Why does my awareness constantly turn into a vision?

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by Maisy

What if you could change not wanting to change! But also I'm not sure I would call what I am changing. What I am experiencing is always changing but am I?

for me, 'not changing' is like anything else, there is a feeling that goes with the attitude... what your case is I don't know, but, I do know that someone who has that feeling would say what you said about themselves because that is the 'proper' thing to do in that situation... and I also know if you haven't experienced lack of that feeling you may not even be aware there is something there. Because nothing to compare your situation to.

i can't really tell either if I'm changing or not, I mean I know I'm relating to my body, to other people, to life differently than I was before... but is that a true change or is it just something else I always do at a certain point and thus not a change at all? I dunno....

But on the other hand I 'get' from my last life that there was a point I had a decision to make, and I made it the wrong way, and I died because of that, and this seems like a recurring theme for me... I always make that particular decision exactly the same way and I always die as a result of it... but I'm getting tired of dieing over it so it seems like I'm being asked to change after all?????

I haven't much wanted to play with the not-changing feeling... maybe I should lol...

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by Maisy

As an aware perceiver I enjoy change in what I am aware of and perceiving. I also think there are amazing mind blowing things to be aware of and perceive I have not experienced yet. Bring on the new and the amazing!

people think you have to just sit there and be still and let things happen to you and that is how you are supposed to meditate... I always believed in a more 'active' approach though... the main difficulty is the distance it takes me from other people... because noone else will do it lol...

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

you can certainly learn what it is NOT though... that might help clarify things...

Seems like I have been doing that for all eternity. Like there is no way out of experiencing all the things that I am not. I feel tired of this. I want to find one thing that I actually do am.

I want to find that one thing that I am indeed it and always have been it.

I have experienced spurts of it in awareness of awareness. But find it very challenging to replicate. My awareness is constantly changing and I find it hard to find the center again after losing sight of it.

[movingalways]

Ewwerrin, there is only one way to stop the mind from wandering and that it to be vigilant as to its wandering. Fortunately, there is a way to return your wandering mind from whence it sprung: envision merging it with your non-wandering awareness. At this point, you may not be able to hold to the stillness of awareness so as to enable the merging of what is mortal unto That which is immortal but if you are truly dedicated to ending your suffering, it will happen.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

Seems like I have been doing that for all eternity. Like there is no way out of experiencing all the things that I am not. ... I want to find that one thing that I am indeed it and always have been it.

Do you actually do any practice such as meditation?

I get the feeling that sitting down and focusing on one thing to the exclusion of everything else might be difficult for you.

But meditation seems to be the best method for letting go of our identification with all the movement and resting in that which never changes.

Peace

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

I want to find that one thing that I am indeed it and always have been it.

I don't really have any further advice that wouldn't just get you into more hot water, unless you want to try cold showers just for fun... supposedly the cold helps 'crystallize' some of the moving parts (you are having problems with that ever-moving center) as well as bring them more in line with what is natural for our species (whatever that even means lol), and also makes it easier to see subtle things...

But I will say the maps people have given you are quite plainly wrong. What looks like the proper direction to head off in (according to the maps) never gets you anywhere near 'home'.

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by iamthat

Do you actually...
... never changes.
Peace

it is very difficult for me to focus. Everything I focus upon constantly and instantly changes into something else. Like a constant hallucination.

I wish I could find that which never changes, so much!

I try to focus in meditation but it never works. but I always keep trying incase it does work.

[Aknaton]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

I try to place my awareness on my awareness. And it turns into a vision. I become aware of the vision, and return my awareness back to my awareness itself, and it turns into another new vision. Again and again. This happens endlessly and instantly. How come? There is always something in my awareness that I am aware of. How can I become aware of just purely the awareness alone?

I totally understand what you mean. My understanding is that your pure awareness isn't stagnant in just being aware of awareness, your eye of awareness (third eye) is opened to an extent. This means when you meditate, the activity of your opened inner eye makes you see activity rather than stagnancy. The key here I believe is to venture forth into the active conscious eye and begin to investigate from within there. That's how we get those bardo sciences in Tibet where they know the route of exit from the body and can exit at will.

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

I wish I could find that which never changes, so much!

The way I understand it is we are like a camera. Now camera's don't really change but what they are focused on, what they are taking a picture of, where their lens is pointed and focused changes.

Camera's, while what they "experience" is what they are pointed at or focused on, can be upgraded. Better lenses, telephoto lens etc. Camera's can also change where they are which changes what they can point at or focus on, or take a picture of, or "experience." For example, a camera can be in a peaceful beautiful forest or in the middle of a war. But even if a camera was in the middle of a war, it could focus on the clouds or sky, a tiny plant on the ground.

We are unchanging as that which is fed content. In the same way a camera is fed images of what it is pointed at or what is external or outside the camera. But while we experience what content is being presented or fed to us, we as conscious awareness can direct our "lens" or what we are pointed at or focused on or choosing to pay attention to.

It's like a camera's zoom in a way. Imagine a camera is pointed at a war scene. So violence is in the picture. (and so being experienced) With a powerful enough zoom, the camera can leave the violence behind and focus on a beautiful tree in the far distance.

Remember the image of what is outside the camera becomes a part of the internal camera when a picture is taken, when the light and reality of that external scene is reflected within. I think that's how it is for us. What we are identified with, focusing on, paying attention to, in a way becomes us. Becomes what we are in those moments in the sense of it is what we experience, believe and feel ourselves to be and project outward to others.

I think the purpose of this life is to learn to take control of not only what we experience, but also what we are and do. I think this is done through learning to use that "zoom." Be aware of what we are focusing on and zoom out and see it is not the whole picture or reality. A camera that wants to see beyond itself has to see more than what's is in it's frame. Add a wide angle lens! A 2000x zoom. Or perhaps I would say it's like being zoomed in, and we zoom out. Expand more and more understanding and seeing of the what is, and though those skills, be in control of our experience and what we are.

We have little control of the content at times, what is on our screen, but we can give it no attention, expand our view so it has no affect, so it has no interest to us. Take control of where the camera is pointed. Which means to be aware of where it is pointed in each moment and consciously choose what part of that field of the what is is where we want our attention. As what we are focused on not only creates an experience it creates what we are and project as self.

[God-Like]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

it is very difficult for me to focus. Everything I focus upon constantly and instantly changes into something else. Like a constant hallucination.

I wish I could find that which never changes, so much!

I try to focus in meditation but it never works. but I always keep trying incase it does work.

Everything happens in it's own time.

I remember 3 years of meditation had, to then not question if I was doing it right. Another 5 years of daily meditation at that point was the right time for me to transcend or whatever word suits.

It's not only this lifetime that we can use as a self measure of being ready or not .

I think doing the best one can do in any lifetime is a fine measure .


x daz x