After finding out about TF term I feel more rage than ever

[shoni7510]

The person you are in love with is quite old (I don't know your age) and has been married for too long (30 years). That is a solid marital life and a stable home that one should be careful not to break. I know of someone who met her twin and fell in love but upon discovering that he has a family they chose to part ways because she wouldn't let him break up his family for her, that is honourable behaviour that I applauded. She suffered greatly because of the separation but finally got used to it. Marriage is a strange institution where partners grow closer and apart but they keep it together, an outsider won't understand what is going on.

[clueless]

Originally Posted by shoni7510

The person you are in love with is quite old (I don't know your age) and has been married for too long (30 years). That is a solid marital life and a stable home that one should be careful not to break. I know of someone who met her twin and fell in love but upon discovering that he has a family they chose to part ways because she wouldn't let him break up his family for her, that is honourable behaviour that I applauded. She suffered greatly because of the separation but finally got used to it. Marriage is a strange institution where partners grow closer and apart but they keep it together, an outsider won't understand what is going on.

Thank you
I dont mind your comment, I guess Im not that honorable person, I also dont mind that, dont get me wrong, I really dont.
My, our story is quite different. Im not a home wrecker or whatever,
if fact he took 1/5 of my inheritance under the pretext that we are friends and that knowing that I love him, he will always be there for me.
Well, that ended up sour, he lost his job cause of me I never got the money back. His dear wifey knew about it, gave him permission to take money but encourage him (in couple different ways) to cut contact with me, he became more reluctant, more walls, long story short we are where we are.

I dont mind people thinking Im some kind of home wrecker, whatever I know what I felt and even if I dont see him ever again, I know what he was (is) to me and what he will always be. Only thing for him to stop being part of my life is if I completely loose my mind and forget who am I or who he is. I dont see other possibility to deny what happened between us.

Reason Im writing this is that I dont mind people knowing my story, that has elements of finance, betrayal and some real-real life problems, since most people in here now are in this mellow phase one and well my story can be a lesson to not act like me

Ironically I never wanted him to divorce but I know (sadly) that he saw this as a option if he stays with me, that is the problem. I could be happy with having him in my life as a person, man, lover, friend, my everything and I wouldn't mind him going back to her to be her life companion.
I dont need him in any real-life type of way, I just want to be with him, next to him, have my time with him, at least some time in this life in this world :)

And this is not cause Im dormant since Im not, it is cause I no matter what (at least part of me ) love him, and I dont mind him honoring his other obligations, her.

The problem with us was that he was convinced that the only way we can be together (without any walls) is for him to divorce and he was afraid of that.

The only downside of me writing this story is that now, when people read this part about money and betrayal they choose not to read this as possible TF or soul connection and stop giving imputes and advice as it is one, since they feel like money and real life problems ruin spiritual part of this connection. I understand them, I just wish for people to treat my posts as it is soul connection :)

I posted a thread shortly (as possible) explaining my experience, it is in my profile if anybody is interested to read (I named it as tabloid would, just for people to read it)

Im 42, he is 18 years older than me. He is the only man in my life, ever was and still to this day is. I dont have kids or brothers or sisters, not many live relatives, not close cousins next to my age, not many friends (this is my fault xD), well so far I never own a pet either..... so he is (he was) to this day my everything.
He is part of my life, my identity, my soul (if I even have one xD)...

I dont wanna sound harsh, or conceded but my burden was a quite heavy since "I got him" that day back in 1999, I suffered enough (and sadly for me, Im still suffering,
while his wife had him her whole life and guess what - even today she is not suffering from anything, not at least from not having him... so suffer is a relative term xD)

And to be quite honest, there is a thing, when you have this type of experience you just feel (as I said many times) you are meant to be together, like that is your place next to him and that everyone others are misplaced and belong next to someone else (including his wife)

I mean, knowing what I know, feeling what I feel, been where I was, the fact that I want to be next to him in my own eyes, doesn't make me bad person the way people from the outside would think xD

[jro5139]

Clueless, first of all my advise to you right now is to work on forgiving him, work on forgiveness and focus on that and that alone right now. I wouldn't even worry about getting over him at this point, first, I would solely work on forgiving him and then also his wife, forgive her too. Once you have truly reached forgiveness, you will be surprised the floodgate of other stuff that will open up. Forgiveness is the most important thing for you right now.
To do that, try to understand his perspective and also hers. Understanding where the other person is coming from is the way to forgive them. I'm sure you can understand his reasons, even if you don't agree.

