Why does my awareness constantly turn into a vision?

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by iamthat

Being aware of ...
... to understand.
Peace

If I let go of trying to become aware of the absolute then I am aware of all the changes in the ever change of all changing inconsistent meaningless and confusing and chaotic things. Such as awareness of the heart or emotions, it is connected to all other hearts in this field of ever change. And it just leaves me confused and at the whim of ever change.

I am looking for a way to become stable and consistent in my identity. Not even my identity, because I have no identity. I am looking for A consistent identity. ANY consistent identity at all will do!

The center of my heart or chest or emotion, all these are ever changing and chaotic and dynamic and unidentifiable. Like everything else. I want a way out of this chaos. And into something that is unchanging. I say "I want it" as if I even know who I am! I just know that I don't like whoever or wherever I am, and it is constantly changing, but not to good things. I feel completely powerless to do anything about anything like this. I cannot even find a true real consistent center or identity.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

The center of my heart or chest or emotion, all these are ever changing and chaotic and dynamic and unidentifiable. I want a way out of this chaos. And into something that is unchanging. ...I cannot even find a true real consistent center or identity.

The still small space in the centre of the chest is nothing to do with ever-changing emotional states. It is a place of stillness and peace.

I like the analogy of a wheel rotating around a central hub. The rotating wheel is movement and chaos. The central hub is unchanging stillness.

Do we identify with the rotating wheel? Or do we find the centre and rest there? If you cannot find a consistent centre then maybe you are too identified with the outer movement.

Peace

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

I just know that I don't like whoever or wherever I am,

Guy Finley is good on subjects like that. He's a teacher on spiritual topics.

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by iamthat

The still small..
... with the outer movement.
Peace

too identified with the outer movements? hahaha. Thats putting it softly.

I don't even know one unmoving thing that exists.

I think the problem is me. Literally, the me I believe exists is the problem. I don't even exist. I cannot solve this problem because there is no me to solve anything. I cannot even have a problem if the "me" doesn't even exist. It's not real. I am not real.

There never even has been a me. All those me's I believed existed are all illusion. An illusion cannot solve itself. it just has to be realised that there never was a me. And then there is freedom. For no one. Just boundless freedom. For no one. No individual. No seperation.

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by iamthat

The still small...
... with the outer movement.
Peace

I wanted to thank you for your suggestion. It appears there has been a helpful truth to it I may not have understood at first. thank you.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

I wanted to thank you for your suggestion. It appears there has been a helpful truth to it I may not have understood at first. thank you.

Always glad if anything I say turns out to be helpful!

Peace

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by iamthat

Always glad if anything I say turns out to be helpful!
Peace

I was able to read what you said and understand it. It turns out to be helpful, because it gives me the ability to read what you said and understand that you are glad if what you say turns out helpful.

And that you say peace, also turns out helpful. It reminded me of a good feeling when I read it and think about it. And good memories. And I enjoy those good memory feelings and it makes me feel better. And that is helpful. Good words you share and they are helpful.

It's also helpful knowing you are glad if your words turn out helpful. Cause I like thinking you are glad and it gives me a good feeling to think about you being glad. I like it when people are glad. So thanks for giving me the opportunity to glimpse an idea of your gladness. Life is so good when I am glad. I like it when anyone is glad.

I like being able to read what you wrote and have a new perspective of it every single time. But in an orderly and structured and dependable and thus helpful way. It keeps on giving. And that is helpful. Because you wrote it and I benefit from reading it. I get to have a cup of words to pour my watery mind into, to experience a new and unique piece/shape of an idea/thought. A new experience to be had. And you wrote it, you made the experience possible for me. You cocreated it! That is very helpful.

I don't mean to sound rediculous. But your words turn out to be very helpful. Because I didn't have to write them. And as if that isn't helpful enough... I also get to think of something that I woulden't have thought of if I were to write only my own words. It's unexpected. And unique and new. Different from my own thoughts and therefor a welcome addition and therefor helpful.

But it's also helpful to give me a sense of something existing outside of my self that accompanies my lonesome existence. And reveals it to be not so lonesome afterall! So it turns out very helpful what you wrote/say. For I'm pretty sure that I didn't write it, so it allows me to believe that someone else exists. That is very helpful. It reveals that there is not just one me, but that oneness is many. Infinite maybe perhaps. So that's very helpful, so thanks for helping reveal that.

I think it's kind that you share your perspective with me, and that makes me feel gifted. So what you say turns out to be very helpful in that way of allowing me the opportunity to feel gifted and blessed. Like a shining radiance of beneficialness. And of receiving. And enjoyment. Your gifted words help me feel the abbundance of life. For they are an addition to what is already here. What you say adds on to all that exists. And it becomes more abbundant and is very helpful in that way. Of being new. And thus enjoyable for its newness and uniqueness.

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by iamthat

There is a small space of stillness in the chest area which is regarded as the seat of the Self. Rest in that space.

My feeling is that I am in my head behind the eyes. Or even slightly in front of the physical eyes. Probably because sight is our strongest sense in a way. I don't think I could imagine myself as "looking" from the chest or heart area. "Being" way down there. Is there a religion or teacher or group that teaches the heart is the seat of the self? I've never heard of that before.

[Maisy]

I did a google search on it and found out that Ramana Maharshi said that the Heart is the seat of the Self but I read what he said and my take on it is he was talking about love, not the chest area or physical body or the heart organ. Just my take on it. Ramana also said the self in not in the physical body. Saw the phrase, "the heart of the universe" as well. That to me would mean divine love not a physical heart organ in the universe. I think it's funny in a way we associate love with the heart organ in our body that is a muscle that pumps blood. We also have the heart symbol that looks nothing like an actual heart. The heart symbol also symbolizes love in our culture.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by Maisy

I did a google search on it and found out that Ramana Maharshi said that the Heart is the seat of the Self but I read what he said and my take on it is he was talking about love, not the chest area or physical body or the heart organ.

i'm not sure which 'ism' would like meditating on the heart chakra; I only know the daoists put emphasis on the dan tien as being the 'center' of physicality of human beings. The dan tien is slightly below the belly button.

you could get different results by meditating on different chakras I suppose...

fwiw i was told that the heart chakra is somehow important. I'm guided to do a lot of work on it. Don't really know where it is going though. Although if I were to buy the body as a car theory I would think the chest area is the engine (which people at large generally keep turned off), while the area around the dan tien is more like a battery. Incidentally in that theory water is the fuel... kind of an ironic theory, that something as ubiqitous as water would be all that is needed lol...

But I work on lots of diferent stuff... today's lesson was on the feelings surrounding 'surrender' near the nose lol. Another eye-opener.

Center of vision for me though is behind the eyes although I've long known you can adjust it downward if you really want to... I don't have much use for doing things just because someone convinces me i can though lol.... only so much time and I might as well use it on things I personally find meaningful...