Why does my awareness constantly turn into a vision?

[Ewwerrin]

I try to place my awareness on my awareness. And it turns into a vision. I become aware of the vision, and return my awareness back to my awareness itself, and it turns into another new vision. Again and again. This happens endlessly and instantly. How come?

Is it impossible to become aware of my awareness? I recall that I have done it one time in my life, and found it profound, but I just don't remember how I did it. I succeeded on first try and then never again.

There is always something in my awareness that I am aware of. How can I become aware of just purely the awareness alone?

[Ewwerrin]

For example, right now I turn my awareness to my awareness and I get a vision of moving light. Then I return my awareness to my awareness again and I receive a vision of a darker tendril of light. And then I return my awareness from that back to my awareness again and I have a vision of pink light.

This can go on forever like this. Endless visions. Never the pure awareness. How come? It feels like endlessly folding into myself just to find another new vision. Which is not what I am looking for. Just looking to become purely and merely aware of my awareness itself. Without the visions that have got nothing to do with my awareness. right?

Am I doing something wrong?

[movingalways]

You do not need to keep your eyes closed in order to realize your awareness nature. Flowing visions, although a beneficial way to transcend the conditioned, reasoning mind, can be the most distracting aspect of waking up. Flow feels 'good' and what feels 'good' feels 'right' or true, but the (hard) truth is that flow, like all imagined forms, is impermanent. Is the you that is aware of impermanent forms impermanent? is the key (awakening) question.

Open your eyes, the impermanent visions will stop. With your eyes open, be aware that all you see and hear is also impermanent but the you that knows this, is not impermanent. Knowing you, as the witness, is not impermanent, is to be aware of being aware.

If you need an anchor to keep from appearing as form, say to yourself "I am awareness" or simply, "I am." In Buddhist thought, naming oneself as awareness is called 'the gateless gate.' Why? Because although there is not an actual gate that opens to awareness realization, one is often needed for the sake of quieting and stopping the wandering, imagining mind. Being aware of being aware is Self Love or bliss awareness.

At some point -- no rush, enjoy the bliss of Self Love! -- the gateless gate of being aware of being aware is naturally dropped.

"A journey of a thousand (or even ten or a hundred ) miles begins with a single step." Lao Tzu

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

Just looking to become purely and merely aware of my awareness itself.

Being aware of awareness suggests a separation between your point of reference and your centre of awareness.

What happens if you let go of trying to be aware of awareness and simply be awareness? Without trying to analyse and understand the nature of awareness.

Another way to consider this is to move your point of reference from your head to your heart. There is a small space of stillness in the chest area which is regarded as the seat of the Self. Rest in that space. The head tries to understand, the heart does not need to understand.

Peace

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

Am I doing something wrong?

I'm not sure what you are doing. Like right now I am sitting in my room. My awareness is on everything I see, smell, taste, hear, and touch. I can feel inside my body as well and am aware of my thoughts and memory. If I wanted to I could close my eyes and become aware of mental images and visualizations.

Where I put my attention is where I focus my attention. It becomes primary.

Placing my awareness on my awareness? Hmmm Well we have a person or ego that is projected inward and outward from the awaraness being aligned with the reactionary mind and thought. It forms a "story" about now that is related to this idea I have of myself. This alignment with the body mind is pretty much an automatic process and it has been formed as we grow from babies to adults. So I think awareness over time includes or is enmeshed with this idea and thought and memory based "person."

So for me, to get to the pure awareness, the true me that will exist when this story ends, I have to not align my awareness or attention with the running commentary that goes on in my head. Every thing I am aware of remains, but my relationship with it changes. I become detached and non-identified with the story and "person" and don't entertain it with my attention or energy.

I think there are always two versions of what we can be experiencing now. We can experience now as this person we have created over time, or we can experience now as it would be if we were not here. The now as it is even if we were not present. I am awareness. I am the perceiver, not the perceived. I cannot perceive myself, but I can alter what I identify with in my perception field which changes my experience in the now.