If I were you I would stop concentrating on their relationship and on what is going on between them. Realize that you will never know what is all going on behind closed doors or in someone else's head. Just know that his wife, she also has a burden to carry even if it doesn't seem like it. She may be in complete denial about it, but it IS there and she does feel it. And her burden is being too weak to stand on her own and instead, holding another soul captive to an old 3D contract and using guilt to keep him there. Can you imagine being so weak that you spend your life with a person that you know is in love with someone else? I can't and I thank God I am not that weak everyday.

You ask why it is not ok for you to be needy but it is ok for her? This answer is because you are looking at it from the perspective of spiritual growth while she is looking at it from society's perspective. A long marriage where maybe there is no passion but the couple puts in extreme amounts of work to keep it going, denies their feelings towards others, and sticks together because they gave their word, how ever many years ago.....this is exactly the type of relationship society will tell you is desirable and that you should strive for.

Do you see the problem with having this type of life and spiritual advancement? Well first of all it is not authentic, and part of gaining ground in a spiritual sense involves being very authentic, this cannot happen if one lives in denial or lies to those in one's life.
But when you take in the amount of people that remain stagnant throughout their lives, than this type of relationship makes sense.
So you are looking at it from two different perspective with two different goals, one goal is to grow and advance as much as possible and to be very authentic. The other goal is to be comfortable in your life, have as little financial worries as possible (which involves 2 incomes because it is so expensive to survive in our society and we are so isolated as individuals, there is no community anymore), and have a warm body beside you and to fill physical needs. That is it, just 2 different perspectives, depends on which type of life you pick as important to you.

[clueless]

Thank you jro5139

About forgiveness,
well it seams like I dont know how to do that, since there are days when I feel like I forgave him (and even her) and then after couple of good days it just hits me, the fact, the though that its been ten years
(we talked last time nicely before the incident last days of 2007, we saw each other thru January, Feberuary2008 but that was about sorting some of the things, very bitter and awful place we were both, and that was last time)

And whenever I have this idea, this thought - its been ten years,everything falls apart in me, I cant forgive him, myself or anybody, the anger, the rage , everything is back and is even bigger and bigger (last couple of months)

I understand what fogginess is, or what it suppose to be, but I cant reach this stage to forgive and never look back. With me it is in cycles. I really have days when I feel light and I feel like I forgave him, me, (her), everyone... and I really feel like I did.But this doesn't last for a long time, after couple of days or weeks, depends, this thought, this idea "its been this long, what if he never comes back" ... and I just relapse again.

I honestly feel like I need something beyond me, some kind of (at least small) miracle, some kind of divine intervention or some kind of sign, spiritual insight or anything of that sort, just to know that I'm on the right track (when Im feeling light and forgiving).

It is hard to explain, really and I know how I sound when I post on this forum, since most of the time when I dont feel so great Im inspired to write :)
Thing about me and years is that , after our split, first couple of years I knew that we are not ready for anything, not even to talk to each other.
So almost first five years I spent hoping, deep down knowing (or lying to my self) that we are going to reconcile in the future, just not right away.

In a period of 2008-2011, I honestly wasn't ready for anything, and even me, this clueless, knew that I wasn't ready for him, for anything. Intuitively , without any kind of spiritual or TF knowledge, I knew those years are for us to recuperated and get strong on our own. At the same time I felt too tired and too overwhelm even too fed up to deal with anything considering what happened to us.
So in a way, those years passed by quickly , I haven't done much of any sort of what would we call "spiritual growth" but at the same time I had this hope, this firm hope that in the future we are going to reconcile.

