like he's breaking up w me, even though I know that he sometimes does get into these shut down modes and needs time, but he's told me he'd never need this much time....! So I vacillate between trying to trust that it will all be OK and leave him be and focus on my own life, and w sending him a message just calmly communicating that he can take all the space he needs but I'm starting to get worried, this doesn't feel right, to be more authentic in terms of the intimacy lesson piece. Idk what to do and if I am on the right track????????? This whole thing started bc I have held back my feelings from him abt not feeling like a priority in his life and unleashed them all one day and ever since then he slowly distanced himself and now totally avoiding me. Our connection before that was extremely extremely close although we have had one incident like this before where he reactively broke up w me when he was in this shut-down stage which traumatized me so I assume that that is what is going to happen again even though he promised he never would..gah!!!!

[IndigoViolet]

There are some abbreviation I do not know, however, before the external influences turning to reality in order to wreak your relationship, I really suggest you to clear up those bad spirits attaching you. There is a possibility that they aren't even your guides. I see entities doing funny things to you man. Other than that... well, it seemingly that the relationship is originally a good one.

Justify the feelings you get. Identify those that are especially not yours, and those that are.

[crystalexoskeleton]

Anxiety really sucks. I truly hope that you are able to work out whatever is causing you to feel anxious like that. I find that calling to the angels can be helpful in this trying time, but so can stepping back and learning to love and accept oneself.

[Shinsoo]

I agree with IndigoViolet.

I think you need to relax, I've got the same problem...many do. It's hard, but it sounds like you know him pretty well given you acknowledge his shut down mode. He'll come around in time.

[HMyBodhisattva]

You are overwhelming this person with your feelings... 100%.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KynbN4Om12E

You need to focus on yourself first an foremost, and get yourself centered. Re-read the totality what you have written here, as an outsider, and ask yourself would you want to be with you? You cannot look for your "completion" within another. You cannot rely on someone else to teach you your life's lessons. These come from experience, and are realized from within.

I understand you're in pain. But you can work through it if you slow down, take some breaths and think about it logically. Do not try to to hypercling on to someone who needs space. That will be the death of the relationship for sure.

Originally Posted by AnnaBanana

but that I had to attend to my own issues first which were the life lessons of trust and intimacy. but I'm wondering, how the heck do I work on life lessons of trust and intimacy without being in a rs???

I feel like my intuition is telling me perhaps that my task is to both trust my bf that he isn't abandoning me but to also be able to be intimate in terms of being more authentic w him than I have been abt how bad my anxiety has been (everyone else keeps saying leave him alone, don't panic it will make it worse, let him take space), but it's been a wk and he hasn't acknowledged me and I feel like something terrible and awful is wrong like he's breaking up w me, even though I know that he sometimes does get into these shut down modes and needs time, but he's told me he'd never need this much time....!

This whole thing started bc I have held back my feelings from him abt not feeling like a priority in his life and unleashed them all one day and ever since then he slowly distanced himself and now totally avoiding me. Our connection before that was extremely extremely close although we have had one incident like this before where he reactively broke up w me when he was in this shut-down stage which traumatized me so I assume that that is what is going to happen again even though he promised he never would..gah!!!!

Originally Posted by AnnaBanana

Hello everyone I am new here and really need some guidance bc I don't know a heck of a lot abt Spirit Guides at all... But basically right now I have never felt this low in my life. I am experiencing gut-wrenching, annihilating anxiety and panic due to a situation w my boyfriend where I feel abandoned. I paid for a phone psychic reading last night in desperation, idk how accurate it is and I got cut off, but he said that he didn't think my bf was gone for good but that I am in a Self phase and not a Relationship phase of my life and that my Spirit Guides were mucking up my rs as a result..he said there was technically hope for my rs (he did say my bf WAS in a Relationship phase) but that I had to attend to my own issues first which were the life lessons of trust and intimacy. Then the call got cut off and I wasn't able to connect again strangely, but I'm wondering, how the heck do I work on life lessons of trust and intimacy without being in a rs??? So I started Googling all in a panic again last night and not really finding much that was helpful or alleviated my anxiety for long abt how to meet these life lessons exactly, I did read abt how to connect w my Spirit Guides which I tried but my "sensitivity" skills are really not that refined although I feel like I've been channeling them through my thoughts as intuition for awhile so maybe that is close enough idk. I've been putting requests out for help pretty much daily for the past cpl of wks and without fail I will stumble upon something that will make me feel better and then my anxiety is triggered again and it disappears. I'm in the mental health field so I do know all abt anxiety and had bought like an abandonment workbook and have been finding solace in all these different places but idk I feel like I'm missing something bc nothing lasts :'((

