Love bombing

[LibbyScorp]

Do you believe in this newer term called love bombing?

Most articles I've read claim it is something that often takes place in whirlwind romances that start off all passion but hardly last. The explanations tend to be more lengthy but here is the gist of what goes on...

The love bomber gives 120% effort with excessive contact, feeds off the other person's attention, notices the attachment from them, then finds their weak points and buttons to press only to discard them with ease before any real commitment is made to the relationship. The one being love bombed then feels defeated and left in the cold. The love bomber then returns weeks or months later at their convenience of needing attention. They know the right things to say and do that start the infatuation stage back up. After a series of gaslighting comments making the other person question their suspicions and sanity, the viscious cycle starts all over again. Unfortunately this can go on for years unnoticed where the one falling victim is continuously in a state of confusion about it all before finding the strength to put a stop to it.

Idealization, devaluation and discard are said to be the 4 phases of love bombing.

Have you experienced this before? Do you believe this behavior is a trait of a narcissist? Or do you think it's a bunch of **? Are you a love bomber? Lol

[Miss Hepburn]

Ha! I thought this was going to be an uplifting thread about people
showering the less fortunate with love.
In my area women started a group that places baskets at you door! Wine, all sorts of things in there.

I have never heard of this - but you're right - narcissism sounds like a cause, or even sociopathic behavior.
How awful to play with someone's heart, mind and spirit.
Ooo, the karma!!!!

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Ha! I thought this was going to be an uplifting thread about people
showering the less fortunate with love.
In my area women started a group that places baskets at you door! Wine, all sorts of things in there.

I have never heard of this - but you're right - narcissism sounds like a cause, or even sociopathic behavior.
How awful to play with someone's heart, mind and spirit.
Ooo, the karma!!!!

That group of women are amazing. Bless em!

Back to the unfortunate version... lol

Its interesting because the people who seem to display these behaviors don't realize they are doing it or that it has some silly name. So when confronted about it, they laugh it off and make you feel like an idiot instead of looking within themselves and the situationship they're in. It's like they don't want to believe or admit they're causing emotional harm by coming in and out of someone's life in such ways.

[Native spirit]

I have to agree with what Miss hepburn has said



Namaste

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by LibbyScorp

Its interesting because the people who seem to display these behaviors don't realize they are doing it or that it has some silly name. So when confronted about it, they laugh it off and make you feel like an idiot instead of looking within themselves and the situationship they're in. It's like they don't want to believe or admit they're causing emotional harm by coming in and out of someone's life in such ways.

Yes, no empathy...read up on narcissism and sociopaths....cuz wow do ya ever learn a lot! (Sociopaths are not psychopaths, btw,)
All 3 are incurable. Fascinating stuff.

Being selfish or self absorbed or self-centered? Whole diff ballpark.

Btw, no one 'can make you feel anything'...they can try, tho.
We are in charge of how we feel about any situation.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Yes, no empathy...read up on narcissism and sociopaths....cuz wow do ya ever learn a lot! (Sociopaths are not psychopaths, btw,)
All 3 are incurable. Fascinating stuff.

Being selfish or self absorbed or self-centered? Whole diff ballpark.

Btw, no one 'can make you feel anything'...they can try, tho.
We are in charge of how we feel about any situation.

Yes, that is definitely true and it's up to whoever it happens to to put a stop to it with boundaries.. That is the underlying issue. Not having strong boundaries set in place feeling weak everytime a love bomber returns since they are so good at charming and taking opportunities to look like the knight in shinging armor.

A friend and I were just talking about past relationships doing this and how strange it is to date people with healthier attachment styles who don't do this.

I think most people are guilty of this to some degree. Many times, it's unconscious. It's a communication style that develops young with parents, sometimes parents who are verbally/emotionally/physically abusive lash out and then feel guilt pangs so they try to make up for it with love bombing. They give gifts or tons of compliments or act really sweetly.

And then it leaves kids who grow up to think their dates probably have no interest because they act casually instead of snuggling up with affection from the get go. Can you tell I speak from experience?

I've got an avoidant attachment style, which has often attracted the type to love bomb. They reel in and then spit out. I don't think people who do this all lack empathy or are narcissists. Monkey see, monkey do. They think it's a normal way to express love, but when they love bomb, they retract out of fear that they showed all their cards. I think most people have felt this sense of "oh no I came on too strong so now I need to back off." It's simple, but it is nuanced.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by sikaphant

A friend and I were just talking about past relationships doing this and how strange it is to date people with healthier attachment styles who don't do this.

I think most people are guilty of this to some degree. Many times, it's unconscious. It's a communication style that develops young with parents, sometimes parents who are verbally/emotionally/physically abusive lash out and then feel guilt pangs so they try to make up for it with love bombing. They give gifts or tons of compliments or act really sweetly.

And then it leaves kids who grow up to think their dates probably have no interest because they act casually instead of snuggling up with affection from the get go. Can you tell I speak from experience?

I've got an avoidant attachment style, which has often attracted the type to love bomb. They reel in and then spit out. I don't think people who do this all lack empathy or are narcissists. Monkey see, monkey do. They think it's a normal way to express love, but when they love bomb, they retract out of fear that they showed all their cards. I think most people have felt this sense of "oh no I came on too strong so now I need to back off." It's simple, but it is nuanced.

This is a great way to look at it and makes total sense. Especially in newer relationships. Im not so sure these behaviors indicate a narcissist or sociopath for every instance either. I believe with long term connections, it's just wasting someone's emotional energy. When an issue like this has been addressed numerous times, it's incredibly disrespectful to come in and out and shows they're not taking that person's time and patience seriously.

[A human Being]

I think a more helpful question to ask if you are on the receiving end of this sort of treatment is, 'What is it about me that makes me susceptible to such behaviour?' Which isn't to say that you should just put up with it, or that you'd be wrong to be feel angry or resentful about it (I imagine most people would, I know I would), just that it does take two to tango.

Without asking those tough questions, we risk either repeating the same pattern over and over again, or else simply shutting down and never letting anyone in again, for fear of suffering more hurt.

[LibbyScorp]

Originally Posted by A human Being

I think a more helpful question to ask if you are on the receiving end of this sort of treatment is, 'What is it about me that makes me susceptible to such behaviour?' Which isn't to say that you should just put up with it, or that you'd be wrong to be feel angry or resentful about it (I imagine most people would, I know I would), just that it does take two to tango.

Without asking those tough questions, we risk either repeating the same pattern over and over again, or else simply shutting down and never letting anyone in again, for fear of suffering more hurt.

Yes, good self reflection is key. Also, holding on for so long (years not weeks) to someone who doesn't take the connection seriously or isn't emotionally available for it, makes for lost opportunities with those that would be serious and ready. Sometimes the damage is just done between both parties and it's time.