2011 to 2016 I spent kinda delaying my real attempt to reconcile till 2016 since I felt that we just need more time

And then when I made serious attempt to reconcile (writing about how I feel) and he blocked me, ignored me... I i just lost it. Everything felt apart yet again. I prayed, I begged god or whoever is out there to give me something , some sign something I was at the end of my wits. And surprisingly I was presented with TF knowledge, and the rest - I already wrote about it :)

It seams I just cant reach this ultimate level of forgiving once for all and not looking back, since after days of me feeling forgiving and better, I start feeling angry and resentful yet again.

I dont know how to reach that level.

I know many would say that Im just nuts and that is ok too, and to be quite honest I can be nuts (or let myself be told that Im nuts in real life in any moment, it is not hard to be considered nuts :)), I can be nuts or locked away forever or drugged up with bunch of different treatments in any time of my life - thing I'm asking for in here, in this forum is some kind of different understanding and advises that are not just pure psychological nature.

I just dont know how to reach this level of ultimate forgiveness, to reach this top point where I wont look back and relapse in a pit of despair or rage.

Having this highs and lows, it is really hard, that is why I wrote that ultimately I would rather be quietly resentful for the rest of my life, than to be supposedly grounded, happy, content and forgiving ten days then angry and desperate next ten....

All, I know is that I dont have anything tangible to hold on too. For years I had this hope (and hope was related to the fact that we need time but not whole decade )
And now this type of hope is lost and I dont have anything to replace this hope with.
If I was just able to have blind faith in god or universe (which I always lack of), or if I would just to have this blind faith in the twin flames mythology and philosophy, or anything... But there is this part of me that is forever skeptical, forever sarcastic, forever doubting ...
If only he would to act differently in a way to not ignore me, to exchange a word, or a message .... If only...

I mean I know it would be easy for me to forgive him, myself and even her, if he would just to tell me that he is sorry for everything that happened ....but he is not saying that... And this part of skeptical, sarcastic, jaded me would ask "what if he is not sorry at all?"

[bluebird21]

I love your honesty clueless. Big hug. What you shared about not having siblings, children, not many friends and that he was the only man in your life says a lot. It makes a lot of sense that he has been very difficult to let go of. Btw we can let go of people and still feel love for them.

To answer your question, I said people generally are attracted to people who are not needy. He is staying with his wife not because he's attracted to her because she's needy but because they are already married and he wants to stay married.

You said you are wishing for a miracle, people wish for a miracle when the miracle is already here, like we search and search for God not realizing God has been within us all along. I think radical acceptance will be powerful for you as you are causing yourself great suffering wishing things were different.

I also recommend doing something regularly in which you connect with people in a meaningful way. Human fundamentally need real connection with each other. Xo

[clueless]

bluebird21
thank you
I know, I know, also I wish I live in a more humane society, where I live there isn't more place for me to connect with others in a meaningful way, that is why I am so chatty or write this long texts

I feel like every kind of a story abut TF, SC or whatever we call it, can be helpful to somebody someday... I for one am reading old threads on this forum a lot and I love reading all sorts of stories posted even 10 years ago (I fond archive posts too ) and it is helpful, even if those people are long gone from experience or this forum.
That is why I wrote mine, knowing that it is kinda messy for a spiritual type of forums and it is not something many people experienced.

Im gonna leave this quote for anybody reading my posts

"Love and hate have a magical transforming power. They are the great soul changers.
We grow through their exercise into the likeness of what we contemplate."

I know the theory of it all.. But I would be lying if I would say I can live according the rules I know I should.
After every period of me feeling full of love and enjoyment, and feeling so light and so full of hope... there is this period of me feeling like a idiot for even dare to hope and nothing changes....