I feel like my intuition is telling me perhaps that my task is to both trust my bf that he isn't abandoning me but to also be able to be intimate in terms of being more authentic w him than I have been abt how bad my anxiety has been (everyone else keeps saying leave him alone, don't panic it will make it worse, let him take space), but it's been a wk and he hasn't acknowledged me and I feel like something terrible and awful is wrong like he's breaking up w me, even though I know that he sometimes does get into these shut down modes and needs time, but he's told me he'd never need this much time....! So I vacillate between trying to trust that it will all be OK and leave him be and focus on my own life, and w sending him a message just calmly communicating that he can take all the space he needs but I'm starting to get worried, this doesn't feel right, to be more authentic in terms of the intimacy lesson piece. Idk what to do and if I am on the right track????????? This whole thing started bc I have held back my feelings from him abt not feeling like a priority in his life and unleashed them all one day and ever since then he slowly distanced himself and now totally avoiding me. Our connection before that was extremely extremely close although we have had one incident like this before where he reactively broke up w me when he was in this shut-down stage which traumatized me so I assume that that is what is going to happen again even though he promised he never would..gah!!!!

Decades ago back in the middle sixties when I was in Vietnam I suffered just like you are now. Reading your post brings me strong recognition. I know and understand. Back then I had to leave my combat duties and go to a military hospital where I rested for a month. After that I was OK again. All I needed was chance to get if off my chest by talking with others who had the same symptoms. That was a long time ago. I'm going to tell you something that you may not like. The difficulty for you is not regarding your BF or anything he did or did not do. It is your anxiety. This is where your efforts must be focused. I am not licensed to practice either medicine or psychology nonetheless I am telling you that your anxiety is nothing whatever to do with any "spirits". You must come to your own conclusions but I will hint and say that our brains are electro chemical devices. Like any organ in the body they sometimes need what only a doctor can provide. Forget psychics and all that sort of thing and go see a PHD psychologist.

When engaged in a task the smart person uses all available tools.

A note regarding psychics. We are real but a word of caution..... avoid any who charge money. The reason is simply that by placing conditions on help they darken their own auras and weaken their abilities. They impose on themselves a limiting conflict of interest.

[AnnaBanana]

Hello everyone I'm so sorry I was never notified of these replies!! Ironically that very same evening right after I wrote this, I reached out to him saying I wasn't OK and I needed to hear from him. He responded immediately and told me basically that he "just didn't want to do it anymore". My life has been in chaos ever since. I drove over there that night and was in this shut down, dissociative state that he couldn't explain and could only say he thought he was ready for a rs but he's not. I have done a profound amount of work over the past 2 months on myself and have good days and bad days, but have still struggled. However last night after asking for some guidance again I happened upon twin flames, and couldn't believe that it was describing exactly what I've already "known" abt this rs the whole time. I feel so validated, finally.

I realize after extensively analyzing this how much I sabotaged this w my anxiety, but I don't know how it could have played out any differently. I needed to realize that my distorting of situations is destructive as well as not acknowledging and communicating my needs better and accepting them. It's been unbelievably painful knowing that I helped to trigger this pain but the twin flame concept really helps me see it from a perspective that finally feels healthy and "right". I'm trying to find someone to do a twin flame reading for me to confirm this although I'm already sure of it and to give me some insight into the prognosis for us in this lifetime. I'm trying to get to the place of looking at this as a necessary hiatus so we can be together eventually and to just go on w my life in the meantime.