[Ewwerrin]

Thanks for replies.

And well... There goes my last hope. I thought maybe the awareness is the absolute. A small chance. But if it can also not enter the awareness, then duality is all there is left.

It's intolerable to give up hope. Accepting that my awareness will remain in duality for all eternity is tormenting. It is literally unacceptable. It is only logical I keep seeking hope. In futile things. Like awareness of the awareness... Another impossibility and dead road.

There is no way to become aware of the absolute. Perhaps that is as absolute as it can get. To realise that I will never reach it. And just give up. Even tho it is impossible to truely give up. Duality doesn't make that possible. So I got no way to go from here on. I'm check mated. My eternal soul is check mated. I'll be stuck in duality forever. For all eternity.

[Unseeking Seeker]

Originally Posted by iamthat

move your point of reference from your head to your heart. There is a small space of stillness in the chest area which is regarded as the seat of the Self. Rest in that space.

Well said.

The ‘impediment’ of course is that ego/identity must recede if head is to meld with heart.

Heart is where desires begin and finally where they are fulfilled.

Without getting into analysis* (*which is a function of mind, now left behind) of physical vs spiritual heart and so on, by simply being present in stillness, feeling instead of thinking, we are drawn to our core, pulsating with love and light.

Here is a link, readers may find useful:

https://sriramanamaharishi.com/faith...s-the-reality/

[Maisy]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

There is no way to become aware of the absolute.

I think there is. I believe I experienced it a few times. I think a lot of people have experienced it in their own way in their own time. All the mystics who have a transcendental experience that end up starting religions.

I think there are so many ways to experience the absolute. So many aspects of it, ways to connect. Love is a big one. Love emanates from the absolute. Not normal everyday "love." We culturally say things like I love pizza and I love my truck. The kind of love that puts others above yourself.

That's a clue right there. What makes us think of ourselves first? That force is not connecting to the absolute. To experience the absolute, we have to become selfless, unselfish, grateful, humble, kind etc. I think it's connected.

Like we can talk about experiencing the absolute or non-duality or God, but we have to be worthy of the experience. We have to purify ourselves. Some selfish self-centered person only thinking of themselves cannot directly perceive the absolute. I think in a way they are, everyone is, I believe the absolute is the source of consciousness itself. We are and have always been a part of the absolute.

But us or consciousness has free will. We can focus on this person, the ego self, and what it wants, to be powerful, the seek pleasure above all else, to control and rule over others, to think about itself above all others, we have the free will to be and do that. To unknowingly block the experience of the absolute that is always with us.

This is a silly example but remember the cartoon they play every Christmas, How the Grinch Stole Christmas? He is full of anger, evil intent, and he has no love. His experience is anger and evil. No experience of the absolute or love. He is blocking it though his selfish self centered mean nature. Then after the Grinch steals all the presents expecting the townspeople to be angry and crying and sad, he hears them singing and holding hands. The cartoon says the Grinch thinks and thinks and thinks about this. Then after this "contemplation" the Grinch realizes Christmas is not about getting gifts, it is about something much deeper and his heart grows and he feels divine love.

I think it's not as hard as we make it out to be. We just have to be selfless and put others before ourselves. But I think what makes it hard is that is not our normal nature. We naturally and habitually put ourselves first. We naturally are selfish and self centered. I think that's why it is hard. I think these bodies and brains and this whole human experience pushes us towards being self centered. That cuts us off from the absolute in my opinion.

That's the funny thing about it. It's subtle and a tricky thing. Like if someone asks well how do I get it, in that is selfishness, self centeredness.

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by Maisy

I think there is. I...
... self centeredness.

I don't even have an identity, nor can I find one, (so confused am I) to even become less or more selfish.

[Unseeking Seeker]

The desire to serve or heal can often be an ego impulse, in as we as an identity take ourselves to be the doer of that activity for a feel good factor or even for recognition. However, if the service rendered is as a conduit of divine energy, wherein we are one with source, it’s a different matter.