[Dargor]

This only proves why I am right and that you shouldn't waste time and effort on your TF. If they exist they were only put on Earth to cause even more unnecessary suffering, so that's why I KNOW they don't exist. Unless something likes to play cruel games with us.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by clueless

Thank you jro5139

About forgiveness,
well it seams like I dont know how to do that, since there are days when I feel like I forgave him (and even her) and then after couple of good days it just hits me, the fact, the though that its been ten years
(we talked last time nicely before the incident last days of 2007, we saw each other thru January, Feberuary2008 but that was about sorting some of the things, very bitter and awful place we were both, and that was last time)

And whenever I have this idea, this thought - its been ten years,everything falls apart in me, I cant forgive him, myself or anybody, the anger, the rage , everything is back and is even bigger and bigger (last couple of months)

I understand what fogginess is, or what it suppose to be, but I cant reach this stage to forgive and never look back. With me it is in cycles. I really have days when I feel light and I feel like I forgave him, me, (her), everyone... and I really feel like I did.But this doesn't last for a long time, after couple of days or weeks, depends, this thought, this idea "its been this long, what if he never comes back" ... and I just relapse again.

I honestly feel like I need something beyond me, some kind of (at least small) miracle, some kind of divine intervention or some kind of sign, spiritual insight or anything of that sort, just to know that I'm on the right track (when Im feeling light and forgiving).

It is hard to explain, really and I know how I sound when I post on this forum, since most of the time when I dont feel so great Im inspired to write :)
Thing about me and years is that , after our split, first couple of years I knew that we are not ready for anything, not even to talk to each other.
So almost first five years I spent hoping, deep down knowing (or lying to my self) that we are going to reconcile in the future, just not right away.

In a period of 2008-2011, I honestly wasn't ready for anything, and even me, this clueless, knew that I wasn't ready for him, for anything. Intuitively , without any kind of spiritual or TF knowledge, I knew those years are for us to recuperated and get strong on our own. At the same time I felt too tired and too overwhelm even too fed up to deal with anything considering what happened to us.
So in a way, those years passed by quickly , I haven't done much of any sort of what would we call "spiritual growth" but at the same time I had this hope, this firm hope that in the future we are going to reconcile.

2011 to 2016 I spent kinda delaying my real attempt to reconcile till 2016 since I felt that we just need more time

And then when I made serious attempt to reconcile (writing about how I feel) and he blocked me, ignored me... I i just lost it. Everything felt apart yet again. I prayed, I begged god or whoever is out there to give me something , some sign something I was at the end of my wits. And surprisingly I was presented with TF knowledge, and the rest - I already wrote about it :)

It seams I just cant reach this ultimate level of forgiving once for all and not looking back, since after days of me feeling forgiving and better, I start feeling angry and resentful yet again.

I dont know how to reach that level.

I know many would say that Im just nuts and that is ok too, and to be quite honest I can be nuts (or let myself be told that Im nuts in real life in any moment, it is not hard to be considered nuts :)), I can be nuts or locked away forever or drugged up with bunch of different treatments in any time of my life - thing I'm asking for in here, in this forum is some kind of different understanding and advises that are not just pure psychological nature.

I just dont know how to reach this level of ultimate forgiveness, to reach this top point where I wont look back and relapse in a pit of despair or rage.

Having this highs and lows, it is really hard, that is why I wrote that ultimately I would rather be quietly resentful for the rest of my life, than to be supposedly grounded, happy, content and forgiving ten days then angry and desperate next ten....

All, I know is that I dont have anything tangible to hold on too. For years I had this hope (and hope was related to the fact that we need time but not whole decade )
And now this type of hope is lost and I dont have anything to replace this hope with.
If I was just able to have blind faith in god or universe (which I always lack of), or if I would just to have this blind faith in the twin flames mythology and philosophy, or anything... But there is this part of me that is forever skeptical, forever sarcastic, forever doubting ...
If only he would to act differently in a way to not ignore me, to exchange a word, or a message .... If only...

I mean I know it would be easy for me to forgive him, myself and even her, if he would just to tell me that he is sorry for everything that happened ....but he is not saying that... And this part of skeptical, sarcastic, jaded me would ask "what if he is not sorry at all?"