It's been incredibly painful however to deal w being blatantly ignored all this time. It feels awful that we created a rs (relationship) to be the epitome of trust and communication and unconditional acceptance and that that was the reason I even allowed myself to show that level of anxiety and insecurity, I really thought that we built this rs to help each other deal w our issues and that we'd have a conversation abt my feelings and I'd evolve. That was my plan. Obviously it did not work out like that and I'm trying to accept it still. I stayed the night that night and he held me all night while I hyperventilated and asked him questions that he just couldn't answer, it was like he was being driven by this force. And I sent him several messages since then which I realize was probably further overwhelming him but I HAD to, to cope, to process. I finally stopped contacting him abt 3wks ago and I feel him lurking, I feel him so close sometimes. I see him on the texting app we use, he always goes on for 1-3 days before a holiday (he only used it w me. I feel like he must be reading the messages I had sent previously that he had ignored. But it's odd bc I would get to the point where I assumed the worst and that it was over and he had completely devalued me and the rs and then I'll see him on there and he feels so close. It's so confusing. But the twin flame thing makes so much sense. I've also just realized that my "assuming the worst" outlook which I've always been proud of as a defense mechanism is really destructive also. I've also become so much more intuitive and can ask for signs of things and always get them, but they've been all over the place but I wonder if it's bc I have all this insecure energy and anxiety attached to me still. This sounds crazy but I feel like I had a conversation w him tonight telepathically through songs on the radio. I know that sounds cuckoo but it's true! He said that he misses me like crazy, he's sorry, he wants to be together but the intensity of his feelings are scary and he couldn't handle the idea that he was disappointing me/headed for failure, couldn't handle the pressure of having something so incredible and feeling responsible for keeping it alive so-to-speak. In my previous messages I took complete responsibility for putting that responsibility on him and that it was my issue, I said all the right things to take the pressure off and tell him I was accepting of where he was at so now I'm trying to walk the walk :/ lol..I feel like I wanted to give him as much info as possible to help him w some insight but I feel like he needs the time and space probably to feel like he can come to it of his own accord as I believe another issue he had was perhaps feeling trapped in a rs where he couldn't do anything right (he has issues from the past w this and even though this was not how the majority of our rs was I can see how he'd be triggered by my feelings. He left it open-ended when I left that morning but I think seeing me that upset probably made him feel worse. I'm hoping that he has found some peace since I've stopped contacting him and he's able to try and figure out what he wants and how to make it happen. It doesn't feel right that he wld never talk to me againb, I know that he's very driven to have a healthy rs and I know he'll want to look at why he did this and want to do something abt it. And we were each other's dream partners beyond measure so I cannot even picture a scenario where he's able to have a rs w anyone else, but I force myself to accept this possibility, anyway..:/

[GRoyal]

I feel your pain. Pain is always up close, and very personal. The path that leads us past our pain is to rise above our pain, and observe the effects our pain is having on us. Becoming the observer creates separation, allowing us a much clearer perspective on the dynamics causing our pain, while moving us away from that pain. The parable about the fisherman having no luck catching what they desire, and the advise to pull the net out of the water that is not producing the desire effect, and throw it on the other side is all about; if it doesn't work try something different. As for your Angels, and Guides, they are always with you, the don't speak in words, but thru your feelings, and thoughts. Be still, they are speaking to you. We can't talk, and listen at the same time. Love and light.

[Grace222]

I second Bartholomew's observation and advice - "The difficulty for you is not regarding your BF or anything he did or did not do. It is your anxiety." If you would, please find someone in mental health counseling to help you. You can talk all this out with them without judgment and receive help with your anxiety. I've had to do this once myself (along with some medication for a short while). Really, you will feel a world of difference.

[AnnaBanana]

I am a psychotherapist so it's difficult bc I already know the drill abt how to deal w anxiety, plus this is a difficult situation to talk abt w another professional bc of the nature of my rs w my bf which is a whole other thing. I did do a free weekly trial of online therapy bc I could be anonymous, which wasn't helpful to me. I've just been searching for my own answers. I'm well aware of how I sabotaged the rs and why now and the anxiety isn't there anymore anyway now it's just grief and loss although that's getting better. I found some stuff abt twin flames one night after feeling low and looking for some guidance and couldn't believe how it fit my situation so now I'm looking for specific help w understanding myself within the context of using that framework of understanding.