Ok you talk about cycles of forgiveness and how you slip back into anger/resentfulness as if you are not doing it right....First of all, know that you are doing this right and this is exactly how it works. It doesn't happen in one big swoop, it's a process, particularly the bigger the thing you are trying to forgive is to you, the bigger the process is going to be.
So, you find that today you are able to forgive and get in that good place, than tomorrow you wake up and you find that you are angry again, you then start the process all over again and forgive all over again. And you do this every day, day after day, for as long as it takes. Some days you find you have to force yourself out of the anger/resentment, your mind and body are naturally going to want to go there... you get out and forgive all over again. And you keep doing it, until one day you find you just aren't angry or resentful anymore. I'm not saying it's easy, if it was, everyone would do it and there wouldn't be any angry people in the world. It's much easier, initially and for a while, to just stay angry, but you are going to be much, much happier in the long run if you forgive.

We as people, we tend to have tunnel vision, we want to sum up our experiences like they do in the movies, with a nice ending in which everything works out or is explained. The thing is though, we are not at the end of the story yet, we are in the middle. Everything is not complete or finished with us or our stories. We want to say that the things we have been through have led to this or that, or want to say, well I did this and the results were this.
Ok, we are not at the end yet, we don't know yet what the end results of all of this will be. So you take things that you are angry about and say well, look at what the results were, but are you at the end of your life, there are still more results to come.
So when we get resentful of stuff because it didn't work out the way we think it should or wanted it to or because we look around and think, there were no results to that or they were not what I wanted. But first of all, all of the results to stuff that is going on now are not in yet. Second, I know that personally I have been led or guided to certain things that in the moment looked as if things were not working out. That is because I had tunnel vision and only saw what I wanted at the moment, not the big picture. That is ok because our Higher Selves, guides, God, whatever you like to call it, does see the big picture and is working to make things work out in a way that is way grander and bigger and better than what we would have been able to plan. When things work out and it is aligned with the Higher Self/ greater good it is MUCH much better than what it would have been if we had directed it in our timing.

The universe does have your back, no matter how much it may appear otherwise. Don't worry about the doubt and skepticism. This is natural and it is a good thing, we are born with discernment for a reason, it is to protect us from falling for every line anyone tries to tell us. It is absolutely a good thing to question everything, this is what you should be doing.
But the thing about tf's is, it is a leap of faith and the leap of faith comes in that what you see going on in the material world will make it seem that nothing is working out, this is only because you can't see the big picture. A big part of this journey is developing a trust in the universe. How do you do this? You may have to revamp your entire belief system, it depends on what where you are to begin with, I had to do that. I had to see the faults in the belief system I had that made me feel like the universe was out to get me.
Then I had to do an inventory of my life and realize that the universe has always taken care of my needs. When I really thought about it, I realized the universe has never let me down, it has always provided me with what I needed.

But this isn't to say that tf is about following a belief system, it's not about conclusions that somebody else came to, it's not about following a doctrine that was designed by another person. You see no religion is 100% true, this is because they are created and designed by humans. And anything created by humans will always have flaws. It's about a trust in yourself and the universe.

The other thing is you are looking to him to give you your happiness and this is where the problem is, no other person can do that, tf or not. You think if you were with him, things would be better. The things is though, it is not just about getting through the lessons and gaining a certain advancement it is also about being able to handle that much love. Think about how it feels when it is really intense, can you really handle that all the time, that is what to ask yourself.
Don't worry about the way the relationship is playing out in the 3D, you have a whole other side (called the ethers or the spiritual realm) in which to communicate with him. Telepathy is real, it has been proven in studies (this is how many things are actually proven), it's just that this fact doesn't receive very much press. You can communicate in spirit and trust that he is receiving your messages.

And the most important thing, is don't forgive for him, do it for yourself. Do it for your life and because you know that in the long run, you will be much happier if you forgive than otherwise. Do it for your own happiness and mental health.

[clueless]

jro5139
thank you so much
Thanks for reassuring me about the way forgiveness works, it means a lot

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by clueless

bluebird21
thank you
I know, I know, also I wish I live in a more humane society, where I live there isn't more place for me to connect with others in a meaningful way, that is why I am so chatty or write this long texts

I feel like every kind of a story abut TF, SC or whatever we call it, can be helpful to somebody someday... I for one am reading old threads on this forum a lot and I love reading all sorts of stories posted even 10 years ago (I fond archive posts too ) and it is helpful, even if those people are long gone from experience or this forum.
That is why I wrote mine, knowing that it is kinda messy for a spiritual type of forums and it is not something many people experienced.

Im gonna leave this quote for anybody reading my posts

"Love and hate have a magical transforming power. They are the great soul changers.
We grow through their exercise into the likeness of what we contemplate."

I know the theory of it all.. But I would be lying if I would say I can live according the rules I know I should.
After every period of me feeling full of love and enjoyment, and feeling so light and so full of hope... there is this period of me feeling like a idiot for even dare to hope and nothing changes....

Clueless...A lot of great sharing and wise responses here.
And don't apologise for sharing...are you kidding? LOL...hahaha...
Also...honour those feelings of anger or frustruation...that is your soul and your very humanity rising up and demanding to be heard. The wiser course of action is to let the love flow, but not just to this one gent...who has misled you, used your money, and toyed with both your emotions and his wife's...not his finest hour, I hope. Let your love and kindness flow graciously out to the rest of humanity...there are many who will appreciate a kind word and a smile.

What I understand is that we are all souls, all connected, and we are all connected much more closely to some (soul connections and soul groups) than to others. As to the rest, the truth is IMO not yet fully revealed or understood and so I make no judgment either way on anyone's experiences.

But I do know you are not responsible for the negativity and judgment of others, including those to whom you are connected, so long as you live and act from your centre, in alignment with love and spirit. Step aside from any fear, judgment, loathing, resentment, cruelty, apathy, or unkindness they may direct your way. And do so with direct speech, clarity, strength, radical forgiveness, and indiscriminate (generic, universal) lovingkindness.

You are no more OR less responsible for one another ultimately than we all are. That is, we are all equally responsible for ourselves and for one another. It's true we are more closely connected to some. But this does not mean we control one another or influence the actions or behaviours of one another. You are NOT responsible or to blame for their actions, choices, or behaviours. You are NOT responsible or to blame for how they treated you. How they behave -- toward you or others -- is ALL on them, and bluntly speaking, is not to do with you at all.

Let me give an example. If the gent was a prince of a man, he would not have taken a farthing from you regardless if you'd offered it as surplus from the royal treasury. He'd have got it all back to you instead. He'd not have misled or toyed with either you or his wife. And he'd have treated you with immense respect and simple kindness, regardless if you were the rubbish collector or the queen of sheba. No matter what, his behaviour is ALL on him...just as yours is all on you. What you feel is the universal sadness we all feel when close soul family OR close family in the real world (either one) don't engage with us with decency, love, and kindness. Often, there are feelings of deep anger, disappointment, and grief or loss...all normal.

I know, I know, also I wish I live in a more humane society, where I live there isn't more place for me to connect with others in a meaningful way, that is why I am so chatty or write this long texts

First, I'm sorry for your troubles.

You've hit upon a deep truth...knowledge brings understanding but understanding is not wisdom or peace. You have to transmute the understanding to wisdom and peace, just as you can transmute the anger and frustration into productive energy to be used for good.

Second, you come across as an honest person with a lot of energy and heart. There are MANY places and people who will value you and what you have to offer, certainly in the community-related and organizational sense. In time, as others get to know you, they can come to respect and value you for who you are as a person, too.

Have you opportunities to volunteer or get engaged in environmental and/or political activities for the benefit of society? This is a great way to allow your anger to be channeled into moral outrage and a thirst for justice, and from there, into concrete actions that support the greater good. That never gets old and is never out of style.

It's also a way to find at least some level of like-mindedness, common causes, and affirmation regarding love, compassion, and positivity...even if these are acquaintances rather than good friends just yet (at least at first). If you are busy with work, perhaps just pick one or two places at first...above all, find an outlet for the love in your heart and don't hold it in...that's the worst, really. And I would seriously consider a pet. A warm and fuzzy one, like a cat or a dog :)

As to the gent in question, since he is married and since one or both of you seem unable to see one another strictly as professionals and as true and dear friends only, then...IMO I would let him be and simply send love & blessings from a distance. Well wishes a few times a year to him and his wife ok, if you want to do so, IMO.

As was mentioned earlier, he has made a public and legal commitment to be sexually exclusive to one person and also to be her life partner. If he could accept your love in true friendship, and if you could extend the same to his wife and family, then your multiway friendship could be a wonderful thing. If however he can only see you romantically and sexually and cannot simply be your beloved platonic friend, then this means he is not far enough along on his spiritual path to see the fullness of your humanity. The fact that he used your money whilst knowing you had this connection etc was pretty reprehensible and that his wife allowed and approved, really vile of the both of them. To be honest, you are well rid of all of it, IMO.

IMO if any gent sees you only or primarily in the romantic sense in your day-to-day exchanges & conversations (or did when you spoke), then it's not going to work even if you were good with his friendship and were truly good with being friends with both him and his wife. And I would say it's the same problem for you if you think of him primarily in the romantic sense day-to-day. Rather than seeing him primarily as a person and as a beloved friend. Because only that love is real and enduring. Romantic 'love' is not really love unless it is ALREADY an authentic love, where you love one another first and foremost as people and as friends. That's historically been the problem between men and women...and it still remains the core problem for most men if they have sex first without getting to know or love the other as a person/beloved friend. When men are already having sex without love, they rarely dig deeper. The work of the heart almost always has to come first with the man...unless you are into betting on extreme odds. Without authentic love, of course the woman nearly always feels used, degraded, and exploited for sex, even if she was married off as in the past. (So I would actually feel some pity and sympathy for his wife as well...sex under the conditions of so many marriages or relationships is really a horrid situation long-term for the woman)

But...IMO our soul groups and soul family, friends, and partners are ALL here to give and receive authentic love with us. Authentic love, meaning where we actively seek and support the highest good for one another, full stop. Without conditions or demands and simply because of who they are. Just like we would wish for any beloved child, family, or friend. Not because they give us sex or security or because we give them money or ego-boosting or whatever...but simply because we want their best. If he cannot be your true friend now (or if you cannot trust him to be your true friend), then he certainly could not be a life partner who authentically loves you, either, even IF he were not married. Which he is. And so -- as he is now, in this lifetime -- why would you ever even want him as a life partner? Even IF he were already free?

Let me repeat that...if he cannot simply be your true friend...that is, if he cannot love you as a person and value you as a friend in a platonic sense (agape, lovingkindness) -- then he certainly could not ever be an authentically loving life partner. Even if he were available..which he definitely is NOT. So...you will have to do the inner work of accepting that -- in this here and now -- he is not only not free, but he has also proven himself unable to just value you -- your friendship and your humanity -- here and now. This is not a judgment on him...I am simply saying he is not yet able to see the fullness of your humanity and thus to value you and your friendship. If you too are not yet able to accept his life partnership with his wife (assume it is for life) and value his friendship, then you too have work to do in your own heart.

But IMO this is probably not a journey you will walk with him any further in this lifetime, unless there is massive growth on his side. Otherwise he will hold you back, which would only cause you much needless suffering. IMO he is not yet a mature enough soul to value your friendship...and I think he made that quite clear when he used your nest egg (inheritance) and carried on and played on your emotions whilst he was married. He has then sought to wash his hands of it these many years, it seems. I cannot say strongly enough that anyone who cannot value you and love you simply for who you are, is no one you could ever be with day-to-day...even if you love them dearly and always will. It may well be he called you friend and that this is exactly how he treats his friends...but if so, again I would leave it as we all deserve better in friendship.

You however, CAN reach that place of maturity and value him as a person and as a friend...I think you are mostly there already, once you've fully let go of the partner idea, forgiven him for being a bit of a user, forgiven him for being immature and unable to be true friends with a soul connection (he may not realise), and got into the habit of just sending love & blessings from afar -- from the heart. You'll one day find that the love in your heart has diffused and spread round you to all you encounter, and even those you don't ever meet :)

Peace & blessings
7L